Get Lucky!

DBII said:

I'm so confused??? Is this thread sponsored by Lucky Strike?

View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BU49DSS1ibc

DBII

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I remember that commercial !! I was 14 at the time....

Charles

I remember Luck Strike from the Jack Benny Show....LSMFT...D** I am old.

DBII

The daylight hit me as I crawled through a door and into the outside world. I was in an alley and I propped myself up against a wall, trying to gather my wits. The door must have opened when I did Number One on whatever shocked the hell out of me. I smelled of burnt urine and venison as I took stock of where I was. The alley wasn't long and from the sounds of it, the sidewalk a few feet away, was busy. Gingerly I groped myself to a standing position.

Hell, this was getting tiresome! In just 24 hours I had been electrocuted, knocked over the head, screamed at by a platoon of mental midgets and cannon-balled so hard I didn't think I would have a bowel movement for a month. And I still had to take a leak - that electric shock must have shut down my bladder quicker than an onion fart. This Lucky case was starting to turn into a real pain in the arse. I wasn't getting anywhere and I was more confused than a blind lesbian in a fish market. I needed answers and I needed to get Lucky.

I stumbled along the alley and out onto the sidewalk. I was on a city street bordered by some colorful stores.

Leaning against the outer wall of the first store I came to, I took in the surroundings. There were no clues as to where I was and I looked into the store window to see if the place was open. And there in the window was a poster with possibly another clue (great how these things happen, huh?). Making my way through the door, I walked straight to the salesman who was sitting behind a high counter, watching television. There was no one else in the store.
He spoke first.
"You look like crap. Is that the style now?"
My words escaped me. For a moment.
"Just came from a wedding. Listen, I need your help." I said.
He went back to his TV. "I'd like to help you out. Which way did you come in?"
I started to get the picture. This guy was twa bubbles aff the centre with a tongue that would clip clouts.
"You've got a poster in the window and I need to know how I can get there." I said.
"Ah, suffering from Clue Deficit Disorder, are yeh. You can go to the train station on John Finnie and take her to Ardrossan where you can get a ferry over to the Isle. From there, you're on yer own. Now, If I throw a stick, will you leave?" he replied.
This guy was an expert on padded cells.
"Being the loudest kid on the short bus is not something to be proud of." I snorted.
He broke a smile, "Sarcasm is just one more service we offer. I'm just working here till a good fast-food job opens up." he said.
With that he went back to his TV and I walked out into the sunlit street. I was starting to feel abit better and maybe, just maybe, by tonight I would get Lucky.

evangilder said:

Yep, that hurts like hell! I did it many years ago, and it won't happen again!

And for the record, Becca, it's always best to take a drink of any fluid and swallow it before opening a thread. I have wasted a couple of keyboards here.

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Nice. NOW ya tell me!

and Njaco...I'll have to concur..its fecking BRILLANT.

LMAO !!!

Charles

Well done.

Yeah, LMAO too.! this is great stuff...

Where'd you come up with this? Brilliant!

This is easily one of my favourite threads! Great stuff, Chris!

I made my way through the strange little town I found myself in, past the colorful drunks in the street surrounded by Johnnie Walker bottles until I came upon John Finnie street (John Finnie Street was opened in 1864. It has some of the finest architecture in Kilmarnock. One of the specifications was that the buildings were to be constructed of red sandstone. This still remains to this day with only two of the buildings being white sandstone. The street is named after Kilmarnock born John Finnie who put up the money for the street to be constructed. Must be nice to have money....ED. history) I found the train station - the Kilmarnock Train Station, I had a town name now - and asked the wizzen-looking conductor when the next train to Ardrossan was. He mumbled that the train leaves about 3pm and shuffled off to find his personality. The clock on the platform wall showed it was 9am through the dirt, so I had a few hours to kill.

I strolled down a couple streets, taking my life into my hands, when I reached a dreary place called the Portmann Hotel. Pushing aside the doorman I went to the clerks desk and signed for a room. I needed to re-charge and prepare for the next step in this crazy carousel of a case. Reaching my room (what with the plastic flowers and the smell of potato bread that seemed to stick to everything.), I was about to head for the bathroom when a knock came to the door.

Remembering the last time someone came to my room, I grabbed a thin lamp that was sitting on a small table next to the door. At least it was daylight- I'd see what was coming. A second knock. Gripping the lamp, I answered, "Whose there?"
"Room Service." was the reply in a smallish voice.
I wasn't falling for that again. It might be her sister!
"No thanks, I gave at the office." I said.
"Please sir, may I come in?" she said.
There are times when I question myself as to why I do the things I do. This was one of those times. I opened the door slowly, with the lamp held tight, ready to swing.

But it wasn't Mamu.

A thin, beautiful brunette sheepishly walked into the room, and smiled. Stunned, I let the lamp drop from my hand and it crashed to the floor.
"Oh!" she said.
"Bill me." I replied.
"Sir, I'm here as your room service. Is there anything I can do for you? Anything?" and the smile melted me.
"Well," I started, "What's a nice girl like you doing with a face like that?
She blushed and stood up a little taller. I relaxed and closed the door after her.
"This is just a service we provide to our new residents." she said.
I sat down on the bed, trying to look as cool as possible. Talk about getting lucky!!
"That outfit would look great in a crumpled heap next to my bed." I said.
"Really?" she replied and started to remove the buttons of her shirt.

NO F###ING way are you stopping this here

Get on with the next friggin' episode then and fill in the gaps!!..

The New Fall Schedule for BBC 61!!

BBC 61 is proud to bring you the Fall Television lineup - an amazing array of exciting shows to keep you entertained for a whole hour!

Check out Wednesday Nights when BBC 61 presents "Get Wilbur!" Remember sharp, bright comedy with no laughter that tells a compelling story? Look no further! Wilbur, the haplessly side-kick of Sam Slade from the popular "Get Lucky" show gets his own program full of wild adventures and crazy situations! In the first episode, Wilbur, now a central tunnel support on the M4 has his hands full trying to keep his in-laws from tearing each other apart when they all try to borrow the same book - "The 1994 United States Tax Code" - from the local library. Get ready to laugh so hard you'll need new underwear!

Following "Get Wilbur" is BBC 61's surprise hit, "Get Lucky", back for a new season starring Sam Slade as the private eye who tries to get Lucky in every episode! This season Sam tries not to bore himself and TV viewers by actually getting Lucky and forgoing any of the popular culture refrences that have worked in the past. In the season opener, Sam gives up on the Lucky case and hires Jim Rockford from California to finally Get Lucky. Adult situations not possible.

On Thursday nights tune in to the 13th season of "Libyian Idol!" Crack open the Koran, put on your hijab, and watch as 99 virgins compete by singing the same 2 songs for 23 weeks - "Kill All the White People" and "Ahmed, the Dead Terrorist"! Hosted by Mr. T, billed as the new face of BBC 61, "Libyian Idol" will keep you on the edge of your tent! Must see car-crash TV!! (Not to be confused with Kuwati Idol -ED.)

Fridays will never be the same as BBC 61 presents "The H-Files". Watch in suspense as 132 GOA accountants try to decipher Hillary Clinton's tax returns from her hubby's presidential years. Can total feminist domination get any better? "The H-Files" is a dedicated showcase for the next generation of comedy and entertainment talent, especially for the next 4 years. A word of caution - this program is not intended for young children and may cause sleep apnea in everyone else.

Watch BBC 61 for all you're News Media Needs!!!

Go to the BBC 61 Talk site to find forums and more info for your favourite shows. The BBC 61 is not responsible for the content of external internet sites or anything shown in their trashy sit-coms.

Now we're gettin somewhere....I think?

OOOOHHHHH S##T!!!!! this is funny!

This is GOOOOD...!

Wow, Danger Mouse is back!!! Is Hillary Clinton playing the role of Silas Greenback or the caterpillar??