Start, part 4
"Maydays"
The attack in the West, on May 10th, 1940, began with bombing and paratroop landings. By then we were living in the Hague, about a mile from one of the royal palaces that was the target of a paratroop detachment – an operation that failed. We stayed indoors so I did not see anything, but the explosions of bombs and anti-aircraft artillery came from all directions and some were nearby and the sound of the air-raid sirens alarmed us time and again. However, "we ran out of milk" and because that was an intolerable situation, of course, we did some shopping when things seemed quiet. Even in the midst of war, people try to continue their normal life and shops were open for "business as usual". Earlier, a Ju52/3M had been hit by triple A and gone down burning. There's a famous picture of it, taken by an amateur photographer and reproduced in almost any book on the subject of "May 1940" – I doubt whether the guy received any royalties... It had crashed on a block of houses and as we passed that street I spent ample time examining one of the engines, which was lying in the middle of the road. I was quite interested to see that it was made by BMW, I knew they made cars, but their range in aero-engines was new to me!
News about the war was minimal but it was evident that we were not winning… The smoke from the bombing of Rotterdam on May 14th, 30 miles away, could be seen from the roof of our house. This air-raid is still a bone of contention. After the war, a Tribunal ruled that it had not been a war crime, but that is still being hotly debated. I'm not quite sure why this should have become such a conflagration, the total weight of the bombs was less than 100 tons – later in the war that was a representative load for only 25 Lancasters or 50 B-17s! One explanation given is that warehouses in the port area were hit and these contained large supplies of inghly inflammable stuff like fat and cocoa. The Rotterdam bombing also led to a classic case of "desinformatsija" when later on a member of the Dutch government, which had fled to Great Britain, gave a figure of 30,000 deaths. This was still quoted in many publications several years after the war, but the actual figure was between 800 and 900. When other cities were also threatened with bombing, the country capitulated on May 15th.
On fear
Fear is incapacitating, especially when it leads to its corollaries: terror and panic. Also, fear may be long-lasting or even permanent, one can "live in fear". From 1940 to 1945, there were occasions when I was alarmed, or frightened, and I have even been scared stiff sometimes, but there were only two instances connected with fear. Up to a certain individually different level, fear can be controlled by training – that's what makes the difference between an orderly retreat and a rout. I did receive such "on hands" training – from my mother. It may have been different for her inside, but from the outside she stayed perfectly in control – in fact, the worse things looked, the better she performed.
One of the things people dreaded the most before the war was gas, based on reports from the Great War. Whilst the British government supplied gas masks to the population on a large scale (Mickey Mouse gas masks for the kids), the Dutch government had not taken this precaution. But a "gas attack" was a familiar expression to me and I already had personal experience with the effects of "gas". A relative attempted suicide while staying with us, using the gas oven while we were shopping. When we came home, my mother realised what had happened and ran to the kitchen. She gave me a competent sequence of commands: "breathe in, run and open the door to the garden, only then breathe out, run to the neighbours telling them to call an ambulance". She herself dragged the patient outside and started resuscitation. The relative survived to a ripe old age.
On May 13th, 1940 we again ran out of food and not much appeared to happen nearby so we went out. As we came back, we passed a military barracks and suddenly a soldier ran out, weeping hysterically and screaming "GAS! GAS!". The sight of an adult, and a soldier into the bargain, totally losing control of himself was shocking and that's when I first tasted fear. We ran home, started breathing through teacloths soaked in vinegar (not really effective, you're right…) but after a while we looked at each other and my mother said "you know, I think that soldier simply lost his head". A typical comment my mother would make when there was an air attack was "they're not aiming at us"- which, of course, was perfectly true!
End, part 4