Quotes and Jokes (23 Viewers)

GTX · Apr 3, 2026

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GTX · Apr 3, 2026

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mikewint · Apr 3, 2026

A very successful lawyer parked his brand new Porsche 911 Turbo in front of his office, ready to show it off to his colleagues.

As he was getting out, a truck came barreling down the road, drifted right and completely tore off the driver's door. Fortunately, a cop was close enough to see the accident and pulled up behind the now door-less Porsche with his lights flashing.

Before the cop had a chance to ask any questions, the attorney started screaming hysterically about how his precious Porsche, which he had just purchased the day before, was completely ruined and no matter how any car body shop tried to make it new again, would never be the same.

After the lawyer finally wound down from his rant, the cop shook his head in disbelief,

"I can't believe how materialistic you lawyers are," he said, "You are so focused on your possessions that you neglect the most important things in life."

"How can you say such a thing?" asked the lawyer.

The cop replied, "Don't you even realize that your left arm is missing? It was severed when the truck hit you!"

"OH MY GOD!" screamed the lawyer. . . "My Rolex!"

GTX · Apr 3, 2026

GTX · Apr 3, 2026

GTX · Apr 3, 2026

fubar57 · Apr 3, 2026

Bucksnort101 said:
Wild Turkeys are much worse!!! They can't make up their minds in the middle of the road as to whether they are going to continue to cross or turn around and go back the way they came from.

View: https://youtu.be/aB9DC9orYaM?si=CnY2F_TdNMBZWY8t

Frog · Apr 4, 2026

Two sentences to death in a Texas prison death row.
The director turns to the first one who will be executed and asks him :
- What is your last wish?
- I like music... Could you put Céline Dion on the sound system so I can hear her one last time ?
- Certainly, we can do that for you. And you, what is your last wish ?
- Please, execute me first !