Quotes and Jokes (9 Viewers)
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MiTasol
Major
I had a call from a scammer the other day.
Me: "Hello."
Scammer: (Heavy Foreign Accent) "Hello. This is Tom Smith from Microsoft Support. We are seeing a lot of virus activity coming from your device."
Me: "Oh no. My device? Are you sure?"
Scammer: "Oh yes, Madam. We have many reports."
Me: "Oh, jeez. How can I fix it?"
Scammer: "It's okay, Madam. We can help you right now. Are you in front of your device?"
Me: "Yes. I was just about to use it. I'm glad you called."
Scammer: "Good, Madam. Please push the Start button."
Me: "I think it's already on."
Scammer: "Okay, Madam. Now click on Control Panel."
Me: "I don't see that."
Scammer: "Do you see a bunch of information above the Start button?"
Me: "Yes."
Scammer: "That is your Control Panel."
Me: "Wow. I didn't realize it had a name."
Scammer: "Yes, Madam. Now press Internet Options."
Me: "I don't see any Internet options. I don't think I bought that feature. This is just a cheap one."
Scammer: "All devices have Internet, Madam. Press the Start button again."
Me: "Okay. Same as before."
Scammer: "That's fine, Madam. We will restart your device. Please turn it off."
Me: "Um… I don't know how. I've never turned it off. It kind of just stays on."
Scammer: "There must be an off button. How do you stop it when it's running?"
Me: "I usually press the big button."
Scammer: "Okay, Madam. Press that button."
Me: "Okay."
Scammer: "Is your device off?"
Me: "No. The door popped open."
Scammer: "Door? Is there a disc inside?"
Me: "No. There's a burrito."
Scammer: "Why is there a burrito in your computer?"
Me: "Computer? I thought you said this was microwave support."
Me: "Hello."
Scammer: (Heavy Foreign Accent) "Hello. This is Tom Smith from Microsoft Support. We are seeing a lot of virus activity coming from your device."
Me: "Oh no. My device? Are you sure?"
Scammer: "Oh yes, Madam. We have many reports."
Me: "Oh, jeez. How can I fix it?"
Scammer: "It's okay, Madam. We can help you right now. Are you in front of your device?"
Me: "Yes. I was just about to use it. I'm glad you called."
Scammer: "Good, Madam. Please push the Start button."
Me: "I think it's already on."
Scammer: "Okay, Madam. Now click on Control Panel."
Me: "I don't see that."
Scammer: "Do you see a bunch of information above the Start button?"
Me: "Yes."
Scammer: "That is your Control Panel."
Me: "Wow. I didn't realize it had a name."
Scammer: "Yes, Madam. Now press Internet Options."
Me: "I don't see any Internet options. I don't think I bought that feature. This is just a cheap one."
Scammer: "All devices have Internet, Madam. Press the Start button again."
Me: "Okay. Same as before."
Scammer: "That's fine, Madam. We will restart your device. Please turn it off."
Me: "Um… I don't know how. I've never turned it off. It kind of just stays on."
Scammer: "There must be an off button. How do you stop it when it's running?"
Me: "I usually press the big button."
Scammer: "Okay, Madam. Press that button."
Me: "Okay."
Scammer: "Is your device off?"
Me: "No. The door popped open."
Scammer: "Door? Is there a disc inside?"
Me: "No. There's a burrito."
Scammer: "Why is there a burrito in your computer?"
Me: "Computer? I thought you said this was microwave support."
MiTasol
Major
No problem at all sir. Been there, made the same mistake and corrected it, but I never had the good manners to reply like you have. Thank you.
syscom3
Pacific Historian
Shortround6
Lieutenant General
In another 10 years we will have to carry our own cardboard boxes (no cans) of soda and pretzels to the plane and have to carry our own luggage at the same time.
Saving on baggage handlers and flight attendants.
While paying more money for the tickets.
Saving on baggage handlers and flight attendants.
While paying more money for the tickets.
Ssshh! you will give the low cost carriers ideas! But seriously you are about 50 years behind the times with that suggestion. It HAS been done before. I give you the Soviet era Il 86
"The Il-86 was designed from the outset to work within the existing airport infrastructure found in the Soviet Union, much of which was rather rudimentary. Three hundred passengers turning up all at once would, in some provincial locales, overwhelm facilities so various innovations were considered. This included the possibility of all baggage travelling with its owner right next to the passenger seat or in unusually spacious overhead lockers.
However, the baggage solution that was chosen ended up becoming one of the Il-86's signature characteristics. Using the 'luggage at hand' system, passengers would board via three sets of integral metal air stairs to enter the aircraft on the lower deck. Here, they could deposit their luggage in the spacious shelf-lined lobby before climbing internal stairs into the main passenger cabin. This not only reduced the need for sophisticated ground handling equipment, but also significantly reduced turnaround times and had a direct impact on the Il-86's economic efficiency."
And collect it on the way off the aircraft at the destination.
MiTasol
Major
In about 1969 Pacific Western Airlines in Alberta Canada ran what they called the Airbus to/from Calgary and the old down-town Edmonton airport. The attendants met you at the door and took your $12.00, told you where to put your bags and where to sit. They started the service with a couple of old Lockheed L-188 Electras and by 71 were running three 737s on the run.
The attendants were mandatory to do safety briefings and only did that and the "bus conductor" duties.
A cab from the new airport in Edmonton cost $40.00.
Greg Boeser
1st Lieutenant
You calling me fat?!!!!
ThomasP
Chief Master Sergeant
What makes you think he was talking about you?
ARTESH
Chief Master Sergeant
"There is nothing that can't be fixed with enough Vodka."
"Antonov doesnt follow physics, physics follow Antonov."
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