Six retirees playing poker in O'Leary's apartment when Paddy Murphy loses 500 pounds on a single hand. He clutches his chest and drops dead at the table.
Michael O'Connor looks around and asks, "Someone has to tell Paddy's wife. Who will it be?"
They draw straws and Paul Gallagher is picked. They tell him to be discreet, be gentle, don't make a bad situation worse.
"Discreet! Discretion is me middle name. I'm the most discreet you'll ever meet."
At Murphy's house, Gallagher knocks, and when Mrs. Murphy comes to the door, Gallagher declares, "Your husband just lost 500 pounds and is afraid to come home."
"Tell him to drop dead!"
"I'll go tell him."