The MENSA Invitational 2009

Discussion in 'OFF-Topic / Misc.' started by Colin1, May 5, 2009.

  1. Colin1

    Colin1 Active Member

    Joined:
    Jan 2, 2009
    Messages:
    3,541
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    36
    Occupation:
    Engineer and overgrown schoolboy
    Location:
    United Kingdom
    The Washington Post's MENSA Invitational once again asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition. Here are the 2009 winners:

    1. Cashtration (n): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.
    2. Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an a**hole.
    3. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.
    4. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
    5. Bozone (n): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
    6. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.
    7. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high
    8. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.
    9. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
    10. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)
    11. Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.
    12. Decafalon (n): The gruelling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.
    13. Glibido: All talk and no action.
    14. Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
    15. Arachnoleptic Fit (n): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.
    16. Beelzebug (n): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
    17. Caterpallor ( n): The colour you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating.

    The Washington Post has also published the winning submissions to its yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words. And the winners are:

    1. Coffee , n. The person upon whom one coughs.
    2. Flabbergasted , adj. Appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.
    3. Abdicate , v. To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
    4. Esplanade , v. To attempt an explanation while drunk.
    5. Willy-nilly , adj. Impotent.
    6. Negligent , adj. Absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown.
    7. Lymph , v. To walk with a lisp.
    8. Gargoyle , n. Olive-flavoured mouthwash.
    9. Flatulence , n. Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller.
    10. Balderdash , n. A rapidly receding hairline.
    11. Testicle , n. A humorous question on an exam.
    12. Rectitude , n. The formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
    13. Pokemon , n.. A Rastafarian proctologist.
    14. Oyster , n. A person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.
    15. Frisbeetarianism , n. The belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.
    16. Circumvent , n. An opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.
     
  2. Lucky13

    Lucky13 Forum Mascot

    Joined:
    Aug 21, 2006
    Messages:
    36,729
    Likes Received:
    1,064
    Trophy Points:
    113
    Occupation:
    Nightshift picker
    Location:
    A Swede living in Glasgow, Scotland
    Home Page:
  3. RabidAlien

    RabidAlien Active Member

    Joined:
    Apr 27, 2008
    Messages:
    6,592
    Likes Received:
    4
    Trophy Points:
    38
    Occupation:
    IT
    Location:
    Hurst, Texas
  4. Gnomey

    Gnomey World Travelling Doctor
    Staff Member Moderator

    Joined:
    Nov 28, 2004
    Messages:
    41,770
    Likes Received:
    518
    Trophy Points:
    113
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    Doctor
    Location:
    Portsmouth / Royal Deeside, UK
    Home Page:
  5. Njaco

    Njaco The Pop-Tart Whisperer
    Staff Member Moderator

    Joined:
    Feb 19, 2007
    Messages:
    23,053
    Likes Received:
    994
    Trophy Points:
    113
    Occupation:
    Animal Control Officer
    Location:
    Southern New Jersey
    Those are great! Haa haaa...ouch!...ohhhhhhhh. :(
     
  6. Bernhart

    Bernhart <b>2012 Forum Fantasy Football Champion</ b>

    Joined:
    Jan 9, 2007
    Messages:
    432
    Likes Received:
    13
    Trophy Points:
    18
    Occupation:
    mental health nurse
    Location:
    Canada
    crananalectomy- removal of ones head from thier anus
     
  7. RabidAlien

    RabidAlien Active Member

    Joined:
    Apr 27, 2008
    Messages:
    6,592
    Likes Received:
    4
    Trophy Points:
    38
    Occupation:
    IT
    Location:
    Hurst, Texas
    robotomy=the act of removing a portion of the frontal lobe and replacing it with an Intel device that renders the recipient incapable of any coherent thought and automatically enrolls them in the Nancy Pelosi Fan Club.
     
  8. wheelsup_cavu

    wheelsup_cavu Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Mar 8, 2009
    Messages:
    4,530
    Likes Received:
    43
    Trophy Points:
    48
    Occupation:
    CNC Machinist/Programmer
    Location:
    Corona, California
    Home Page:
    These are good. :lol:


    Wheelsup
     
Loading...

Share This Page