# Not sure what to do anymore... in need of guidance



## B-17engineer (Jan 11, 2012)

Hi guys, 

I just felt like this was the only spot I could tell people about whats going on in my life. 

About 4 months ago, my older brother was caught with drugs (Not just weed, some pills) by my mom and dad. He didn't resist the help and went to out-patient rehab so we all thought things would get a lot better. He doesn't do well in school, is never home, and is nasty to both my parents (not all the time, but on occasion). My parents took away the phone and internet from him because he failed a school drug test and was suspended for five days about 2 months into his rehab. The rehab place made him go for an extra 2 months in hopes he would somehow realize what he's doing to himself and our family. 

Well, the other day he made a status on facebook "Time to get my life together" I was really optimistic that he meant it this time because he was actually trying in school and around the house more often. But as soon as I had optimism it was gone. He posted a status yesterday "Most f***ed up night ever, f*** the police." Turns out his so called girlfriend got pulled over for a burnt out tail light and another passenger and my brother were smoking weed. They were both searched but since the cops couldn't find anything they were let go. He came home and my parents decided to get him drug tested. 

Test came back positive and my parents have both had it with him and his addiction. I came home from school today and there were packed bags in the kitchen with both my dads and brothers stuff in it. I asked what was going on and it was all explained. The out-patient rehab place is confronting him tonight about it and then my dad is giving him 2 options. 

1) He takes the next step and gets a plane to Tennessee tonight (where he will be at in-patient for atleast a month for evaluation and then probably longer) 
2) He isn't allowed to live in our house anymore and him and my dad are finding an apartment. 

My dad just left, I'm in tears as I write this (Its been forever since i've cried last), and I am just praying he takes the help. I'm scared of what the future brings. 

Thanks for listening


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## Messy1 (Jan 11, 2012)

Sorry to hear that Harrison. Until he is truly ready to confront his addiction, and make a permanent change, there is nothing you or your parents really can do for him. He has got to want to be clean, and make the choice to live his life clean. Until he is truly ready for that, he is not going to have a very good go of it.


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## Readie (Jan 11, 2012)

Drugs and alcohol are devils when they get a hold.
I'm very sorry to read your post mate and I feel for your parents and you.
The desire for change and the will to see it all through and stay on the straight and narrow can only come from your brother.
In the meantime you are all in hell.
Your parents and you should seek support too as its all too easy to blame yourselves...
Best wishes
John


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## Catch22 (Jan 11, 2012)

Really sorry to hear that buddy, and both Byron and Readie have got it right. It has to come from him. Hopefully when he gets confronted tonight that'll spark something and he'll agree to go to TN to get help at the in-patient place. Once he's there, whether it works or not it's up to him but regardless I think it'll be more effective.

Hopefully the fact that your Devils are playing my horrible Oilers tonight will cheer you up.


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## B-17engineer (Jan 11, 2012)

Thanks guys, appreciate it 

He is gonna be asked about his decision in a few hours.....just waiting in the mean time.


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## pbfoot (Jan 11, 2012)

I'd almost call anyone under the age of 60 a liar if they said they never smoked a joint (at least in Canada)


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## Catch22 (Jan 11, 2012)

I honestly haven't Neil.  But I'm very rare.

That said, the problem with pot is that people use it as a gateway drug and move on to bigger things with it.


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## B-17engineer (Jan 11, 2012)

Catch22 said:


> I honestly haven't Neil.  But I'm very rare.
> 
> That said, the problem with pot is that people use it as a gateway drug and move on to bigger things with it.



Yeah, that was my brothers issue.


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## pbfoot (Jan 11, 2012)

Catch22 said:


> I honestly haven't Neil.  But I'm very rare.
> 
> That said, the problem with pot is that people use it as a gateway drug and move on to bigger things with it.


so is alcohol and its far more damaging then pot


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## ccheese (Jan 11, 2012)

pbfoot said:


> I'd almost call anyone under the age of 60 a liar if they said they never smoked a joint (at least in Canada)



I have never tried drugs, but I'm well over 60. However, I am a friend of Bill's, and was in the bottle for eight years. You know as well as I do that alcohol will muck you up as quick as drugs will.

Harrison, M'boy, nothing to do but hang in there and hope for the best. If you were older you'd have a say in the matter. Unfortunately, you have to sit and watch.

Charles


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## Bucksnort101 (Jan 11, 2012)

Doesn't matter what the drug of choice is, if it takes control of your life one is just as damaging as the other IMHO.

I do think your parents are handling this in the correct manner, but again it's really up to your brother to realize he has a problem and needs help to straighten it up. 
Good luck to you, your parents, and most of all your brother.


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## davparlr (Jan 11, 2012)

So sorry to hear of your plight. The only real control you have is your own life. Not much you can do otherwise. Do your best to maintain your own direction, study hard, and be responsible. Our prayers are with you.


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## Gnomey (Jan 11, 2012)

Agree with all. 

There is not much you can really do, your parents are certainly going about things the right way and it is up to your brother to see the error of his ways or not. The best thing you can do it support your parents in their process of trying to get him clean and back up their actions to him. The more people who try to assist him perhaps will have a more lasting impact. However at the end of the day it is all down to your brother and his motivation, something that you all as a family could assist him with.


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## Matt308 (Jan 11, 2012)

Harrison. 

(1) Please sit down with your Dad before he offers his choices to your brother. Ask him to completely explain why he too is leaving at the expense of your Mom and you. I get the Dad thing about wanting to hover over your brother, but my gut tells me there is more to the story and at your age you deserve a complete explanation. If your Dad doesn't offer anything more, please take it at face value. If there is something more to his leaving too, you will eventually be told.

(2) Do the same with your Mom. You need both sides of the story. And once corroborated, remember that your Mom needs your shoulder to lean on too. You both can provide each other mutual support. If their stories do happen to differ than ask for an explanation. Try not to be emotional if at all possible.

(3) Once the confrontation occurs, do something that is likely VERY out of the ordinary for you. Hug and kiss your brother and tell him you love him unconditionally. He's more scared than you, your Mom and your Dad. Unfortunately the only way he is going to express that is via anger because he is a young man and cornered. Don't take personal offense to his reaction to you nor to your parents.

(4) Promise yourself that you will not drink nor do drugs (Yes, Pb... even pot). Doing any of them will cause you to lose money with nothing to show for it, may destroy relationships, may affect your health or worst case ruin your life. Sounds like your family may have some genetic disposition to addiction. Don't give that gene a chance. Sober is normal. High is not.

Hang in there, buddy. I am always available via PM.


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## Aaron Brooks Wolters (Jan 11, 2012)

With all here Harrison. And don't forget to pray. He will listen. I'll put you and your family in my prayers.


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## Erich (Jan 11, 2012)

am a little late on commenting to this tragedy, hey pard what is the fascination with your bro smoking pot anyway ? peer pressure, too much expectations from Dad especially and Mom ? simply put if this firm has their act together this could be the best thing for your bro if he does not feel loved or has tremendous trust issues with the parents or any grown-up he may just "spill the beans here" and that can be a good thing.

Matt has it on the spot, tell your bro you luv him unconditionally and of course to make it all go it is his decision of course, no-one can change that. Pose and be deliberate in asking questions of the your parents if they refuse to answer well then ............... remember to ask in love, the response may not be received the same way so be patient and expecting.

E ~


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## B-17engineer (Jan 11, 2012)

Matt308 said:


> Harrison.
> 
> (1) Please sit down with your Dad before he offers his choices to your brother. Ask him to completely explain why he too is leaving at the expense of your Mom and you. I get the Dad thing about wanting to hover over your brother, but my gut tells me there is more to the story and at your age you deserve a complete explanation. If your Dad doesn't offer anything more, please take it at face value. If there is something more to his leaving too, you will eventually be told.
> 
> ...



Thanks everyone. 

Matt, thanks very much. I don't associate myself with the people who do drugs because my brother did and he is what he is. He's seen over 5 doctors and many of them thinks he's depressed or he is trying to get caught as a 'plea for help' because he doesn't know how to communicate it to my parents. My dad doesn't want him going to our school or hanging out with the same group of friends

Our school isn't strict about people taking the right bus so if he feels like it he can go to someone elses house. I won't be meeting with him but it will just be my parents and the rehab people. The place in Tennessee is ready to meet them at the airport if he decides he wants help. 

If he chooses not to I'm gonna have my dad let me talk to him on the phone and I'm just gonna straight up tell him he should make the most of his time away from us and get the help he needs. In the case he is gone for over a month I didn't even get to say goodbye.


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## B-17engineer (Jan 11, 2012)

Erich said:


> am a little late on commenting to this tragedy, hey pard what is the fascination with your bro smoking pot anyway ? peer pressure, too much expectations from Dad especially and Mom ? simply put if this firm has their act together this could be the best thing for your bro if he does not feel loved or has tremendous trust issues with the parents or any grown-up he may just "spill the beans here" and that can be a good thing.
> 
> Matt has it on the spot, tell your bro you luv him unconditionally and of course to make it all go it is his decision of course, no-one can change that. Pose and be deliberate in asking questions of the your parents if they refuse to answer well then ............... remember to ask in love, the response may not be received the same way so be patient and expecting.
> 
> E ~



Well pot can be dealt with easier. I don't like the pot because its lead to things like Oxycontin and that sort of stuff. He thinks that its 'ok' to do that stuff.


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## Catch22 (Jan 11, 2012)

B-17engineer said:


> Well pot can be dealt with easier. I don't like the pot because its lead to things like Oxycontin and that sort of stuff. He thinks that its 'ok' to do that stuff.



That's the problem. Less so with alcohol, but it can do it too. Really depends on whether you know when to stop. I drink, but there's of course risks with that too in regards to addictions. What I think one of the bigger problems with pot is that it introduces you to the drug culture because of its illegality. Alcohol doesn't have that so in a way it's "safer".


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## pbfoot (Jan 11, 2012)

Just wish your brother the best no one but himself can help with an addiction problem ,


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## Erich (Jan 11, 2012)

thus again my question Harrison why does your bro think it is ok ? again peer pressure from student friends or someone else on campus ? He was drawn to it for a reason and what is the reason ?


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## Crimea_River (Jan 11, 2012)

I won't offer you any advice H as I know you can get much better than I can give you. Looks like there are a few nuggets above you can consider. Just know that I feel for you and your family and I sincerely hope this will turn out the best for all invovled.


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## Wurger (Jan 11, 2012)

I'm very sorry to hear that Harry. I echo Pbfoot's post above.


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## B-17engineer (Jan 11, 2012)

Erich said:


> thus again my question Harrison why does your bro think it is ok ? again peer pressure from student friends or someone else on campus ? He was drawn to it for a reason and what is the reason ?



He just got caught up in the wrong crowd and peer pressure. 

Well today, he decided he wasn't going and he just sat in the room and said "you can't make me" but they told my parents to leave and I got to have a word with him

after some time i convinced him he needs to get better he said he would go 

I'm so proud of him, and so happy. I'll see him in 30 days


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## Crimea_River (Jan 11, 2012)

You just added a few years of wisdom to your age Harrison. Good on you man.


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## B-17engineer (Jan 11, 2012)

I basically told him either way he couldn't come back here as much as I love him. I said he should make the best of the time he's going to be gone. He's eager to change himself and just apologized for all the pain he's caused people via Facebook.

He's at the airport now 

a couple of the texts between us i was sending them through email 

"Its Harrison, Joe. I'm so proud of you man. I'll always be here for you and can't wait to see the new you. Its a great opportunity to turn things around, We love you forever and always." 

him : "doesn't sound like you but I'm gonna miss you"

"You have a lot of courage for making this decision and can't describe how proud we are" 

him : "Whats reed doing" 

"He's playing xbox and wondering why I am crying so much" 

him : "Tell him i'm moving into Lewis' for a while. *I can't wait to see the new me, I can do this."*


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## Matt308 (Jan 11, 2012)

You are a good man, Dunga Din. Stand tall at school tomorrow. You are a peer among peers.


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## Catch22 (Jan 11, 2012)

Good job Harrison, you, your family and your brother will get through this.


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## B-17engineer (Jan 11, 2012)

Thanks everyone for all the advice you've given. I'm just so happy right now and haven't even started studying for my tests tomorrow


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## Matt308 (Jan 11, 2012)

...and never neglect your academics!!


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## B-17engineer (Jan 11, 2012)

Matt308 said:


> ...and never neglect your academics!!



Its history so I only need a memory refresher


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## Aaron Brooks Wolters (Jan 11, 2012)

Excellent news Harrison!!!!! Keep pulling for him and don't let up cause it won't be easy.


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## vikingBerserker (Jan 11, 2012)

That's awesome! There is nothing harder then seeing somebody you care for do something stupid and not being able to help. You guys are in my thoughts!


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## Maximowitz (Jan 11, 2012)

You can get sent to rehab for smoking _weed?_

Jesus, back when I was a teenager they used to give it away free with every copy of Led Zeppelin IV. The only "gateway" it opened for me was the refrigerator door.

Best of luck to your brother nonetheless - I guess the world has moved on..


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## B-17engineer (Jan 11, 2012)

Maximowitz said:


> You can get sent to rehab for smoking _weed?_
> 
> Jesus, back when I was a teenager they used to give it away free with every copy of Led Zeppelin IV. The only "gateway" it opened for me was the refrigerator door.
> 
> Best of luck to your brother nonetheless - I guess the world has moved on..



No he was doing pills


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## Maximowitz (Jan 11, 2012)

Ah right - a different kettle of fish. Definitely a bad idea. Chin up Harry - he'll kick it.


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## buffnut453 (Jan 11, 2012)

Hi Harrison,

Coming to this very late indeed. Sorry to hear about the challenge your family is going through. I'd be crying if it was one of my loved ones. I think you've had some great advice and your response to your brother is absolutely spot on. There's an old saying that you can choose your friends but not your family...however, blood is always thicker than water and home is where we learn our most important lessons about love, patience, tolerance and forgiveness (and, if you have brothers, how to fight like a rabid dog!). You're doing a top-notch job handling this and I, for one, think you're an outstanding young man!

Cheers,
Mark


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## N4521U (Jan 12, 2012)

The hardest part of what you are experiencing is thinking You can change him. The next hardest thing is supporting without condemning. Be there for him when he needs you. Listen and encourage, this is the most he will expect as well, and probaly all he wants. All else is really out of your hands. He's the one who has to find the inner strength to do this. 

I have four brothers, one has been thru rehab, in San Francisco, he survived it. One other just quit on his own. Of my two sisters one had been in rehab in SF for a very long time. There was nothing anyone could do in her case, and a lot to do with that is my family invented the word "disfunctional". I am from a first marriage, 9 years older than the next and only lived amongst them from 11 till I was 17. 

Be strong, support him, your mother, and your father in their decissions. Stay close to your siblings so they keep on track. It's like being on an airliner, when the oxygen masks drop, you gotta put your own on first, so you can look after the others.

Just Plane Bill


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## v2 (Jan 12, 2012)

I'm with you and your family, Harrison!


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## rochie (Jan 12, 2012)

thinking of you and yours Harrison and as been said we are here for you my friend if needed


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## Hotntot (Jan 12, 2012)

B-17engineer said:


> ...Well today, he decided he wasn't going and he just sat in the room and said "you can't make me" but they told my parents to leave and I got to have a word with him
> 
> after some time i convinced him he needs to get better he said he would go...



Well done for persuading your brother to go Harrison; a great personal achievement to be credited to you. 



N4521U said:


> ...Stay close to your siblings so they keep on track. It's like being on an airliner, when the oxygen masks drop, you gotta put your own on first, so you can look after the others.



Loads of very sound advice throughout the thread and, as 'Just Plane Bill' says, remember to look after yourself throughout this. I hope your brother's time away results in success. And when he does return, he'll have to dissociate himself from the 'druggie' crowd and find others with which to share a different set of interests and life goals, of course. 

Good luck to you and your family with everything - and - keep us posted.


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## B-17engineer (Jan 12, 2012)

I appreciate all the advice everyone has given me, it means a lot to see people how much people care. He's being shown the facility today (it actually look pretty nice...) and my dad will leave him tonight. I don't know how often I'll be able to talk to him but again I am so proud of him


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## DerAdlerIstGelandet (Jan 12, 2012)

Glad you were able to talk some sense into him Harrison.

I hope things work out for him and your family.


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## RabidAlien (Jan 12, 2012)

Missed this thread yesterday, somehow. Harrison, you've done all you can, and what you've done is exactly what you need to continue to do. 1) Pray for him. 2) Support him. 3) Let him know you love him unconditionally. As has been said many times here, the decision is his. But when he comes back, he's going to need a LOT of help/guidance/support. Its easy to say "no" in a clinic where all anyone ever talks about is getting away from drugs. Its a lot harder when you come home and start running into your old buddies again. He'll need your support there, maybe your help entering a new circle of friends. Stay strong for him, bro, stay strong for your parents, and remember always that WE ARE ALWAYS HERE FOR YOU, BUD!!! You're not alone in this, either.

And you'd BETTER tell us you aced that History test, or we're gonna have to ban you for a week.


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## Thorlifter (Jan 12, 2012)

Just found this thread too. Sorry for the pain your family is going through right now. I am however very happy that you got to talk to your brother and it seems that you are the one to convince him to get help. That could mean that you have more power in talking to him than your parents as he may see them as the "enemy". Stay close to him and stay in as much contact as you can, but sometimes just talk about other things and not this addiction. Talk about your classes, a family pet, or your dopey Jets  (Just trying to make you smile)

While I don't have a family member that has gone through this, my ex wife was addicted to alcohol and cocaine and went to rehab 18 months ago so I lived through it because of our children. It's very, very hard and an emotional roller coaster and the final decision is all up to him. Best wishes to your entire family!


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## ToughOmbre (Jan 12, 2012)

Harrison,

Always remember you have the support of all here. Your family is lucky to have a fine young man as yourself as a son and a brother.

Stay strong!

TO


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## Messy1 (Jan 12, 2012)

Great job in talking him into going Harrison. You may have saved his life! I am hopeful all works out for everyone in the end. One day he may come to you and thank you for convincing him to go. 
I know the feeling of having relationship problems with a brother. My brother and I have a strained relationship. I have trouble talking with my brother as I do not agree with how he and his wife are raising their kids, neither one wants to work, and they live with my parents yet, and I do not see any hope of their situation getting better. It's hard to talk with him as I try to be understanding, but hold a lot of anger towards him and his wife for not taking care of their situation like adults. Different topic, but it makes it hard to be close to my brother.


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## T Bolt (Jan 12, 2012)

I'm pulling for you and your family Harrison.


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## Catch22 (Jan 12, 2012)

Your Devils won.


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## Gnomey (Jan 12, 2012)

Glad to see that you managed to get through to him Harrison. The first step (and sometimes the hardest) is to admit you have a problem. Now he has started on the road through rehab, lets hope he continues it and that you all support him as much as possible as he will need that support.


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## Matt308 (Jan 12, 2012)

...you gotta love the members of this forum. Good people. Well for majority that is.


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## B-17engineer (Jan 12, 2012)

Again, thank you so much for the support its wonderful that a group of people that only knows me through the internet can be so caring. 

I'll be able to talk to him in a day or two after he is settled in. My dads flight is getting in at 11 tonight I think he has just been emotionally drained. The only thing that still bothers me is the same kids who aided him in his addiction are the ones saying "You think this could help him, ha" As much as I want to turn around and beat the living hell out of them I obviously have to show restraint because I can't do that to my family. I told him I'll be there with him every step of the way and I'll even give up football to make sure he is doing the right thing. Also I got called down to guidance today and they told me to come down whenever I feel like talking to them about it. Most of his friends (the good ones) are supportive and even a few came over to talk to my mom and how they're going to help him when he gets back. 

He is lucky he has so many caring people because its easy to let him self destruct. 

Again thank you all so much, it means a ton to me


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## pbfoot (Jan 12, 2012)

The first thing you gotta do is define a friend


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## Messy1 (Jan 12, 2012)

He'll quickly find out who is true friends are when he comes home and tries to stay clean. His true friends will be encouraging him everyday to stick with it. His old druggie buddies will not want anything to do with him, and rightly he should stay away from that group! Anyone who gives him flak for wanting to get and stay sober is obviously not a true friend, and your brother should quickly cut them out of his life. Druggies love the company of fellow druggies, and most will take offense to him trying to improve his life.


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## B-17engineer (Jan 12, 2012)

Messy1 said:


> He'll quickly find out who is true friends are when he comes home and tries to stay clean. His true friends will be encouraging him everyday to stick with it. His old druggie buddies will not want anything to do with him, and rightly he should stay away from that group! Anyone who gives him flak for wanting to get and stay sober is obviously not a true friend, and your brother should quickly cut them out of his life. Druggies love the company of fellow druggies, and most will take offense to him trying to improve his life.



Exactly this, all of his friends have worried about them influencing him when he gets back. I can't let this happen. Should I let him make the decision on his own or give them warning ahead of time he won't be with them?


This is where he is 
Alcohol and Drug Treatment Centers - Cumberland Heights Outpatient Treatment Centers


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## buffnut453 (Jan 12, 2012)

The world is full of losers only too eager to bring other people down to their level. Whether it's petty negative speaking or, as with these idiots, more harmful. Part of the challenge these days is the the very shallow definition of friend. The above comments are correct - a true friend will only ever try to build you up (and that includes having the courage to tell you you're an idiot when you're doing something stupid). If possible, try to find some of your brother's former associates who really are friends and perhaps, working with your parents, get them to encourage your brother at appropriate times during his treatment. Surrounding him with reinforcement, support and positivity are key to helping him kick his habit.


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## Messy1 (Jan 12, 2012)

That is a decision he's going to have to do on his own Harrison. It is definitely a requirement for him if he has any chance of staying sober, to drop any and all friends who are into drugs, alcohol, etc. It is too strong a temptation to risk being exposed too. He is going to have to make that choice, and stand by his convictions and dedication to staying clean. There is no room for any exposure to his old life if he is going to take this seriously, and have a chance to change his life.


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## pbfoot (Jan 12, 2012)

The addiction people your dealing with should be the person to answer that question or try al anon .


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## Messy1 (Jan 12, 2012)

Check out the program Intervention on A&E if you have the time Harrison. It is my fiancee's favorite program. You can really learn a lot watching it! some episodes are really interesting.


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## B-17engineer (Jan 12, 2012)

Messy1 said:


> That is a decision he's going to have to do on his own Harrison. It is definitely a requirement for him if he has any chance of staying sober, to drop any and all friends who are into drugs, alcohol, etc. It is too strong a temptation to risk being exposed too. He is going to have to make that choice, and stand by his convictions and dedication to staying clean. There is no room for any exposure to his old life if he is going to take this seriously, and have a chance to change his life.



There's this girl he used to date and was part of the reason he failed his last drug test. He's easily controlled by her and he knows its bad for him but can't tear himself away from her. Its sad.


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## Matt308 (Jan 12, 2012)

The female anatomy can have that persuasion.


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## RabidAlien (Jan 12, 2012)

If the program he's going in to is halfway decent, they'll cover the topic of his circle of friends, making new ones, staying out of compromising situations, etc. Its not about just getting off the drugs. One can get away from just about anything. But when you plunk yourself right back into the same situations as before, you're not going to stay out for very long. Sure, there may be exceptions to the rule, but they're just that...exceptions. Your brother already has several pluses on his side, that I can see. First, he has parents that loves him and is willing to make the hard choices to help him. Don't ever think this is not tearing your folks apart inside. Secondly, he's got a rather remarkable brother who has enough influence in his life so that he was able to talk him into going into rehab, on his own choice, rather than being forced. He looks up to you, Harrison. That places a tremendous responsibility on your shoulders, and from what I've seen, getting to know you here, you are more than capable of handling that load. You love football, and are willing to give that up for him. Not many would do something for a brother (I would actually suggest encouraging him to pick a hobby/sport of his own, whether it be football or Tiddlywinks, and get involved in it...that's a great way to fill idle time...idle time is not really a good thing for him right now, too easy to slip back in to old habits). Third, he's got friends. As you said, there are those who have come forward wanting to help. Friends, true friends, are what he needs now. Encouragement, whether it be the latest joke email or a quick "hey, bud, whazzup?" in the hallway at school, its what will let him know he's not alone. Its not going to be easy. But he's got some tremendous advantages going for him already.


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## Wayne Little (Jan 13, 2012)

Wow...miss a day or two and a LOT happens...seems it's all been said Harrison....anyway I know I may be on the other side of the world and not much to offer but I 'm standing right beside you in spirit, just like all the other forum members mate, hope things work out for the best man....Stand Tall Ok!


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## A4K (Jan 13, 2012)

Damn, just read your post Harry (not the replies yet though sorry).

Really sorry to hear this mate. 
The only thing I can say is half the battle is in his head. (And that's not just fobbing off clever sayings. I used to be an alcoholic and my brother a druggy.)


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## Njaco (Jan 13, 2012)

Sorry Harrison that I haven't posted in the thread as I have had some of my own issues lately but I can only ditto what everyone has sai so far. I only wish I had your character and resolve when I was your age. Good for you and I hope your brother gets better!


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## A4K (Jan 13, 2012)

Njaco said:


> I only wish I had your character and resolve when I was your age.



Yep, me too. Good on ya Harry.


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## DBII (Jan 13, 2012)

I am sorry that I just found the thread Harrison. You are a great brother. There is going to be some rough storms ahead. All I can do is repete what has already been said. Prayer will help you through the rough times. Just remember that you are not responsible for your brother choices and you have an on line family that you can always talk to. Best of luck.

DBII


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## Torch (Jan 13, 2012)

I echo what alot of others have said,be strong for you and your family, growing up I saw way too much of wasted youth and funerals that were drug related. Atleast he's getting help, He's got a long way to go and needs to accept the challenge of quiting,God knows we all have some darkness hidden in the closet...


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## GrauGeist (Jan 13, 2012)

Looks like I'm another late-comer to this thread, but hang in there H, you're doing a great job through this ordeal...proud out ya', man!


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## B-17engineer (Jan 13, 2012)

Thanks so much everyone. 

We sent him all the rest of his items he'll need for a month. I just slipped in a quick letter saying how proud I am of him, how his friends ask about him everyday, and how much I love him and will be with him every step of the way. One of the counselors called to say he was a bit homesick but almost everyone just getting there is. We get to talk to him today or tomorrow and I can't wait to talk to him. I didn't get to say goodbye because he didn't come home and was at a friends house when he was picked up by my dad. 

Again, i appreciate everything you guys have said it means a lot to me


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## Aaron Brooks Wolters (Jan 13, 2012)

With all here Harrison. And you have my utmost respect. Keep up the good work and character.


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## mudpuppy (Jan 13, 2012)

Another late comer but it is heart warming to see all the kind responses and good advice. A residential rehab can be a great way to get the tools he needs to stay drug free. But like others have said, it'll be up to him to use those tools. G'luck to your brother and your family.
Derek


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## B-17engineer (Jan 13, 2012)

I talked to him tonight!

He sounds sad at the moment but when I talked to him I told him I bought this hat he was asking for for quite some time and he seemed a bit happier. Once he makes friends though I think it will be a lot easier. He has no TV, Ipods, and such because I think they're trying to clear their mind.


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## RabidAlien (Jan 13, 2012)

Yep, get rid of all of the old outside influences and distractions, so that he can concentrate on what he needs to do. He's got a lot of hard decisions ahead of him (every minute will be another choice to stay clean), and some serious soul-searching. Its not going to be easy for him, and too much of today's media makes light of the drug/alcohol situation. But he's got a whole crew of folks there who are dedicated to getting him through this, and a family on the outside who are equally serious about helping him get clean. His odds are pretty darn good, all things considered.


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## Vassili Zaitzev (Jan 16, 2012)

Hey Harrison, I apologize from taking so long to reply. Looks like every other member has given good advice for you. I can only say to keep up doing the right thing.


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## evangilder (Jan 16, 2012)

If it is in your brother's mind to change and get away from the drugs, he will do it. I can say that as a recovered alcoholic/addict who has been clean and sober for 14 years this month. Nobody could tell me I had to do it, I had to be the one to want to make the change. It can be a tough battle and there may be ups and downs. The key thing to remember is that this is *his* problem, not yours. He has, and may again, hurt a lot of people around him. You can be supportive without being an enabler. 

There are support groups for family members of alcoholics and addicts. Don't be afraid to reach out to one of those. There is no shame in it, and you will find that many people who are the family members feel the exact same things, hurt, shame, fear, etc. Aside from that, I can't be a whole lot of help as I was on the side of things that your brother is currently on. Finding a good sponsor and mentor goes a long way in recovery.


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## mikewint (Jan 16, 2012)

Harrison, everyone has pretty much said it all. Any type of addiction is very, very subtle and takes hold before you know it, always with the illusion that you are in control of the addiction rather than the other way around. Your brother will have to hit his personal bottom where ever that is and how ever far down it is. As others have said you can only control yourself. I can still remember my addiction to morphine in the army 40 years ago like it was yesterday and how very difficult it was to shake. Only I could make that choice and only I could walk through that particular H*ll. You and your brother will be in my thoughts and prayers


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## Night Fighter Nut (Jan 16, 2012)

Late again I am but we're all here for you Harrison.


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## Vic Balshaw (Jan 17, 2012)

I've just picked this thread up Harrison and I've just got to say, you are one heck of a man and should be very proud of yourself. My thoughts and wishes are with you, you're brother and family. If your anything to go by, it is you with the help of family and friends that is going to get your brother through this and we guys are with you in thought and spirit every step of the way.


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## Hotntot (Jan 17, 2012)

B-17engineer said:


> ...I told him I'll be there with him every step of the way and I'll even give up football to make sure he is doing the right thing...Most of his friends (the good ones) are supportive and even a few came over to talk to my mom and how they're going to help him when he gets back...



Hey Harrison - does your footy club have teams for his year? Maybe he could go with you to one of your matches, when the time comes, for a look at least. Don't know if he's played before, or likes it, but he may find he has a good time both on the pitch and afterwards with all the camaraderie. Maybe that could be a way forward instead of you giving up sport. As has been said - getting involved in a sport/hobby will get him a whole new set of friends who are like minded and away from those who'd only too willingly see him relapse back to the old ways. I probably would give the old set a warning he won't be with them. If he's in doubt as to whether a new set will work or be worth it he could always read this thread (when appropriate) to see what many others accross the globe think. 

Looked at the Cumberland Heights site too - certainly set in very nice surroundings. Like all the rocking chairs out on the veranda.


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## B-17engineer (Jan 18, 2012)

Thanks so much guys, I get to talk to him again on Friday!


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## RabidAlien (Jan 18, 2012)

How have your conversations this week been so far?


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## B-17engineer (Jan 21, 2012)

Well, they first told us he is calling on fridays. So we expected a call last night and they called saying its mondays now. So Monday I'll speak with him!


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## vikingBerserker (Jan 21, 2012)

Waiting is always the worst.


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## Matt308 (Jan 22, 2012)

... and H you might want to plant the seed in your mind that he is likely jealous of you. You have your $hit together, are an accomplished young gent, surround yourself with people of integrity and have goals and ambitions. Keep that in the back of your mind when you talk with him. He may focus his anger upon you unnecessarily. Keep the conversation on him, his accomplishments and like another stated talk about the mundane. Don't focus on your life.

I'm frankly proud of you, dude.


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## Aaron Brooks Wolters (Jan 22, 2012)

Good advice Matt.


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## vikingBerserker (Jan 22, 2012)

Well said Matt.


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## B-17engineer (Jan 24, 2012)

Thanks so much guys, 

We hit a little bump in the road, they were having a group call with him, my mom and dad. Frankly, I don't think my parents handle things, like trying to talk in a calm manner, well. I don't think they are being understanding of him and his issues and so today they were handling the situation (talking it through, what the issues are, why'd he choose this path etc etc) in a reckless manner he hung up in the middle of the call. 

I just wish I could talk to him during the group sessions. He wrote in his letters he wants to do this for me and my little brother.


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## Erich (Jan 24, 2012)

Harrison how are you in writing letters ? as there seems to be a rush of a problem trying to sort with their own issues as to why - yes self blame game on your parents it might be best to stay away from the phone and just write an encouraging letter to him privately, he will hold onto this much longer than a 10 minute conversation by phone from you.

hang in there young man.

E ~


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## evangilder (Jan 24, 2012)

Sage advice from the old sage. Remember that some of your parents reactions come from their own life experiences, some of which you may not even know about. What any addict/alcoholic needs is a rock. Think of it as an anchor to keep them grounded. He has a long uphill climb ahead of him and if you can encourage him and provide support, it can go a long way. Throughout my recovery, my wife was my rock. It made a huge difference too when we had children. Being a sober parent is great, and I couldn't imagine being an alcoholic parent.


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## vikingBerserker (Jan 24, 2012)

evangilder said:


> What any addict/alcoholic needs is a rock. Think of it as an anchor to keep them grounded.



That my friend is spot on, well said!

----------------------

Harrison I have to say, I'm pretty dam proud and impressed with how you are handling things. Keep at it.


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## B-17engineer (Jan 24, 2012)

Thanks. My parents are suppose to fly down this weekend and he said he didnt want to see them. I write him a letter everyday but try to stay away from the addition and keep his mind off things. Ill put a little more into tomorrows letter. All hes worried about is this stupid girl he "loves" but is a terrible influence


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## Aaron Brooks Wolters (Jan 24, 2012)

Proud of you Harrison.


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## Erich (Jan 24, 2012)

Harrison do you know if there will be mediation on hand if your bro decides to meet with the folks ? 

if not this is going to be a rough session of get together as there needs to be a go-between in fact it is a MUST !. this helps erase any chances of pointing fingers in the wrong directions. your bro needs someone to confide in at this facility outside of Family and or friends and needs to be accountable especially when he has the drug "issues" that are bringing him down possibly into withdrawl. sad to say but he needs to see the light that his girlfriend needs to be an ex- real soon if he he is going to adjust back into the real world of life.


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## A4K (Jan 25, 2012)

...or check the girl in too??

Agree with Erich completely about the habit of fingers being pointed in the wrong direction (ie, avoiding the issue). The problem needs to be identified for what it is and tackled head on.


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## DBII (Jan 26, 2012)

Harrison keep up the good work you are doing. I know that your brother is causing you stress but try not to let it take over your life. There is always someone on the website for you.

DBII


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## RabidAlien (Jan 26, 2012)

Not much more to say other than to echo what's come before....letters, handwritten, are always the best. Typed are okay, but handwritten adds that personal "because I cared enough to take the time to find a pen" touch. And are easy to save and savor over and over again. Stay strong for him, but don't neglect yourself. If you need to vent, we're always here.


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## jjp_nl (Jan 27, 2012)

What can I say, other then that I have a pretty good idea what you're going through and I know how tough it is, but also that as soon your brother realizes he needs to get his life together there is a way out. 

I went through something similar with my younger brother. While it wasn't drug related perse, the combination of an anti-social personality-disorder, the medication he uses to deal with that and a drinking habit made for a particularly explosive mix that made him do things to me, my sisters, mom and dad and our property..and last but not least himself, for which there is no excuse (not even for a brother or son). It was devastating to see a handsome, truly bright and creative young lad go the hell in a handbasket. We too had to make the heart breaking decision to essentially kick him out of the house (let's face it, doing this has to be the one of the worst things for parents and brothers/sisters to have to go through), because otherwise we too would have ended up in the insane asylum or something and we just HAD to point out that he had to fend for himself and in order to get by he needed to get his act together. 

It took a few long and indeed miserable years (just thinking about the family meetings where we were to decide wether we felt like having him around for the x-mas diner is but one of those odd and very sad moments that comes to my mind, it affects the very foundations upon which one's entire being is based...your direct family), but on the bright side, our point did hit home....HARD in the end. We did point out that we wanted to 'be there' for him at all times, but the initiative as far a treatment and dealing with his issues was entirely on his side at all times. And sure enough, in the end that's exactly what he did. He cleaned up his act, quit drinking all together (him sitting next to somebody having a beer and so much as smelling alcohol-breath just about makes him puke) Through therapy he learned how to deal with his his mental issues (it can't be cured, but it can be dealt with in an orderly manner) he finished his school with very nice grades indeed and got offered a job (that suits him particulary well) at the company he did his traineeship with as part of his education and found his own little house to live in. Essentially he is now able to look after himself in an orderly manner, and has been doing great for the last 3-4 years. There is still a good bit of healing to do when it comes to family ties, but again that's entirely up to him. Although seeing him being able to look after himself helps a lot for me, and not feeling upset anymore when a birthday is coming up, or inviting him over for cup of coffee and things.

Not sure if it helps or not, but all I'm trying to say is stick to YOUR guns, be strong for yourself and the rest of your family, but also be there for him if need be but be sure HE is doing what it takes and help out if need be as HE works his way through whatever it is he needs to go through. Thoughts and prayers are with you.


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## B-17engineer (Jan 27, 2012)

Thanks you guys so much to everyone, it amazes me how many people really do care. 

I sent him a letter today that just explained most of what you guys have said. it was mostly encouragement


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## Wayne Little (Jan 28, 2012)

encouragement can go a long way mate....stick to it!


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## B-17engineer (Jan 28, 2012)

Thanks everyone, 

So that girl who he's 'with' posted a status on fb last night

"Drugs and alcohol are never the answer, unless the question is what am I doing this weekend" 

His one wish to me was to make sure she didn't do any of that stuff, well i sent a picture of the status to him so he can see that she is having a grand old time while he's trying to get his life straight. He needs to get away from that girl.


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## T Bolt (Jan 28, 2012)

Harrison, some times a guy just can't see what the girl he thinks he's in love with is really like no mater how many people tell him. After he's been kicked in the head by her enough times he'll get it all by him self, and the so called love will turn to hate for what she's done to him, and he'll be rid of her and wondering why he didn't listen to everyone. It's just gonna take time.


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## RabidAlien (Jan 29, 2012)

TBolt nailed it with that one. "Love is blind" is such a true statement. I had several folks warn me about a girlfriend once, who later became my ex-wife after cheating on me and running off with another guy. Its one of those life-experience lessons-learned that you never get until after it happens. And it hurts. But, you learn, grow, and move on. Just to give you fair warning, though...he'll probably need another steadying, calming influence in his life...introducing him to a new circle of friends when he gets out will definitely help with this, too.


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## B-17engineer (Feb 1, 2012)

Thank you guys, my parents are down there this whole week and said

- He looks so much better, the doctors said the hardest part for him was withdrawals. 
- The report they got from the school (inside the rehab facility) is the best they've gotten since 4th grade  . He has been doing all his work right and doesn't need prompting. The kid is extremely smart, he just didn't apply himself up here. 
- He still hasn't had that ' ah ha! ' moment but has admitted his problems


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## RabidAlien (Feb 1, 2012)

Well, its not gonna be an instantaneous change, its gonna take time...but sounds like he's off to a good start!


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## javlin (Feb 1, 2012)

I have been popping my head in Harrison occassionally to see how things sre going and it's good to hear he is doing better.Girls like that have got to go.


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## A4K (Feb 2, 2012)

Great to hear he's doing well Harry, hope you are too mate.


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## B-17engineer (Feb 2, 2012)

Thanks guys, 

well they approached him about staying an extra month, which is normal but he doesn't really want to.


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## Matt308 (Feb 2, 2012)

...and I'm sure it is REALLY expensive. Your brother apparently was doing more than must marijuana.


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## Catch22 (Feb 2, 2012)

Good to hear things are going ok Harrison.


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## B-17engineer (Feb 2, 2012)

Matt308 said:


> ...and I'm sure it is REALLY expensive. Your brother apparently was doing more than must marijuana.



Insurance covers it, but he was and I know it.


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## Aaron Brooks Wolters (Feb 2, 2012)

Sounds like things are going well Harrison. Keeping your family in my prayers. Keep up the good work.


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## Matt308 (Feb 2, 2012)

Wow. So young and so soon. I'm really sorry for your brother, you and your parents. What a nightmare.


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## vikingBerserker (Feb 2, 2012)

I could not even begin to imagine what imagine what it's like.


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## Messy1 (Feb 3, 2012)

I hope he makes the commitment to stay as long as he needs! If he does, that is a very good sign that he is wanting this to work, and taking everything seriously!


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## B-17engineer (Feb 4, 2012)

Appears he will be staying another month beginning on February 11th


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## Aaron Brooks Wolters (Feb 4, 2012)

Good to hear Harrison.


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## RabidAlien (Feb 4, 2012)

Good news!!!


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## Readie (Feb 5, 2012)

I really hope that this awful episode ends soon and your family can put it all behind you.
In the meantime, keep plugging away.
I admire your fortitude and loyalty.
Best wishes
John


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## Gnomey (Feb 5, 2012)

Good to hear he is prolonging his stay Harrison. That can only be a good thing.


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## Messy1 (Feb 6, 2012)

Hopefully his commitment to staying will be rewarded in good results when he is done!


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## B-17engineer (Feb 16, 2012)

Its my brothers birthday on the 20th. We are flying down tomorrow afternoon until Sunday afternoon to see him. He gets a four hour pass to leave the facility then on Sunday he has normal visiting hours


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## Matt308 (Feb 16, 2012)

Treat him as normal, H. Let your P's be the heavies.


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## RabidAlien (Feb 17, 2012)

Agreed, bro, don't treat him like eggshells. He'll probably appreciate a bit of normalcy. Tell him Happy Birthday from all o' us!


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## A4K (Feb 17, 2012)

Good advice Matt. 

Hope you're all doing ok Harry, and the time comes soon when this is long past and beaten.


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## Thorlifter (Feb 17, 2012)

Happy birthday to him from all the rowdy mongrel's here. Please tell your parents that they are in our thoughts too.


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## Aaron Brooks Wolters (Feb 18, 2012)

Yes, do tell him Happy Birthday for us!


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## B-17engineer (Feb 18, 2012)

Thanks so much guys. Had an absolutely wonderful four hours. For good behavior he got a four hour pass to leave with J's. We had lunch and bought him some books. He didn't ask about things at home which was great. The only thing is he still talks about chewing.tabacco which is the least of his worries but still something he needs to work on


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## RabidAlien (Feb 18, 2012)

One step at a time. I wouldn't mention it, to me it seems like that would be piling more frustration on top of what he's already going through. But, that's just me.


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## Tangopilot89 (Feb 18, 2012)

I can only echo what John has said on the previous page. I hope your brother is making good progress and you should be proud of yourself for helping him. Hope he has had a good birthday.

My apologies for not posting sooner.


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## B-17engineer (Feb 20, 2012)

Thanks guys, 

We spent 4 hours with him yesterday and the day before. He's been reading a lot of different religious books and goes to church every week there. He asked us to bring a bible down with us for him to read which was just fantastic to hear. He did not speak a word about drugs, smoking etc. etc. which made it a relatively stress free weekend. He's also become very good at pool


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## Messy1 (Feb 20, 2012)

Good news Harrison!!


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## RabidAlien (Feb 20, 2012)

Woot!


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## Aaron Brooks Wolters (Feb 20, 2012)

Excellent news Harrison, sounds like he's making great headway and you and your parents are doing great with it to!


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## bowfin (Feb 21, 2012)

> I'd almost call anyone under the age of 60 a liar if they said they never smoked a joint



I haven't and I am 51 years of age.


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## bowfin (Feb 21, 2012)

Harrison, I hope the progress continues. I will keep your family in my prayers.


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## ToughOmbre (Feb 21, 2012)

Keep the good news coming Harrison!

We are pulling for him!

TO


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## pbfoot (Feb 21, 2012)

bowfin said:


> I haven't and I am 51 years of age.


well I would suggest you are in the minority and I'll keep you in my prayers . 
Good stuff Harrison hope it works out


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## RabidAlien (Feb 22, 2012)

bowfin said:


> I haven't and I am 51 years of age.



Same here, with the exception that I'm only 38. Its not that rare a thing, to not have tried drugs.


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## Messy1 (Feb 23, 2012)

Agree. I'm 36 and have barely smoked a cigarette. I used to enjoy a cigar every once in a while, that I'll admit too! Please do not think less of me because of a few bad habits!!


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## B-17engineer (Mar 10, 2012)

My brothers coming home on Monday...a bit anxious


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## RabidAlien (Mar 10, 2012)

Don't be. Treat him like you would a friend from school. Don't tiptoe around, he may get the idea that he's broken somehow. Just go about business as usual. Have fun!


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## vikingBerserker (Mar 10, 2012)

Best of luck to you H.


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## B-17engineer (Mar 11, 2012)

Thanks guys! My dad flew down on Saturday and they shall return tomorrow night. Its his 4th time in Nashville in a little under 2 months.


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## Lucky13 (Mar 11, 2012)

What can I say H, you've got more brains on those wee shoulders, than many people twice, and more, of your age.
Have just had a wee scan through this thread, like many here I'm d*mn proud of you and what you do for your brother.
Couldn't be more proud of you, had you been MY own brother. Also noticed that I missed his birthday, a very belated Happy Birthday from me! 
Really hope that this is all in the past now, that you and your family can get your lives back, without hassle from unwanted caracters, trying to get back with your brother again. If not, me and a few of the...errmmm...lads from Glasgow are willing to exchange a few.....errrmm...words with them, but your old man will have to look the other way! I'm sure that some of the boys here as well, would be willing to offer their 2 cents! 

Please forward my very best to the rest of the family!

_“Your reason and your passion are the rudder and the sails of your seafairing soul, if either your sails or your rudder be broken, you can but toss and drift, or else be held at a standstill in mid-seas. For reason, ruling alone, is a force confining; and passion, unattended, is a flame that burns to its own destruction.”_

Hope that you won't get me wrong here H. Think that you were your brothers rudder in this case, stearing him in the right direction.


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## B-17engineer (Mar 12, 2012)

Lucky13 said:


> What can I say H, you've got more brains on those wee shoulders, than many people twice, and more, of your age.
> Have just had a wee scan through this thread, like many here I'm d*mn proud of you and what you do for your brother.
> Couldn't be more proud of you, had you been MY own brother. Also noticed that I missed his birthday, a very belated Happy Birthday from me!
> Really hope that this is all in the past now, that you and your family can get your lives back, without hassle from unwanted caracters, trying to get back with your brother again. If not, me and a few of the...errmmm...lads from Glasgow are willing to exchange a few.....errrmm...words with them, but your old man will have to look the other way! I'm sure that some of the boys here as well, would be willing to offer their 2 cents!
> ...



Thanks so much Jan! means a lot. 

He came home today, hadn't watched TV in 2 months, hadn't drank a soda in 2 months, hadn't eaten candy in two months. He was about 5'9" and weighed 120 lbs (Pretty thin) but gained 20lbs in 2 months. They sure fed him well. He will return to school tomorrow but if any incidents occur its under a 'contract' that he will move schools.


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## Aaron Brooks Wolters (Mar 12, 2012)

Great news Harrison! Sorry I have not kept up. This is a big step.


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## T Bolt (Mar 13, 2012)

Sounds like real good news Harrison.


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## A4K (Mar 13, 2012)

Yep, good news and hoping for the best for him, Harrison. He's done real well, but the real test will come now he's back in normal daily life. 

I couldn't even go into a pub after having to quit drinking (liver packed in) - just the smell would give me the craves to get drunk... but also a pain in my guts like someone was performing hare kiri on me. Avoided pubs like the plague accordingly, and could only drink my first small glass of beer about 3 and a half years later.

Hope your bro can beat the urges.


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## Lucky13 (Mar 13, 2012)

Anytime pal! Good news indeed! You've got my email in case you wanna email me, probably cost a fortune to text, but if you want, you can have my mobile number as well...
Keep them good news coming!


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## DBII (Mar 13, 2012)

I'm glad to hear he is back home. 

DBII


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## B-17engineer (Mar 16, 2012)

Thank you everyone! 

He still wants to leave the house constantly but he's told me that he wants to stay clean. Its good to hear but the same time he hasn't just stopped and chilled. He still wants to be with different people everyday which is a bit concerning


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## RabidAlien (Mar 17, 2012)

Hang out with him if you can, and try to get him to hang out with others who aren't going to put him in temptation's way. Let him burn off the energy...he probably just needs a little bit of direction.


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## parsifal (Mar 17, 2012)

Harrison

I havent read all the posts, so i dont all the ins and outs of whats happened. I apologize for that.

I just wanted to share with you what i have learnt with drug and alchohol abuse. I work in a related field, and i have a close family member who is an alcholic.

I cant from this distance solve this issue, neither can i sugar coat the realities of what usually happens. Substance abuse is tough, its especially tough on famillies. A few things I would say however.

1) this is not your fault, its not the fault of your parents. Its the fault of your brother. he is both the cause and the main victim in this. 

2) When an alchoholic or a drug user say they are giving up, they generally arent. If your brother is just acting out of a lack of maturity, he has a good chance of getting out of this. if he has agenuine habit its a long hard road to recovery. Generally the patient has to lose a whole lot before they can pull out of that self destructive vicious circle. The patient has to move to the point where he has nothing left to lose (and that usually means losing a whole lot) before he can begin the long slow process of sobering up and putting his life back together.

3) Years ago i did a course to try and help me through the situation with my relative. It was a course designed to help the family memebers that surround the abuser. Basically the family have to set limits, not try and solve or coach the substance abuser to a better place. It starts with self talk....working out what you are going to do and how you are going to react when he abuses. Work out the issues you are prepred to accept and work with, and those that you arent. Tell your brother what you are going to do, and how you will react if a situation arises......for example...."if I find out you are using, I am going to......." 

4) If this is genuine abuse, and not just delinquency then your brother is not well. hes not a bad person. He has a weakness that people have to try to deal with. At the end of the day however, you have to find the ground, or the point that are able to deal and cope, anything beyond that point is not a problem you can or shoul take on or worry about. Your brother has choices, remember that 

5) If your brother is just mucking up, still set limits, and know that at some point he will be hitting a wall over this. again, work out what you are prepred to do, and what you arent. Tell your brother where you are up to.....Tell him this causes you grief, that he hurts people when he does this stuff. it probably wont stop him, but brothers can have a powerful impact on each other

Lastly, keep your chin up, thats important. I hope I havent hurt you by talking this plainly


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## A4K (Mar 17, 2012)

Sounds like good advice, good stuff Mike.


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## B-17engineer (Mar 20, 2012)

parsifal said:


> Harrison
> 
> I havent read all the posts, so i dont all the ins and outs of whats happened. I apologize for that.
> 
> ...



Thanks so much for this.

My brother had a mental breakdown today and is going to see a.doctor .. he is struggling staying clean(he has been since his return).


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## Thorlifter (Mar 21, 2012)

Oh boy. Sorry to hear that, but you have to expect good and bad days. Just keep doing what your doing.


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## A4K (Mar 21, 2012)

Ah man...feel for him. Just stick by him mate. Without smothering or overbearing him, just let him you're always there for him, noone can ask for more than that. A brother is often the best friend a man gets in this world.


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## Lucky13 (Mar 21, 2012)

Maaaan....tell him that we're all supporting him and that he can do this!


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## gumbyk (Mar 21, 2012)

Harrison,
Ironically, this may be a good thing for him. Drug and alcohol abuse is often a symptom of depression/anxiety, so now hopefully he'll get the help he needs.

Hang in there , and make sure you look after yourself and your mother as well.


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## B-17engineer (Mar 21, 2012)

Thanks guys he got medicine to stabilize his mood and is at his meetings (as usual)

He still does IOP (Intensive out patient) and goes to AA and NA meetings


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## B-17engineer (Mar 21, 2012)

*Joe Laverty:*
officially on the road to recovery and thanks for everyone supporting me and f*** everyone who doubts me

Well looks like somethings clicked..., that was from facebook


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## Aaron Brooks Wolters (Mar 21, 2012)

Still in our prayers Harrison!


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## Thorlifter (Mar 21, 2012)

Swingin' for the fences. Good for him!


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## A4K (Mar 22, 2012)

That's great news Harry - if that's his attitude to this he should do fine!


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## rochie (Mar 22, 2012)

good news Harrison
and good luck to your brother


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## RabidAlien (Mar 22, 2012)

Agreed with all of the above...sounds like his attitude is where it should be! Don't let the bad days get y'all down, they're bound to happen (everybody has them). Y'all can make it through, and it just makes the good days all the more sweeter!


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## B-17engineer (Mar 23, 2012)

Thanks so much everyone!

He told my parents he doesn't want to go to IOP anymore, because all the kids there are just there because they're court ordered to be. He said he'd rather go to an AA or NA meeting everyday because the people there wants to get better. He has a bunch of different issues that he takes pills for. He has anxiety, depression, believe he's bipolar and he takes nearly 8 pills everyday. He said during their breaks at IOP the kids all talk about drugs and how to cheat the test and "He can't get better in an environment like that". Seems to have a valid point.


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## A4K (Mar 23, 2012)

Good - smart kid. He'll beat this thing, the others won't. 
Wish him every success (and you and the rest of the family too)


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## B-17engineer (May 13, 2012)

I owe all you guys an update

So When he did return he had a slight relapse. He broke down crying after he had done it. Every since he's been 41 days sober now. He does smoke cigarettes outside the house but we have to pick and chose our battles. He's been removed from school and is getting home-schooled basically (Teacher comes to our house). The school seems to be where a lot of his problems came from. Again I can't thank you guys enough for all the support.


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## Aaron Brooks Wolters (May 13, 2012)

Well, I think you and your family did the work Harrison. You and your family are the ones to be commended. We here lend the the support. You guys fought the battle.


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## Lucky13 (May 13, 2012)

My best to you and your family H!


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## RabidAlien (May 13, 2012)

Hey, the breakdown is actually a good thing...it shows that he's genuinely trying to keep clean, and was kicking himself (pretty hard, too) for the relapse. We're all human, and prone to failures and weakness. Keep encouraging him, H, from what you've said before, he looks up to you! And getting him out of the public school, where his old "gang" still hangs out, is probably one of the best things. "Out of sight, out of mind". Tell him we're all still rootin' for him!


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## muscogeemike (May 13, 2012)

My youngest son had drug problems - jail (in three states), many lost opportunities and lost relationships. He put me and his brother through hell. 
As others said until your brother confronts is problems there isn’t a lot you can do.
Absolutely do not become an enabler!


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## Njaco (May 13, 2012)

Glad to hear hes doing better. Tell him, don't give up!!!


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## vikingBerserker (May 13, 2012)

It really sounds like you guys are handling it well H, make sure to give yourself some credit too!


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## Matt308 (May 13, 2012)

Hang in there buddy. Irrespective if your brother's decisions in life, you are a good man and a good brother. Always remember that. And always seek to live up to that ideal which YOU define as a "good man".


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## evangilder (May 13, 2012)

It certainly sounds like he is on the right road now. Keep encouraging him and supporting him in his recovery. It makes a big difference. The NA/AA can make a big difference. Having traveled the road he is on, the signals show a good path change. The longer you stay on the right road, the easier it is to stay there (I've been sober for 14.5 years).


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## parsifal (May 13, 2012)

Harrison, I am not a religious man, but I will honestly keep you and your family i my prayers (yeah, I do sometimes).........


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## Thorlifter (May 13, 2012)

Overall, great news. I hope he continues down the right path.


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## A4K (May 14, 2012)

With all! Great news here all round, including the breakdown - therein lies the proof of his commitment to get over this.
There may be one or two small lapses yet, but they will be less and less till they diminish altogether. He will pass this with flying colours in the end.

You and your family have also done extremely well mate, full credit to you all.


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## B-17engineer (May 14, 2012)

Thank you very much guys, it means a lot to us 

He has expressed interest in a boarding school in MAssachusetts to help him keep clean. The school takes them to NA/AA meetings and things like that as well


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## Lucky13 (May 14, 2012)

Good stuff H! I'm sure that he'll do great there!
My best to your bro mate!
.....and the rest of the clan too of course!


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## Messy1 (May 14, 2012)

Good news Harrison! with all here! It sure sounds like he is trying his best to stay clean! Wanting to go to a boarding school away from his influences near home is a huge step! It sounds like he is taking this very seriously!


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## B-17engineer (May 17, 2012)

Thanks guys ! 

He attends NA and AA meetings just about everyday and he actually took me with him to one at an 'open meeting'. I met his sponsor (who he talks to just about all day) and I heard the other hardships people have gone through. One guy was 30 years sober and shared his story. It was pretty eye opening


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## vikingBerserker (May 17, 2012)

Dude, that's just awesome!


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## Aaron Brooks Wolters (May 17, 2012)

Great news Harrison!


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## RabidAlien (May 18, 2012)




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## Hotntot (May 19, 2012)

Just caught up with the thread. Great to hear that things are looking a lot brighter. Good luck to you and your brother H.


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## B-17engineer (Aug 29, 2012)

Well, he had a relapse, and it was a bad one. 

I came home from school yesterday and my parents told him to stay outside and that they needed to talk to him. I told my little brother to go downstairs and i'd be down in a second. They got a call he was using opiates. He proceeded to start throwing things, he broke a glass table in the backyard, my dads bike, and a few other miscellaneous items. My dad told him that he needs to be evaluated at a hospital and he said he'd never take a drug test, screamed a few profanities, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the steps in the front of our house. Then my dad (Police officer) starting comparing my eyes to his, his pupils were like the point of a pin. He was obviously under the influence during this whole ordeal and the symptoms for heroin are violence toward loved ones. 

He also broke one of my things and im bigger then him so I grabbed him and held him against the wall, my dad told me to let him go and then said not to come back in. We had the police take him to the hospital since he wouldn't go willingly. Doctors evaluated him there, he tested positive, but the kicker is they can't hold him there. He won't sign himself into a rehab and said he would rather be in jail. So my parents yesterday took pictures of everything broken and plan on filing charges with the police. 

Everything that comes out of his mouth is a lie. Its not like were in some impoverished inner city area, my parents are both hardworking people who contribute to society. I don't get it.


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## Messy1 (Aug 29, 2012)

Wow, sorry to hear things took a turn for the worse Harrison! Hope he'll come to his senses and get the help he needs!


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## Wurger (Aug 29, 2012)

I'm very sorry to hear that Harry.


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## B-17engineer (Aug 29, 2012)

I mean he's pulled this kind of stunt so many times, I'm telling to police to please take him. Process him and then wait for a judge and get him court ordered somewhere


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## Aaron Brooks Wolters (Aug 29, 2012)

Harrison, I'm very sorry to hear this. Will keep you and your family in our prayers.


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## B-17engineer (Aug 29, 2012)

Its not even myself or my brother I'm worried about, its the little one who shouldn't have to look back on his childhood and remember this bull****


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## Aaron Brooks Wolters (Aug 29, 2012)

Hopefully it will be a sign of what NOT to do when he gets older.


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## B-17engineer (Aug 29, 2012)

Well, he refuses to go anywhere but home but were trying to get him court ordered somewhere


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## DerAdlerIstGelandet (Aug 29, 2012)

Harrison, I am so sorry to hear about this. You know that everyone is here for you, if you wsnt to vent or talk.


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## Gnomey (Aug 29, 2012)

That sucks Harrison, really sorry to hear it. Perhaps going through the judicial system may knock some sense into him, you can but hope.


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## B-17engineer (Aug 29, 2012)

Thanks guys, with the little hope we have left, we're hoping this does it for him


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## B-17engineer (Aug 29, 2012)

Well, he called home from the hospital, and said if we didn't get him out he was going to do something to get himself thrown in jail. So my dad called and alerted the desk and they brought in another doctor for a second opinion. He's committed to 3 days in patient at literally a mental hospital. We still need to get him court ordered for longer but its a start


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## N4521U (Aug 30, 2012)

It's just a bummer, to see someone close, one who has such an impact on family. It's such a stigma that gets attached. It's saddening to see someone crumble in front of you. It Is something over which You have no control. It's like watching a train wreck, one that takes years from start to finish, and you cannot stop it from happening.

I have a friend in L.A., we learned to fly at the same time 21 years ago, who's wife is giving him so much grief. She has turned his two young boys against him. He's trying to get custody and get them away from the spiteful things she does. The thing I have asked him to do, is to make sure he does something for Him. He is the one that has to come thru all that is going on around him. Because He is going to be The influence his children will bank on in the end.

So, I think I have said this before to you as well. Make sure You survive this. Take care of You. One day you may be the influence that brings your brother thru all this. Show him you are genuinely concerned for his welfare, that you are on his side, as you have done. It's all you can do my friend. 

Thinking about You,
Just Plane Bill


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## RabidAlien (Aug 30, 2012)

Still prayin, bro. Maybe a week or two in the joint will put him in where he can see firsthand the effects that this lifestyle will have on him. Hopefully the tough-love and brutal reality will open his eyes. But stay tough yourself, don't let this get you down.


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## Wayne Little (Aug 30, 2012)

Sad news to hear Harrison, stay positive mate....


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## Hotntot (Aug 30, 2012)

Sorry to hear about the recent turn of events Harrison. Just awful for everyone concerned. As Just Plane Bill says - take care of your little brother. As you said too - he shouldn't have to see all this; it's a stark way to find out the dangers of getting involved in all this (serious) caper, loosing control and bieng unable to kick it all into touch. And look after yourself too. You're doing all you can but it's becoming clear your brother might not be coming out of this for a long time to come.


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## Vassili Zaitzev (Aug 30, 2012)

Real sorry to hear this Harrison. I can only repeat what everybody else has said, but stay positive!


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## vikingBerserker (Aug 30, 2012)

Really sorry to hear this H, I could not even imagine what it's like.


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## B-17engineer (Aug 30, 2012)

Thanks guys, the insurance company approved 3 days in a physchiatric hospital. So we need to wait for another evaluation and see where that puts us


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## mudpuppy (Aug 30, 2012)

Harrison, I've been here very infrequently of late and I hated to see this update today. I've been a Registered Nurse for over 20 years and nearly all of that time in psych nursing so I've seen scenarios similar to this played out many, many times. While the situations and the substances abused may vary widely, two things never change: the family suffers horribly from the chaos and believe it or not....so does the addict.

I won't presume to give advice, unsolicited and without full knowledge of all the dynamics, but I would like to make a few general observations. On the issue of ordering someone into a mental health facility or rehab; generally this is a civil court order as opposed to a criminal court order. Laws vary from state to state (I'm in Virginia) but often these involuntary orders are relatively short in duration and intended as a crisis admission to evaluate "Imminent" danger to self or others. Someone that is actively psychotic and running in traffic....or someone hopelessly depressed and suicidal with a plan are two classic examples. While a substance abuser may display very risky and harmful behavior when they are under the influence, disinhibited by their drug of choice. They often 'sober up" in 24-36 hours and want nothing more than to be released and go get high....again. Unless they are currently displaying the same dangerous and harmful behavior that got them admitted in the first place, a court may have no choice but to release them. At least in my state, these civil orders generally can NOT order an addict into treatment if there are no other factors (delusions, psychosis, suicidally depressed) present.

Second, there is a (slow) growth of a new treatment options for substance abusers who have "intersected with the justice system" and that is Drug Courts. At times this is a hot-bed issue when people believe it is being soft on crime and no politician want to be accused of having a "Hug a Thug" record rather than tough on crime stance. But drug courts are (again, generally) made for non-vioelnt offenders with a substance abuse problem. It is a program run by a specially trained judge and support staff that requires an offender to meet ALL of their requirements or its back in jail for them. I know that Virginia, especially rural Virginia, has just a few of these. I found the website below that has a littel information on this, but I don't know where to point you for further information or referrals.
Pennsylvania Unified Judicial System 

I don't mean to sound discouraging and I hope it doesn't make you feel that way. You mentioned opiate pain killers earlier and if thats the case it is a dangerous and powerfully addictive substance. Some great pain meds under a Dr's care but all too easily abused. And all too common on the street these days. 
Its a very diffiucult thing to watch a loved one self-destruct before your eyes. Its just as difficult to really want to help them but not sure how to do that without either enabling them (rescuing) so they just use again...or help in a way that doesn't make you feel like your turning your back on them. Talking helps, it really does. I've been impressed with your candor and strength to reach out like this to your friends on this forum. Assuming all of what I've written above may be of some help and not just old news you've heard a dozen times before; you may want to look for local family support groups like "Nar-Anon" or "Al-Anon" in your area. A quick google search found the site naranonepa.org for eastern PA, but I'm not sure if thats where you live.

Good luck and all the best to you and your parents.........Your brother too. Nobody chooses to be an addict; its a miserable spiral that they may believe they have control over, but it ultimatley controls them. Treatment can work, when they choose it. I hope he does.

(Looks like I did give advice after all, sorry. I know how this situation feels and I hope my best wishes come across even if my words may seem dire.)

Best regards,
Derek


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## mudpuppy (Aug 30, 2012)

Got interupted several times here at work while typing my response above, just saw your last post. Glad to hear he is in a safe place.
Derek


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## B-17engineer (Aug 30, 2012)

mudpuppy said:


> Harrison, I've been here very infrequently of late and I hated to see this update today. I've been a Registered Nurse for over 20 years and nearly all of that time in psych nursing so I've seen scenarios similar to this played out many, many times. While the situations and the substances abused may vary widely, two things never change: the family suffers horribly from the chaos and believe it or not....so does the addict.
> 
> I won't presume to give advice, unsolicited and without full knowledge of all the dynamics, but I would like to make a few general observations. On the issue of ordering someone into a mental health facility or rehab; generally this is a civil court order as opposed to a criminal court order. Laws vary from state to state (I'm in Virginia) but often these involuntary orders are relatively short in duration and intended as a crisis admission to evaluate "Imminent" danger to self or others. Someone that is actively psychotic and running in traffic....or someone hopelessly depressed and suicidal with a plan are two classic examples. While a substance abuser may display very risky and harmful behavior when they are under the influence, disinhibited by their drug of choice. They often 'sober up" in 24-36 hours and want nothing more than to be released and go get high....again. Unless they are currently displaying the same dangerous and harmful behavior that got them admitted in the first place, a court may have no choice but to release them. At least in my state, these civil orders generally can NOT order an addict into treatment if there are no other factors (delusions, psychosis, suicidally depressed) present.
> 
> ...



Thank you very much Derek, they moved him to the new hospital at 1:30am this morning and they had extra doctors/staff incase he attempted to resist but apparently he walked to the ambulance and got in without a struggle. At the end of these three days, were looking at some options in different states, some as far as Utah. The bottom line is my parents are not letting him back in the house. Whether my dad has to buy an apartment and live with him or whatever he isn't coming back home. Theres the younger one here who doesn't need to see his brother fading in and out of consciousness because he's high on opiates. The school obviously knows about it because he hasn't been in school so they've been asking me about the situation and what not


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## Catch22 (Aug 30, 2012)

Sorry to hear about this Harrison.


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## Lucky13 (Aug 30, 2012)

I'm very, _very_, sorry to hear this H! Wish I was closer to you... Could have given more support then!


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## Matt308 (Aug 30, 2012)

I had hoped that this thread had concluded. I have to say that your post literally took my breath away. I really liked Derek's post. IM me if you wish to talk anytime. I wish him and your family the best.

Question? Where is he getting the "opiates"? And is he doing Oxy or heroin? Either way that costs $$. So is he stealing from your family or others to get his drugs? If so, that is gonna get bad real quick on top of his addiction.

Hang in there, buddy.


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## B-17engineer (Aug 30, 2012)

Matt308 said:


> I had hoped that this thread had concluded. I have to say that your post literally took my breath away. I really liked Derek's post. IM me if you wish to talk anytime. I wish him and your family the best.
> 
> Question? Where is he getting the "opiates"? And is he doing Oxy or heroin? Either way that costs $$. So is he stealing from your family or others to get his drugs? If so, that is gonna get bad real quick on top of his addiction.
> 
> Hang in there, buddy.



Heroin, and no ones sure where the money came from, none of us are missing money, so that leads us to believe he's stolen things. Also, when he got his license he told my parents he would be out for the day and the car with a full tank of gas would only come back with half a tank. He went to Newark for them I guess because he left the dam address in the GPS. 

And again guys thanks for the support it really means a lot to me since I really can't talk to my friends about it because of the stigma that goes with someone in a mental hospital. The support is something that really helps in a time like this I've even got text messages from members so again thanks guys. 

Right now were looking into a specific facility in Utah that would get him out of here and i'm not even telling his closest friends. He needs all ties cut from people.


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## Matt308 (Aug 30, 2012)

Wow. Heroin.


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## B-17engineer (Aug 30, 2012)

Matt308 said:


> Wow. Heroin.



Yep.......


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## Thorlifter (Aug 30, 2012)

Just telling you that "I'm sorry and hope things get straightened out for all" seem so shallow and unhelpful. I am going through a few issues (not to this level) with my daughter so I know part of the pain, frustration, hurt, anger, etc etc that something like this can have. So believe me when I tell you "I'm sorry and hope things get straightened out for all", that I sincerely mean it. I do hope for the best.


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## B-17engineer (Aug 30, 2012)

Appreciate it

Apprently now that he's got nothing in his system he's pleading with my parents to let him come home and he will go to all his meetings blah blah blah we've heard it all before. Also, the place is terrible in the fact that he's probably the most normal out of everyone there.


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## Matt308 (Aug 30, 2012)

That must be sobering in itself... "things that may come to be". I hope he gets it like a "scared straight" episode.


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## Thorlifter (Aug 30, 2012)

Matt308 said:


> I hope he gets it like a "scared straight" episode.



Agree with Matt 100%


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## Vic Balshaw (Aug 31, 2012)

My heart goes out to you and your family Harrison, I can only imagine what your all going through.


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## B-17engineer (Aug 31, 2012)

Thanks guys

Well his 3 days are up tomorrow and the only state that doesn't require him to sign himself in is Utah so that is where he is headed. Two air Marshalls are picking him up and transporting him by plane to Utah where he will then be transfered to the rehab facility.


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## Matt308 (Aug 31, 2012)

Dearest Lord that sounds expensive.


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## B-17engineer (Aug 31, 2012)

It's a fortune But it's literally his last chance


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## Matt308 (Aug 31, 2012)

Your Dad is a giant amongst Titans.


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## vikingBerserker (Aug 31, 2012)

Certainly a first class gentleman. My prayers are with you and your familly Harrison.


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## RabidAlien (Aug 31, 2012)

Still prayin, bro, for you, your family, and your brother. Sometimes its hard, but sometimes the best thing is to let someone slam face-first into rock-bottom. I know several folks who got their wake-up call that way.


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## parsifal (Aug 31, 2012)

B-17engineer said:


> Well, he had a relapse, and it was a bad one.
> 
> I came home from school yesterday and my parents told him to stay outside and that they needed to talk to him. I told my little brother to go downstairs and i'd be down in a second. They got a call he was using opiates. He proceeded to start throwing things, he broke a glass table in the backyard, my dads bike, and a few other miscellaneous items. My dad told him that he needs to be evaluated at a hospital and he said he'd never take a drug test, screamed a few profanities, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the steps in the front of our house. Then my dad (Police officer) starting comparing my eyes to his, his pupils were like the point of a pin. He was obviously under the influence during this whole ordeal and the symptoms for heroin are violence toward loved ones.
> 
> ...



Harrrison

i really feel for the situation you and your family are facing. I speak from experience, though my brother was an alcoholic, and a bad one (he was violent). and i come from a decent middle class background similar to your situation). so i believe my experience may be of some help. Just remember this, what you are dealing with here is not your brother, its the substance abuse. your brother is the guy you knew before the trouble started, not what you are seeing now. When he behaves like he does, it does no good to get in there and reason or debate or seek justice or retribution. The solution is that you have to be the adult, setting the limits on what is acceptable behaviour and what is not. you need to t0lk to your parents, and i would strongly recommend you get advice from a Counsellor (perhaps through your school....talk to your parents0. You need skills and maturity to deal with this situation, and i wont lie, its tough. 

forgive your brothers lies it comes with the territory, but dont forget. Sounds like you are at the point that he will say or do anything. thats not him talking, its his dependance. he sounds like he is just a kid, hasnt realized or is uncaring as to the terrible toll his dependance is causing on himself and his family.

I want you to stop being a brother for a minute and be an adult. Thats what you need to do im afraid, if my experience is anything to go by. famillies are not well equipped to deal with this situation though your dads experience as a Police officer does (i think) give your family additional resources that might be helpful. There is no magic bullet to solve what you and your family face. You cannot abandon your brother if you love him, but neither can you let him run amok in your lives because his dependance will destroy you if you let that happen 

In my opinion, the answer is the setting of limits as to what is acceptable and what isnt. This might sound stupid, but i think you need some area of sanctuary, an area or space that is yours, and your brother is not allowed to come into. I had the same problem. My brother used to come into my room and steal stuff and want to pick fights with me all the time. i got my parents to put a solid core door with a lock on my door. I had a relephone in my room. When my brother used to come home drunk and want to pick a fight with me, or steal or extort money from me, i would simply lock the door and he couldnt get in. My fortress. my sanctuary. when i would leave for school the door was locked. you also need to talk to your brother 9when he is sober, and lay down the "rules" for him as far as his dealings with you are concerned......what is acceptable and what isnt. Do that in consultation with your parents and counsellor. I would recomend you write them down. 

eg 

"1.Dont ever come in my room except when im there and with my full permission
2. Dont ever touch my stuff except with me there and with my permission
3. If you break or damage anything that is mine, you will pay for it (method of payment to be decided by Mom and Dad)
4. If you (your brother) dont use for 1 week, i promise to take you to bike riding each saturday morning, but if you lie about your usage and we find out, ther will be no bike rides for 1 month " .....etc

This wont just be for your benefit...it will set structure and order for your brother as well, and it sets limits for the whole family to know. it gives some sense of order and safety for a family which i think would be doing it tuff right now. 

Michael


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## B-17engineer (Sep 1, 2012)

parsifal said:


> Harrrison
> 
> i really feel for the situation you and your family are facing. I speak from experience, though my brother was an alcoholic, and a bad one (he was violent). and i come from a decent middle class background similar to your situation). so i believe my experience may be of some help. Just remember this, what you are dealing with here is not your brother, its the substance abuse. your brother is the guy you knew before the trouble started, not what you are seeing now. When he behaves like he does, it does no good to get in there and reason or debate or seek justice or retribution. The solution is that you have to be the adult, setting the limits on what is acceptable behaviour and what is not. you need to t0lk to your parents, and i would strongly recommend you get advice from a Counsellor (perhaps through your school....talk to your parents0. You need skills and maturity to deal with this situation, and i wont lie, its tough.
> 
> ...



I really appreciate this, as his use went on this second time around his lies got worse and worse so it was easier to catch him in a lie and when we did its when he'd get angry/violent. He wants to be treated like an adult he said and I almost laughed at it. After all the privileges he abused he wants to be treated like an adult? The Doctor said he doesn't feel any guilt for his actions and takes pleasure in recalling 'drug stories'. He is probably the most normal person in the psychiatric hosptial but it should give him a shock of what is to become. They sedated a guy in front of us in the hallway who was fighting with doctors I mean its crazy. 

Well in about 6 hours (6am ET) the two Marshals will get ready to pull him out of bed and get on a plane with him to Utah. if he refuses to get on the plane they rent a car and drive and will give him opportunities to get on a plane at major airports along the way. If not theyre driving the two and a half days to Utah with him. 

Today when were talking to him he said are you guys gonna get me out of here and my mom said yes...not in the way he thinks but she wasn't lying either.


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## B-17engineer (Sep 1, 2012)

Well, he got on the plane this morning with no issues one of the guys called. He said he had a good attitude about it. 

Its a start.


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## Lucky13 (Sep 1, 2012)

Hang in there Bro!
I'll keep in touch!


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## B-17engineer (Sep 12, 2012)

Here's a letter I wrote on a whim to him....


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## DerAdlerIstGelandet (Sep 12, 2012)

Marshal's taking him? Where are they sending him?


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## B-17engineer (Sep 12, 2012)

DerAdlerIstGelandet said:


> Marshal's taking him? Where are they sending him?



for transportation reasons since he more than likely wouldn't get on a plane with my dad they were sort of the 'muscle' so to speak. He's in Utah now since minors don't need to sign themselves into rehab like the 49 other states


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## Njaco (Sep 12, 2012)

H, I missed alot of this thread and just catching up. Nothing more I can add to what already has been said, except when you need to vent, do it here. All of us can provide an ear and a shoulder for you.


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## DerAdlerIstGelandet (Sep 12, 2012)

B-17engineer said:


> for transportation reasons since he more than likely wouldn't get on a plane with my dad they were sort of the 'muscle' so to speak. He's in Utah now since minors don't need to sign themselves into rehab like the 49 other states



So he is going back to rehab?


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## Aaron Brooks Wolters (Sep 12, 2012)

Harrison, our prayers are with. I wish there were something else I could do for you all. Hang in there.


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## B-17engineer (Sep 12, 2012)

DerAdlerIstGelandet said:


> So he is going back to rehab?



Its like wilderness rehab or something........He lives in the woods and cooks his own food and stuff


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## DerAdlerIstGelandet (Sep 12, 2012)

Ah, I think I saw that on TV once. Some sort of documentary, but out in the desert. 

Well, we are all thinking of you, and I wish your brother the best of luck.


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## B-17engineer (Sep 12, 2012)

Thanks very much appreciate it


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## Gnomey (Sep 13, 2012)

Yep. We all wish him (and you) all the best and hope he improves.


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## Matt308 (Sep 13, 2012)

That letter brought tears to my eyes.


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## Bucksnort101 (Sep 13, 2012)

Those last couple paragraphs made for a tough read, hopefully it gets through to your brother as well. I hope your brother realizes how much his family loves and supports him, heck he's got people from around the world praying and hoping he gets his act together.


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## Marcel (Sep 13, 2012)

Thinking of you and your family, Harrison


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## B-17engineer (Sep 13, 2012)

Thanks guys so much it means a lot


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## B-17engineer (Sep 25, 2012)

I don't know if I'm up to late or what but

I'm in a really dark place. I don't know how I've managed to hang on to this rollercoaster I call my life. Its gotten to the point where even waking up and trying to go to school and make everything seem okay is a problem. I felt depressed, lost, and just not sure what I even am looking for in life anymore. I've been through a lot to say the least. Anyway I better sleep on it..

"No one knows my struggle, they only see the trouble."


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## RabidAlien (Sep 26, 2012)

Dude, been where you're at....got there by a different path, but I've been in that dark place. Let me tell you this, you've hung on to that roller-coaster this long because you have an inner strength that won't let you let go. You're not going to quit. Sometimes you get to the point where there's nothing else BUT that inner strength...that's the dark place. All you have left is what's inside you. And the catch-22 is, being that close to yourself, its hard to actually see that strength inside you, yourself. But make no mistake, its there, we can see it. Others can see it. And I wish like heck that I had something to offer, some sage advice, some timely wisdom to impart that would make things easier. I really wish I did. For me...its just a matter of hanging on long enough for the roller-coaster to quit plummeting and level out. Others may be different, have different solutions, but for me, its just a matter of hanging on long enough. Stick to your routines, that keeps things familiar, comfortable. Go out and do something you know you enjoy, whether or not you feel like doing it. Take some time for yourself. Its not selfish to need to take care of yourself every now and then. So go out, do something you know you like, and you'll find yourself having fun again. If you feel like you need to talk, make an appointment with your school counselor. Or post here, we're always here for you. But never forget, you've got friends around the world who are behind you 100% of the way, and supporting you in their own way, with prayers, good thoughts, etc. You're not alone, bro!


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## B-17engineer (Sep 26, 2012)

Thanks I feel a bit better this morning, I think since I've been balancing school, work, my older brother, and trying to spend time with my younger brother I've just been tired and frustrated.


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## Thorlifter (Sep 26, 2012)

Most of us older guys, and heck, some of the younger ones, have all been to very dark places in our lives. It's called "living". Every day isn't going to be roses and gum drops and some of the issues hang around longer than others. Some people handle rocky marriages, for some it's death, for some it's and addiction issue. I'm dealing with stuff for with both my daughters right now and it's been a difficult time for them for about 10 years, thanks to my stupid ex wife. You will have bad days and good days. On those bad days, do your best to look at the situation and kick it square in the balls. 

Going through life, for all situations, there is always a resolution. Sometimes its not the one we want, but things will get better in time. Quite often, it just takes time. Hang in there bud. We all have a great big shoulder for you to lean on if needed.


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## vikingBerserker (Sep 26, 2012)

A-Fricken-Men!


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## Lucky13 (Sep 26, 2012)

....and you have a sh*tload of lads, that's watching your back here H!


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## B-17engineer (Sep 26, 2012)

Thanks guys! Playing some hockey today got my mind off things it's my release basically


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## DerAdlerIstGelandet (Sep 26, 2012)

B-17engineer said:


> I don't know if I'm up to late or what but
> 
> I'm in a really dark place. I don't know how I've managed to hang on to this rollercoaster I call my life. Its gotten to the point where even waking up and trying to go to school and make everything seem okay is a problem. I felt depressed, lost, and just not sure what I even am looking for in life anymore. I've been through a lot to say the least. Anyway I better sleep on it..
> 
> "No one knows my struggle, they only see the trouble."



Keep your head up, and keep looking to the light. Times might be tough, but you can always overcome it.


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## RabidAlien (Sep 26, 2012)

Not to sound like your Mom, but yeah, its amazing what a good night's sleep will do for a body. If you find your mind just won't shut down and you have a hard time sleeping, try some Nyquil or TylenolPM (on a weekend, until you know how its going to affect you the next day). Your body needs to stop and recharge its batteries every now and then. And yeah, gettin out and doing something you enjoy will help put things in perspective, too. Life is tough, especially when you assume the loads for other people. But, at the risk of sounding trite, you're building massive amounts of character right now. There's a definite balance that needs to be achieved between caring for others and caring for yourself. You'll find it, we all have faith in you!


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## Gnomey (Sep 27, 2012)

Indeed, the best thing is too keep your head up. The best thing you can do is talk to people about it (its Self Harm/Suicide/Depression etc week here in Med school). Don't just talk about it here though, talk to your parents and if you feel the need a healthcare professional. To be able to vent frustrations in such an environment will probably prove very helpful (but again I'm only a med student so go via your local GP/doctor if you feel the need to go this route). Your parents if you can talk to them are still a good sounding board, don't be afraid to talk about it but that doesn't seem to be an issue.


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## gumbyk (Sep 27, 2012)

B-17engineer said:


> Thanks guys! Playing some hockey today got my mind off things it's my release basically



Thats good, that you've found a release. I've been keeping an eye here, but have not had anything useful to add, as you've been getting great help and support from the guys, but know my thoughts are with you too.

You might also find some useful info here.
The site is put together by on of New Zealands most well-known sportsmen, who has suffered from depression, but a lot of the coping strategies will be the same.


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## B-17engineer (Sep 27, 2012)

Thanks very much guys, I've been over thinking things lately and have just been mentally worn down. 

Anyways, back to my brother...apparently the counselors at the place he's at said he is the by far the brightest, on a short writing assignment they gave him he wrote 11 pages on and his writing was really good. He's been there almost a month now and after this next few weeks comes the decision of what happens next.


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## B-17engineer (Oct 25, 2012)

Update: My brother is now going to finish his high school year in a boarding school in Utah.

For Thanksgiving and Christmas we are visiting him out there


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## Matt308 (Oct 25, 2012)

And give thanks you must. I'll certainly give you mine.


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## Aaron Brooks Wolters (Oct 25, 2012)

With Matt. We are still pulling for you and your family Harrison. I pray things work out for you and yours.


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## vikingBerserker (Oct 25, 2012)

A-Fricken-Men.


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## Lucky13 (Oct 26, 2012)

I'd be proud to have you as a wee brother H and in being so, I'd _never_ let you down like he has, but it seems like it's going in the right direction now, I really hope that this is the one, the one where you brother finds his way home again, I'm sure that you all miss the guy that he once was, hell, I'm sure that he miss him as well! I certainly hope that he one day, one day realise how f*cking lucky he is to have you as a brother, how lucky he is to have you lot as a family, plenty out there that's _not_ that fortunate! That's the one thing I hope that he give thanks for this Thanksgiving!

Being a Swede, I've never celeberated Thanksgiving, but if I was, I'd give plenty of thanks for having you as a friend, to have good fortune to call many here friend...

Please forward my very best to the rest of the clan!


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## A4K (Oct 26, 2012)

Harrison, I just read your letter to your bro. RESPECT mate.


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## RabidAlien (Oct 26, 2012)

Excellent news, Harrison! Y'all're still in our prayers!


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## mudpuppy (Oct 26, 2012)

Good news in your latest update. all the best to your brother and your family.
Derek


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## B-17engineer (Oct 26, 2012)

Thanks very much guys, thank you for being here for me throughout it all. It really means a lot! 

i haven't seen him for almost two months now and can't wait to see him Thanksgiving


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## Matt308 (Oct 26, 2012)

Chin up buddy.

And to think that I sympathize with my youngest boy missing his big brother off to college. Rather puts things in perspective.

Remind your parents how wonderful they are Harrison. They too need reinforcement from the bottom-up. And love your younger brother like he may be gone tomorrow.

Best to your family.


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## vikingBerserker (Oct 28, 2012)

I could not have said it better then Matt.


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## B-17engineer (Dec 29, 2012)

Just got back from visiting him for the 1st time in 4 months!!

Was a great weekend, everything went smoothly he was really happy to see us but also was a hard goodbye after 3 short days


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## vikingBerserker (Dec 29, 2012)

That's awesome my friend!


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## fubar57 (Dec 29, 2012)

B-17. I've been following this thread from day 1. Haven't said anything as I don't feel it's my place but I hope everything works out for you and your family in the New Year. Hang in there.

Geo


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## Thorlifter (Dec 29, 2012)

Glad you got to visit with your bro for Christmas. Is he still at a rehab place?


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## Wayne Little (Dec 30, 2012)

Glad the year is ending on a good note Harrison!


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## RabidAlien (Dec 30, 2012)

Good to hear!


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## Njaco (Dec 30, 2012)

Great news H!


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## Aaron Brooks Wolters (Dec 30, 2012)

Great news Harrison!


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## oldcrowcv63 (Dec 30, 2012)

Very good to hear it went well!


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## Lucky13 (Dec 30, 2012)

Great news mate!


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## Gnomey (Dec 30, 2012)

Good to hear things are moving in the right direction.


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## B-17engineer (Dec 31, 2012)

Thorlifter said:


> Glad you got to visit with your bro for Christmas. Is he still at a rehab place?



Thank you everyone! He's at a therapeutic boarding school now out there


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## B-17engineer (Jun 5, 2013)

My brother has been home for about a month now, he's still doing well and we're hoping it continues, he's at 280 something days sober which is really good for him. The longest he's been sober. He goes to PT at the marine recruiting station about twice a week and he's waiting to hear if he's been accepted or not. Fingers crossed that he gets accepted I think it'll be good for him and he really wants to join the Marines.


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## Torch (Jun 5, 2013)

Have my fingers crossed for you and your bro!!!


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## Thorlifter (Jun 5, 2013)

Most excellent. Glad he's beginning to turn his life around. I'm sure it's a weight off your shoulders as well as your parents.


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## Lucky13 (Jun 5, 2013)

Fingers crossed here as well H!


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## vikingBerserker (Jun 5, 2013)

That's just fricken awesome!


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## Readie (Jun 5, 2013)

Good news for your family and brother mate.
Well pleased to read your post.


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## B-17engineer (Jun 5, 2013)

Thanks everyone it means a lot!


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## Gnomey (Jun 5, 2013)

Great to hear Harrison! Lets hope it continues this way.


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## N4521U (Jun 5, 2013)

Yes, good to hear he has something to focus on. One needs that. It's like being retired in a way. Sitting around lamenting on the past will drive you insane. You need something to keep everything level and plumb. Something to direct your energies on. Let's all hope he ends up with them white sidewalls and a buzz cut. Give him a pat on the back and a "Goodonya mate" from down undah!


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## B-17engineer (Jun 5, 2013)

Appreciate it a lot guys! Its definitely a new him


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## Marcel (Jun 6, 2013)

Hope he'll be able to stay clean. Good luck to all of you.


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## Night Fighter Nut (Jun 6, 2013)

I'm glad to hear your brother is doing better and has several days sobriety under his belt, but he's not out of the woods yet. Addiction is a very difficult thing to overcome. Even with one year of sobriety, he will always be in danger. Stay close to him and help him get past the one year mark. Once he is past the one year mark, then you can relax... a little. The biggest thing is to keep him away from those people and places that were a part of his addiction. Once on the path to sobriety, he can never go back. One thing that will help him when he feels weak, help him remember all the things he has lost because of the addiction. I understand this helps them remain sober. Good luck Harrison.


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## B-17engineer (Jun 6, 2013)

Thanks, I'm trying to stay with him and help as much as I can because it scares me when he says things like "I'm bored" because thats the reason he started experimenting in the first place, he was just bored.


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## Wayne Little (Jun 6, 2013)

Good to hear things are going well Harrison...


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## Night Fighter Nut (Jun 6, 2013)

too bad you can't entice him to build a model with you. We, of course, can give words of encouragement and perhaps help during those boring times.


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## Matt308 (Jun 6, 2013)

Marines can be a hardcore bunch with a misguided 'esprit de corps'. Warn him that his addiction can take him to alcohol if gets into those bunch. Hope all works out for him.


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## meatloaf109 (Jun 6, 2013)

Wow! Yep, I agree with Matt, there are some serious alcohol abuse issues in all branches when it comes right down to it. I find it hard to believe that the Marines are going to accept him given his history. They are a pretty strict outfit.
You might make the grade, but your brother with that kind of baggage, I don't know.


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## B-17engineer (Jun 6, 2013)

Well, he has no criminal record not sure what else they check out


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## Night Fighter Nut (Jun 6, 2013)

I've spent some time as an Army recuiter, perhaps I could help. They will ask questions like these. Have you ever been arrested? Even if the court has expunged your record, you need to come clean. Have you ever taken drugs, if yes, what kind and how long ago? They will drug test. He may have to say if he was in rehab. It depends on how he answers the questions as to what bunny trail they will follow. If he hides anything, it use to be a $10K fine if found out. The best way to find out anything is to ask a different recuiter what the different polices are. You would need to ask, not him. Since the services are drawing down, they can get more picky.


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## B-17engineer (Jun 11, 2013)

Guys, I need some help

For the past two-three years through this whole ordeal I've had demons tormenting me. Through the grapevine in school I heard about what he was doing and I chose to do absolutely nothing. Now, I know everyone will say "You can't make his choices for him" and that may be true but I'm his brother and as a brother I'm suppose to help him out and ensure that he's safe above anything. I was a Freshman in High School at the time but for the past two-three years I'm literally reminded everyday that I could've stopped this a lot sooner. It makes me feel like a piece of sh!t to be honest. When you see your parents paying $15,000 a month for rehab and your dad working odd jobs at ungodly hours and the pain in his eyes, it makes you feel awful about yourself. 

The problem is, I don't know how to forgive myself. I never have since that incident happened and I get up everyday and pretend like everythings okay until I come home and hear my mom ask "Anyone seem Joseph? Joseph told me he hates it here" and realize had I said something, our family wouldn't be like this. Had I said something maybe he wouldn't have tried to kill himself twice. I haven't said anything to anyone in two or three years because I don't want to relive that and I don't want to relive my actions, or lack thereof. Again I know I can't make his choices for him but I could've had a say in what direction his choices went. I just feel awful and it finally boiled over today because I had a bit of a mental breakdown thinking about it.


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## Readie (Jun 11, 2013)

Harrison,
Your brothers decisions were his and would he have listened to you when all this started? You have the admiration of the people on this forum as you tried to deal wth the issues and eventually your brother made the right decision and your parents are doing all they can with support and paying for rehab.
People do feel guilty...its a normal human response but, you should not feel more guilty than anyone else.
You mention having a breakdown mate...if you have a full blown breakdown you are the last to know.
Deep breath old son, look to the future and all this will blow over.
Best wishes
John


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## Matt308 (Jun 11, 2013)

B-17engineer said:


> Guys, I need some help
> 
> For the past two-three years through this whole ordeal I've had demons tormenting me. Through the grapevine in school I heard about what he was doing and I chose to do absolutely nothing. Now, I know everyone will say "You can't make his choices for him" and that may be true but I'm his brother and as a brother I'm suppose to help him out and ensure that he's safe above anything. I was a Freshman in High School at the time but for the past two-three years I'm literally reminded everyday that I could've stopped this a lot sooner. It makes me feel like a piece of sh!t to be honest. When you see your parents paying $15,000 a month for rehab and your dad working odd jobs at ungodly hours and the pain in his eyes, it makes you feel awful about yourself.
> 
> The problem is, I don't know how to forgive myself. I never have since that incident happened and I get up everyday and pretend like everythings okay until I come home and hear my mom ask "Anyone seem Joseph? Joseph told me he hates it here" and realize had I said something, our family wouldn't be like this. Had I said something maybe he wouldn't have tried to kill himself twice. I haven't said anything to anyone in two or three years because I don't want to relive that and I don't want to relive my actions, or lack thereof. Again I know I can't make his choices for him but I could've had a say in what direction his choices went. I just feel awful and it finally boiled over today because I had a bit of a mental breakdown thinking about it.



IMMEDIATELY, H, AND I MEAN IMMEDIATELY CALL YOUR MOM AND DAD INTO THE ROOM WITH A COMPUTER AND SIMPLY SHOW THEM THIS POST. DO IT. I DEMAND IT. DO IT FOR ME. I'M CALLING YOU OUT ON THIS ONE.


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## vikingBerserker (Jun 11, 2013)

H, I'm with Matt on this one.

You cannot expect an unreasonable person to be reasonable and things worked out the way they should have with him. If your brother was not ready to deal with it back then, instead of your parents paying $15k a month for rehab, they could be paying $15k for a funeral. Talk to your parents, the fact they are doing what they are speaks volumes of them.


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## Torch (Jun 11, 2013)

What Matt and VB said!!!!!!!!!!!!


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## B-17engineer (Jun 11, 2013)

Thanks for the input guys


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## Aaron Brooks Wolters (Jun 11, 2013)

I'm late but I agree with Matt and David. And DON'T forget about about Jesus. He is there for all of us.


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## Shortround6 (Jun 11, 2013)

B-17engineer said:


> Thanks for the input guys



You can always play the coulda, woulda, shoulda game in your mind. But in the end, YOU are not responsible for somebody else drinking or taking drugs. Take care of yourself and your parents so you CAN do what you can for your brother.

Several co-workers, a brother of my own ( four separate 30 day rehab sessions before it took but it did) and an ex-wife don't make me an expert but a lot of us have had similar experiences.


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## meatloaf109 (Jun 11, 2013)

Matt308 said:


> IMMEDIATELY, H, AND I MEAN IMMEDIATELY CALL YOUR MOM AND DAD INTO THE ROOM WITH A COMPUTER AND SIMPLY SHOW THEM THIS POST. DO IT. I DEMAND IT. DO IT FOR ME. I'M CALLING YOU OUT ON THIS ONE.


A little more calmly, BUT I AGREE!


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## B-17engineer (Aug 27, 2013)

1 year sober today for my brother!!


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## swampyankee (Aug 27, 2013)

Kudos to him!


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## vikingBerserker (Aug 27, 2013)

That's awesome!


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## Matt308 (Aug 27, 2013)

Good on him!


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## Thorlifter (Aug 27, 2013)

That's great news


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## Matt308 (Aug 27, 2013)

Did you have that conversation with your P's? Nope. You didn't, did you.


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## Gnomey (Aug 28, 2013)

Great news Harrison!


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## Hotntot (Aug 28, 2013)

Matt308 said:


> Did you have that conversation with your P's? Nope. You didn't, did you.



Great news re your brother and follow Matt308's advice H, talk to your parents if you haven't already.


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## Aaron Brooks Wolters (Aug 28, 2013)

Excellent news Harrison! You and your family keep up the good work sir!


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## B-17engineer (Aug 29, 2013)

Thanks so much everyone!


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## Lucky13 (Aug 29, 2013)

A bl**dy well done H!


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## DerAdlerIstGelandet (Aug 29, 2013)

Great news!


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## Torch (Aug 29, 2013)

Top notch news!!!!


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