A4K
Brigadier General
Almost as fast as my paycheck disappearing!
Quotes and Jokes (14 Viewers)
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buffnut453
Captain
Ok…couple of deer collision stories.
I was driving our Honda Odyssey, with our two eldest boys in the back, along a suburban dual carriageway with a grass divide between them. We crested a slight rise to see a good-sized buck lying in the central median. As we approached, he sprang up and started sprinting diagonally towards the car. The kids were yelling and my head was on a swivel trying to look along the road while also keeping an eye on the deer that was progressively nearer on my left side. A collision seemed certain so I braked hard in hopes he'd run ahead of me. No such luck. He ran straight at us then tried to jump over the van…and he almost succeeded. He hit the roof just above the windscreen, rolled along the roof and fell off the back. He hit the road behind us but somehow got up and ran into some bushes. The only damage to our van was a small dent, about 6 inches long, near the top of the windscreen. The windscreen itself wasn't damaged and all occupants were unharmed. It could've been a LOT worse if he'd come in through the windscreen!
Second story. Early in our marriage, Mrs B-N and I were driving through the night from Texas to visit her folks in Utah. It was a dark night as we crossed the Southern Rockies. Having already had one tangle with Texas' huge deer population, I wasn't keen to risk bumping into one of their Colorado cousins, and so I was pooling along at about 60mph with my main beams on, constantly scanning for deer. A large camper van came screaming up behind us doing 75+ and whooshed past. I had the bright idea of following him because I could see what was ahead of him…so I accelerated and trailed him. We were making great progress when, all of a sudden, his main beams showed a HUGE buck standing in the road. The collision was inevitable. The front passenger side of the van hit the deer, and the poor animal cartwheeling off into the undergrowth at the side of the road. The van stopped and, having ensured they were all ok, I continued my journey, this time at my original slower speed and, again, scanning for deer. Shortly, we reached the foot of the mountains. In my rear mirror, I could see a single headlight gaining on us fast. As we entered a town in the valley, sure enough the camper van whooshed past us again, the front passenger side a mangled mess with the headlight completely destroyed. I guess the driver was in a hurry to get somewhere!
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SaparotRob
Unter Gemeine Geschwader Murmeltier XIII
Maybe running from a really pissed off buck?
don4331
Senior Airman
I'll match your 2 deer:
1. The future Ms. D-1 and I were driving home from summer jobs to visit the parents. Coming the other way was a stream of vehicles; in their headlights, I could see a deer in the ditch. Of course, it waited for those vehicles to pass before bounding out in front of me. Ms. D-1 was reading a bride's magazine by an under dash light, so I reached over and pushed her upright into her seat while attempting evasive maneuvers. And we almost missed, unfortunately, the driver's fender hit the deer's a$$, crumpling it. Upon getting the car stopped, we looked back and the deer was attempting to pull itself into the ditch with only its front legs working. So, I pulled the tire iron out of the back car and put the poor animal out of its misery.
Insurance tried to write off my old compact car; had to bid against the auto wreckers to get my wheels back. A new fender and the blood washed off and it was as good as it ever was.
2. Was in Rockglen to visit in-laws. I agreed to take the BiL out to "the ranch". As we came out of the valley on highway toward Killdeer, I noticed a couple deer coming up out of the ditch. I nailed the throttle on my brand new F-150. Again we almost made it. The deer hit between the rear wheel well and the bumper. Left enough hair in the trim around the wheel well and on the bumper plastic to support that we had made contact, but otherwise no damage. BiL never saw the deer or felt it hit. This time the deer survived too (well, at least it ran off).
We regularly see more than a dozen deer between Assiniboine and "the ranch" south of Rockglen.
And I'll raise you a couple:
3. Driving to a high school party, I came upon the scene of an accident between car and deer; RCMP were already on the scene. Again the poor deer was crippled but not dead. The police officer wasn't willing to shoot the poor animal - between the concern about paperwork over discharging his gun and killing Bambi, he couldn't do it. Driving home would have been 30+ minutes each way. So, I borrowed his revolver and put it down. Then I took the discharged round home, reloaded it and returned it the next day. Officially, it never happened.
The best part, the cop never checked my truck for booze...
4. My niece hit a moose with her Jetta... She ducked as it came through the windshield. She got clipped by a hoof and wound up with a concussion but was otherwise unharmed. The Jetta was a convertible after.
1. The future Ms. D-1 and I were driving home from summer jobs to visit the parents. Coming the other way was a stream of vehicles; in their headlights, I could see a deer in the ditch. Of course, it waited for those vehicles to pass before bounding out in front of me. Ms. D-1 was reading a bride's magazine by an under dash light, so I reached over and pushed her upright into her seat while attempting evasive maneuvers. And we almost missed, unfortunately, the driver's fender hit the deer's a$$, crumpling it. Upon getting the car stopped, we looked back and the deer was attempting to pull itself into the ditch with only its front legs working. So, I pulled the tire iron out of the back car and put the poor animal out of its misery.
Insurance tried to write off my old compact car; had to bid against the auto wreckers to get my wheels back. A new fender and the blood washed off and it was as good as it ever was.
2. Was in Rockglen to visit in-laws. I agreed to take the BiL out to "the ranch". As we came out of the valley on highway toward Killdeer, I noticed a couple deer coming up out of the ditch. I nailed the throttle on my brand new F-150. Again we almost made it. The deer hit between the rear wheel well and the bumper. Left enough hair in the trim around the wheel well and on the bumper plastic to support that we had made contact, but otherwise no damage. BiL never saw the deer or felt it hit. This time the deer survived too (well, at least it ran off).
We regularly see more than a dozen deer between Assiniboine and "the ranch" south of Rockglen.
And I'll raise you a couple:
3. Driving to a high school party, I came upon the scene of an accident between car and deer; RCMP were already on the scene. Again the poor deer was crippled but not dead. The police officer wasn't willing to shoot the poor animal - between the concern about paperwork over discharging his gun and killing Bambi, he couldn't do it. Driving home would have been 30+ minutes each way. So, I borrowed his revolver and put it down. Then I took the discharged round home, reloaded it and returned it the next day. Officially, it never happened.
The best part, the cop never checked my truck for booze...
4. My niece hit a moose with her Jetta... She ducked as it came through the windshield. She got clipped by a hoof and wound up with a concussion but was otherwise unharmed. The Jetta was a convertible after.
Shortround6
Lieutenant General
Moose................cow on stilts...........hit in legs and it is coming through the windshield.
A4K
Brigadier General
On the subject (these only work in the telling):
What do you call a deer with no eyes?
'No idea' ('no eye deer')
What do you call a deer with no eyes, and no legs?
'Still no idea'
'
What do you call a deer with no eyes?
'No idea' ('no eye deer')
What do you call a deer with no eyes, and no legs?
'Still no idea'
'
Greg Boeser
1st Lieutenant
special ed
1st Lieutenant
- 7,068
- May 13, 2018
How about a Turkey story? A co-worker was driving a small pickup in rural Mississippi following another vehicle. The first vehicle hit a Turkey flying across the road, which threw the bird up and it went through the pickup's windshield. The pickup was totaled because of roof damage. I asked my coworker what he did with the Turkey. The first guy got it because he hit it first.
special ed
1st Lieutenant
- 7,068
- May 13, 2018
My only incident with anything large was a buzzard? I crested a hill and saw a flock of buzzards chowing down in the middle of the road. I slowed to give them time to fly, but three were apparently very hungry and waited longer. At the last minute, they flew. By this time, I was quite slow and the three flew just in front of the car. Finally the one on the right banked right and the one on the left banked left and escaped. The dummy in the center kept flying, looking back at me, turning his head side to side. He then decided to aviate and dove slightly for airspeed. Shortly after that, I felt him under the car. As I watched in the mirror, his buddies began to land around him, I assume for fresh road kill.
cammerjeff
Tech Sergeant
My worst Deer car story was back in the mid 1980's, I was living in Michigan's Upper Peninsula and dating the local county Sheriff's Daughter. And he did not care for me much as I was not a local boy. She had a very strict curfew of 11:00 pm. At the time I was driving my 1972 Opel GT, and she wanted to attend a Kegger in the woods that her high school friends had organized.
Well in June in the UP of Michigan it is daylight after 10:00pm. With the Northern latitude, and the fact that the area is in the extreme western edge of the time zone. By the time we looked at the time it was almost 11:00 pm, and it was about a 45 minute drive back to her house. So with her encouragement I was greatly exceeding the safe speeds in the area. When we crested a hill there was an oncoming car, so I switched off my bright lights, and in the time it took my eyes to adjust there was suddenly 5 or 6 deer in our path, and yes I hit one that was deflected to the upper part of the windshield roof area by the raised headlights! The roof was caved in and the windshield spider webbed. I spun the car but did not hit anything else. But now we were alone on the side of a deserted 2 lane road about 20 miles away from her house. No cell phones yet, and no road traffic.
It took us 3 hours to walk to her house, where her father was cleaning his service revolver on the porch. Not a good situation. He did not believe our story, and "offered" to drive me back to the scene of the accident. And it was getting very tense when I could not remember exactly where we hit the deer, the area has paved roads that go out to where old mining towns used to be, that are seasonal roads now, and it happened on one of those. Not being local I was following her directions to the party. When we finally found the car he relaxed some, and was grateful his daughter was not injured, and that we made it back safely.
Needless to say I was never allowed to see her again.
Well in June in the UP of Michigan it is daylight after 10:00pm. With the Northern latitude, and the fact that the area is in the extreme western edge of the time zone. By the time we looked at the time it was almost 11:00 pm, and it was about a 45 minute drive back to her house. So with her encouragement I was greatly exceeding the safe speeds in the area. When we crested a hill there was an oncoming car, so I switched off my bright lights, and in the time it took my eyes to adjust there was suddenly 5 or 6 deer in our path, and yes I hit one that was deflected to the upper part of the windshield roof area by the raised headlights! The roof was caved in and the windshield spider webbed. I spun the car but did not hit anything else. But now we were alone on the side of a deserted 2 lane road about 20 miles away from her house. No cell phones yet, and no road traffic.
It took us 3 hours to walk to her house, where her father was cleaning his service revolver on the porch. Not a good situation. He did not believe our story, and "offered" to drive me back to the scene of the accident. And it was getting very tense when I could not remember exactly where we hit the deer, the area has paved roads that go out to where old mining towns used to be, that are seasonal roads now, and it happened on one of those. Not being local I was following her directions to the party. When we finally found the car he relaxed some, and was grateful his daughter was not injured, and that we made it back safely.
Needless to say I was never allowed to see her again.
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