# Monty Python!



## Desert Fox (Jan 20, 2007)

This is nothing more than a blatant advert for my new, and first, forum. Its all about Monty Python, the television series and the movies.
Its only new, and at the moment I have only 4 members, all of them being my friends. So, in order to raise awareness of my new forum, I thought I'd advert it here first. The link is below:

The Wainscotting :: Index

In case you're wondering where the name of the site comes from, it is the title of one of my favourite Python sketches.

Hope to see some of you there!


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## Desert Fox (Jan 20, 2007)

By the way, if any of you do join, could you give me some pointers on what I could do to improve the site? It would be greatly appreciated.


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## the lancaster kicks ass (Jan 20, 2007)

unfortunately talking to the low life on this site takes up the most of my browsing time.........


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## lesofprimus (Jan 20, 2007)

Hey, I resemble that remark...


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## Matt308 (Jan 20, 2007)

Hey Les. Is your wife a go'er. Eh? Wink, wink, nod, nod. Say no more!


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## Desert Fox (Jan 20, 2007)

Is your wife interesting in, uh, photography? Eh? Photographs, he asked him knowingly?


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## Matt308 (Jan 20, 2007)

That's not a horse! You're banging two coconuts together. Where did you get two coconuts, anyway?

A sparrow.

A SPARROW!! In Mesapotamia!! There are no sparrows in Mesapotamia. How would he have gripped it?

By the husk!


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## lesofprimus (Jan 20, 2007)

Its not a question of where he grips it.......


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## Chief (Jan 21, 2007)

It's a simple question a weight ratios...


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## Desert Fox (Jan 21, 2007)

A four ounce bird can not carry a one pound coconut!


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## joebong (Jan 21, 2007)

"It's like those miserable psalms, they're soo depressing


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## the lancaster kicks ass (Jan 21, 2007)

Desert Fox said:


> A four ounce bird can not carry a one pound coconut!



i can't quite remember how it goes but.......

"it could if it's an African Sparrow"


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## lesofprimus (Jan 21, 2007)

"I could be carried by an African swallow..."

But then the African swallow's not migratory...


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## Matt308 (Jan 21, 2007)

"I am King Arthur and I am in search of the Holy Grail"

"Go way. We already 'av one."


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## Desert Fox (Jan 21, 2007)

"He's says theyve already got one, sir."

"Uh, can we see it?"

"Of course not, you are silly English types!"


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## Matt308 (Jan 21, 2007)

"I fart in your general direction"

Frenchmen with a large pintle hat forms a rasberry over his mouth and blows.

PPhhhhhttttttttt.


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## Desert Fox (Jan 21, 2007)

"Your mother was a hampster and your father smelt of elderberries!"


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## Matt308 (Jan 22, 2007)

"He's not the Messiah! He's a very naughty boy!"


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## Smokey (Jan 22, 2007)

"On second thought, let's not go to Camelot. It is a silly place."


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## Matt308 (Jan 22, 2007)

Forgot about that one.

How about Sir Galahad caught by the 100 virgins.

"As punishment, you must perform cuninlingus upon the lot of us"

...and upon being saved -

"Fear not Sir Galahad, for I have come to save you!"

"Go away!"


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## Thorlifter (Jan 22, 2007)

<clank> <clank> Bring out your dead <clank> <clank> Bring out your dead


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## Matt308 (Jan 22, 2007)

"What's your favorite colour?"

"Red. No blue!"

AAaaaaahhhhhh....


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## Matt308 (Jan 22, 2007)

"What weighs more than a witch?"

Crowd "More witches!"


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## k9kiwi (Jan 22, 2007)

"This parrot is Dead, deceased, snuffed it, its fkng DEAD."

PS. here is the complete transcripts for all the TV shows.

Monty Python's Flying Circus - Just the words


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## Matt308 (Jan 22, 2007)

To **** with that. You can't cheat!

Scene change to back of a catholic woman in a dress washing dishes. Suddenly a bloody fetus falls on the floor from between her legs.

"Oh, terribly sorrry. Will you pick that up for me?"


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## cheddar cheese (Jan 22, 2007)

Ah, I see you have the machine that goes 'BING!'


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## Gnomey (Jan 22, 2007)

"NiNiNiNiNiNiNiNiNiNiNiNiNiNiNiNiNiNiNiNiNiNiNiNiNiNiNiNiNiNiNiNiNiNiNiNiNiNiNi"

"I want a shrubbary" (or is it "I want a wockery")


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## Matt308 (Jan 22, 2007)

"We are the Knights Who Say Nee! And we are in search of a shrubbery."


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## Chief (Jan 22, 2007)

A what?!?


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## Desert Fox (Jan 22, 2007)

"Are you trying to insinuate something?"
"Oh, no no no no no....yes."
"Well?"
"Well, youre a man of the world, arent you. I mean, youve...done it, youve slept...with a lady..."
"Yes."
"Whats it like?"


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## Chief (Jan 22, 2007)

"It is sad times when one can say Ni anytime he pleases."


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## Smokey (Jan 23, 2007)

*Brian:* I'm not the Messiah! Will you please listen? I am not the Messiah, do you understand? Honestly! 
*Girl:* Only the true Messiah denies His divinity. 
*Brian:* What? Well, what sort of chance does that give me? All right! I am the Messiah! 
*Followers:* He is! He is the Messiah! 
*Brian:* Now, **** off! 
[silence] 
*Arthur:* How shall we **** off, O Lord?


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## Matt308 (Jan 23, 2007)

And now for something completely different...

Men shipwrecked and lost at sea in a small lifeboat.

"We can't hold out much longer."

"Listen chaps...there's still a chance. I'm...done for, I've...got a gammy leg and I'm going fast; I'll never get through. But...some of you might. So...you'd better eat me."

"Eat you, sir?"

"Yes. Eat me."

"Uuuggghhh! With a gammy leg?"

"You needn't eat the leg, Thompson. There's still plenty of good meat. Look at that arm."


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## the lancaster kicks ass (Jan 23, 2007)

"So you were raped?"

"Well, to begin with..."


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## ndicki (Jan 23, 2007)

So what are you?

I'm F.... Why do you think I've this outrageous accent, you silly king!


OK, next time I'll read to the end of the thread!


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## ndicki (Jan 23, 2007)

Forgive me, Father, for I have joined.


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## Matt308 (Jan 23, 2007)

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Upperclass Twit of the Year Competition.


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## ndicki (Jan 25, 2007)

One of the twits in the twit olympics is called Nigel...


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## Matt308 (Jan 25, 2007)

So he was. Cleese's character wasn't it?


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## Desert Fox (Jan 25, 2007)

Nigel Incubator Jones, Vivian Smith-Smythe-Smith, Gervaise Brooke Hampster...and I cant remember the rest


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## Matt308 (Jan 26, 2007)

I had forgotten. Beautiful.


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