12 Step Program for the Military

Discussion in 'OFF-Topic / Misc.' started by Hunter368, Sep 25, 2007.

  1. Hunter368

    Hunter368 Active Member

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    1. I am in the military , I have a problem. This is the first step to
    recovery...

    2. Speech:

    * Time should never begin with a zero or end in a hundred, it is not 0530or 1400 it is 5:30 in the morning (AKA God-awful early).
    * Words like deck, rack, and "PT" will get you weird looks; floor, bed, workout, get used to it.
    * "F *ck" cannot be used to -replace whatever word you can't think of right now, try "um".
    * Grunting is not talking.
    * It's a phone, not a radio, conversations on a phone do not end in "out"
    * People will not know what you are talking about if you tell them you are coming from Camp Lejeune with the MWSS platoon or that you spent a deployment in the OCAC


    3. Style:

    * Do not put creases in your jeans.
    * Do not put creases on the front of your dress shirts.
    * A horseshoe cut looks dumb, not motivating.
    * A high and tight looks really dumb as well.
    * So does a low reg, but not as bad.
    * A hat indoors does not make you a bad person, it makes you like the rest of the world.
    * you do not have to wear a belt ALL the time.


    4. Women:

    * Air Force girls are easy, very easy, not all women are this easy and will probably punch you in the nuts if you treat them like Air Force girls.
    * Being divorced twice by the time you are 23 is not normal, neither are 6 month marriages, even if it is your first.
    * Marrying a girl so that you can move out of the barracks does not make "financial sense", it makes you a retard.


    5. Personal accomplishments:

    * In the real world, being able to do pushups will not make you good at your job.
    * Most people will be slightly disturbed by you if you tell them about people you have killed or seen die.
    * How much pain you can take is not a personal accomplishment.
    * The time you got really drunk and passed the sobriety test anyway is also not a personal accomplishment.


    6. Drinking:

    * In the real world, being drunk before 5pm will get you an intervention, not a "good for you"
    * That time you drank a 5th of Jaeger and pissed in your closet is not a conversation starter.
    * That time you went to the combat life saver school and practiced giving vodka iv's will also not be a good conversation starter


    6. Bodily functions:

    * Farting on your co-workers and then giggling while you run away may be viewed as "unprofessional".
    * The size of the dump you took yesterday will not be funny no matter how big it was, how much it burned, or how much it smelled.
    * You can't make fun of someone for being sick, no matter how funny it is
    * VD will also not be funny


    7. The human body:

    * Most people will not want to hear about your balls. Odd as that may seem, it's true.


    8. Spending habits:

    * One day, you will have to pay bills
    * Buying a $30,000 car on a $16,000 a year salary is a really bad idea.
    * Spending money on video games instead of on diapers makes you a fool.
    * One day you will need health insurance


    9. Interacting with civilians (AKA YOU):

    * Making fun of your neighbor to his face for being fat will not be normal.


    10. Real jobs:

    * They really can fire you.
    * On the flip side you really can quit.
    * Screaming at the people that work for you will not be normal, remember they really can quit too.
    * Taking naps at work will not be acceptable.
    * Remember 9-5 not 0530 to 1800


    11. The Law:

    * Non-judicial punishment does not exist and will not save you from prison.
    * Your workplace unlike your command can't save you and probably won't,in fact most likely you will fired about 5 minutes after they find out you've been arrested
    * Even McDonalds does background checks, and "conviction" isn't going to help you get the job
    * Fighting is not a normal thing and will get you really arrested, not yelled at Monday morning before they ask you if you won.


    12. General knowledge:

    * You can in fact really say what you think about the President in public.
    * Pain is not weakness leaving the body, it's just pain.
    * They won't wear anything shiny that tells you they are more important then you are, be polite.
    * Read the contracts before you sign them, remember what happened the first time.
     
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