Quotes and Jokes (5 Viewers)
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michaelmaltby
Colonel
A man is being arrested by a female police officer, who informs him, "Anything you say can and will be held against you." The man replies, "Boobs!"
vikingBerserker
Lieutenant General
LMAO
Three blondes walk into a building. You'd think one of them would've seen it.....
Airframes
Benevolens Magister
Coat ......................
Hat..........
Crimea_River
Marshal
..door....
vikingBerserker
Lieutenant General
....and never come back!
Aw Man.....
I was standing at the bar one night, minding my own business. This FAT ugly chick came up behind me, grabbed my behind and said, "You're kind'a cute. You gotta phone number?"
I said, "Yeah, you gotta pen?"
She said, "Yeah, I got a pen".
I said, "You better get back in it before the farmer misses you."
Cost me 6 stitches...but, when you're over sixty................who cares?
**********
Cowboy:
"Give me 3 packets of condoms, please."
Lady Cashier:
"Do you need a paper bag with that, sir?"
Cowboy:
"Nah.. She's purty good lookin'....."
When you're over sixty................who cares?
***********
I was talking to a young woman in the bar last night.
She said, "If you lost a few pounds, had a shave and got your hair cut, you'd look all right."
I said, "If I did that, I'd be talking to your friends over there instead of you."
Cost me a fat lip, but... When you're over sixty................who cares?
***********
I was telling a woman in the pub about my ability to guess what day a woman was born just by feeling her breasts.
"Really" she said, "Go on then... try."
After about thirty seconds of fondling she began to lose patience and said, "Come on, what day was I born?"
I said, "Yesterday."
Cost me a kick in the nuts, but... When you're over sixty................who cares?
***********
I got caught taking a pee in the swimming pool today.
The lifeguard shouted at me so loud, I nearly fell in.
Cost me a bloody nose, but... When you're over sixty................who cares?
***********
I went to the pub last night and saw a BIG woman dancing on a table.
I said, "Good legs."
The girl giggled and said, "Do you really think so?"
I said, "Definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by now."
Cost me 6 more stitches, but... When you're over sixty................who cares?
I said, "Yeah, you gotta pen?"
She said, "Yeah, I got a pen".
I said, "You better get back in it before the farmer misses you."
Cost me 6 stitches...but, when you're over sixty................who cares?
**********
Cowboy:
"Give me 3 packets of condoms, please."
Lady Cashier:
"Do you need a paper bag with that, sir?"
Cowboy:
"Nah.. She's purty good lookin'....."
When you're over sixty................who cares?
***********
I was talking to a young woman in the bar last night.
She said, "If you lost a few pounds, had a shave and got your hair cut, you'd look all right."
I said, "If I did that, I'd be talking to your friends over there instead of you."
Cost me a fat lip, but... When you're over sixty................who cares?
***********
I was telling a woman in the pub about my ability to guess what day a woman was born just by feeling her breasts.
"Really" she said, "Go on then... try."
After about thirty seconds of fondling she began to lose patience and said, "Come on, what day was I born?"
I said, "Yesterday."
Cost me a kick in the nuts, but... When you're over sixty................who cares?
***********
I got caught taking a pee in the swimming pool today.
The lifeguard shouted at me so loud, I nearly fell in.
Cost me a bloody nose, but... When you're over sixty................who cares?
***********
I went to the pub last night and saw a BIG woman dancing on a table.
I said, "Good legs."
The girl giggled and said, "Do you really think so?"
I said, "Definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by now."
Cost me 6 more stitches, but... When you're over sixty................who cares?
michaelmaltby
Colonel
