# For the upcoming Haggis hunting season...



## Lucky13 (Aug 1, 2009)

Hope that you all are as eager and prepared as me....8)

They're fast and clever those wee creatures!


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## GrauGeist (Aug 1, 2009)

Oh my God, man...haggis is about the most ing stuff on the face of this planet... lol


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## Airframes (Aug 1, 2009)

What!!?? It's gorgeous, especially with tatties and neeps! And, it's even better if you've stalked and shot it yourself, although it is a tricky business. As Jan stated, they're fast liitle blighters, and difficult to spot in time to draw a bead, seeing as they only venture out at dusk or dawn. Of course, the light at these hours, the gloming as it's called in the Highlands, not only makes spotting the little creatures a chore, but also makes it a tad difficul to judge range - and you must drop the thing with the first shot, as you won't get a second chance!
Where are you going to stalk this year Jan? Royal Deeside again, or up near Fort William ?


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## Geedee (Aug 1, 2009)

If its any help, the Mountain Haggis is the easiest to bag. 

Centuries of breeding have resulted in the Mountain Haggis (MH) developing shorter legs on one side, so it can run around the mountain faster than the hunters. Only problem is tho', all the hunter has to do is sit down and face the other way and bag the little blighter when it comes pelting around the mountain 

And yes,, iether the mountain or lowland breed are pretty good eating !


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## Njaco (Aug 1, 2009)

and don't forget the traditional lighting of the Jackalope when the first haggis is shot!!

Oh the sight, oh the smell. Like grandma washed her under things in pickle juice. hhhmmmmmmm.


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## vikingBerserker (Aug 1, 2009)

All I'm saying is that whenever I've ate haggis, scotch was always heavily involved. Is that part of the prep course before you go hunting them?????


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## Airframes (Aug 1, 2009)

I agree Gary, but the problem is, knowing which way the male MH goes, and which way the female goes! As I'm sure you know, the male MH is the better catch, and it (he?) has the shorter legs on the starboard side, or certainly those in the northern Highlands. The female normally, but not always, has the shorter legs on the port side, which, of course, means that they can't both take the same route around the hills, or they'd be unbalanced. This isn't a major problem in steeply inclined areas of the glenns, but can cause problems in gentler terrain, as both of the little creatures could possibly meander along the same routes, making a positive identification rather tricky.
Of course, it's much easier if you're after the Grey Haggis as, being somewhat larger then the Brown Haggis, they're easier to identify, male or female.
But, I had heard that those darned Red Haggis have now started breeding on Speyside. Have you heard anything about them? I missed last season, which was just about the time I joined the forum, as I was a bit imobile, and it looks like I'll miss the beginning of this season too, as I'm off to the Czech Republic to meet up with Roman on the 27th.


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## Lucky13 (Aug 1, 2009)

This year I've got a splendid spot for the hunting. Let's just say that it's somewhat of the "beaten track" and you do have to keep an avid on the local fuzz! Think that I'll leave the dogs at home, learned it the hard way last season, only got left with bags of fur and bones, not very tasty! Still hoping to lay my bead on the General....he's a legend among us hunters!

One day!


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## GrauGeist (Aug 1, 2009)

dang duplicate posts


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## GrauGeist (Aug 1, 2009)

I think you all got into a batch of bad liquor...







Seriously


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## Lucky13 (Aug 1, 2009)

Poker in the rear, liqour in the front.....


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## Geedee (Aug 1, 2009)

Yeah baby !!!

All this talk about hunting Haggis reminds me of a story my dad used to relate. Back in the War, where he was stationed was a searchlight battery ....and they used to go rabbit hunting with a sten !!!. Never did eat much rabbit apparently !.


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## Njaco (Aug 1, 2009)

same here when I went fishing with grenades. Not much to eat and a phone ring you can't answer.


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## vikingBerserker (Aug 1, 2009)




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## pbfoot (Aug 1, 2009)

We have a haggis tree


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## trackend (Aug 2, 2009)

I enjoy Haggis but prefer if its been killed using traditional hunting methods which does vary. the Lowlanders tend to use a Cluty dumpling this stuns the creature and a deep fried mars bar is used to dispatch the beast, however the more ancient method practised by the highlanders is a trap baited with Athol Brose once caught the Haggis is hurled against a boulder to kill it this is known as the Highland fling.


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## vikingBerserker (Aug 2, 2009)

Be careful, you don't want to get PETH (People for the Ethical Treatment of Haggis) riled up.


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## lesofprimus (Aug 2, 2009)

Silly, silly, silly, just plain old silly....

I honestly believe the only way ANYONE could eat that sh!t is if u were fed a liquidfied version of it in ur baby bottle.... Takes the term "aquired taste"to a WHOLE new level....


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## Becca (Aug 2, 2009)

trackend said:


> I enjoy Haggis but prefer if its been killed using traditional hunting methods which does vary. the Lowlanders tend to use a Cluty dumpling this stuns the creature and a deep fried mars bar is used to dispatch the beast, however the more ancient method practised by the highlanders is a trap baited with Athol Brose once caught the Haggis is hurled against a boulder to kill it this is known as the Highland fling.



Track, that is HILARIOUS!


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## Becca (Aug 2, 2009)

Airframes said:


> What!!?? It's gorgeous, especially with tatties and neeps!




OK, please pardon my ignorance..I can figure that tatties MIGHT be potatoes, but NEEPS? That sounds painful..I know I'm not eating Haggis (EW!) and I'ma thinking I'm gonna pass on anything called a neep.


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## Airframes (Aug 2, 2009)

You've probably/possibly eaten them loads of times Becca. It's what the Scots call Turnips or Swede - and no, not Swede as in Jan.....


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## lesofprimus (Aug 2, 2009)

Ugh, turnips..........


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## trackend (Aug 2, 2009)

I thought it was Parsnips, Becks
Dan may not like Haggis but Athol Brose Im sure he would like, honey, oats, thick cream and whisky mmmmm
google them and you can find the recipe for both Athol Brose and my personal favourite Clute Dumpling.


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## vikingBerserker (Aug 2, 2009)

I thought a swede was a rutabaga?


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## Amsel (Aug 2, 2009)

I love sauteed parsnips as well as haggis. Haggis is one of my favorites.


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## vikingBerserker (Aug 2, 2009)

(think is he serious or kidding)


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## Amsel (Aug 2, 2009)

I'm serious. If you can eat franks then you can eat haggis. Except haggis is better for you.

Sauteed parsnips taste just like candy as well.


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## GrauGeist (Aug 2, 2009)

Amsel said:


> I'm serious. If you can eat franks then you can eat haggis...


It's all in the delivery...

I know that most franks are full of "meat by-products" (chicken lips, pig sphincters and the like), but it looks FAR more appealing and can be prepared in many ways that both tempt and please the pallette.

Haggis is...just...ing...


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## vikingBerserker (Aug 2, 2009)

Yea, for me it's nothing to do with ingrediates (I'll try anything once) it's the taste. Thank God they always served it with Scotch at the Scottish functions.


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## Lucky13 (Aug 2, 2009)

Haggis made the right way, with alot of the right spices, neeps, tatties and a dram and I'm a happy bunny!


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## BikerBabe (Aug 2, 2009)

Good Lord...what HAVE I gotten myself involved with here???


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## Njaco (Aug 2, 2009)

Jan, don't forget the pork prune dipping sauce.


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## trackend (Aug 3, 2009)

aah toast and dripping with lots of pepper mmmmmmm

3 things I have tried and dont like at all. sheeps eyes (just balls of jelly) . Tripe as i hate vinegar and without it is tasteless. Frogs legs a load of mucking about for a tiny bit of chicken flavour.

Offal I do like, liver and bacon, stuffed hearts and faggots (bit like haggis in meat ball form but without the stomach)

If you look on any meat product ingredients if it says MRM thats Mechanicaly Recovered Meat which is high pressure water jet removed meat sludge that is compressed after its blown off the carcases bones then used most commonly in fast food cheap burgers, sausages, meat balls etc it can still be call beef, pork etc but its pretty gross stuff


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## The Basket (Aug 3, 2009)

Haggis is actually quite nice in its own little way.

But never ever, ever ask whats its made of....

EVER...after you have eaten it.

I have read somewhere that real Haggis is not allowed in the USA as animal lungs are not concerned a food group!


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## Geedee (Aug 3, 2009)

Heard on the radio this morning that the Haggis was a British invention !


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## Becca (Aug 3, 2009)

Amsel said:


> I love sauteed parsnips as well as haggis. Haggis is one of my favorites.



*Gives Amsel her share of d'Haggis* and Lucky, the thought of you as a "happy bunny"...WELL, I'd pay good money to just see that!


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## herman1rg (Aug 3, 2009)

Tinned Haggis is good too when the wild version is unavailable. I believe that there is a captive colony kept on a remote Scottish isle for use in canning when fully grown.


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## jamierd (Aug 3, 2009)

just been on the phone to Brian Mcsween of Edinburgh and he says this years catch of mountain haggis should be the best on record. royal deeside and glengarry are supposed to be over run with this year


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## Bucksnort101 (Aug 3, 2009)

In my lifetime I've eaten Squirrel, Porcupine, Racoon, Snapping Turtle, Pigeon, Snails, a couple Minnows, Lutefisk, Headcheeese, Black Crow, and many other interesting things, but I cannot comprehend how anyone can consider Haggis as a tasty treat or even an edible food!!! I mean, just looking at a picture of it make me think I'd have to be pretty damn hungry or on a 2 day Jack Daniels binge to want to eat this.


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## Soundbreaker Welch? (Aug 3, 2009)

It really doesn't does that odd, it's actually quite tasty Haggis! 

I don't think I have seen one running around the mountains in Colorado. Too cold in the winter maybe?


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## Bucksnort101 (Aug 3, 2009)

I'll keep my eyes peeled for the wild Haggis in the Colorado Rockies in September although if I bring one into Elk camp I suspect I'll be kicked out and forced to camp alone.


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## Airframes (Aug 3, 2009)

Yeah, could be a touch too cold for Haggis in Colorado, although it does get as low as -10 in the Highlands during winter. I had heard that some of the Lowland Haggis had got to the American Continent in the 1920's, having been entagled in cargo netting on board a ship at Glasgow. How they got on the ship in the first place is not known, but apparently there was quite a populated colony thriving around the US/Canadian border as late as 1969. It's rumoured that these emigrant Haggiss ( or is it 'Haggi' for the plural?), grew quite large, as big as a small dog, which is very unusual for the small Lowland breed.
Of course 'The General', mentioned by Lucky, is reputed to be as big as an Alsatian, and is thought to be the biggest Haggis ever to have lived. It would be a very accomplished stalker who could bag that old hill walker though, as it's more wily than a wily thing.


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## Butters (Aug 3, 2009)

Here in the dark, forbidding wilds of Nova Scotia, the haggis is nae like the wee, sleekit, cowrin, tim'rous beastie of Bonny Blue Scotland. Nae, tis rather a ferocious great predator, bristling with spiky fangs and razor-sharp talons, ever eager to pounce upon the unwary and render them into bloody gobbets with a bone-chilling Gaelic screech!

When the eerie skirl of a hundred pipes announces the dawn of the haggis season, we Bluenosers carefully fortify ourselves by chuggin' back a wee dram or twelve of the finest single malt,(or Lamb's 151 proof Navy Rum in a pinch...) jack a round into the chamber of our .300 Win Magnums, and wildly blast away at every rustling leaf, snapping twig, or footstep we hear or imagine. Just as a warm up, ye ken...

Once the competition has been thinned out a bit, the real hunt begins. The gaunt, slavering hounds are brought out, and after another wee dram or seventeen, we all cry 'Havoc', and unslip the Dogs of Haggis! Usually everthing gang aft clusterf*kk agley, but if the survivors of the pack have actually treed a desperately unlucky haggis, we blast the ugly bag of sheep guts to oatmealy smithereens and stagger back to the camp to celebrate with a big feed of deer steak and fried potatoes ,all smothered in mushrooms and onions. No friggin neeps fer us!

JL


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## Njaco (Aug 4, 2009)

Jeez, Butters!!  We need Jan to translate!



> Heard on the radio this morning that the Haggis was a British invention...



Leave it to the English to make something thats edible and a floor wax!


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## Geedee (Aug 4, 2009)

For those of you who dont know, a haggis is a small animal native to Scotland. Well it is actually a bird with vestigial wings - like the ostrich. Because the habitat of the haggis is exclusively mountainous, and because it is always found on the sides of mountains, it has evolved a rather strange gait. The poor thing has only three legs, and each leg is a different length, so it can circle steep mountainsides at speed. The result of this is that when hunting haggis, you must get them on to a flat plain - then they are very easy to catch - they can only run round in circles. These strange circles of flattened grass / crops etc, have over the years been mistakenly identified as sinister UFO landing sites, much the merryment of the Haggis Hunter who does nothing to dispel the myth !.

FRESH WATER HAGGIS
A little known fact about the haggis is its aquatic ability - you would think that with three legs of differing lengths, the poor wee beastie wouldn't be very good at swimming, but as some of the Scottish hillsides have rather spectacular lakes on them, over the years, the haggis has learned to swim very well. When in water: 
It uses its wings to propel itself forward 
It can do at a very reasonable speed 
It can't hold its breath for very long 
Is very playful 
When swimming, haggis very often swim in a group - a bit like ducks - where the mother will swim ahead, and the youngsters follow line abreast. This is a very interesting phenomenon to watch, the long neck of the mother keeping a watchful eye for predators. 

This does however confuse some people, who, not knowing about the haggis, can confuse it with the other great indigenous Scottish inhabitant, the Loch Ness Monster. From a distance the tourist can easily mistake a family of haggis out for their daily swim, as Nessie, this of course gives rise to many more false sightings, but is inherently very good for the tourist industry in Scotland. 

Apparently a few days before giving birth the female Haggis starts emitting a very loud droning noise. This noise is loud and scary enough to drive all wildlife within a five mile radius, clear away, while giving any Haggis in earshot, an open invite to come and help with the actual birth. 

The Scots, being canny people...apparently... invented a medievel aural torture device called bagpipes. The bagpipes not only mimics the Haggis call (a horrible, tone deaf wailing noise that is acutely uncomfortable to any humans within earshot), it is also modelled on the very rare and exceptionaly poisonous hillside spider, the Hagider, which is part of the diet of the Haggis.... to such good effect that bagpipes have been used to hunt these poor creatures to great effect.

So now you know !


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## Njaco (Aug 4, 2009)

Are there Haggis Control Officers in Scotland?


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## Condora (Aug 4, 2009)

Njaco said:


> Are there Haggis Control Officers in Scotland?



I know the Department for Environment, Food and Rural Affairs includes the Royal Haggis Services, to supervise the protection of the species.
First, they lure them with their bagpipes, when the creatures appear, they are wrapped in a kilt, marked, and released again.


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## Njaco (Aug 5, 2009)

I'm learning something new every day!

Do you have to get a Haggis license, like a dog license here in the States or a pet fish license in the UK?

Do they have to be innoculated against diseases like Mad Cow Disease (Mad Haggis Disease?) and Anal Glaucoma?


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## Butters (Aug 5, 2009)

You have to have a license for a guppy in the UK?! 

So what happens if a bobby walks by and sees a fly buzzing on the inside of a window in your home? Does he check its collar to see if the tag is up to date?

jus' curious...

JL


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## Condora (Aug 5, 2009)

I had to get a cat's license for me cat, Eric... 
(and I'll say no more!)


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## Airframes (Aug 5, 2009)

But that was a dog licence, with the word 'dog' crossed out, and 'cat' written in with crayon......


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## Njaco (Aug 5, 2009)

He used a Cat Detector Van - could pinpoint a purr at a thousand yards!!


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## Geedee (Aug 6, 2009)

Airframes said:


> But that was a dog licence, with the word 'dog' crossed out, and 'cat' written in with crayon......



The tip here is to buy a Black and White dog/cat as the license is cheaper !


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## Condora (Aug 6, 2009)

Njaco said:


> He used a Cat Detector Van - could pinpoint a purr at a thousand yards!!



And Eric being such a happy cat, was a piece of cake. Never seen so many aerials...


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## Airframes (Aug 6, 2009)

If you are blind, you also get a 25% discount on the Black White Cat licence. It's rather more difficult obtaining a Bee Licence though......


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## Condora (Aug 6, 2009)

What if the *b*at is a of different *b*olor?

It shouldn't be (or half-a-bee).


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## trackend (Aug 6, 2009)

Great song Eric the half a Bee but we are digressing I shall bring us back on thread with a poem from that famous Scots poet Lochs a Doddel 

Aye ye nastie little beastie 
legs of sinew and claws of bone
wi ye snappy wee teethy
the Haggis is nare alone 

It rambles in the Glens 
and hides amoungst the thistle
it leaps straight up yer kilt
and deny half makes ye whistle

Ill hunt the little devil 
and cook it in a bucket
ill serve it to my darling wife 
and laugh as she up chucks it.

Oh Haggis of the highlands 
a taste no words can I fit
a flavour thats so unique 
you taste of total s**t


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## Condora (Aug 6, 2009)

In the best Burns tradition of the "Address to a Haggis" (shouldn't it be "A Kilt to a Haggis"? - maybe it's a question of gender).

Wha's Like Us? Damn Few, An' They're Adied!


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## Airframes (Aug 6, 2009)

I believe there is a cloth, from which 'country' clothing is made, dedictaed to the Haggis, known as 'Haggis Tweed', and it was once a favourite, for the old - fashioned 'sports jackets' worn by the late actor, Richard Haggis.....


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## vikingBerserker (Aug 6, 2009)

trackend said:


> Great song Eric the half a Bee but we are digressing I shall bring us back on thread with a poem from that famous Scots poet Lochs a Doddel
> 
> Aye ye nastie little beastie
> legs of sinew and claws of bone
> ...



LMAO!!!!


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## Njaco (Aug 8, 2009)

ji pʌuərz, ʍa mak mankəin jur ker
ən dɪʃ ðəm ʌut ðer bɪl o fer
o̜l skotlan wants ne skinkin wer
ðat ʤ o̜ps ɪn lʌgez
bʌt ɪf ji wɪʃ hər gretfu prer
gi hər ə hagɪs!


or as one Sir Sean Connery has stated on his website, "The 3rd Human Portal":

"Not since 'Braveheart' has there been such a threat to Anglo-Scottish relations."


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## GrauGeist (Aug 8, 2009)

trackend said:


> Great song Eric the half a Bee but we are digressing I shall bring us back on thread with a poem from that famous Scots poet Lochs a Doddel
> 
> Aye ye nastie little beastie
> legs of sinew and claws of bone
> ...


Classic!!!


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