These were sent to me this morning via e -mail, thought you might like a giggle, I think some are taking the p*** (well I hope so anyway).
>>> The following questions and answers were
collected from last year's GCSE exams, and are some of the answers given by British students writing their fifth form (Year 11) GCSE Exams lastyear. These are genuine responses!!
>>> Geography
>>>
>>> Q: Name the four seasons.
>>>
>>> A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>> Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can
>>>be made safe to
>>>drink.
>>>
>>> A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it
>>>removes large
>>>pollutants
>>>like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>> Q: How is dew formed?
>>>
>>> A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes
>>>them perspire.
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>> Q: What is a planet?
>>>
>>> A: A body of earth surrounded by sky.
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>> Q: What causes the tides in the oceans?
>>>
>>> A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the
>>>Moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>> Sociology
>>>
>>> Q: What guarantees may a mortgage company insist
>>>on?
>>>
>>> A: If you are buying a house, they will insist you
are well endowed.
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>> Q: In a democratic society, how important are
>>>elections?
>>>
>>> A: Very important. Sex can only happen when a male
gets an election.
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>> Q: What are steroids?
>>>
>>> A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>> Biology
>>>
>>> Q: What happens to your body as you age?
>>>
>>> A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get
>>>intercontinental.
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>> Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
>>>
>>> A: He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks
>>>forward to his adultery.
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>> Q: Name a major disease associated with
>>>cigarettes.
>>>
>>> A: Premature death.
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>> Q: What is artificial insemination?
>>>
>>> A: When the farmer does it to the bull instead of
>>>the cow.
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>> Q: How can you delay milk turning sour?
>>>
>>> A: Keep it in the cow. [He got an A]
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>> Q: How are the main parts of the body categorised?
>>>(e.g. abdomen.)
>>>
>>> A: The body is consisted into three parts - the
>>>brainium, the borax the
>>>abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain,
>>>the borax contains
>>>the
>>>heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains
>>>the five bowels,
>>>A,E,I,O
>>>and U.
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>> Q: What is the Fibula?
>>>
>>> A: A small lie.
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>> Q: What does "varicose" mean?
>>>
>>> A: Nearby.
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>> Q: What is the most common form of birth control?
>>>
>>> A: Most people prevent contraception by wearing a
>>>condominium.
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>> Q: Give the meaning of the term "Caesarean
>>>Section."
>>>
>>> A: The caesarean section is a district in Rome.
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>> Q: What is a seizure?
>>>
>>> A: A Roman emperor.
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>> Q: What is a terminal illness?
>>>
>>> A: When you are sick at the airport
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>> Q: Give an example of a fungus. What is a
>>>characteristic feature?
>>>
>>> A: Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and
>>>they look like
>>> umbrellas.
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>> English
>>>
>>> Q: Use the word "judicious" in a sentence to show
>>>you understand its
>>> meaning.
>>>
>>> A: Hands that judicious can be soft as your face.
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>> Q: What does the word "benign" mean?
>>>
>>> A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight.
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>> Technology
>>>
>>> Q: What is a turbine?
>>>
>>> A: Something an Arab or Sikh wears on his head.
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>UK businesses use up 2 million tonnes of paper each
>>>year.Think before you
>>>print this email - do you really need to? Thank you.
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>-----------------------------------------------------------------