- Thread starter
- #61
fubar57
General
My guys are usually named Habeeb and my part of the conversation is usually "....pardon....pardon...pardon...."
ABOUT FREAKIN' TIME
- Thread starter fubar57
- Start date
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mikewint
Captain
at6
1st Sergeant
Good to know that Horse back and alive+well. I was having a lot of conversations with my ISP's technical support. I kept getting Jennifer. Cindy, Ashley, Kim etc. How stupid do they think we are? When everyone has an Indian accent it's easy to tell that you aren't in Kansas anymore.
Robert Porter
Senior Master Sergeant
Yeah, Wilbur that I talked to had a distinctly Indian accent come to think of it.
Robert, my provider does that much better. Whenever there is an outage, they will inform you through their website....
Robert Porter
Senior Master Sergeant
Now if I could only get to their website when my connection is down!
mikewint
Captain
I certainly can't claim to be Tech Savvy but compared to....
Get the right computer - 1
Customer: I'm trying to connect to the Internet with your CD, but it just doesn't work. What am I doing wrong?
Tech support: OK, You've got the CD in the CD drive, right?
Customer: Yeah....
Tech support: And what sort of computer are you using?
Customer: Computer? Oh no, I haven't got a computer. It's in the CD player and all I get is weird noises. Listen.....
Get the right computer - 2
Tech support: What kind of computer do you have?
Female customer: A white one...
Change of Mind
Customer: I keep getting inappropriate pop-ups on my computer and don't want my wife to think that it's me.'
Advisor: 'I will remove them for you.'
Customer: 'How do I get them back when she is not in?'
Step 1...
Customer: Hi, this is Celine. I can't get my diskette out.
Tech support: Have you tried pushing the button?
Customer: Yes, sure, it's really stuck.
Tech support: That doesn't sound good; I'll make a note.
Customer: No .. wait a minute... I hadn't inserted it into the computer yet... it's still on my desk... sorry....
Amusing Password Logic
During a recent password audit, it was found that a blonde was using the following password:
"MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofyParis"
When asked why she had such a long password, she said she was told that it had to be at least 8 characters long and include at least one capital.
Seeing Stars
Tech support: Are you sure you used the right password?
Customer: Yes, I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it.
Tech support: Can you tell me what the password was?
Customer: Five stars.
Touch and Go
Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screen saver on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears.
Circular argument
Tech support: How may I help you?
Customer: I'm writing my first e-mail.
Tech support: OK, and what seems to be the problem?
Customer: Well, I have the letter 'a' in the address, but how do I get the circle around it?
Local difficulty
Customer: My 14 year-old son has put a password on my computer and I can't get in.
Advisor: Has he forgotten it?
Customer: No he just won't tell me it because I've grounded him.
Language difficulty
Customer: 'How do you spell 'Internet America' ? Is there a space between 'inter' and 'net' ?'
Tech Support: 'No space between 'inter' and 'net' . It's spelled normally.'
Customer: 'Ok. A-M-E-R-I-C-K?' Tech Support: 'That's A-M-E-R-I-C-A.' Customer: 'I-C-K???'
Tech Support: 'A as in apple'
Customer: 'There's no 'K' in apple!'
Get the right computer - 1
Customer: I'm trying to connect to the Internet with your CD, but it just doesn't work. What am I doing wrong?
Tech support: OK, You've got the CD in the CD drive, right?
Customer: Yeah....
Tech support: And what sort of computer are you using?
Customer: Computer? Oh no, I haven't got a computer. It's in the CD player and all I get is weird noises. Listen.....
Get the right computer - 2
Tech support: What kind of computer do you have?
Female customer: A white one...
Change of Mind
Customer: I keep getting inappropriate pop-ups on my computer and don't want my wife to think that it's me.'
Advisor: 'I will remove them for you.'
Customer: 'How do I get them back when she is not in?'
Step 1...
Customer: Hi, this is Celine. I can't get my diskette out.
Tech support: Have you tried pushing the button?
Customer: Yes, sure, it's really stuck.
Tech support: That doesn't sound good; I'll make a note.
Customer: No .. wait a minute... I hadn't inserted it into the computer yet... it's still on my desk... sorry....
Amusing Password Logic
During a recent password audit, it was found that a blonde was using the following password:
"MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofyParis"
When asked why she had such a long password, she said she was told that it had to be at least 8 characters long and include at least one capital.
Seeing Stars
Tech support: Are you sure you used the right password?
Customer: Yes, I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it.
Tech support: Can you tell me what the password was?
Customer: Five stars.
Touch and Go
Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screen saver on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears.
Circular argument
Tech support: How may I help you?
Customer: I'm writing my first e-mail.
Tech support: OK, and what seems to be the problem?
Customer: Well, I have the letter 'a' in the address, but how do I get the circle around it?
Local difficulty
Customer: My 14 year-old son has put a password on my computer and I can't get in.
Advisor: Has he forgotten it?
Customer: No he just won't tell me it because I've grounded him.
Language difficulty
Customer: 'How do you spell 'Internet America' ? Is there a space between 'inter' and 'net' ?'
Tech Support: 'No space between 'inter' and 'net' . It's spelled normally.'
Customer: 'Ok. A-M-E-R-I-C-K?' Tech Support: 'That's A-M-E-R-I-C-A.' Customer: 'I-C-K???'
Tech Support: 'A as in apple'
Customer: 'There's no 'K' in apple!'
mikewint
Captain
1) Customer: 'My disk ran out of space when trying to save my Word document, so I changed it from double spaced to single spaced and it still wouldn't fit!'
2) Advisor: 'Press any key to continue.
Customer: I can't find the 'Any' key.
3) Great Vision
3a) Tech Support: 'Ok, in the bottom left of the screen, can you see the 'OK' button displayed?'
Customer: 'Wow. How can you see my screen from there?'
3b) Advisor: Can you click on 'My Computer'?
Customer: I don't have your computer, just mine.
3c) Advisor: You have Spyware on your machine which is causing the problem.
Customer: Spyware? Can they see me getting dressed through the monitor?
3d) Customer: My family in Australia use BT Softphone, I can see them but they can't see me.
Advisor: What brand is your webcam?
Customer: What's a webcam?
4) No Saving Grace
Customer: 'All my files I saved last week to my C: drive are missing!'
Tech Support: 'Do you remember what directory you first saved them in?'
Customer: 'No, I don't . I just know it was on my C: drive.'
Tech Support: 'Ok, I'll walk you through how to find the files.'
Customer: 'I wouldn't think I would be losing files on this computer. Gee, I just had the hard drive replaced in it yesterday.'
5) Tricky Install
Customer: 'Do I need a computer to use your software?'
Tech Support: 'Ok, I can help you install the software. Would you like me to do that?'
Customer: 'Yes.'
Tech Support: 'All right, can you insert the disk in the disk drive please?'
Customer: 'How?'
Tech Support: 'Place the disk in the opening at the front of the computer.'
Customer: 'Will I have to have my computer delivered before we can do this'
6) Customer: My iPod will only play one song.
Advisor: Which other tracks have you downloaded from iTunes?
Customer: Do I need to download tracks?
7) Tech Support: 'Have you made backups of your software and data?'
Customer: 'I didn't know it had a reverse.'
8) Customer: How do I change channel on my monitor?
Advisor: Your monitor won't have channels like a TV.
Customer: But I was watching the internet channel the other day and now I just get the word processing channel.
9) Customer: My mouse mat isn't wired up.
Advisor: I'm not sure I understand, your mouse mat shouldn't have any wires.
Customer: Well how does it know where my mouse is? Is it wireless?
Give Microsoft a chance
Customer: 'I'm having trouble installing Microsoft Word.'
Tech Support: 'Tell me what You've done.'
Customer: 'I typed A:SETUP.'
Tech Support: 'Ma'am, remove the disk and tell me what it says.'
Customer: 'It says [PC manufacturer] Restore and Recovery disk'.
Tech Support: 'Insert the MS Word setup disk.'
Customer: 'What?'
Tech Support: 'Did you buy Microsoft Word?'
Customer: 'No...'
Dial Tone
Tech Support: 'Thank you for calling. May I have your phone number beginning with area code first, please?' There was a pregnant pause, then a series of touch tones.
Tech Support: 'Hello? I need your phone number, please'. More touch tones.
Tech Support: 'Hi, can you hear me?'
Customer: 'Yes.'
Tech Support: 'Great, then can you please tell me your phone number so I can pull up your file?' More touch tones.
Tech Support: 'Sir, what's your name?'
Customer: Malcolm
Tech Support: 'Great, now can you tell me your phone number?' Touch tones again.
Tech Support: 'Please, tell me your phone number.'
Customer: 'Again?'
Tech Support: 'Yes sir, if you don't mind, but can you please just tell me verbally?' Touch tones yet again.
Tech Support: 'Sir, contrary to popular opinion, support is not half machine. I'll need you to verbally tell me your phone number with your mouth so I can bring up your account info, got it?'
Customer: 'You people are rude as well as incompetent.'
2) Advisor: 'Press any key to continue.
Customer: I can't find the 'Any' key.
3) Great Vision
3a) Tech Support: 'Ok, in the bottom left of the screen, can you see the 'OK' button displayed?'
Customer: 'Wow. How can you see my screen from there?'
3b) Advisor: Can you click on 'My Computer'?
Customer: I don't have your computer, just mine.
3c) Advisor: You have Spyware on your machine which is causing the problem.
Customer: Spyware? Can they see me getting dressed through the monitor?
3d) Customer: My family in Australia use BT Softphone, I can see them but they can't see me.
Advisor: What brand is your webcam?
Customer: What's a webcam?
4) No Saving Grace
Customer: 'All my files I saved last week to my C: drive are missing!'
Tech Support: 'Do you remember what directory you first saved them in?'
Customer: 'No, I don't . I just know it was on my C: drive.'
Tech Support: 'Ok, I'll walk you through how to find the files.'
Customer: 'I wouldn't think I would be losing files on this computer. Gee, I just had the hard drive replaced in it yesterday.'
5) Tricky Install
Customer: 'Do I need a computer to use your software?'
Tech Support: 'Ok, I can help you install the software. Would you like me to do that?'
Customer: 'Yes.'
Tech Support: 'All right, can you insert the disk in the disk drive please?'
Customer: 'How?'
Tech Support: 'Place the disk in the opening at the front of the computer.'
Customer: 'Will I have to have my computer delivered before we can do this'
6) Customer: My iPod will only play one song.
Advisor: Which other tracks have you downloaded from iTunes?
Customer: Do I need to download tracks?
7) Tech Support: 'Have you made backups of your software and data?'
Customer: 'I didn't know it had a reverse.'
8) Customer: How do I change channel on my monitor?
Advisor: Your monitor won't have channels like a TV.
Customer: But I was watching the internet channel the other day and now I just get the word processing channel.
9) Customer: My mouse mat isn't wired up.
Advisor: I'm not sure I understand, your mouse mat shouldn't have any wires.
Customer: Well how does it know where my mouse is? Is it wireless?
Give Microsoft a chance
Customer: 'I'm having trouble installing Microsoft Word.'
Tech Support: 'Tell me what You've done.'
Customer: 'I typed A:SETUP.'
Tech Support: 'Ma'am, remove the disk and tell me what it says.'
Customer: 'It says [PC manufacturer] Restore and Recovery disk'.
Tech Support: 'Insert the MS Word setup disk.'
Customer: 'What?'
Tech Support: 'Did you buy Microsoft Word?'
Customer: 'No...'
Dial Tone
Tech Support: 'Thank you for calling. May I have your phone number beginning with area code first, please?' There was a pregnant pause, then a series of touch tones.
Tech Support: 'Hello? I need your phone number, please'. More touch tones.
Tech Support: 'Hi, can you hear me?'
Customer: 'Yes.'
Tech Support: 'Great, then can you please tell me your phone number so I can pull up your file?' More touch tones.
Tech Support: 'Sir, what's your name?'
Customer: Malcolm
Tech Support: 'Great, now can you tell me your phone number?' Touch tones again.
Tech Support: 'Please, tell me your phone number.'
Customer: 'Again?'
Tech Support: 'Yes sir, if you don't mind, but can you please just tell me verbally?' Touch tones yet again.
Tech Support: 'Sir, contrary to popular opinion, support is not half machine. I'll need you to verbally tell me your phone number with your mouth so I can bring up your account info, got it?'
Customer: 'You people are rude as well as incompetent.'
Old Wizard
2nd Lieutenant
T Bolt
Colonel
Not my laptop Marcel, It's so old it's running Windows Vista. I unplug it and I have maybe 30 seconds before the battery dies and it shuts downthat does not work with a laptop. You'll have to wait for a couple of hours to get a flat battery
