What's The Closest You Have Come to Buying The Farm?

I've seen enough shitty male drivers to not dive headlong into this convo. Stupid drivers are defined by what is between their ears, not their legs.

I don't know about that. Once I start raving about some particular idiot, the derogatory and defamatory definitions come hot and fast.

My friend said his wife has called him twice re vehicle.

1st time - I hit a tree. I blew the horn four times and it still didn't get out of the way.

2nd time - I need you to come and get me. Car broke down. Passer by said there is water in the fuel.
Where is it ?
In the river.

Driving home from work in thick fog, following the rear lights of a car in front of me.
suddenly they swerve off the road and all i see is two headlights coming straight at me.
i also swerved and watched as an. Ambulance no less went past on the wrong side of the duel carriageway.
the ambulance had turned right out of a junction but hadn't crossed the two lanes of the road that travelled in the opposite direction to where he was going.

Missed a head on crash by inches !

Dense fog can mess up our senses and confuse perception. Once when my aviation nut brother from another mother were driving to Harlingen Texas for the annual air show, the fog near Galveston was so dense that vision was non existent. We travelled by looking out the driver's window at the Yellow hash marks on the roadway. If the driver could see three, not over 35mph, less than three, slower. Frank's turn driving, I was shotgun staring straight ahead through the windshield looking for danger. I said, "It must be clearing because I can see tail lights way ahead." In reality, they were the two right side lights of the semi ahead of us inches from our car's front end. Fortunately, he was creeping along as well, so when Frank looked up he saw the two lights on his side.

rochie said:

Driving home from work in thick fog, following the rear lights of a car in front of me.
suddenly they swerve off the road and all i see is two headlights coming straight at me.
i also swerved and watched as an. Ambulance no less went past on the wrong side of the duel carriageway.
the ambulance had turned right out of a junction but hadn't crossed the two lanes of the road that travelled in the opposite direction to where he was going.

Missed a head on crash by inches !

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Your fog story reminded me of an experience in Germany in '62. A couple of friends and I were out on the town one weekend and were returning to our kaserne late in the evening. It was so foggy that the road was hard to see and the further on we drove, the worse it got. Finally, when the road was almost totally shrouded in fog, Cole, our driver saw a faint red tail light ahead. It was moving so he thought he would be safer following it. Things were going fine, even though we had no idea where we were, the driver ahead seemed to be making good progress and we continued to follow our "guide dog". After a while the road seemed to get rough and then very bumpy. Finally the fog cleared enough to see that we were in the middle of a farmer's field- we had been faithfully following a tank.

My cousin tells the story of driving on a winding back road in northern Minnesota one foggy night. He said he suddenly sensed his deceased uncle (my father) in the car with him. He was so spooked, that he immediately pulled off the road. Seconds later, a car careened around the bend on the wrong side of the road, nearly hitting my cousin.

Yep, driving in fog can really mess up sensory perception.

An incident I remember from either February 1970 or maybe '71, was when I was following, and marshalling on the (then) Mintex Seven Dales Rally, in the dales of north Yorkshire, in the glory days of rallying, with such "stars" as Roger Clark .
I wasn't competing, but I was driving my Mk.1 Escort rally car, with my navigator Iain (Scottish spelling), and we'd left the tarmac stage at Oliver's Mount, Scarborough, heading for the forest stages for the early morning runs, intending to get into the trees, park up and get the BBQ going ( and beers of course) well before midnight.
We were going over the Buttertubs Pass, a fairly hairy ,even in daylight, twisting, narrow road over the hills, with some high, steep drops on the road edge in some places.
The fog had really come down, and we both had our heads out of our respective windows, trying to see the road. With umpteen wattage of headlights, spot lights and fog lights reflecting off the curtain of fog, it was best to drive on dim side lights, but even then, visibility was only maybe ten feet !
We'd got maybe half way over the Pass, very slowly getting around bends, when I felt that the going seemed somewhat different - certainly not what I'd expect to feel on a tarmac road, and guessed that I was on grass. At this point, I stopped, and we both got out, only to confirm that we were, indeed, on rough tussock grass, and the road itself was nowhere in sight !
We literally couldn't see more than about three feet in any direction, and we were discussing what to do when a feint, pulsating blue light seemed to hover in the dank fog, getting slightly brighter, although diffused by the fog.
Then, out of the very cold and damp grey curtain, came a voice; "Nah then lads, where thee goin' ?", or something similar.
It was a huge, local country Policeman, dwarfing his grey-painted Morris Mini van, which was almost invisible in the heavy fog, had it not been for the revolving blue light on the roof.
He could see we had a rally car, and guessed we were following the rally, and then he said. "Tha best reverse on't road, an ahl guide thee down t' barn in't valley " indicating that he'd guide us back onto firm ground, behind his Mini.
This we did, and very carefully, and slowly, followed the feint blue flashing light down into the valley, where the fog was much thinner, until we reached a "pull in" area alongside a disused old stone barn, where the Policeman advised we rest up until first light, before continuing, on our trip to the forests for the first runs through the loose-surface stages.
After confirming we had sleeping bags, water, stove and food etc, and that we'd be safe and warm in the car on such a cold and damp night, he got set to go on his way, but not before he said something along the lines of "Tha's lucky thee didn't go ten feet further forward on't grass, it was a 200 foot drop to the valley there !"
That would have meant a wrecked Escort rally car, and two dead bodies that might not have been discovered for some time.
Looking back on it now, it scares the s**t out of me, thinking what could have happened, but back then, being young and "fireproof", it seemed nothing, and was just part of the adventure of life, and "growing up".

I pity the youngsters today, when the only "stress" or near danger they may experience is when their game system crashes, or they get a mild electric shock trying to unplug the computer ( if the;y even know how to to that !!)

Gordan Baxter, who wrote for both flying magazines and ones focused on cars, one had an article one a new innovative way to attend to the needs of nature while driving. Texas has a lot of long straight lonely roads, where there are very limited opportunities to stop a suitable facility and relive oneself.

So under those conditions, one option he offered was to open the car door, unzip, lean to the Left, and let fly, the aerodynamics of the situation ensuring that the stream of liquid arcs outward without touching anything. And, since this usually entails releasing the seat belt so to present an unencumbered trajectory, there is a hazard as well. Your remains could be found in the middle of the road with your pants down around your ankles and your car come to grief some miles down the road.

Gordan did receive a letter of compliant, the author saying he had caused his instrument panel to be ruined, signed, "Shorty." And today I have no doubt that a similar suggestion would bring charges of sexual discrimination and misogyny.

MIflyer said:

Gordan Baxter, who wrote for both flying magazines and ones focused on cars, one had an article one a new innovative way to attend to the needs of nature while driving. Texas has a lot of long straight lonely roads, where there are very limited opportunities to stop a suitable facility and relive oneself.

So under those conditions, one option he offered was to open the car door, unzip, lean to the Left, and let fly, the aerodynamics of the situation ensuring that the stream of liquid arcs outward without touching anything. And, since this usually entails releasing the seat belt so to present an unencumbered trajectory, there is a hazard as well. Your remains could be found in the middle of the road with your pants down around your ankles and your car come to grief some miles down the road.

Gordan did receive a letter of compliant, the author saying he had caused his instrument panel to be ruined, signed, "Shorty." And today I have no doubt that a similar suggestion would bring charges of sexual discrimination and misogyny.

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In Germany we had a Detachment XO, a Warrrent Officer who was notorious for not stopping along the road to heed the "call of nature". Instead, he just stood up in the moving jeep and took a whizz over the side. "The aerodynamics of the situation..." that you refered to whipped it around and coated his jeep driver with a fine aerosol.

Anyone who has been around the rural parts of the U.S., has seen tobacco stains on the sides of pickup trucks, usually starting just past the window and extending along the aide to about the rear wheel.
Vehicle aerodynamics (even modern ones) are such, that no liquid is going anywhere but directly to the side of the vehicle!

Or, in the case of my car, when using the screen washers with the driver's window open, straight in to my face !!!

I used to skydive. Did it for twelve years from the early '80's to the early '90's and gave it up because of cost. Just couldn't afford it anymore. When I had 300-ish jumps myself and two other idiots decided to jump on an overcast day with the ceiling at 900' and visibility something like 10 miles below the cloud deck. We packed our square parachutes in such a way that they would open fast, plus we'd have the Cessna 182 moving along at 140mph. Our most experienced idiot who had 1000+ jumps went first, crawling out and pulling his pilot chute out of its sleeve. Left foot on the step above the wheel, right hanging in the breeze, left arm around the strut, he pushed off into a hard arch and let go the pilot chute. We saw his bag come out of the container, lines come off from under the rubber bands, then his canopy opened, he cleared brakes, made a slight turn to be upwind and landed. Maybe five seconds from exit to landing. My turn. I copied everything he did, leapt off and arched hard and what do you know- my pilot chute wrapped around my right foot. I yelled a bad word, and everyone watching hid their eyes or turned their backs knowing I was gonna frap. I had time dilation and it was like my eyes became binoculars and I could see mud in between blades of grass. I was thinking four things at the same time and decided to pull my reserve ripcord and maybe a second later cutaway my main to give my reserve the best chance to open without getting tangled with the main parachute bag bouncing around my back as my pilot chute cleared my foot but had no chance of opening in time. My reserve worked like it should, I didn't even have time to check it and pull the four line release for steering. I landed okay and my half opened main landed a few feet away. It took a while for the adrenaline to stop pumping and I gave the rigger who packed my reserve a case of his favorite beer. The third guy decided to ride the airplane down, not surprisingly.

Here in Florida several years at one jump center back there was a competition between skydivers and the jump plane pilot as to who could get back on the ground first. The jump plane hit one of the skydivers while diving to get to the ground first.

ODonovan said:

1) 1973 - Driving westbound on I-4, from Lakeland, Florida to Tampa, to see the newly-opened Tampa International Airport terminals. We were in a friend's 1965 Ford Falcon, a small and light (for its time) compact car. He was driving. It had just stopped raining, a few minutes before. We came out from under an overpass on the Interstate and were hit by a crosswind. I watched my friend stare straight ahead, not moving the wheel at all, as we did a 360 at close to 70 mph. I looked to my right and saw the tall weeds on the median coming out from under the car on MY side (sliding driver side first). I then looked forward and saw those same weeds coming out from under the car (sliding backward). I looked to the right again and saw them being pushed down by MY DOOR (sliding passenger side first). I looked forward again and saw the other side of the Interstate, as we sat perfectly aligned in the left (passing) lane, facing west (our original direction of travel) in the eastbound lanes. If the grass on the median hadn't been wet, we could easily have flipped and rolled. If there had been any oncoming traffic at all (say, a tractor-trailer (semi) truck), we would have been obliterated by it. As it was, there was zero damage to the car. My friend was shaking like a leaf as he drove back across the median to the westbound lanes and we pulled over to the side of the road. We pulled some "harvested" weeds out from the undercarriage of the car and finished our drive to Tampa (at a much reduced speed).

2 - 2008 - Our van was hit from behind, at 65 mph, on Interstate 275, coming back from St. Petersburg to Tampa (Florida). We were almost to the causeway (the "bridge" section of highway across Tampa Bay), when we were hit. The rear of the van came off the ground and swung left until the left front wheel "caught" and we rolled over four and a half times (witnesses counted the rolls for us) on the hood and front section of the van. Fortunately, as we rolled, inertia threw all the window glass away from the van. Our two kids (ages one and five) were in their car seats and didn't get a scratch. My wife ended up with a "chiari malformation" in which her brain was forced downward into the base of her skull. She started leaking cerebral fluid into the top of her spine. She had to have two brain surgeries and ended up having three minor strokes. She also had to have a spinal fusion and have a titanium "cage" implanted in her lower spine. I ended up hanging out the driver's window by my seatbelt, the top of my head dragging on the highway, as we came to a stop. I have nerve damage in my back which has giving me poor circulation in my right leg and has caused back, hip, and leg problems when I walk. Oh, and the hair on the crown of my head grows out at odd angles, because of the scar tissue. Overall, it could have been a lot worse.


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-Irish

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Hey Irish, I'm sure that if number 1 happened on I-4 today I shudder to think how many cars would be involved.

As for number 2, I drive that causeway a couple times a month, there's ALWAYS some a$$hole thinking he/she's on the Autobahn. Same for the Bayside Bridge here on the Clearwater side.

Thank God you all survived and the kids were unhurt, as parents that's what counts the most.

I pulled a lot of stupid stuff with cars for many years, but never really had a life threatening experience, many an "Oh Sh!t" moment though.

However, from the Grass Airfields thread:

"After WWII dad and his brothers turned the family farm into a grass airfield. As a kid I used to help out a lot there, as I recall, they had a deal with a construction company to roll the runways about once a year. They also were the local John Deere dealership so they had those huge industrial sized mowers on hand which as memory served, they kept the grass pretty close cropped.

Looks to no longer be a working airfield, although the wind sock is still evident, the east/west runway was disabled years ago, but you can still see the north/south in existence, or at least still kept as grass.

The green circle is the house I grew up in. The red X is where a Cessna 150 and I had a disagreement about landing procedures. The long hangar to the right of the X is the first one they built back in the '40's so at least it's still there."

1978, Crash was pretty bad, there were power lines north of the field (out of site at the top of the photo) which we hit on approach. Cessna's are tough but...

Woke up four days later with fractured skull, three cracked vertebrae (T5, T6 and T7(the ugliest)) two cracked/broken ribs and broken left kneecap and multiple bruises and lacerations. Still have a bit of a scar below my right eye.



Managed to fully recover after a lot of physical therapy, lost the girl I was engaged to however, she couldn't deal with my long recovery. I could be bitter about that (and was for many years) but in retrospect we were both pretty young and it was a lot to ask of a 20 year old college student to handle.

In life's great circle of Karma - five years later I met and married my soul mate (who I celebrated our 38th anniversary with on September 28), have four great kids and generally a great and happy life together.

Female X on the other hand didn't fare so well. Twice divorced, no kids and well let's just say her figure did NOT handle the stress tests very well.

On a side note, did you guys notice I seem to get in some long winded posts like this? Maybe I should become a writer for my next career...

GrauGeist said:

On the evening of 7 April 2013, I did buy the farm, twice. Once at the scene and then again enroute to the hospital.

And this was a high-speed head-on. I was doing 50 and the old gal (who passed out from diabetes) was doing 60 when she came into my lane.

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Damn glad both places sent you back, it wouldn't be the same without you around here.

Not my experience, not life threatning but a skydiving related event. A delivery driver for a New Orleans dept. store had been in both the 82nd and 101st during WW2 and was never wounded or injured from training through post war skydiving. One day he walked in the office with a cast from the knee down. After a bit of teasing, he explained, when stepping out of the truck he twisted his leg between the curb and the truck. He said the worst part was no one would help him up because they thought he was drunk.

Rob 23 - probably nothing worse than that "horseshoe" malfunction, especially at that altitude, you were very lucky .
And I guess you discovered that adrenaline is brown !!