i used to work in hotel that had a kitchen assistant who never washed or at least smelled like they never did, and the hotel owner used to call down for a sandwich just as us chefs were leaving every day, but would say not to let the kitchen assistant make it (it was their job to make sandwiches).
well one day a guy i worked with got pissed at this so he used his erect penis to butter the bread then made the boss his sandwich with it