The difference from man and woman
- Thread starter Elmas
- Start date
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GregP
Major
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs and a woman will pay $1 for any $2 item on sale.
vikingBerserker
Lieutenant General
Brilliant!
Njaco
The Pop-Tart Whisperer
vikingBerserker
Lieutenant General
That sums it up to a tee Chris....
buffnut453
Captain
Oh, you want a tee as well, do you? Well that's another 2 hrs and $137.
Going back to the first post, I'm glad women have lots of twiddly things - they're fun to play with!
Going back to the first post, I'm glad women have lots of twiddly things - they're fun to play with!
GrauGeist
Generalfeldmarschall zur Luftschiff Abteilung
mikewint
Captain
Women's Rules
1. Do not say what you mean. Ever.
2. Be ambiguous. Always.
3. Cry. Cry often. Tell them it's their fault.
4. Bring things up that were said, done, or thought years, months, or weeks ago. Get mad when they don't remember.
5. Make them apologize for everything.
6. Stash feminine products in their backpacks and in their books as cute reminders that you were thinking of them.
7. Gossip. Gossip about everything that walks.
8. Look them in the eye and start laughing.
9. Cry.
10. Get mad at them for everything.
11. Hold grudges.
12. Demand to be e-mailed. Often. Whine when they don't comply.
13. When complimented, make sure to be paranoid. Take nothing at face value.
14. Use daddy as a weapon. Tell them about his gun collection, his quick trigger finger, and his affection for his "little princess."
15. Be late for everything. Yell if they're late.
16. Talk about your ex-boyfriend 24-7. Compare and contrast.
17. Go everywhere in groups, especially the bathroom. Do nothing alone. Independence is a sign of weakness.
18. Cry.
19. Make them guess what you want and then get mad when they're wrong.
20. Plan little relationship anniversaries, i.e. the monthly anniversary of the time you saw each other in the library...for five minutes. Then get mad at them for forgetting. Then cry.
21. Gather many female friends and dance to "I Will Survive" while they are present. Sing all the words. Sing to them. Sing loud.
22. Correct their grammar.
23. Constantly claim you're fat. Ask them. Then cry, regardless of their answer.
24. Leave out the good parts in stories.
25. Make sure to only be interested in guys in the same friendship group. Make sure to cause trouble.
26. Make them wonder. Confusion is a good thing.
27. Cry.
28. Declare that you are not wacko.
29. Criticize the way they dress.
30. Criticize the music they listen to.
31. Criticize their hair.
32. Ignore them. When asked, "What's wrong?" tell them that if they don't know, you're not going to tell them.
33. Try to change them.
34. Try to mold them.
35. Try to get them to dance.
36. Pretend you're interested, lead them on, then feign ignorance when confronted.
37. Cry.
38. When they screw up, never let them forget it.
39. Make them stay at religious services until they are close to fainting. Just because.
40. Blame everything on PMS only after it has been blamed on them.
41. Whenever there is silence ask them, "What are you thinking?"
42. Get mad if they don't notice a haircut. Even if it's only a half inch.
43. Read into everything.
44. Over-analyze everything.
45. Cry.
46. Make it your goal to make them cry.
1. Do not say what you mean. Ever.
2. Be ambiguous. Always.
3. Cry. Cry often. Tell them it's their fault.
4. Bring things up that were said, done, or thought years, months, or weeks ago. Get mad when they don't remember.
5. Make them apologize for everything.
6. Stash feminine products in their backpacks and in their books as cute reminders that you were thinking of them.
7. Gossip. Gossip about everything that walks.
8. Look them in the eye and start laughing.
9. Cry.
10. Get mad at them for everything.
11. Hold grudges.
12. Demand to be e-mailed. Often. Whine when they don't comply.
13. When complimented, make sure to be paranoid. Take nothing at face value.
14. Use daddy as a weapon. Tell them about his gun collection, his quick trigger finger, and his affection for his "little princess."
15. Be late for everything. Yell if they're late.
16. Talk about your ex-boyfriend 24-7. Compare and contrast.
17. Go everywhere in groups, especially the bathroom. Do nothing alone. Independence is a sign of weakness.
18. Cry.
19. Make them guess what you want and then get mad when they're wrong.
20. Plan little relationship anniversaries, i.e. the monthly anniversary of the time you saw each other in the library...for five minutes. Then get mad at them for forgetting. Then cry.
21. Gather many female friends and dance to "I Will Survive" while they are present. Sing all the words. Sing to them. Sing loud.
22. Correct their grammar.
23. Constantly claim you're fat. Ask them. Then cry, regardless of their answer.
24. Leave out the good parts in stories.
25. Make sure to only be interested in guys in the same friendship group. Make sure to cause trouble.
26. Make them wonder. Confusion is a good thing.
27. Cry.
28. Declare that you are not wacko.
29. Criticize the way they dress.
30. Criticize the music they listen to.
31. Criticize their hair.
32. Ignore them. When asked, "What's wrong?" tell them that if they don't know, you're not going to tell them.
33. Try to change them.
34. Try to mold them.
35. Try to get them to dance.
36. Pretend you're interested, lead them on, then feign ignorance when confronted.
37. Cry.
38. When they screw up, never let them forget it.
39. Make them stay at religious services until they are close to fainting. Just because.
40. Blame everything on PMS only after it has been blamed on them.
41. Whenever there is silence ask them, "What are you thinking?"
42. Get mad if they don't notice a haircut. Even if it's only a half inch.
43. Read into everything.
44. Over-analyze everything.
45. Cry.
46. Make it your goal to make them cry.
buffnut453
Captain
Oh good grief! What have I done? I'm wondering if I married a woman 'cos my sweetheart doesn't do any of those (ok, only kidding - she does #8 and #15).
Can I have bacon?
Can I have bacon?
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razor1uk
Staff Sergeant
That line about the twiddly things and bacon?! *lightbulb 'flicks' on* oh that'd depends if [rest of comment removed by the editor] them.
and bacon?! *lightbulb 'flicks' on* oh that'd depends if [rest of comment removed by the editor] them.
Last edited:
buffnut453
Captain
Thanks for the bacon - that's my first!
mikewint
Captain
Buff, from an old campaigner whose been there, done that, and has ALL the T-shirts....IT'S JUST A MATTER OF TIME!
GrauGeist
Generalfeldmarschall zur Luftschiff Abteilung
buffnut453
Captain
Well, today's my 20th wedding anniversary...so things are looking good so far. If she leaves it too much longer before kicking in all the remaining rules, I'll be too senile to care!
- Thread starter
- #18
In Italian language "It" does not exist but all the things are or "He" or "She".
So, when the first computer appeared in the '60s, all the Professors of Italian Language had to decide if the computer was "Il" computer or a "La" computer.
Some Professors, mostly Female, were thinking that Computers were to be called "Il computer" as:
• They have a lot of data but are still clueless.
• A better model is always just around the corner.
• They look nice and shiny until you bring them home.
• It is always necessary to have a backup.
• They'll do whatever you say if you push the right buttons.
• The best part of having either one is the games you can play.
• In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.
• The lights are on but nobody's home.
• Big power surges knock them out for the night.
• They are supposed to help you solve your problems, but half the time they ARE the problem.
• Size does matter.
While others, mostly male, were thinking that Computers were to be called "la computer" as:
• Picky, picky, picky.
• No one but their creator understands their internal logic.
• They hear what you say, but not what you mean.
• Beauty is but shell deep.
• When you ask what's wrong, they say "nothing".
• Can produce incorrect results with alarming speed.
• Always turning simple statements into big productions.
• Smalltalk is important.
• You do the same thing for years, and suddenly it's wrong.
• They make you take the garbage out.
• The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to anyone else.
• Even your smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for later retrieval.
• As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.
• The message "bad command or file name" is about as informative as "If you don't know what is wrong, then I'm not going to tell you."
• Miss a period and they go wild.
So, when the first computer appeared in the '60s, all the Professors of Italian Language had to decide if the computer was "Il" computer or a "La" computer.
Some Professors, mostly Female, were thinking that Computers were to be called "Il computer" as:
• They have a lot of data but are still clueless.
• A better model is always just around the corner.
• They look nice and shiny until you bring them home.
• It is always necessary to have a backup.
• They'll do whatever you say if you push the right buttons.
• The best part of having either one is the games you can play.
• In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.
• The lights are on but nobody's home.
• Big power surges knock them out for the night.
• They are supposed to help you solve your problems, but half the time they ARE the problem.
• Size does matter.
While others, mostly male, were thinking that Computers were to be called "la computer" as:
• Picky, picky, picky.
• No one but their creator understands their internal logic.
• They hear what you say, but not what you mean.
• Beauty is but shell deep.
• When you ask what's wrong, they say "nothing".
• Can produce incorrect results with alarming speed.
• Always turning simple statements into big productions.
• Smalltalk is important.
• You do the same thing for years, and suddenly it's wrong.
• They make you take the garbage out.
• The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to anyone else.
• Even your smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for later retrieval.
• As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.
• The message "bad command or file name" is about as informative as "If you don't know what is wrong, then I'm not going to tell you."
• Miss a period and they go wild.
mikewint
Captain
WOMEN'S RULES FOR MEN
1. The female always makes The Rules.
2. The Rules are subject to change without prior notification.
3. No male can possibly know all The Rules.
4. If the female suspects the male knows all The Rules, she must immediately change some or all of The Rules.
5. The female is never wrong.
6. If the female is wrong, it is due to a misunderstanding which was the direct result of something the male did or said wrong.
7. If Rule 6 applies, the male must apologize immediately for causing the misunderstanding.
8. The female may change her mind at any time.
9. The male must never change his mind without the expressed written consent of the female.
10. The female has every right to be angry and upset at any time.
11. The male must remain calm at all times, unless the female wants him to be angry or upset.
12. The female must under no circumstances let the male know whether or not she wants him to be angry or upset.
13. The male is expected to mind read at all times.
14. The male who does not abide by The Rules cannot take the heat, lacks backbone, and is a wimp.
15. Any attempt to document The Rules could result in bodily harm.
16. If the female has PMS, all The Rules are null and void.
17. The female is ready when she is ready.
18. The male must be ready at all times.
1. The female always makes The Rules.
2. The Rules are subject to change without prior notification.
3. No male can possibly know all The Rules.
4. If the female suspects the male knows all The Rules, she must immediately change some or all of The Rules.
5. The female is never wrong.
6. If the female is wrong, it is due to a misunderstanding which was the direct result of something the male did or said wrong.
7. If Rule 6 applies, the male must apologize immediately for causing the misunderstanding.
8. The female may change her mind at any time.
9. The male must never change his mind without the expressed written consent of the female.
10. The female has every right to be angry and upset at any time.
11. The male must remain calm at all times, unless the female wants him to be angry or upset.
12. The female must under no circumstances let the male know whether or not she wants him to be angry or upset.
13. The male is expected to mind read at all times.
14. The male who does not abide by The Rules cannot take the heat, lacks backbone, and is a wimp.
15. Any attempt to document The Rules could result in bodily harm.
16. If the female has PMS, all The Rules are null and void.
17. The female is ready when she is ready.
18. The male must be ready at all times.
- Thread starter
- #20
In the mid '70s, when I was at the College, Mike was a Friend of mine from Wisconsin that was working in my town as U.S. Coast Guard Maintenance Radioman in a Loran station very close to my house. No GPS in those times.
Once we were sitting in the lounge waiting for the dinner, while my Mum was chatting in the kitchen with a Lady friend of her.
My Mum:
"Chu chu chu chu chu chu chu......."
Her Friend:
"Chu chu chu chu chu chu chu......."
Both my Mum and her Friend, together:
"Chu chu chu chu chu chu........."
"Chu chu chu chu chu chu......."
Mike, without understanding a single word of what they were saying, looks at me, thinks for a moment and then
"Women are the all the same in the world over, aren't they?"
Once we were sitting in the lounge waiting for the dinner, while my Mum was chatting in the kitchen with a Lady friend of her.
My Mum:
"Chu chu chu chu chu chu chu......."
Her Friend:
"Chu chu chu chu chu chu chu......."
Both my Mum and her Friend, together:
"Chu chu chu chu chu chu........."
"Chu chu chu chu chu chu......."
Mike, without understanding a single word of what they were saying, looks at me, thinks for a moment and then
"Women are the all the same in the world over, aren't they?"
