Actual exchanges between pilots and control towers

Discussion in 'Modern' started by seesul, Nov 17, 2008.

  1. seesul

    seesul Active Member

    Joined:
    Jun 3, 2006
    Messages:
    3,519
    Likes Received:
    8
    Trophy Points:
    38
    Location:
    Zlin, Czech Republic
    Home Page:
    Got it by e-mail last week from a friend of mine:

    Tower: 'Delta 351, you have traffic at 10 o'clock, 6 miles!'
    Delta 351: 'Give us another hint! We have digital watches!'
    *************
    Tower: 'TWA 2 341, for noise abatement turn right 45 Degrees.'
    TWA 2341: 'Center, we are at 35,000 feet. How much noise can we make up here?'
    Tower: 'Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a 727?'
    *************
    From an unknown aircraft waiting in a very long takeoff queue: 'I'm f...ing bored!'
    Ground Traffic Control: 'Last aircraft transmitting, identify yourself immediately!'
    Unknown aircraft: 'I said I was f...ing bored, not f...ing stupid!'
    *************
    O'Hare Approach Control to a 747: 'United 329 heavy, your traffic is a Fokker, one o'clock , three miles, Eastbound.'
    United 329: 'Approach, I've always wanted to say this.. I've got the little Fokker in sight.'
    *************
    A student became lost during a solo cross-country flight. While attempting to locate the aircraft on radar, ATC asked, 'What was your last known position?'
    Student: 'When I was number one for takeoff.'
    *************
    A DC-10 had come in a little hot and thus had an exceedingly long roll out after touching down. San Jose Tower Noted: 'American 751, make a hard right turn at the end of the runway, if you are able. If you are not able, take the Guadeloupe exit off Highway 101, make a right at the lights and return to the airport.'
    ************
    Pan Am 727 flight, waiting for start clearance in Munich, overheard the following:
    Lufthansa (in German): ' Ground, what is our start clearance time?'
    Ground (in English): 'If you want an answer you must speak in English.'
    Lufthansa (in English): 'I am a German, flying a German airplane, in Germany. Why must I speak English?'
    Unknown voice from another plane (in a beautiful British accent):
    'Because you lost the bloody war!'

    ************
    Tower: 'Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on frequency 124.7'
    Eastern 702: 'Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure. By the way, after we lifted off we saw some kind of dead animal on the far end of the runway.'
    Tower: ' Continental 635, cleared for takeoff behind Eastern 702, contact Departure on frequency 124.7. Did you copy that report from Eastern 702?'
    BR Continental 635: 'Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, roger; and yes, we copied Eastern... we've already notified our caterers.'
    ***********
    One day the pilot of a Cherokee 180 was told by the tower to hold short of the active runway while a DC-8 landed. The DC-8 landed, rolled out, turned around, and taxied back past the Cherokee. Some quick-witted comedian in the DC-8 crew got on the radio and said, 'what a cute little plane. Did you make it all by yourself?'
    The Cherokee pilot, not about to let the insult go by, came back with a real zinger: 'I made it out of DC-8 parts. Another landing like yours and I'll have enough parts for another one.'
    *********
    The German air controllers at Frankfurt Airport are renowned as a short-tempered lot. They not only expect one to know one's gate parking location, but how to get there without any assistance from them. So it was with some amusement that we (a Pan Am 747) listened to the following exchange between Frankfurt ground control and a British Airways 747, call sign Speedbird 206.
    Speedbird 206: ' Frankfurt, Speedbird 206! Clear of active runway.'
    Ground: 'Speedbird 206. Taxi to gate Alpha One-Seven.' The BA 747 pulled onto the main taxiway and slowed to a stop.
    Ground: 'Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?'
    Speedbird 206: 'Stand by, Ground, I'm looking up our gate location now.'
    Ground (with quite arrogant impatience): 'Speedbird 206, have you not been to Frankfurt before?'
    Speedbird 206 (coolly): 'Yes, twice in 1944, but it was dark, -- And I didn't land.'
    ***************
    While taxiing at London's Gatwick Airport, the crew of a US Air flight departing for Ft. Lauderdale made a wrong turn and came nose to nose with a United 727. An irate female ground controller lashed out at the US Air crew, screaming: 'US Air 2771, where the hell are you going? I told you to
    turn right onto Charlie taxiway! You turned right on Delta! Stop right there. I know it's difficult for you to tell the difference between C and D, but get it right!' Continuing her rage to the embarrassed crew, she was now shouting hysterically:' God! Now you've screwed everything up! It'll take forever to sort this out! You stay right there and don't move till I tell you to! You can expect progressive taxi instructions in about half an hour, and I want you to go exactly where I tell you, when I tell you, and how I tell you! You got that, US Air 2771?'

    'Yes, ma'am,' the humbled crew responded.

    Naturally, the ground control communications frequency fell terribly silent after the verbal bashing of US Air 2771. Nobody wanted to chance engaging the irate ground controller in her current state of mind. Tension in every cockpit out around Gatwick was definitely running high. Just then an unknown pilot broke the silence and keyed his microphone, asking: 'Wasn't I married to you once?'
     
  2. Becca

    Becca Member

    Joined:
    Aug 13, 2007
    Messages:
    982
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    16
    Occupation:
    Goddess of the Grill.
    Location:
    Texas
    Home Page:
    ROFLMELAO!!!
     
  3. seesul

    seesul Active Member

    Joined:
    Jun 3, 2006
    Messages:
    3,519
    Likes Received:
    8
    Trophy Points:
    38
    Location:
    Zlin, Czech Republic
    Home Page:
    :D some pople are pretty voluble :lol:
     
  4. seesul

    seesul Active Member

    Joined:
    Jun 3, 2006
    Messages:
    3,519
    Likes Received:
    8
    Trophy Points:
    38
    Location:
    Zlin, Czech Republic
    Home Page:
  5. FLYBOYJ

    FLYBOYJ "THE GREAT GAZOO"
    Staff Member Moderator

    Joined:
    Apr 9, 2005
    Messages:
    23,203
    Likes Received:
    786
    Trophy Points:
    113
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    Aircraft Maintenance Manager/ Flight Instructor
    Location:
    Colorado, USA
    I heard a Japanese student at Fox Field, Lancaster CA, (whose English was pretty poor) request a "Touchie Roll" - he meant a "touch and go." The controller replied "is that sushi?"
     
  6. Thorlifter

    Thorlifter Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jun 10, 2004
    Messages:
    7,909
    Likes Received:
    189
    Trophy Points:
    63
    Occupation:
    IT Nerd
    Location:
    Dallas, Tx Jubail, Saudi Arabia
    hahaha. Those are good.
     
  7. Vassili Zaitzev

    Vassili Zaitzev Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Nov 25, 2005
    Messages:
    3,099
    Likes Received:
    28
    Trophy Points:
    48
    Occupation:
    Substitute teacher; graduate student
    Location:
    Connecticut, United States
    Nice, pretty funny.
     
  8. seesul

    seesul Active Member

    Joined:
    Jun 3, 2006
    Messages:
    3,519
    Likes Received:
    8
    Trophy Points:
    38
    Location:
    Zlin, Czech Republic
    Home Page:
    :lol: :lol:
     
  9. Gnomey

    Gnomey World Travelling Doctor
    Staff Member Moderator

    Joined:
    Nov 28, 2004
    Messages:
    41,770
    Likes Received:
    518
    Trophy Points:
    113
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    Doctor
    Location:
    Portsmouth / Royal Deeside, UK
    Home Page:
    Seen it before but it still cracks me up :lol:
     
  10. pbfoot

    pbfoot Active Member

    Joined:
    Apr 14, 2005
    Messages:
    7,636
    Likes Received:
    4
    Trophy Points:
    38
    Location:
    niagara falls
    I've heard a few . Including
    ATC to the pilot " if you not going to listen I'm not going to talk " and he didn't
     
  11. seesul

    seesul Active Member

    Joined:
    Jun 3, 2006
    Messages:
    3,519
    Likes Received:
    8
    Trophy Points:
    38
    Location:
    Zlin, Czech Republic
    Home Page:
  12. Wurger

    Wurger Siggy Master
    Staff Member Administrator

    Joined:
    Jun 19, 2005
    Messages:
    47,678
    Likes Received:
    1,500
    Trophy Points:
    113
    Occupation:
    A retired military Navigator/ATC, FIS controller
    Location:
    Poland
    Once during my former unit flights one of younger pilots was making a final approaching the runway,Unfortunately passing the inner marker his plane was still leaning towards the port wing.It seemed the pilot didn't want to follow our commands to make the plane horizontal and stable during landing.Simply we couldn't force him to do it.Finally our commanding officer ordered him to move his ba!!s to the another pocket if he didn't want to pick up his a$$ from the runway.It helped.
     
  13. Becca

    Becca Member

    Joined:
    Aug 13, 2007
    Messages:
    982
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    16
    Occupation:
    Goddess of the Grill.
    Location:
    Texas
    Home Page:
    well put.
     
  14. Aaron Brooks Wolters

    Aaron Brooks Wolters Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jul 28, 2007
    Messages:
    15,723
    Likes Received:
    339
    Trophy Points:
    83
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    Auto Restoration
    Location:
    Abingdon, VA.
    Thanks, I needed that!:thumbright:
     
  15. Matt308

    Matt308 Glock Perfection
    Staff Member Moderator

    Joined:
    Apr 12, 2005
    Messages:
    20,140
    Likes Received:
    54
    Trophy Points:
    48
    Occupation:
    Engineer
    Location:
    Washington State
    That was classic Wurger, classic. :lol:
     
  16. syscom3

    syscom3 Pacific Historian

    Joined:
    Jun 4, 2005
    Messages:
    12,631
    Likes Received:
    309
    Trophy Points:
    83
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Orange County, CA
  17. wilbur1

    wilbur1 Active Member

    Joined:
    Nov 4, 2007
    Messages:
    2,206
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    36
    Occupation:
    Mechanik
    Location:
    Escondido,Ca
    Good stuff :lol: :lol:
     
  18. Wurger

    Wurger Siggy Master
    Staff Member Administrator

    Joined:
    Jun 19, 2005
    Messages:
    47,678
    Likes Received:
    1,500
    Trophy Points:
    113
    Occupation:
    A retired military Navigator/ATC, FIS controller
    Location:
    Poland
    Yep but these non classic can't be printed here.If I would do it I would be banned myself.:lol: :lol:
     
  19. seesul

    seesul Active Member

    Joined:
    Jun 3, 2006
    Messages:
    3,519
    Likes Received:
    8
    Trophy Points:
    38
    Location:
    Zlin, Czech Republic
    Home Page:
    :lol: maybe Wojtek. But at least you could try it...
     
  20. pete_madi

    pete_madi Member

    Joined:
    Jun 16, 2008
    Messages:
    31
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    6
    hi fellas been out of touch for awhile due to getting life sorted out but will be in touch more often.just read the above and had such a cack my lady called me a dag!!!!!.peter
     
Loading...

Share This Page