12 Rules for Life

[gumbyk]

Sometimes we just need to remember what the 12 Rules of Life really are:

1. Never give yourself a haircut after more than 8 beers.

2. You need only two tools: WD-40 and duct tape. If it doesn't move and it should, use WD-40. If it moves and shouldn't, use the tape.

3. The five most essential words for a healthy, vital relationship are "I apologise" and "you are right."

4. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

5. Never pass up an opportunity to pee.

6. If he/she says that you are too good for him/her – believe them.

7. Learn to pick your battles; ask yourself, "Will this matter one year from now? How about one month? One week? One day?"

8. When you make a mistake, make amends immediately. It's easier to eat crow while it's still warm.

9. If you woke up breathing, congratulations! You have another chance!

10. Living well really is the best revenge. Being miserable because of a bad or former relationship just might mean that the other person was right about you.

11. Work is good, but it's not that important. Money is nice, but you can't take it with you. Statistics show most people don't live to spend all they saved; some die even before they retire. Anything we have isn't really ours; It's on loan to us while we're here …even our kids.

12. And finally…Be really good to your family and/or friends. You never know when you are going to need them to empty your bedpan.

 

[Wayne Little]

 

[N4521U]

Amen.

 

[Gnomey]

Can't go far wrong with those 8)

 

[A4K]

Echo Bill's post!

 

[vikingBerserker]

Very nice indeed.

 

[at6]

As for rule number 7, I don't bother with battles. I'm too stinking old to care that much and what will it have mattered when I'm dead and gone? The reduced stress level is a blessing beyond measure.

 

[mikewint]

True, true, true and:
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

It is hard to understand how a cemetery raised its burial cost and blamed it on the cost of living.

Just remember...if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.

The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.

It is said that if you line up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try and pass them.

Laughing stock - cattle with a sense of humor.

You can't have everything - where would you put it?

Latest survey shows that 3 out of 4 people make up 75% of the world's population.

If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.

Eat right. Stay fit. Die anyway.

The things that come to those that wait may be the things left by those who got there first.

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat drinking beer all day.

Flashlight: A case for holding dead batteries.

Shin: A device for finding furniture in the dark.

As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools.

When you're swimming in the creek, and an eel bites your cheek, that's a moray!

A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.

It was recently discovered that research causes cancer in rats.

The only cure for insomnia is to get more sleep.

Everybody lies, but it doesn't matter since nobody listens.

 

[herman1rg]

"A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion, butcher a hog, conn a ship, design a building, write a sonnet, balance accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders, give orders, cooperate, act alone, solve equations, analyze a new problem, pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently, die gallantly. Specialization is for insects."

 

[gumbyk]

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat drinking beer all day.

Give a man someone else's fish, and he'll vote for you...

 

[A4K]

'You're only as old as the woman you feel'...

 

[Crimea_River]

In the land of the blind, the one-eyed man is king.

 

[A4K]

Life is a sh!t sandwich - and every day is luchtime...

 

[at6]

"A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion, butcher a hog, conn a ship, design a building, write a sonnet, balance accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders, give orders, cooperate, act alone, solve equations, analyze a new problem, pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently, die gallantly. Specialization is for insects."

Where do you think politicians come from? They only specialize and can do nothing useful.

 

[mikewint]

You can say that again. Check the thread: Friggin Ticks! See: Polly-tick-shun

 

[at6]

Life is a sh!t sandwich - and every day is luchtime...

On the bright side, I will still be here to eat it for a while longer.