Chuck Norris

[kiwimac]

What do you know about Chuck Norris that you should enlighten the world with? (All of the following are from other sites.)

• Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
  
• There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.
  
• When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.
  
• Chuck Norris owns the greatest poker face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 world series of poker despite him holding just a joker, a 2 of clubs, a 7 of spades, and a green number 4 from Uno and a monopoly 'get out of jail free' card.

• When Chuck Norris falls in water he doesn't get wet, the water gets Chuck Norris.
  
• If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds till." After you ask, "Two seconds to what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
  
• Chuck Noris puts the "laughter" in "manslaughter".
  
• One time a baby goat died and Chuck Norris brought it back to life. He killed it shortly there after. Just goes to show, the good Chuck giveth and the good Chuck taketh away.
  
• The chief export of Chuck Norris is Pain.

There must be more! Post 'em here!

 

[mkloby]

Haha - man the first time I realized there was this whole aura of chuck norris was when I moved down to pensacola and I picked up a gray belt for marine corps martial arts and all guys were talking about was chuck norris this and that. I still don't really get it though...

 

[lesofprimus]

This has been around for a couple years now here in the States... Rather silly, but still funny...

Chuck Norris is one bad @ss mofo, and someone started a website that had some listings similar to what kiwi has posted...

Chuck actually responded to the web sites admin that he thought it funny as hell, and it took off....

 

[Aggie08]

Yeah, he actually read a few of them on the air on someone's talk show.

Chuck Norris enjoys knitting sweaters, if by "knitting" you mean "kicking" and if by "sweaters" you mean "babies."

 

[syscom3]

I met one of Chuck Norris's sons back in 1981.

He was a real *******.

 

[Wurger]

Chuck Norris has been in a court of law only once.He liked the most when a judge started pleading guilty.

 

[v2]

 

[Thorlifter]

Here are some of my favorites:

1. Chuck Norris doesn't sleep....He waits
2. When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
3. Chuck Norris once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"

 

[uhhuh35]

All hail the the "magic" of the internet:
Chuck Norris Facts

 

[mkloby]

I met one of Chuck Norris's sons back in 1981.

He was a real *******.

what happened with that encounter?

 

[syscom3]

what happened with that encounter?

He was a complete ass when dealing with a convenience store clerk. Tried to be Mr. "Big Man" when the clerk and some customers told him to get off the property.

Didn't get him very far when he was taken into a head lock and thrown onto the street. I heard he and his dad were banned from setting foot in the store.

 

[mkloby]

He was a complete ass when dealing with a convenience store clerk. Tried to be Mr. "Big Man" when the clerk and some customers told him to get off the property.

Didn't get him very far when he was taken into a head lock and thrown onto the street. I heard he and his dad were banned from setting foot in the store.

Very nice. You usually don't get asked to leave a premesis for no reason...

 

[Screaming Eagle]

i was waiting for this thread. heres some i remember off of the top of my head:

-Chuck Norris wanted to use live ammunition on the set of Walker texas ranger and the director said no. Cuck then gave him his answer by promptly roundhouse kicking the director in the head and said "no one says no to chuck norris"

-Chuck Norris created the universe by roundhouse kicking it and told it to get a job

-on the 7th day god rested. chuck norris took over

-chuck norris and lance armstrong had a competition to see who had the most testicles. chuck norris won by 3.

-cars were invented so people can run away from chuck norris. chuck norris then invented the car crash.

 

[Wildcat]

Chuck Norris pfftt. Clint Eastwood would kick his arse any day!

 

[Wurger]

 

[Gnomey]

 

[Screaming Eagle]

Chuck Norris pfftt. Clint Eastwood would kick his arse any day!