wilbur1
Tech Sergeant
Ok the beer pic...thats just wrong! you are doing great chris keep it up 
Get Lucky! (1 Viewer)
- Thread starter Njaco
- Start date
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- Thread starter
- #242
Njaco
The Pop-Tart Whisperer
- Thread starter
- #243
Njaco
The Pop-Tart Whisperer
I left the tragedy in my rearview and continued down the road. I still had to take a leak but I just wasn't feeling up to it. That scene would haunt my mind for days if not years. The car was moving as smooth as scotch on the rocks as traffic started to get heavy on the road. I noticed road signs advertising the Lucky festival and soon I was heading down a dirt road to a large, open field parking lot. The road brought me up to a small dirty shack with a sign that read "Parking: Pay Here". Pulling up to the open window, it appeared nobody was around. Until a hand popped up from below the sill and a voice screamed out "Thats 6 pesos!"
"What?" was all I could reply. I couldn't see who was speaking.
"Thats 6 pesos, numbskull! Can't you hear?"
"Hinka cumfae cashore canfeh, Ahl hityi oar hied 'caw taughtie!" I shot back. That old bladder feeling was starting to return.
"Alright, alright. Hold your water. Its 6 pesos to park for the festival." the voice floated back.
I shuffled in my pockets for the change and accidently pulled out the polaroid.
"Hey Clyde, ever see this guy?" I asked and held the photo over the edge of the sill.
The hand reached up and touched the pic. I had a weird feeling I was in a 'Munsters' episode.
"Whats it worth to you?" it asked.
A smart-guy.
"I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth." I shot back.
"Ok, ok, no need to get tight. Blonde hair, black trench coat, smelled of rancid milk? Came thorugh an hour ago, driving a mauve colored Renault Dauphine."
My attitude changed alittle. "Are you sure?"
"Yeah, parked in aisle G-14" he replied, dejected, "now how about those 6 pesos."
I tossed the coin in the window and I could hear him scrambling around as it bounced off the walls and scattered on the floor.
"See I'm really easy to get along with once you learn to see it my way." I said and left the shack in a cloud of dust and dirt.
"Jebate pas!" was the last I heard from the window and the hand.
I made it to the 'G' aisle and found the Renault. Who the 'ell would paint a car in that color? It looked like someone used bubble gum as inspiration. But another pressing matter bothered me. I needed a piss like a dog needs a floggin. But I couldn't see any Port-a-potty around. In fact there wasn't anybody around. I wasn't gonna be able to hold it this time. My eyes were turning yellow. Then inspiration struck me.
I was finally able to relieve myself. I knew Lucky wouldn't mind, heh, heh. After such a long time it felt so good like a spring day. Like a puppy playing in the grass. Like an ice-cold frosty beer. Like.... Just as I was finishing up, a voice shouted out behind me.
"Hey, what are you doing??!!"
"Nee!"
"What?" was all I could reply. I couldn't see who was speaking.
"Thats 6 pesos, numbskull! Can't you hear?"
"Hinka cumfae cashore canfeh, Ahl hityi oar hied 'caw taughtie!" I shot back. That old bladder feeling was starting to return.
"Alright, alright. Hold your water. Its 6 pesos to park for the festival." the voice floated back.
I shuffled in my pockets for the change and accidently pulled out the polaroid.
"Hey Clyde, ever see this guy?" I asked and held the photo over the edge of the sill.
The hand reached up and touched the pic. I had a weird feeling I was in a 'Munsters' episode.
"Whats it worth to you?" it asked.
A smart-guy.
"I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth." I shot back.
"Ok, ok, no need to get tight. Blonde hair, black trench coat, smelled of rancid milk? Came thorugh an hour ago, driving a mauve colored Renault Dauphine."
My attitude changed alittle. "Are you sure?"
"Yeah, parked in aisle G-14" he replied, dejected, "now how about those 6 pesos."
I tossed the coin in the window and I could hear him scrambling around as it bounced off the walls and scattered on the floor.
"See I'm really easy to get along with once you learn to see it my way." I said and left the shack in a cloud of dust and dirt.
"Jebate pas!" was the last I heard from the window and the hand.
I made it to the 'G' aisle and found the Renault. Who the 'ell would paint a car in that color? It looked like someone used bubble gum as inspiration. But another pressing matter bothered me. I needed a piss like a dog needs a floggin. But I couldn't see any Port-a-potty around. In fact there wasn't anybody around. I wasn't gonna be able to hold it this time. My eyes were turning yellow. Then inspiration struck me.
I was finally able to relieve myself. I knew Lucky wouldn't mind, heh, heh. After such a long time it felt so good like a spring day. Like a puppy playing in the grass. Like an ice-cold frosty beer. Like.... Just as I was finishing up, a voice shouted out behind me.
"Hey, what are you doing??!!"
"Nee!"
Attachments
A4K
Brigadier General
"He's back, he's bad, and THIS time, he's REALLY mad!!!!
Forget the mobile phone! Dump that rubber ET finger! Don't even think about knocking three times on the window! If you REALLY want to Get Lucky - do it like a man! Take that thing out! Piss in that fuel tank! DO IT NOW!!! It'll put hairs on your chest!
...Be the admiration of your friends, and the envy of your parents! (Remember, they were young too once, it's not their fault house pets in their day were Mammoths and Coelacanths) ...and before you know it, you might - you just might - get much more Lucky than you ever dreamed of! (Usually in nightmare form, but, hey, you get what you pay for...)
GET LUCKY (TM) - THE ORIGINAL.
(Not to be confused with 'Get Lucky - the original* (*nearly)' or 'Get who? I can't read those Chinese characters')
Stay tuned for next weeks exciting episode, when super-sloth -sorry, super-SLEUTH Sam Slade says "Hey! that's not the makarina !!!" - It'll be a blast!"
ccheese
Member In Perpetuity
This is getting better all the time...
Charles
Charles
A4K
Brigadier General
I agree Charles! Man, I love this thread!!!!
Lucky13
Forum Mascot
TOP 2 threads: 1. Breaking News, 2. Get Lucky! Anyone that disagree?
- Thread starter
- #249
Njaco
The Pop-Tart Whisperer
A4K
Brigadier General
keep it coming....- Thread starter
- #252
Njaco
The Pop-Tart Whisperer
The voices were familiar. Too familiar.
Turning around I faced my worst suspicion. The seven wonders of the world from post # 17 were standing at the front of the Renault, slobbering on themselves. I rolled my eyes. Not again! The tall one with the mole that needed a haircut, spoke.
"What do you think you are doing." he said. Another one with a face like a skelpit erse stuck his finger up his nostril to the third knuckle and started digging. I glanced around, weighing my options and praying he wouldn't pull anything out. He would need it.
"Ummm, just checking how deep this gas tank is." I replied.
The tall one shook his head like a wet dog.
"Nope, can't do that, nope, nope." he said.
"Nee-wom!" shouted two numbskulls in the back.
"Well," I said, "What's the problem?" The parking lot was full of cars and trucks and an A-10 and in the distance was the festival. I was guessing because there was alot of noise coming from behind some brightly colored buildings beyond the lot. That and there were signs that read 'The Festival'. Another of the Magnificent Seven belched and grabbed his face like it hurt. It probably did. He looked like he could throw himself on the ground and miss.
"We are the Guards Who Say Nee and we want you step away from the vehicle!"
"Ok," I answered dryly, "No harm, no foul. Hey, anybody got the time?"
It didn't faze them.
"The Guards Who Say Nee demand compensation!"
Not this again, I thought to myself. I had enough of this bunch of losers from the last time. They probably thought manual labor was the president of Mexico. Time to end this quick.
I pointed to the sky behind them.
"Look, an airplane!"
When they all turned to see what I was pointing at, I took off down the aisle of cars faster than green grass through a goose. Dopes. After a few strides I turned to see how close they were. With a shout of "pang!" they were off like a herd of turtles. I had a few hundred feet on them and after putting a Winnebago between me and the seven daughters of Atlas, I ducked down and quickly backtracked over a few cars. Poking my head up, I could see through a couple of dirty windshields that they were wandering around, looking clueless. You would have thought someone had dropped a penny. I smiled to myself. They had to have burned down the school to get them out of the 3rd grade. Now it was my time to get Lucky. But as I started to shuffle in the direction of the festival, another voice floated over my shoulder. Another familiar voice.
"Yo, pansy!"
Turning around I faced my worst suspicion. The seven wonders of the world from post # 17 were standing at the front of the Renault, slobbering on themselves. I rolled my eyes. Not again! The tall one with the mole that needed a haircut, spoke.
"What do you think you are doing." he said. Another one with a face like a skelpit erse stuck his finger up his nostril to the third knuckle and started digging. I glanced around, weighing my options and praying he wouldn't pull anything out. He would need it.
"Ummm, just checking how deep this gas tank is." I replied.
The tall one shook his head like a wet dog.
"Nope, can't do that, nope, nope." he said.
"Nee-wom!" shouted two numbskulls in the back.
"Well," I said, "What's the problem?" The parking lot was full of cars and trucks and an A-10 and in the distance was the festival. I was guessing because there was alot of noise coming from behind some brightly colored buildings beyond the lot. That and there were signs that read 'The Festival'. Another of the Magnificent Seven belched and grabbed his face like it hurt. It probably did. He looked like he could throw himself on the ground and miss.
"We are the Guards Who Say Nee and we want you step away from the vehicle!"
"Ok," I answered dryly, "No harm, no foul. Hey, anybody got the time?"
It didn't faze them.
"The Guards Who Say Nee demand compensation!"
Not this again, I thought to myself. I had enough of this bunch of losers from the last time. They probably thought manual labor was the president of Mexico. Time to end this quick.
I pointed to the sky behind them.
"Look, an airplane!"
When they all turned to see what I was pointing at, I took off down the aisle of cars faster than green grass through a goose. Dopes. After a few strides I turned to see how close they were. With a shout of "pang!" they were off like a herd of turtles. I had a few hundred feet on them and after putting a Winnebago between me and the seven daughters of Atlas, I ducked down and quickly backtracked over a few cars. Poking my head up, I could see through a couple of dirty windshields that they were wandering around, looking clueless. You would have thought someone had dropped a penny. I smiled to myself. They had to have burned down the school to get them out of the 3rd grade. Now it was my time to get Lucky. But as I started to shuffle in the direction of the festival, another voice floated over my shoulder. Another familiar voice.
"Yo, pansy!"
Attachments
![durex_xl[1].JPG](/forum/data/attachments/59/59186-4a0e97ec60f0aa91d58ef591e2db1012.jpg)
Catch22
Major
Keep 'em coming!
Aaron Brooks Wolters
Brigadier General
This stuff is great NJACO. Keep it up! I haven't laughed this hard in a long time. Damn, it hurts.
A4K
Brigadier General
Love it Chris...!
Lucky13
Forum Mascot
Who needs the medication...this is MUCH better...!
- Thread starter
- #257
Njaco
The Pop-Tart Whisperer
Reluctantly, I turned to face my new tormentors. It was the 'BSG' in all their shiny glory. The one doing the talking could've been the brother of Pluto from "The Hills Have Eyes" only Pluto was prettier.
"We been lookin' for ya!" he smiled and nodded to his posse. The collective shine from their foreheads blinded me. I was gonna have to act quick to get out of this one.
"Hey, dumming, how you doing?" I asked, trying to be friendly and checking out my options. The parking lot we were in didn't offer much.
"We got some unfinished bizness wit you, Stumpy." he said and it looked like he was beefing himself up, ready to squash me. I had to think fast.
"Well, you know, I was just.....hey, look, an airplane!" I pointed behind the Zidane Glee club.
They never flinched.
"We gonna pound ya into the pavement, funny-man."
I started to sweat. They may have thought a naval academy was a school for belly-dancers but I wasn't gonna trick them with a grade-school prank. I slowly started to back away from them. Maybe getting them all between the cars would give me a few minutes to escape if I could just think of something. A Sinead O'Connor freak in the back suddenly shouted, "Oops!...I did it again" and farted. It didn't stop them from moving closer to me.
"Not until you answer a question. Do helicoptors land on that head of yours?" I blurted. Another step and they were all between the two cars of the aisle, about 5 feet wide. I felt like a Spartan.
"Only helicopter you gonna see is the one taking you to hospital." Pluto spit out at me, the veins on his cheeks started to inflate.
"No need to get hostile. Maybe we can....look, K-Fed!" I shouted and again pointed behind them. This time they looked.
I bolted out from between the cars and ran, zig-zagging between aisles until I cut behind a box truck. Catching my breath I peeked around the side. They were running like a herd of Buffalo, spreading out among the cars and moving in my direction. Now to make good on my lead.
"Is it safe?"
I quickly turned and came face-to-face with the good doctor from the dungeon. I must have had a deer in the headlights look because he slowly smiled and stepped towards me. He had the blue syringe in his left hand and an ace bandage around his head. I kept one eye on the 'BSG' who were getting closer.
"Is it safe?"
"Oh hey, we meet again! Long time, no want to see! You know, you really must stop getting your medications from the guy who lives under the freeway overpass." I said and took a step back.
"Is it safe?" he replied and took another step. The 'BSG' were closer and I suddenly had a plan.
"Aren't you getting tired of that taste of shoe leather in your mouth?" I said and took another step back, this time from the cover of the truck. Pluto saw me and yelled "There he is!" and the whole group started to run towards me. One tripped and knocked himself out on the bumper of a parked Land Rover.
"Is it safe?"
"I love what you've done with your hair. How did you get it to come out of one nostril like that?" I again took another step backwards as the 'BSG' closed the gap. Another 20 feet....
"Is it safe?"
It was time.
"I would love to stay and trade insults, but I would need to find a worthy opponent." I said to the doctor and then turned to the onrushing group of Mobys. "Hey, boys! Sorry, I can't stay!" and I bolted.
The doctor tried to lunge for me. Tried, because as he did, he tripped as expected and fell in front of the crome-domes just as they were about to grab me. They all fell in a pile onto the pavement, the doctor underneath. Someone yelled "owww!" followed by "Mommy...." I could only guess it was the syringe.
Laughing I raced through the parking lot and towards the festival.
"We been lookin' for ya!" he smiled and nodded to his posse. The collective shine from their foreheads blinded me. I was gonna have to act quick to get out of this one.
"Hey, dumming, how you doing?" I asked, trying to be friendly and checking out my options. The parking lot we were in didn't offer much.
"We got some unfinished bizness wit you, Stumpy." he said and it looked like he was beefing himself up, ready to squash me. I had to think fast.
"Well, you know, I was just.....hey, look, an airplane!" I pointed behind the Zidane Glee club.
They never flinched.
"We gonna pound ya into the pavement, funny-man."
I started to sweat. They may have thought a naval academy was a school for belly-dancers but I wasn't gonna trick them with a grade-school prank. I slowly started to back away from them. Maybe getting them all between the cars would give me a few minutes to escape if I could just think of something. A Sinead O'Connor freak in the back suddenly shouted, "Oops!...I did it again" and farted. It didn't stop them from moving closer to me.
"Not until you answer a question. Do helicoptors land on that head of yours?" I blurted. Another step and they were all between the two cars of the aisle, about 5 feet wide. I felt like a Spartan.
"Only helicopter you gonna see is the one taking you to hospital." Pluto spit out at me, the veins on his cheeks started to inflate.
"No need to get hostile. Maybe we can....look, K-Fed!" I shouted and again pointed behind them. This time they looked.
I bolted out from between the cars and ran, zig-zagging between aisles until I cut behind a box truck. Catching my breath I peeked around the side. They were running like a herd of Buffalo, spreading out among the cars and moving in my direction. Now to make good on my lead.
"Is it safe?"
I quickly turned and came face-to-face with the good doctor from the dungeon. I must have had a deer in the headlights look because he slowly smiled and stepped towards me. He had the blue syringe in his left hand and an ace bandage around his head. I kept one eye on the 'BSG' who were getting closer.
"Is it safe?"
"Oh hey, we meet again! Long time, no want to see! You know, you really must stop getting your medications from the guy who lives under the freeway overpass." I said and took a step back.
"Is it safe?" he replied and took another step. The 'BSG' were closer and I suddenly had a plan.
"Aren't you getting tired of that taste of shoe leather in your mouth?" I said and took another step back, this time from the cover of the truck. Pluto saw me and yelled "There he is!" and the whole group started to run towards me. One tripped and knocked himself out on the bumper of a parked Land Rover.
"Is it safe?"
"I love what you've done with your hair. How did you get it to come out of one nostril like that?" I again took another step backwards as the 'BSG' closed the gap. Another 20 feet....
"Is it safe?"
It was time.
"I would love to stay and trade insults, but I would need to find a worthy opponent." I said to the doctor and then turned to the onrushing group of Mobys. "Hey, boys! Sorry, I can't stay!" and I bolted.
The doctor tried to lunge for me. Tried, because as he did, he tripped as expected and fell in front of the crome-domes just as they were about to grab me. They all fell in a pile onto the pavement, the doctor underneath. Someone yelled "owww!" followed by "Mommy...." I could only guess it was the syringe.
Laughing I raced through the parking lot and towards the festival.
Attachments
wilbur1
Tech Sergeant
Great stuff nj
A4K
Brigadier General
Pheeeew, he made it ! It was definitely sounding "not safe" for a while there...!
