I wrote an alternate "Mary Had A..." many years ago.
based on an inscription I found in an old yearbook.
(It helps of you think of Bullwinkle Moose reading it.)
"Mary had a little lamb.
She tied it to the heater.
And every time it turned around,
It burned it's little seater."
Cute, huh?
"This lamb that Mary had,
never was real bright.
and then one night, her back was turned,
The lamb attacked with all his might.
The night wore on, and on they fought,
Each wanting to be the winner.
Because, it seemed, the one who lost,
would be the others dinner.
When the lamb tried to use
A kitchen knife he'd found,
Mary grabbed a cast-iron skillet,
and beat him to the ground.
Alas, the lamb that Mary had
passed along that day
Mary's headed for the electric chair,
you know, she has to pay.
Mary's time was up,
and they were gonna' fry her.
Only the Governor could help'
but He thought she was a liar.
Last meal time came around
She could "Have anything she would wish;
Just as long as it wasn't lamb"
she wanted on her dish.
As Mary chewed her pizza up,
She ordered "pizza" by the way,
she had only one regret.
That she had not killed more than one, that day.
Mary had a little cat.
That sold her out that night.
When asked about the happenings,
he claimed Mary had started the fight.
Mary had a little last thought,
(just as they threw the switch.)
"All for just one stupid lamb.
Ain't life a Bit----"