I had one of the most terrifying moments of my entire life on that kayaking trip. Worse than the few times my parachute malfunctioned, worse than near death on the highway, worse than the time a waterfall entered the cockpit of a T-34B I was in during a thunderstorm or anything else. I had to go, had to answer natures call, I needed a place to sit. I saw a sign in one of the lakes in the swamp that said OUTHOUSE and pointed in the direction to take. So paddled thataway and found it nestled among some cypress knees. I found a hole in the roots to jam the nose of my boat into and was swinging the back to the knees to tie it off so I could get out.
As I touched the roots, me and the boat were covered in huge gray mottled spiders. I let out a scream not heard before in nature and just freaked out. I pushed off as hard as I could and the extreme pucker factor kept everything locked in place. I started swinging my paddle smashing those demon spiders from hell and when that became awkward switched to my emergency canoe paddle. I paddled backward so fast there was a good wake following me with white froth at the tops. I beached on a small sliver of solid ground, jumped out of the boat and into the water to wash the horrid things off. Then I did my business taking my chances with the gators. I figure there is still a skeleton covered in spiders sitting in that outhouse.