Greg Boeser
1st Lieutenant
Unhappy Meal toy.
Quotes and Jokes (1 Viewer)
- Thread starter v2
- Start date
Ad: This forum contains affiliate links to products on Amazon and eBay. More information in Terms and rules
- Status
Snautzer01
Marshal
- 46,292
- Mar 26, 2007
Rum, sodomy and the lash.
MIflyer
Captain
Well, I think that for some married people, going to bed is still something of a punishment.
Snautzer01
Marshal
- 46,292
- Mar 26, 2007
SaparotRob
Unter Gemeine Geschwader Murmeltier XIII
Who's a good boy?
MiTasol
Captain
Corrected to reflect the aches and pains that make many older people out of bed when they really do not want to.
Thumpalumpacus
Lieutenant Colonel
Once there were two seafloor buddies, Larry the Lobster and Sam Clam. They were bff, doing everything together, inseparable, until one day there was an underwater landslide which covered the seabed and killed them both.
Now, Larry was a devout litle lobster, worshipping in his own arachnid way, but Sam, well, he'd always had more than a smidgen of doubt, so when they died, they rode different escalators: Larry's going up, and Sam's, well, it was downhill all the way.
So Larry's in Heaven, he's got his standard issue harp, his wings and his halo, but he's just not himself -- mopey and pining for his best bud Sam Clam. One day Saint Peter notices this and asks, "Say, Larry, aren't you happy? This is Heaven! What can your problem be?"
"Well, St. Pete, I miss my buddy Sam, and no offense, but it's just not like Heaven when I miss him so."
The venerable saint scratches his beard and thinks for a moment, and then says, "I'll talk to the Old Man and see what we can do."
The next day, the Saint tells him, "Larry, I spoke to the Chief about this, and he agreed to you going down to visit Sam for a couple of hours."
Larry was ecstatic. "Oh, thank you, Sir! This is terrific!"
"Now, Larry, the way it will work is this: you will check your wings and halo at the Pearly Gates, but you will take your harp down there," and his face wrinkled at the thought of such an awful place. "You must be back by midnight, and not one minute late! Your harp will be your pass to get back in."
So Larry rushes off to the Gates, and checks in his gear, and grabs an elevator going down. Finally it comes to a stop, and he sees a demon waiting for him. "It's about time, we've been expecting you. Let me show you to Sam's Place."
Now, Sam Clam hadn't been idle in Hell; in fact, he'd been tearing things up with his joy for life. He'd started a dance club where cheap drinks and shitty dance music played, and though there was no air-conditioning in the joint, it was the hoppingnest place around.
As you can imagine, their reunion was a joyous affair, filled with many rounds of drinks and some hot little seahorses dancing around, and reminiscing and just some good happy times, when suddenly Larry looked up at the clock, and realized it was 11:58. He panics. "I gotta go!" he shouts, and takes off for the nearest elevator, furiously pressing the Top Floor button until it glided to a stop and he steps out with seconds to spare. Stepping up to the gate, he nods at Gabriel, who had to pull graveyard duty that night, and asks for his wings and his halo.
"You're Larry?" asks Gabriel. "Where's your harp?"
Larry turned whiter than a flounder's belly, and slaps his head.
"Oh dear, I left my harp in Sam Clam's Disco!"
Now, Larry was a devout litle lobster, worshipping in his own arachnid way, but Sam, well, he'd always had more than a smidgen of doubt, so when they died, they rode different escalators: Larry's going up, and Sam's, well, it was downhill all the way.
So Larry's in Heaven, he's got his standard issue harp, his wings and his halo, but he's just not himself -- mopey and pining for his best bud Sam Clam. One day Saint Peter notices this and asks, "Say, Larry, aren't you happy? This is Heaven! What can your problem be?"
"Well, St. Pete, I miss my buddy Sam, and no offense, but it's just not like Heaven when I miss him so."
The venerable saint scratches his beard and thinks for a moment, and then says, "I'll talk to the Old Man and see what we can do."
The next day, the Saint tells him, "Larry, I spoke to the Chief about this, and he agreed to you going down to visit Sam for a couple of hours."
Larry was ecstatic. "Oh, thank you, Sir! This is terrific!"
"Now, Larry, the way it will work is this: you will check your wings and halo at the Pearly Gates, but you will take your harp down there," and his face wrinkled at the thought of such an awful place. "You must be back by midnight, and not one minute late! Your harp will be your pass to get back in."
So Larry rushes off to the Gates, and checks in his gear, and grabs an elevator going down. Finally it comes to a stop, and he sees a demon waiting for him. "It's about time, we've been expecting you. Let me show you to Sam's Place."
Now, Sam Clam hadn't been idle in Hell; in fact, he'd been tearing things up with his joy for life. He'd started a dance club where cheap drinks and shitty dance music played, and though there was no air-conditioning in the joint, it was the hoppingnest place around.
As you can imagine, their reunion was a joyous affair, filled with many rounds of drinks and some hot little seahorses dancing around, and reminiscing and just some good happy times, when suddenly Larry looked up at the clock, and realized it was 11:58. He panics. "I gotta go!" he shouts, and takes off for the nearest elevator, furiously pressing the Top Floor button until it glided to a stop and he steps out with seconds to spare. Stepping up to the gate, he nods at Gabriel, who had to pull graveyard duty that night, and asks for his wings and his halo.
"You're Larry?" asks Gabriel. "Where's your harp?"
Larry turned whiter than a flounder's belly, and slaps his head.
"Oh dear, I left my harp in Sam Clam's Disco!"
- Status
