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ok this is what i've got so far on mons and marne
The first battle of the BEF – 23 August 1914 , Belgium, Mons

The BEF stopped the Germans advance and caused a lot of casualties on Germans.

The battle at Mons was a tactic victory but the BEF had to retreat from Mons.

Creating the legend of the Angels of Mons

German army advance through Belgium to France

The retreating French Army and BEF reached the Marne River - September 5 – 9 1914

The French Army and BEF stopped the German advancing further than River Marne

Gen. Gallieni sent more French troops to River Marne by taxi

Does this sound ok?
 
Generally it sounds good but the order ( timeline ) is incorrect. Also one point is wrong. I edited that. It should be like that ..


The first battle of the BEF – 23 August 1914 , Belgium, Mons

The BEF stopped the Germans advance and caused a lot of casualties on Germans.

The battle at Mons was a tactic victory but the BEF had to retreat from Mons.

Creating the legend of the Angels of Mons

German army advance through Belgium to France

The retreating French Army and BEF reached the Marne River.

Gen. Gallieni sent more French troops to River Marne by taxi

The first battle of Marne - 5-9 September 1914

The French Army and BEF stopped the German advancing further than River Marne
 
like this?
The first battle of the BEF – 23 August 1914 , Belgium, Mons
The BEF stopped the Germans advance and caused a lot of casualties on Germans.
The battle at Mons was a tactic victory but the BEF had to retreat from Mons.
Creating the legend of the Angels of Mons
German army advance through Belgium to France
The retreating French Army and BEF reached the Marne River.
Gen. Gallieni sent more French troops to River Marne by taxi
The battle of Marne - 5-9 September 1914
The French Army and BEF stopped the German advancing further than River Marne

Was Gallieni a general? it says in my book he was a military commander, are these facts worded correctly?
 
These points are correct now and all is worded properly..

And yes Joseph Gallieni was a General and later was promoted to the Marshal of France.. He died in May 1916. The military commander is a name of his function. Usually the words are used to say that it was a job for a soldier but not for a civilian. Mostly the military commander is a senior officer like Colonel, Genaral, Admiral etc... however it may be a Major, Captain or other soldiers of any rank depending on a level of responsibility.

 
is this also ok?

Battle plan designed by Alfred Von Shlieffen – 1905
Germany planned on attacking France via Belgium
Shlieffen plan was intended to avoid a two front war by defeating France in less than 6 weeks
Alfred Von Shlieffen died – 1913
Shlieffen plan used in 1914
The BEF – 80,000 men
August 2 1914, Germany demanded access into Belgium and being refused
August 3 1914, Germany attacked Belgium
August 4 1914, Britain declared war on Germany
 
Hi merry Christmas to you. Im trying to write short facts on Assassination of Franz Ferdinand from my book but im stuck. This is what i've done,
Archduke Franz Ferdinand – Heir to Austria Hungary Empire
Franz Ferdinand and his wife went to inspect Army – 28 June 1914
Austria Hungary annexed Bosnia
Gavrilo Princip shot Franz Ferdinand and his wife

Bosnia had been a recent and unwilling addition to the Habsburg Empire. Resentful Bosnian Serbs dreamt of freedom and incorporation into the nation of Serbia. Nationalistic groups formed, determined to use violence to strike terror at the heart of the Austrian– Hungarian empire. One such group,
the sinisterly named 'Black Hand', included among its number a nineteen-year-old named Gavrilo Princip. It was in Sarajevo that Princip would change the world. Princip and a handful of his Black Hand comrades arrived, each armed with a bomb and, in the event of failure, a vial of cyanide. They joined, at various intervals, the throng of onlookers lined along a 6-km route and waited for the six-car motorcade to come into view. The first two would-be assassins lost their nerve, while the third managed to throw his bomb causing injury to a driver but leaving the Archduke and his wife unharmed. Racked with a sense of failure, Princip trudged to a nearby tavern.
The Archduke, having delivered a speech, decided to visit the wounded driver in hospital. On his way, his driver took a wrong turning down a one-way street, a street named after Franz Ferdinand's uncle the emperor, Franz Joseph, along which was a tavern. Princip, astonished to see the royal car, acted on
impulse. Jumping onto the running board as the driver tried to engage the reverse gear, he fired two shots. Mortally wounded, Franz Ferdinand's last words were: 'Sophie, stay alive for the children'. It was not to be. The Archduke and his wife died together. It was their fourteenth wedding anniversary.

what can i say for why Gavrilo Princip shot him?
 
All that points sound good. However the point with "Austria Hungary annexed Bosnia" should be the first or the second one of the list. The annexion of the Bośnia was in 1908 officially. Actually the area was incorporated into the Austria-Hungary much earlier. It happened in 1878. So the order should be ..

Austria Hungary annexed Bosnia
Archduke Franz Ferdinand – Heir to Austria Hungary Empire
Franz Ferdinand and his wife went to inspect Army – 28 June 1914
Gavrilo Princip shot Franz Ferdinand and his wife in Sarajevo.

Alecras234 said:
What can i say for why Gavrilo Princip shot him?
Click to expand...


Gavrilo Princip was one of a couple of assassins sent to Sarajevo. The reason for that action was the Bosnian Serbs' dreams of being a part of the independent Serbia.
So you may add the point " The Bosinian Serbs' dreams of being the independent country."

The list may look like the one below.

Austria Hungary annexed Bosnia
The Bosinian Serbs' dreams of being the independent country
Archduke Franz Ferdinand – Heir to Austria Hungary Empire
Franz Ferdinand and his wife went to inspect Army – 28 June 1914
Gavrilo Princip killed Franz Ferdinand and his wife in Sarajevo

Oh.. btw.. Merry Christmas and Happy Nwe Year !!! Loads of the Health.
 
To be honest the Bosnian Serbs wated to belong to the independent Serbia rather than getting the independent Bosnia.. Bosnia was the area of the Austria-Hungary that was populated by Serbs mostly. So that was the reason.
 
I feel there's too much information and I feel I'm missing bits of information. Should I stick with what it says in my book? How do I put this into a short fact? Bosnian Serbs wanted to belong to the independent Serbia rather than getting the independent Bosnia.. Bosnia was the area of the Austria-Hungary that was populated by Serbs mostly. So
 
So.. it can be like this..

Austria Hungary annexed Bosnia
The Bosinian Serbs' dreams of belonging to the independent Serbia
Archduke Franz Ferdinand – Heir to Austria Hungary Empire
Franz Ferdinand and his wife went to inspect Army – 28 June 1914
Gavrilo Princip killed Franz Ferdinand and his wife in Sarajevo
 
Like this?


Austria Hungary annexed Bosnia
The Bosinian Serbs wanted Serbia to be independent of Austria Hungary.
Archduke Franz Ferdinand – Heir to Austria Hungary Empire
Franz Ferdinand and his wife went to inspect Army – 28 June 1914
Gavrilo Princip killed Franz Ferdinand and his wife in Sarajevo
 
"The Bosinian Serbs wanted Serbia to be independent of Austria Hungary."

Nope.. The point is incorrect because the Serbia was independent country. So it has to be edited..

"The Bosinian Serbs wanted Bosnia to be independent of Austria Hungary."

And now it can be OK.
 
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