* Everybody's a Captain except God.... He's a Major.
* You only come to work when you're going to fly....
* You fly three times a day except Friday.
* You never run out of gas.
* The missions are only one hour long and no briefings are ever required.
* You are always on TDY and there are no check rides.
* It is always VFR and there are never any ATC delays.
* You can fly out of the area and flight down to 50' AGL is approved.
* There are no "over G's".
* You always fly overhead landing patterns with initial approach at 20', then break left.
* You can go cross-country anytime you desire. The farther the better!
* There are no ORI's (Operational Readiness Inspections).
* There is no SOF (Supervisor of Flying) or mobile tower duty.
* There are no Friday meetings, but Friday evening "Stag Bar" is mandatory.
* There are no Flight Surgeons.
* There are no Wing staff jobs.
* You don't need a kitchen pass, and the kitchen and bar are always open.
* "Happy Hour" begins at 1400 hours and lasts til 0200 hours.
* Supersof is the bartender. The other five are big-bosomed blondes.
* Beer is free, but whiskey costs five cents.
* The bar serves only Chivas Regal, Jack Daniels, and Beefeaters.
* The girls are all friendly and each fighter pilot is allowed three.
* There are no fat women and the thin ones look like Sophia Loren.
* Country and Western music is free on the juke box.
* The craps tables are always HOT and you never lose at blackjack!
* You never lose your room key and your buddies never leave you stranded at the club.
* The sun always shines and you can put your hat in your leg pocket.
* Flight suits are allowed in the Officers Club at all times.
* The motor pool always provides a staff car for visiting fighter pilots.
* The Base Exchange always has every item you ask for. Most are free.
* There are never any cross-wind landings and the runways are always dry.
* Control tower flybys for a wheels UP check can be made at 600 knots.
* There are never any noise complaints.
* Full afterburner climbs over your house are encouraged.
* ER's (Efficiency Reports) always contain the statement "Outstanding Officer".
* Formal functions requiring Class "A" or formal attire never occur.
* "Ace" status is conferred upon all fighter pilots entering Heaven.
* There is no Hell.
* All air traffic controllers are friendly, and always provide priority handling.
* The airplanes never break.
* You only come to work when you're going to fly....
* You fly three times a day except Friday.
* You never run out of gas.
* The missions are only one hour long and no briefings are ever required.
* You are always on TDY and there are no check rides.
* It is always VFR and there are never any ATC delays.
* You can fly out of the area and flight down to 50' AGL is approved.
* There are no "over G's".
* You always fly overhead landing patterns with initial approach at 20', then break left.
* You can go cross-country anytime you desire. The farther the better!
* There are no ORI's (Operational Readiness Inspections).
* There is no SOF (Supervisor of Flying) or mobile tower duty.
* There are no Friday meetings, but Friday evening "Stag Bar" is mandatory.
* There are no Flight Surgeons.
* There are no Wing staff jobs.
* You don't need a kitchen pass, and the kitchen and bar are always open.
* "Happy Hour" begins at 1400 hours and lasts til 0200 hours.
* Supersof is the bartender. The other five are big-bosomed blondes.
* Beer is free, but whiskey costs five cents.
* The bar serves only Chivas Regal, Jack Daniels, and Beefeaters.
* The girls are all friendly and each fighter pilot is allowed three.
* There are no fat women and the thin ones look like Sophia Loren.
* Country and Western music is free on the juke box.
* The craps tables are always HOT and you never lose at blackjack!
* You never lose your room key and your buddies never leave you stranded at the club.
* The sun always shines and you can put your hat in your leg pocket.
* Flight suits are allowed in the Officers Club at all times.
* The motor pool always provides a staff car for visiting fighter pilots.
* The Base Exchange always has every item you ask for. Most are free.
* There are never any cross-wind landings and the runways are always dry.
* Control tower flybys for a wheels UP check can be made at 600 knots.
* There are never any noise complaints.
* Full afterburner climbs over your house are encouraged.
* ER's (Efficiency Reports) always contain the statement "Outstanding Officer".
* Formal functions requiring Class "A" or formal attire never occur.
* "Ace" status is conferred upon all fighter pilots entering Heaven.
* There is no Hell.
* All air traffic controllers are friendly, and always provide priority handling.
* The airplanes never break.
