Encounters With The Moronic

[Vassili Zaitzev]

Just thought if anybody wants to share experiences of encountring morons, you can put it here.At best we can get a cheap laugh. Here's one my dad told me. He's been told by two different people that the best way to solve the gas prices is to release the strategic oil reserve, he had a good laugh with that one.

 

[syscom3]

My neighbor is a admitted socialist.

He told me that any new invention must be approved for being a "green product" and its useful to everyone.

 

[Ferdinand Foch]

Well, where Vassili and I work, we had a guy come in last month, called Straw Hat Man, on account that he wears this crappy staw hat everytime he comes into the store. He fat, in his fiftie's, and is s@@@faced everytime he walks into the store.
One day, he walks into the package store that we have, and is trying to buy some beer. The cashier at hand, Jeana, did not sell it to him because he was smashed at the time. He gets pissed off, and starts yelling at Jeana, and doing so knocks alot of beer and other alcohol on the floor. The state cops come, and try to get him out quietly. Straw Hat Man decides to punch on of the cops, or at least tries to. The cops hurl his ass to the ground, in doing so knocking other alcohol to the floor. He's then hurled out in handcuffs, and is now forbidden from coming into the Coop again.

 

[lesofprimus]

I dont even know where to start.....

But yesterday, while buying fireworks, this gentleman was assisting me.... I asked him about several different roman candle products as well as bottle rockets... Each time he had to mimick my questions to the nice lady working the stand with him...

Each fu*king time she read it off the label on the package with the point of a finger....

After the third time, I realized the poor fu*kin schlep couldnt read a goddamn word of the English vocabulary...

And he was a 40ish white guy....

 

[Ferdinand Foch]

I dont even know where to start.....

But yesterday, while buying fireworks, this gentleman was assisting me.... I asked him about several different roman candle products as well as bottle rockets... Each time he had to mimick my questions to the nice lady working the stand with him...

Each fu*king time she read it off the label on the package with the point of a finger....

After the third time, I realized the poor fu*kin schlep couldnt read a goddamn word of the English vocabulary...

And he was a 40ish white guy....

Wow! I've thought I've seen some dumb people in my life, but that really takes the cake.

Another story we have at the Coop: Friday night, big redneck guy comes in with his wife, and starts complaining to the cashiers. Apparently, the manwich can that he bought had a dent in it, and told us that the chemicals could seep into the meat and kill him. Also apparently, twenty years ago, a friend of his died, supposedly after eating a manwich can with a dent in it too. Because of this, the redneck told the cashiers that we could get sued because of this. For some reason, I'm not convinced by this guy.

 

[GrauGeist]

...Apparently, the manwich can that he bought had a dent in it, and told us that the chemicals could seep into the meat and kill him. Also apparently, twenty years ago, a friend of his died, supposedly after eating a manwich can with a dent in it too...

What chemicals? The can is made of metal...

His friend, who I imagine was alot like him, probably forgot to chew his food, and choked to death.

Tell him to tighten the strap on his foil helmet, close his mouth when he breaths and to please, for the love of God, avoid having children...

 

[Vassili Zaitzev]

I was thinking the last words of his buddy was "Hey man watch 'eis".

 

[Ferdinand Foch]

What chemicals? The can is made of metal...

His friend, who I imagine was alot like him, probably forgot to chew his food, and choked to death.

Tell him to tighten the strap on his foil helmet, close his mouth when he breaths and to please, for the love of God, avoid having children...

If I recognize him next time GG, I will. Unfortunately, it might be useless, as I think this clown is looking for a stella award.
Personally, I think his friend died from a combination of manwich, ten bottles of whiskey, and trying to figure our which end of a loaded shotgun do the bullets come out of.

 

[BombTaxi]

A quite large drunk guy decided to jump off the footpath in front of my car on the way home. I kinda saw he was going to do it and instinctively braked and swerved, which amused him greatly. I wonder if perhaps I should have just carried on, but then again he was a big chap and I'm not convinced my Astra would have come off better than him

 

[Ferdinand Foch]

A quite large drunk guy decided to jump off the footpath in front of my car on the way home. I kinda saw he was going to do it and instinctively braked and swerved, which amused him greatly. I wonder if perhaps I should have just carried on, but then again he was a big chap and I'm not convinced my Astra would have come off better than him

Good call BT, we don't want you ending up in a hospital now. Plus, in today's day and age, the drunk could probably sue you for injuries, even though it would be his own damn fault.

 

[BombTaxi]

He had a bunch of other large drunk guys with him too, I don't think I could have got em all in one go Seriously, I would be greatly upset if I had to pay to have a drunk-sized dent taken out of my car, I am irrationally proud of it and it's by far the most expensive thing I own, so I would not be happy paying for the repairs on it

 

[GrauGeist]

Oh yeah, another good reason to avoid hitting the idiot, BT...your car insurance premium will go up.

 

[Butters]

I'm turning a gigantic old barn into a playhouse for a millionaire. There's three levels of lofts on either side of an open central area, and the rough stairs aren't in, so you have to climb ladders to get up and down. The sub doing the wiring has hired one of the electrician's son as a helper (He just graduated from high school)

Anyway, I'm on the top loft on one side sorting something out with one of the electricians (not the father), and the kid is over on the the other top loft where he's supposed to be boring holes for the wiring. He climbs all the way down, crosses the floor, and then climbs up to our level so he can ask the electrician a question. You wanna know what this new high school graduate asked him?

"What's half of 37?"

Jeeeez....

JL

 

[Ferdinand Foch]

I'm turning a gigantic old barn into a playhouse for a millionaire. There's three levels of lofts on either side of an open central area, and the rough stairs aren't in, so you have to climb ladders to get up and down. The sub doing the wiring has hired one of the electrician's son as a helper (He just graduated from high school)

Anyway, I'm on the top loft on one side sorting something out with one of the electricians (not the father), and the kid is over on the the other top loft where he's supposed to be boring holes for the wiring. He climbs all the way down, crosses the floor, and then climbs up to our level so he can ask the electrician a question. You wanna know what this new high school graduate asked him?

"What's half of 37?"

Jeeeez....

JL

I see a Darwin award in his future, Butters.

 

[timshatz]

I'm turning a gigantic old barn into a playhouse for a millionaire. There's three levels of lofts on either side of an open central area, and the rough stairs aren't in, so you have to climb ladders to get up and down. The sub doing the wiring has hired one of the electrician's son as a helper (He just graduated from high school)

Anyway, I'm on the top loft on one side sorting something out with one of the electricians (not the father), and the kid is over on the the other top loft where he's supposed to be boring holes for the wiring. He climbs all the way down, crosses the floor, and then climbs up to our level so he can ask the electrician a question. You wanna know what this new high school graduate asked him?

"What's half of 37?"

Jeeeez....

JL

That's scary.

I've got one from a few weeks back.

Was landing at my airport after being out and about for a few hours and, on final, I see an airplane in the woods off to the left. A little disconcerting, to say the least, to see that when your landing and not know what it was there for. Anyway, I land (gingerly) and taxi back to the hangers. Ask somebody over there what happened. They said the guy was landing, on his roll out, no problem and, after covering about 75% of the runway and not going more than 25mph, he hits the throttles to do a touch and go. Not enough room. But that isn't what put him in. The torque threw the plane off the runway and straight into the woods. Nobody hurt, but now the pilot is pretty much the low man on the totem pole.

Lucky for him actually, if he had hit and tried to take off, he would've gone off the end of the runway and straight into heavy traffic on the localy major road. Everybody is always going 65Mph.

This is one clown with an angel on his shoulder.

 

[rochie]

was once teaching a guy how to make a large cake when he came to me saying the toasted flaked almonds kept slipping off the out side of said cake and that the whipped cream on the outside had dissapeared !!!!!!!!

i walked away when i noticed he had burned his hands trying to put very hot toasted almonds straight from the grill onto his whipped cream covered cake.................

 

[sabrina]

Nice common sense...I'd like to see how he functions in the outside world. Maybe it's just a cake, but putting something hot onto something cold and wondering why it doesn't work kind of makes you wonder what else he's missing up there....

 

[RabidAlien]

I had a lady one time called me up while I was working in retail, asking me to walk her through installing her new video card (Win98 days, so some finagleing was involved). Went through everything I knew how to do, but the darn computer just would not recognize the card. She got so frustrated at one point that she exclaimed "I don't know why it won't recognize the card, its sitting right there in front of the monitor!" Her PC was under her desk. I had her bring the tower in so I could PHYSICALLY INSTALL the card.

 

[Butters]

Rochie,

Your cake story reminded me of another...

My mom's neighbor made your boy look like a Rhodes scholar. She'd made a cake using MOTOR OIL that she'd bought at the grocery store, and was complaining about how awful it was. When my mother pointed out that motor oil was not suitable for cooking, the neighbor went back to the store and went on a big rant about how grocery stores shouldn't be allowed to sell oil that you can't eat.

This is the same woman that bought a VCR (it was over 20 yrs ago). After my brother hooked it up for her, she asked if it was ready to record her soap operas while she was at work. When my brother pointed out that she still had to get a tape, she went completely ballistic, raving on about how she'd already spent $300 and wasn't going to spend one damn cent more!

I suspect that she'd given so many people a piece of her mind over the years, that...

 

[RabidAlien]