oldcrowcv63
Tech Sergeant
I am D.J. Baker and I would appreciate it if you could tell me what it takes to
be an F-16 fighter pilot in the USAF. What classes should I take in high
school to help the career I want to take later in life? What could I do to get
into the Air Force Academy?
Sincerely,
DJ
Baker
*********************************************
From:
Van Wickler, Kenneth, LtCol, HQ AETC
Anybody
in our outfit want to help this poor kid from Cyberspace?
LTC
Wickler
**********************************************
A
worldly and jaded C130 pilot, Major Hunter Mills,
rises
to the task of answering the young man's letter.
**********************************************
Dear
DJ,
Obviously,
through no fault of your own, your young, impressionable brain has been
poisoned by the superfluous, hyped-up, "Top Gun" media portrayal of fighter
pilots.
Unfortunately,
this portrayal could not be further from the truth. In my experience, I've
found most fighter pilots pompous, backstabbing, momma's boys with inferiority
complexes, as well as being extremely over-rated aeronautically. However,
rather then dash your budding dreams of becoming a USAF pilot, I offer the
following alternative:
What
you really want to aspire to is the exciting, challenging and rewarding world
of TACTICAL AIRLIFT. And this, young DJ, means one thing, the venerable
workhorse, the C-130! I can guarantee no fighter pilot can brag that he has
led a 12-ship formation down a valley at 300 feet above the ground, with the
navigator leading the way and trying to interpret an alternate route to the
drop zone, avoiding pop-up threats, and coordinating with AWACS, all while
eating a box lunch with the engineer in the back relieving himself and the
loadmaster puking in his trash can!
I
tell you DJ, TAC Airlift is where it's at! Where else is it legal to throw
tanks, HUMVs, and other crap out the back of an airplane, and not even worry
about it when the chute doesn't open and it torpedoes the General's staff car!
No where else can you land on a 3000 foot dirt strip, kick a bunch of ammo and
stuff out on the ramp without stopping, then takeoff again before range
control can call to tell you that you've landed on the wrong LZ! And talk
about exotic travel; when C-130s go somewhere, they GO somewhere (usually for
3 months, unfortunately). This gives you the opportunity to immerse yourself
in the local culture long enough to give the locals a bad taste in their
mouths regarding the USAF and Americans in general, not something those C-141
Stratolift pilots can do from their airport hotel rooms!
As
far as recommendations for your course of study, I offer these:
1.
Take a lot of math courses. You'll need all the advanced math skills you can
muster to enable you to calculate per diem rates around the world, and when
trying to split up the crew's bar tab so that the co-pilot really believes he
owes 85% of the whole thing and the navigator believes he owes the other
20%.
2.
Health sciences are important, too. You will need a thorough knowledge of
biology to make those educated guesses of how much longer you can drink beer
before the tremendous case of the G.I.s catches up to you from that meal you
ate at the place that had the really good belly dancers in some God-forsaken
foreign country whose name you can't even pronounce.
3.
Social studies are also beneficial. It is important for a good TAC Airlifter
to have the cultural knowledge to be able to ascertain the exact location of
the nearest topless bar in any country in the world, then be able to convince
the local authorities to release the loadmaster after he offends every
sensibility of the local religion and culture.
4.
A foreign language is helpful but not required. You will never be able to
pronounce the names of the NAVAIDs in France, and it's much easier to ignore
them and to go where you want to anyway. As a rule of thumb: waiters and
bellhops in France are always called "Pierre", in Spain it's "Hey, Pedro" and
in Italy, of course, it's "Mario". These terms of address also serve in other
countries interchangeably, depending on the level of suaveness of the
addressee.
5.
A study of geography is paramount. You will need to know the basic location of
all the places you've been when you get back from your TDY and are ready to
stick those little pins in that huge world map you've got taped to your living
room wall, right next to the giant wooden giraffe statue and beer stein
collection.
Well,
DJ, I hope this little note inspires you. And by the way, forget about the
Academy thing. All TAC Airlifters know that there are waaay too
few women and too little alcohol there to provide a well-balanced
education. A
nice, big state college or the Naval Academy would be a much better
choice.
Hunter
Mills,
Major
USAF
be an F-16 fighter pilot in the USAF. What classes should I take in high
school to help the career I want to take later in life? What could I do to get
into the Air Force Academy?
Sincerely,
DJ
Baker
*********************************************
From:
Van Wickler, Kenneth, LtCol, HQ AETC
Anybody
in our outfit want to help this poor kid from Cyberspace?
LTC
Wickler
**********************************************
A
worldly and jaded C130 pilot, Major Hunter Mills,
rises
to the task of answering the young man's letter.
**********************************************
Dear
DJ,
Obviously,
through no fault of your own, your young, impressionable brain has been
poisoned by the superfluous, hyped-up, "Top Gun" media portrayal of fighter
pilots.
Unfortunately,
this portrayal could not be further from the truth. In my experience, I've
found most fighter pilots pompous, backstabbing, momma's boys with inferiority
complexes, as well as being extremely over-rated aeronautically. However,
rather then dash your budding dreams of becoming a USAF pilot, I offer the
following alternative:
What
you really want to aspire to is the exciting, challenging and rewarding world
of TACTICAL AIRLIFT. And this, young DJ, means one thing, the venerable
workhorse, the C-130! I can guarantee no fighter pilot can brag that he has
led a 12-ship formation down a valley at 300 feet above the ground, with the
navigator leading the way and trying to interpret an alternate route to the
drop zone, avoiding pop-up threats, and coordinating with AWACS, all while
eating a box lunch with the engineer in the back relieving himself and the
loadmaster puking in his trash can!
I
tell you DJ, TAC Airlift is where it's at! Where else is it legal to throw
tanks, HUMVs, and other crap out the back of an airplane, and not even worry
about it when the chute doesn't open and it torpedoes the General's staff car!
No where else can you land on a 3000 foot dirt strip, kick a bunch of ammo and
stuff out on the ramp without stopping, then takeoff again before range
control can call to tell you that you've landed on the wrong LZ! And talk
about exotic travel; when C-130s go somewhere, they GO somewhere (usually for
3 months, unfortunately). This gives you the opportunity to immerse yourself
in the local culture long enough to give the locals a bad taste in their
mouths regarding the USAF and Americans in general, not something those C-141
Stratolift pilots can do from their airport hotel rooms!
As
far as recommendations for your course of study, I offer these:
1.
Take a lot of math courses. You'll need all the advanced math skills you can
muster to enable you to calculate per diem rates around the world, and when
trying to split up the crew's bar tab so that the co-pilot really believes he
owes 85% of the whole thing and the navigator believes he owes the other
20%.
2.
Health sciences are important, too. You will need a thorough knowledge of
biology to make those educated guesses of how much longer you can drink beer
before the tremendous case of the G.I.s catches up to you from that meal you
ate at the place that had the really good belly dancers in some God-forsaken
foreign country whose name you can't even pronounce.
3.
Social studies are also beneficial. It is important for a good TAC Airlifter
to have the cultural knowledge to be able to ascertain the exact location of
the nearest topless bar in any country in the world, then be able to convince
the local authorities to release the loadmaster after he offends every
sensibility of the local religion and culture.
4.
A foreign language is helpful but not required. You will never be able to
pronounce the names of the NAVAIDs in France, and it's much easier to ignore
them and to go where you want to anyway. As a rule of thumb: waiters and
bellhops in France are always called "Pierre", in Spain it's "Hey, Pedro" and
in Italy, of course, it's "Mario". These terms of address also serve in other
countries interchangeably, depending on the level of suaveness of the
addressee.
5.
A study of geography is paramount. You will need to know the basic location of
all the places you've been when you get back from your TDY and are ready to
stick those little pins in that huge world map you've got taped to your living
room wall, right next to the giant wooden giraffe statue and beer stein
collection.
Well,
DJ, I hope this little note inspires you. And by the way, forget about the
Academy thing. All TAC Airlifters know that there are waaay too
few women and too little alcohol there to provide a well-balanced
education. A
nice, big state college or the Naval Academy would be a much better
choice.
Hunter
Mills,
Major
USAF
