Some engine humor

Discussion in 'Technical' started by syscom3, Dec 17, 2007.

  1. syscom3

    syscom3 Pacific Historian

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    DEDICATED TO ALL THOSE WHO FLEW BEHIND

    ROUND ENGINES...not those skinny turbines or inline piston engines

    a courtesy of Frank Hannegan

    ************ ********* ********* ********* ********* **

    We gotta get rid of those turbines, they're ruining

    aviation and our hearing...


    A turbine is too simple minded, it has no mystery.

    The air travels through it in a straight line and doesn't pick

    up any of the pungent fragrance of engine oil or pilot sweat.



    Anybody can start a turbine. You just need to move a

    switch from 'OFF' to 'START' and then remember to move

    it back to 'ON' after a while. My PC is harder to start.



    Cranking a round engine requires skill, finesse and style.

    You have to seduce it into starting. It's like waking up a horny

    mistress. On some planes, the pilots aren't even allowed to do it...



    Turbines start by whining for a while, then give a lady-like poof

    and start whining a little louder.



    Round engines give a satisfying rattle-rattle, click-click, BANG,

    more rattles, another BANG, a big macho FART or two, more

    clicks, a lot more smoke and finally a serious low pitched roar.

    We like that. It's a GUY thing...



    When you start a round engine, your mind is engaged

    and you can concentrate on the flight ahead.

    Starting a turbine is like flicking on a ceiling fan:

    Useful, but, hardly exciting



    When you have started his round engine successfully your

    crew chief looks up at you like he'd let you kiss his girl too!



    Turbines don't break or catch fire often enough, leading to

    aircrew boredom, complacency and inattention.

    A round engine at speed looks and sounds like it's going

    to blow any minute. This helps concentrate the mind!



    Turbines don't have enough control levers or gauges to

    keep a pilot's attention.

    There's nothing to fiddle with during long flights.



    Turbines smell like a Boy Scout camp full of Coleman

    Lamps.

    Round engines smell like God intended machines to smell.
     
  2. wilbur1

    wilbur1 Active Member

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  3. timshatz

    timshatz Active Member

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    Very good!
     
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