Quotes and Jokes (3 Viewers)

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CLASS PROJECT GONE WRONG


An elementary school class started a class project to make planters to take home to their parents.


They wanted to have a plant in it that was easy to take care of, so they decided to use cactus plants.



The students were given green-ware pottery planters in the shape of clowns which they painted with glaze.



The clown planters were professionally fired at a class outing so they could see the process.

It was great fun!
They planted cactus seeds in the finished planters and they grew nicely, but unfortunately, the children were not allowed to take them home.



The cactus plants were removed and small ivy
replaced them and the children were then allowed
to take them home instead.



The teacher said cactus seemed like a good idea
at the time!

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At an art gallery in England was a painting of three black men sitting on a bench naked and the man in the middle had a pink penis.

A young couple was looking at the painting for sometime and the person in charge of the gallery came over and started explaining the meaning of the painting.He said that some believe it's about the suppression of the afro's and possibly the influince of the gay community to Afro's.He spent about 30-40 minutes with them.

After he left a Scotsman came over and asked if they really wanted to know the meaning. They replied "what do you know",he replyied that he painted the picture and that it is simply of three Scot coalminers and the one in the middle went home for lunch.

Up the Scots.
 
The top nine reasons the French didn't win the Tour de France.

1.Their team was sponsored by Airbus.

2.It's not important who wins just as long everybody had a good time.

3.There were too many Germans in the race and they just gave up.

4.The French team had no Americans on it.

5.Losing...it's a French thing.

6.They took too many cigarette breaks.

7.The French never do anything without a U.N. mandate.

8.The French bikes of choice were unicycles.

9.During the last leg of the race their bikes were torched by Muslims.
 
Two old ladies, Maude and Mabel, are outside their nursing home having a drink and smoke, when it starts to rain. One of the old ladies pulls out a condom, cuts off the end, puts it over her cigarette and continues smoking.
Maude: What in the hell is that?
Mabel: A condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get wet.
Maude: Where did you get it?
Mabel: You can get them at any chemists.
The next day, Maude hobbles herself into the local chemist and announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms.
The pharmacist, obviously embarrassed, looks at her kind of strangely (she is after all, over 80 years of age), but very delicately asks what brand of condom she prefers.
"Doesn't matter Sonny, as long as it fits on a Camel."
The pharmacist fainted.
 
Wal-Mart Greeter

A very loud, unattractive, trailer trash woman walked into Wal-Mart with her two kids, yelling obscenities at them all the way through the entrance.

The Wal-Mart Greeter said pleasantly "Good morning, and welcome to Wal-Mart. Nice children you have there. Are they twins?"

The woman stopped yelling long enough to say, "Hell no they ain't." "The oldest one's 9 and the other one's 7. Why the hell would you think they're twins? Are you blind, or just stupid?"

"I'm neither blind nor stupid, Ma'am," replied the greeter. "I just can't imagine you getting laid twice."

"Have a good day and thank you for shopping at Wal-Mart."
 
Both are nice but K9kiwi's appeares much more funny. :lol: :lol: :lol:
 
An attractive blonde arrived at the casinon and bet twenty-thousand dollars on a single roll of the dice.
She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude".
With that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and yelled, "Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!"
As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up and down and squealed..."YES! YES! I WON, I WON!"
She hugged each of the dealers and then picked up her winnings and her clothes and quickly departed.

The dealers stared at each other dumbfounded. Finally, one of them asked, "What did she roll?"
The other answered, "I don't know - I thought you were watching."

MORAL OF THE STORY -
Not all blondes are dumb, but all men are men
 
They say Men don't listen...?

Mark, a loving husband, was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary and his wife was really ticked off at him. She told him, "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in under 6 seconds, AND IT BETTER BE THERE!"

The next morning, Mark got up really early before work. When his wife woke up a couple of hours later, she looked out the window, and sure enough, there was a small gift-wrapped box sitting in the middle of the driveway.

Confused, the wife put on her robe, ran out to the driveway, and took the box into the house. She opened it, and found a brand new bathroom scale.

Mark is not yet well enough to have visitors.
 

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