Quokes/Jotes

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AIRLINE HUMOR

AIRBUS - Fly by wire, die by fire

If its Boeing, I ain't going!

Airbus? God help us!

A Tri-Star! Call a rental car!

Leaky-10 (DC-10)

A Canadair RJ - Better runway!
 
The Best Break-up letter so far...

A Marine stationed in Afghanistan recently received a "Dear John"
Letter from his girlfriend back home. It read as follows:

Dear Ricky,

I can no longer continue our relationship. The distance between us is
just too great. I must admit that I have cheated on you twice since
you've been gone, and it's not fair to either of us. I'm sorry.
Please return the picture of me that I sent to you.



Love, Becky

The Marine, with hurt feelings, asked his fellow Marines for any
snapshots they could spare of their girlfriends, sisters,
ex-girlfriends, aunts, cousins etc. In addition to the picture of
Becky, Ricky included all the other pictures of the pretty gals he had
collected from his buddies. There were 57 photos in that envelope
along with this note:



Dear Becky,



I'm so sorry, but I can't quite remember who the f*** you are. Please
take your picture from the pile, and send the rest back to me.

Take Care, Ricky

Semper Fi
 
Heh... Very funny. :lol:

That remember a (true) story that a substitute teacher (who was an ex-blue helmet) told me a couple of years ago.

He and one of his buddy were stationed to Bosnia. One day, the buddy of the teacher received a package from his wife... it was a video tape. Exited of receiving news from his wife, he invited all his "war-mates" to watch it. When the video started, he saw his wife, lied on the bed. Then two men came to join her and she cheated his husband with both of them... at ONCE ! (They had a threesome.)

If you wonder how the guy was feeling, well... He killed himself. He took a grenade, went to a bunker (alone) put the grenade in his flak-jacket and BOOM... Game over.
 
I saw this in a paper last year an airline pilot based at Heathrow had an affair with a stewardess and one day decide to call it a day so as he left for a week of transcontinental duties he told her it was over and to leave the key to his place once she had taken her things. On his return he found the Phone off the hook with an Australian accented speaking clock apparently she had called it just after he had gone out seven days earlier The phone bill when he got it was over £1300
 
Nonskimmer said:
Maestro, did that happen in the early ninties? I seem to remember hearing a story like that a long time ago.
Click to expand...

Hmmm... I don't know. I heard that story in 2000 or 2001 and the substitute teacher who told it to me was around 30 years old. So it is possible.
 
A work mate said to me today when we where discussing WW2
"You had to watch out for those Japs,
especially when they did a Bonsai charge".
Sounds pretty frighting to me all those little trees galloping at you.
 
The aircraft carrier USS Abraham Lincoln was finally inching up to the pier at Pearl Harbor when the Captain of the ship noticed a sailor on the flight deck gesturing wildly with semaphore flags. He then noticed an attractive young woman standing on top of a station wagon, also waving semaphore flags. Always concerned about security and never having seen anything like this, the Captain barked at his bridge signalman, "What message are those two people sending?" The signalman concentrated intently and soon reported, "Sir, he is sending FOXTROT-FOXTROT and she is sending ECHO-FOXTROT." Not having any clue as to what these messages could mean, the Captain dispatched an armed Marine to escort the sailor back to the Bridge. The sailor arrived, out of breath from running up the many ladders to the bridge, and saluted smartly. "Seaman Endicott reporting as ordered, sir!" "Seaman," shouted the Captain, "who is that woman on the pier and why are you exchanging signals FF and EF?" "Sir, that's my wife, Sir, and she wants to eat first!" :oops:
 
Brilliant Fly I got a real buzz outta that one :)

I have just seen the worst joke in the world on a works forum posting so I must apologise before hand for its contents before pasteing it.

THE BACON TREE

Two Mexicans are stuck in the desert, wandering aimlessly and close to death. They are close to just lying down and waiting for the inevitable, when all of a sudden...

"Hey Pepe, do you smell what I smell. Ees bacon, I is sure of eet".

"Si, Luis, eet smells like bacon to meee".

So, with renewed strength, they struggle off up the next sand dune, and there, in the distance, is a tree, just loaded with bacon.

There's raw bacon, dripping with moisture, there's fried bacon, back bacon, double smoked bacon...every imaginable kind of cured pig meat you can imagine!!

"Pepe, Pepe, we ees saved. Eees a bacon tree".

"Luis, are sure ees not a meerage? We ees in the desert, don'forget".

"Pepe, when deed you ever hear of a meerage that smeell of bacon...ees no meerage, ees a bacon tree".

And with that...Luis races towards the tree. He gets to within 5 metres, Pepe following closely behind, when all of a sudden, a machine gun opens up, and Luis is cut down in his tracks. It is clear he is mortally wounded but, true friend that he is, he manages to warn Pepe with his dying breath.

"Pepe...go back man, you was right, ees not a bacon tree"
"Luis, Luis mi amigo...what ees eet?"
"Pepe...ees not a bacon tree....
.........

Ees.....
Ees.....

Ees.....

Ees, a Ham Bush"
 
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