special ed
1st Lieutenant
- 7,070
- May 13, 2018
Quotes and Jokes (5 Viewers)
- Thread starter Marcel
- Start date
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buffnut453
Captain
I was in the pub the other night with a mate. Surprisingly, he'd never heard the old joke about what to do if you see an epileptic having a fit in a bath. You know the punchline…"Throw in your laundry."?
Well, the bloke at the next table leaned over and said, "My brother had epilepsy and he died in the bathtub."
I was mortified. I wanted the ground to open and swallow me whole.
"I'm so sorry!" I said, "What happened? Did he drown?"
"No," the fella said, "He choked on a sock."
Well, the bloke at the next table leaned over and said, "My brother had epilepsy and he died in the bathtub."
I was mortified. I wanted the ground to open and swallow me whole.
"I'm so sorry!" I said, "What happened? Did he drown?"
"No," the fella said, "He choked on a sock."
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A4K
Brigadier General
Reminds me of the great blonde joke:
A blind guy walks into a pub, sets himself down at the bar and says "Hey! Who wants to hear a good blonde joke?"
The bartender says "Mate. I'm blonde. The guy sitting next to you, he's blonde. There's a guy over there, six foot six, built like a brick shithouse. He's blonde. Two guys there playing pool, both ex-cons. In for assault. They're blonde. Now tell me friend, are you sure you wanna tell that joke?'
The guy thinks about it, and says "Oh...na. Not if I have to say it five times!"
A blind guy walks into a pub, sets himself down at the bar and says "Hey! Who wants to hear a good blonde joke?"
The bartender says "Mate. I'm blonde. The guy sitting next to you, he's blonde. There's a guy over there, six foot six, built like a brick shithouse. He's blonde. Two guys there playing pool, both ex-cons. In for assault. They're blonde. Now tell me friend, are you sure you wanna tell that joke?'
The guy thinks about it, and says "Oh...na. Not if I have to say it five times!"
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Greg Boeser
1st Lieutenant
My sister, a blonde, once had a guy tell her a raunchy joke. She just stared at him and said: "I don't get jokes. You can ask anyone."
buffnut453
Captain
Frank and Fiona were making passionate love in Frank's van when suddenly Fiona, who was a bit on the kinky side, and had just read "50 shades of grey", yells out,
"Oh fat boy, whip me, whip me!"
Frank didn't want to pass up this unique opportunity and, obviously, did not have any whips to hand. In a flash of inspiration, he opens the window, snaps the antenna off his van and proceeds to whip Fiona until they both collapse in sado-masochistic ecstasy.
About a week later Fiona notices that the marks left by the whipping session are not healing. In fact, they're starting to fester a bit so she goes to the doctor.
The doctor takes one look at the wounds and asks: "Did you get these marks having sex?"
Fiona a little too embarrassed that she had even had sex with Frank, let alone allowed him to indulge in her own kinky desires, eventually admits,
"Yes I did."
Nodding his head knowingly the doctor exclaims:
"I thought so because in all my years as a doctor you've got the worst case of van aerial disease that I've ever seen."
…. I'll get me coat
"Oh fat boy, whip me, whip me!"
Frank didn't want to pass up this unique opportunity and, obviously, did not have any whips to hand. In a flash of inspiration, he opens the window, snaps the antenna off his van and proceeds to whip Fiona until they both collapse in sado-masochistic ecstasy.
About a week later Fiona notices that the marks left by the whipping session are not healing. In fact, they're starting to fester a bit so she goes to the doctor.
The doctor takes one look at the wounds and asks: "Did you get these marks having sex?"
Fiona a little too embarrassed that she had even had sex with Frank, let alone allowed him to indulge in her own kinky desires, eventually admits,
"Yes I did."
Nodding his head knowingly the doctor exclaims:
"I thought so because in all my years as a doctor you've got the worst case of van aerial disease that I've ever seen."
…. I'll get me coat
special ed
1st Lieutenant
- 7,070
- May 13, 2018
special ed
1st Lieutenant
- 7,070
- May 13, 2018
Greg Boeser
1st Lieutenant
Should have gone to trade school.
A man comes home from work with a lie detector robot,equipped with state-of-the-art artificial intelligence.
His 12-year-old son is coming home 2 hours late from school.
- Where have you been all this time? asks the father.
- I was at the library to prepare an assignment !
The robot heads towards the son and slaps him.
The father explains:
- My son, this robot is a lie detector! You'd better tell the truth.
- OK! I was at a friend's house and we watched a movie : The 10 Commandments.
And bam ! The robot slaps the son again.
- Ouch ! Well, yes ! Actually, it was a porn movie.
The father:
- I'm ashamed of you ! At your age, I never lied to my parents!
And bam ! The robot slaps the father.
The mother laughs :
- Definitely, you're like your son.
And bam ! The robot slaps the mother.
His 12-year-old son is coming home 2 hours late from school.
- Where have you been all this time? asks the father.
- I was at the library to prepare an assignment !
The robot heads towards the son and slaps him.
The father explains:
- My son, this robot is a lie detector! You'd better tell the truth.
- OK! I was at a friend's house and we watched a movie : The 10 Commandments.
And bam ! The robot slaps the son again.
- Ouch ! Well, yes ! Actually, it was a porn movie.
The father:
- I'm ashamed of you ! At your age, I never lied to my parents!
And bam ! The robot slaps the father.
The mother laughs :
- Definitely, you're like your son.
And bam ! The robot slaps the mother.
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