Lucky13
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For your information, my place is called Fort Yorktown! 
Quotes and Jokes (8 Viewers)
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michaelmaltby
Colonel
ah yes, Lucky. named, no doubt, after the famous WW1 hero, Sgt. Yorktown.
ThomasP
Senior Master Sergeant
About 2 weeks ago the 5-yo daughter of a friend announced that she has decided she is going to be a gymnast. When I was visiting yesterday I noticed she now has this poster on her wall:
Beware world, beware.
Beware world, beware.
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These glorious insults are from an era " before" the English language
got boiled down to 4-letter words.
A member of Parliament to Disraeli: "Sir, you will either die on the
gallows or of some unspeakable disease."
"That depends, Sir, " said Disraeli, "whether I embrace your policies
or your mistress."
"He had delusions of adequacy ."
Walter Kerr
"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire."
Winston Churchill
"I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great
pleasure."
Clarence Darrow
"He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the
dictionary."
William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway)
"Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it."
Moses Hadas
"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it."
Mark Twain
"He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends."
Oscar Wilde
"I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a
friend, if you have one."
George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill
"Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second... if there is one."
Winston Churchill, in response
"I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here."
Stephen Bishop
"He is a self-made man and worships his creator."
John Bright
"I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial."
Irvin S. Cobb
"He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others."
Samuel Johnson
"He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up."
Paul Keating
"In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily."
Charles, Count Talleyrand
"He loves nature in spite of what it did to him."
Forrest Tucker
"Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?"
Mark Twain
"His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork."
Mae West
"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go."
Oscar Wilde
"He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts... for support
rather than illumination."
Andrew Lang (1844-1912)
"He has Van Gogh's ear for music."
Billy Wilder
"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But I'm afraid this wasn't it."
Groucho Marx
got boiled down to 4-letter words.
A member of Parliament to Disraeli: "Sir, you will either die on the
gallows or of some unspeakable disease."
"That depends, Sir, " said Disraeli, "whether I embrace your policies
or your mistress."
"He had delusions of adequacy ."
Walter Kerr
"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire."
Winston Churchill
"I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great
pleasure."
Clarence Darrow
"He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the
dictionary."
William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway)
"Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it."
Moses Hadas
"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it."
Mark Twain
"He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends."
Oscar Wilde
"I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a
friend, if you have one."
George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill
"Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second... if there is one."
Winston Churchill, in response
"I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here."
Stephen Bishop
"He is a self-made man and worships his creator."
John Bright
"I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial."
Irvin S. Cobb
"He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others."
Samuel Johnson
"He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up."
Paul Keating
"In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily."
Charles, Count Talleyrand
"He loves nature in spite of what it did to him."
Forrest Tucker
"Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?"
Mark Twain
"His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork."
Mae West
"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go."
Oscar Wilde
"He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts... for support
rather than illumination."
Andrew Lang (1844-1912)
"He has Van Gogh's ear for music."
Billy Wilder
"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But I'm afraid this wasn't it."
Groucho Marx
Snautzer01
Honourably banned
- 40,472
- Mar 26, 2007
These are great.
Lucky13
Forum Mascot
Lucky13
Forum Mascot
michaelmaltby
Colonel
Political 'spin'
No matter what side of the AISLE you're on, THIS is FUNNY.
Judy Walkman, a professional genealogy researcher in southern California , was doing some personal work on her own family tree. She discovered that Senator Harry Reid's great-great uncle, Remus Reid, was hanged for horse stealing and train robbery in Montana in 1889. Both Judy and Harry Reid share this common ancestor.
The only known photograph of Remus shows him standing on the gallows in Montana territory:
On the back of the picture Judy obtained during her research is this inscription: 'Remus Reid, horse thief, sent to Montana Territorial Prison 1885, escaped 1887, robbed the Montana Flyer six times. Caught by Pinkerton detectives, convicted and hanged in 1889.'
So Judy recently e-mailed Senator Harry Reid for information about their great-great uncle.
Harry Reid:
Believe it or not, Harry Reid's staff sent back the following biographical sketch for her genealogy research:
"Remus Reid was a famous cowboy in the Montana Territory . His business empire grew to include acquisition of valuable equestrian assets and intimate dealings with the Montana railroad. Beginning in 1883, he devoted several years of his life to government service, finally taking leave to resume his dealings with the railroad. In 1887, he was a key player in a vital investigation run by the renowned Pinkerton Detective Agency. In 1889, Remus passed away during an important civic function held in his honor when the platform upon which he was standing collapsed."
... that's how it's done, boys
No matter what side of the AISLE you're on, THIS is FUNNY.
Judy Walkman, a professional genealogy researcher in southern California , was doing some personal work on her own family tree. She discovered that Senator Harry Reid's great-great uncle, Remus Reid, was hanged for horse stealing and train robbery in Montana in 1889. Both Judy and Harry Reid share this common ancestor.
The only known photograph of Remus shows him standing on the gallows in Montana territory:
On the back of the picture Judy obtained during her research is this inscription: 'Remus Reid, horse thief, sent to Montana Territorial Prison 1885, escaped 1887, robbed the Montana Flyer six times. Caught by Pinkerton detectives, convicted and hanged in 1889.'
So Judy recently e-mailed Senator Harry Reid for information about their great-great uncle.
Harry Reid:
Believe it or not, Harry Reid's staff sent back the following biographical sketch for her genealogy research:
"Remus Reid was a famous cowboy in the Montana Territory . His business empire grew to include acquisition of valuable equestrian assets and intimate dealings with the Montana railroad. Beginning in 1883, he devoted several years of his life to government service, finally taking leave to resume his dealings with the railroad. In 1887, he was a key player in a vital investigation run by the renowned Pinkerton Detective Agency. In 1889, Remus passed away during an important civic function held in his honor when the platform upon which he was standing collapsed."
... that's how it's done, boys
SaparotRob
Unter Gemeine Geschwader Murmeltier XIII
Is this true? You know the old saying; if it sounds too good to be true it probably is.Political 'spin'
No matter what side of the AISLE you're on, THIS is FUNNY.
Judy Walkman, a professional genealogy researcher in southern California , was doing some personal work on her own family tree. She discovered that Senator Harry Reid's great-great uncle, Remus Reid, was hanged for horse stealing and train robbery in Montana in 1889. Both Judy and Harry Reid share this common ancestor.
The only known photograph of Remus shows him standing on the gallows in Montana territory:
On the back of the picture Judy obtained during her research is this inscription: 'Remus Reid, horse thief, sent to Montana Territorial Prison 1885, escaped 1887, robbed the Montana Flyer six times. Caught by Pinkerton detectives, convicted and hanged in 1889.'
So Judy recently e-mailed Senator Harry Reid for information about their great-great uncle.
Harry Reid:
Believe it or not, Harry Reid's staff sent back the following biographical sketch for her genealogy research:
"Remus Reid was a famous cowboy in the Montana Territory . His business empire grew to include acquisition of valuable equestrian assets and intimate dealings with the Montana railroad. Beginning in 1883, he devoted several years of his life to government service, finally taking leave to resume his dealings with the railroad. In 1887, he was a key player in a vital investigation run by the renowned Pinkerton Detective Agency. In 1889, Remus passed away during an important civic function held in his honor when the platform upon which he was standing collapsed."
... that's how it's done, boys
ThomasP
Senior Master Sergeant
Fortunately (unfortunately?) it is not true. The exact same story (literally almost word for word) has been used before , several times over the last 20-25 years, depicting several other politicians as the descendant. It is funny though.
SaparotRob
Unter Gemeine Geschwader Murmeltier XIII
Darn it!
at6
1st Sergeant
And don't forget to wipe your hard drive.
SaparotRob
Unter Gemeine Geschwader Murmeltier XIII
The job isn't finished until the paperwork is done.
michaelmaltby
Colonel
SaparotRob
Unter Gemeine Geschwader Murmeltier XIII
I 2020'd that jerk big time!
SaparotRob
Unter Gemeine Geschwader Murmeltier XIII
I got a letter from the IRS. Oh, am I 2020'd.
