# Official Chav Thread.



## Medvedya (Apr 2, 2005)

Anything about chavs is for this thread.

Hate Chavs?

Had a bad experience with one?

Wanna share it?

Stick it here! 



http://www.getlippy.com/play/quizzes/chavquiz/

http://www.fat-pie.com/chavs.htm

http://www.cecimoz.co.uk/flashpanel/Chavs.htm


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## GermansRGeniuses (Apr 2, 2005)

Apparently, I am a 10 percent chav .

"Wannabe chav
You are 10 % chav
You clearly know you are not, nor will you ever be anything even closely resembling a bonafide chav but that doesn't stop you from jumping on the bling bandwagon every now and then. There's nothing wrong with a bit of pretending though you'll never be able to hold your own with the true Burberry brigade."


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## Medvedya (Apr 2, 2005)

Hah! with 13% I'm more Chav than you! So nya! 

I though you'd like those, GrG.


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## the lancaster kicks ass (Apr 3, 2005)

ha looser i'm 18% chav!!!

man those sites are great, and yes, chavs should have their own thread..........


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## Nonskimmer (Apr 3, 2005)

I'm completely chavless! 

Well ok, I just like to think I am.


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## Medvedya (Apr 3, 2005)

Did you ever feel that the destroyer you were on would have been improved with extra lights, go faster racing stripes, and a huge spoiler bolted onto the stern?


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## Nonskimmer (Apr 3, 2005)

Nope!


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## Medvedya (Apr 3, 2005)

You're not a chav then.


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## Nonskimmer (Apr 3, 2005)

Ah-ha!! Yay, for me! 8)


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## the lancaster kicks ass (Apr 3, 2005)

come on we've all got a bit of a chav in us


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## Medvedya (Apr 3, 2005)

I've just been reading on ChavScum International that Aussie Chavs are called 'Bogans', and 'Quillos' are the Spanish variety! 

And here's something for N.S, K.K, and Maestro - enjoy! 

http://www.chavscum.com/forum/viewforum.php?f=2&sid=7513e4541b51ede400bfdb5dea8624d0


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## Nonskimmer (Apr 3, 2005)

Y'know? I don't think I know of a specifically Canadian term for 'em. 
I know through most of Nova Scotia they're often known simply as dirtbags or scumbags. Not very original, but apt none the less.


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## Nonskimmer (Apr 3, 2005)

Nice link, Med.


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## Medvedya (Apr 3, 2005)

Do you remember I was telling you on TeamSpeak about the time I got punched in the gob by a chav - just because I didn't have any cigarettes to give him. 

Individually they're weedy, spotty little shit-stains, who even a slightly built guy (like me) could kick across Queen's Square. 

The trouble is, they know this, which is why they always make sure that 5 or 6 of their mates are around when they do stuff like that. Added to which they've probably all got knives. 

Real heroes huh?


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## the lancaster kicks ass (Apr 3, 2005)

so, come on, ciggies up, who here's a chav??


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## Nonskimmer (Apr 3, 2005)

Yeah, it's a common tactic and you've got to be careful. But then, you could always gather a few of your own mates and go chav hunting.


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## the lancaster kicks ass (Apr 3, 2005)

chav hunting, hmmm well now we can't use our hounds to hunt foxes why not


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## Medvedya (Apr 3, 2005)

So we hold a piece of fake Burberry cloth under the hounds nose for them to pick up the scent?

We could also train them to attack at the sound of a 'Babycakes' ringtone.


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## GermansRGeniuses (Apr 3, 2005)

Here's a board (forum) dedicated to hunting and putting down chav motors...


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## the lancaster kicks ass (Apr 3, 2005)

man that site's good.........


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## Medvedya (Apr 3, 2005)

...but the cars are painful.......


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## mosquitoman (Apr 4, 2005)

I'm 8% Chav 

A mate of mine has these threads on his website:
houseofmez.proboards25.com/index.cgi?board=chavs

Round Walden they get called Barries and Sharons, it's the only area that does apparently

Another good website: www.chavspotting.co.uk


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## the lancaster kicks ass (Apr 4, 2005)

hehe annother great site.........


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## Nonskimmer (Apr 4, 2005)

So many chavs...so little time.


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## the lancaster kicks ass (Apr 4, 2005)




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## Nonskimmer (Apr 4, 2005)

Chavs of the animal kingdom.


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## the lancaster kicks ass (Apr 4, 2005)




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## JCS (Apr 4, 2005)

What on earth are you guys talking about??? I've never heard of this "Chav" thing in my life.........


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## Medvedya (Apr 4, 2005)

http://www.chavspotting.co.uk/chavdefinition.html


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## the lancaster kicks ass (Apr 5, 2005)

you have allot to learn my friend..............


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## Nonskimmer (Apr 5, 2005)

JCS said:


> What on earth are you guys talking about??? I've never heard of this "Chav" thing in my life.........


They're all across North America, it's just that no one calls them "chavs". At least not that I know of.

Street kids, gangstas, that sort of thing.


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## cheddar cheese (Apr 5, 2005)

After all, no-one expects the Spanish Inquisition!


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## JCS (Apr 5, 2005)

> Street kids, gangstas, that sort of thing.



Ugghhhh yea, now I know what you mean. 

Well, I can say that Im 0% "Chav" even without the site, cuz I cant stand any of that stuff.......


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## cheddar cheese (Apr 5, 2005)

Im 5% Chav...damn I rock! 8)


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## Nonskimmer (Apr 5, 2005)

Except for that 5%. For shame!


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## cheddar cheese (Apr 5, 2005)

Less than everyone else!


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## GermansRGeniuses (Apr 5, 2005)

After re-taking the test, I found I'm 8 percent, not 10 percent.


In reality, I've never eaten Pot Noodles, but I have eaten Cup-of-Noodles.

Same difference, but the name is different so it doesn't count.


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## Nonskimmer (Apr 5, 2005)

Wayddaminut! Why is Cup-o-Noodles considered chav food?! 
I like 'em, and I aren't no stinkin' chav!


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## Medvedya (Apr 5, 2005)

Noo, it said 'Do you eat 'Posh noodles' and think you _are_? 

I think cup-o-noodles are totally different from the Pot Noodle - which is really nasty, and guaranteed to have nothing natural in it at all!

Although it's said to be the student food _'par excellence'_ I've never felt the urge to eat one myself.


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## Nonskimmer (Apr 5, 2005)

Whew!! Saved!


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## Medvedya (Apr 5, 2005)

Actually, come to think of it, I would only eat a Pot Noodle if I was left to starve on a deserted island - and only then after I'd eaten my own legs first.


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## the lancaster kicks ass (Apr 6, 2005)

i still can't believe i have so much chav in me!!


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## cheddar cheese (Apr 6, 2005)

Guess what blatently obvious remark I could make here 


It is true that I am a total non-chav. During the trip to Normandy, the bus stopped at Fleet services. Everyone was looking at car modifying chav magazines like Max Power and Revs. But me? I reached over them all and picked up a copy of 'Practical Classics'


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## the lancaster kicks ass (Apr 6, 2005)

i'd go straight for the flypast............


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## cheddar cheese (Apr 6, 2005)

Which I have never seen in any shop before...


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## Medvedya (Apr 6, 2005)

I dunno which shops you go to.... 

Isn't it stocked in your local W.H Smiths?


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## cheddar cheese (Apr 6, 2005)

Probably, but to be honest I havent looked  The Petrol Station down the road is my source for magazines normally.


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## the lancaster kicks ass (Apr 7, 2005)

yes it is in our local smiths and other good outlets


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## cheddar cheese (Apr 7, 2005)

Damn Octane magazine, I wonder whatever happened to it...I loved it 8)


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## GermansRGeniuses (Apr 7, 2005)

I like EVO and Topgear. 8)


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## Medvedya (Apr 7, 2005)

You seem like one serious Anglophile GrG.

You should think of applying to study at a Uni here when the time comes.


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## cheddar cheese (Apr 8, 2005)

Top Gear magazine is brilliant 8)


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## the lancaster kicks ass (Apr 10, 2005)

ok chavs lobe berberry yes??

chack out what i found in the bomber command handbook.............

and they say the RAF has no culture...........


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## cheddar cheese (Apr 10, 2005)

I cant read the article, its too blurred. All I can see is "Burberrys"


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## the lancaster kicks ass (Apr 10, 2005)

that's all you really have too see, i dunno how i can get a clearer image, unless i up the pixels??


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## cheddar cheese (Apr 10, 2005)

Try taking the picture from a bit further away...


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## Nonskimmer (Apr 10, 2005)

I still have my grandad's RCAF burberry coat.


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## Medvedya (Apr 10, 2005)

I have a Burberry grip which I take when I go to London on a weekend.

The difference between my bag and N.S's coat, and the crap the Chav's wear is that our stuff is the real thing.

And why do I go to London on a weekend?

http://www.chavtowns.co.uk/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=1


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## BombTaxi (Apr 10, 2005)

My God! Im 23% chav!!!!  My mum and dads estate is full of em, I used to live Lancasters prtemier chav estate too, and worked with most of em, so I guess it must have rubbed off on me


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## Medvedya (Apr 10, 2005)

Ah, but by just being a student, and thus caring about anything past the next Giro cheque, any Chav crediblity you may have had has evaporated!


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## the lancaster kicks ass (Apr 10, 2005)




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## Medvedya (Apr 10, 2005)

Here's some thing to make you laugh....Oh. my. God! What a pillock!  

http://www.theregister.co.uk/2005/02/17/chav_burglar/

Found this on CS. Good isn't it?

The Chav's Prayer.

Our father, who art in brand names,
hollow be thy taste.
Thy bling will come,
hoes will be done.
On text as it in speech.
Give us this day our mindless violence.
and forgive us our unconformances,
As we assult those who conform against us.
And lead us not into education,
but deliver us from work.
For the media is the kingdom,
and the power,
and the glory,
for ever and ever.
Innit.


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## BombTaxi (Apr 10, 2005)

Medvedya said:


> Ah, but by just being a student, and thus caring about anything past the next Giro cheque, any Chav crediblity you may have had has evaporated!



Ah, all is saved!  I can rest easy once again! Anyway, I think a defining factor is that I dont smoke Lamberts or drink white cider. With that taken into account, I could have wiped 20% off the score


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## Medvedya (Apr 10, 2005)

Wanna hear something truly nasty? More stuff from Chavscum.

Try having a look around here at all the DeeJay Insertnamehere chavs who've cooked up some 'wiked toons innit bluv' by bastardising two different songs over the top of each other and passing it off as their own track. 

Dee Jay Emma - Eminem vs Crazy Frog is particularly nasty one, a dance mix of *that* ringtone nicked off soulseek with a Eminem accapella just randomly thrown over the top. And it's so out of sinc at times it's hillarious.

http://www.audiostreet.net/TopArtists.aspx


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## Nonskimmer (Apr 10, 2005)

Medvedya said:


> Here's some thing to make you laugh....Oh. my. God! What a pillock!
> 
> http://www.theregister.co.uk/2005/02/17/chav_burglar/


 Idiot! 

I love the Chav's Prayer!


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## Nonskimmer (Apr 10, 2005)

That audiostreet link is just painful!


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## Medvedya (Apr 10, 2005)

Ha ha ha! You can't say I didn't warn you! It's not for the faint-hearted! 

Lots of them seem to come from the Fife/Dundee area (where Chavage is rampant)


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## Nonskimmer (Apr 10, 2005)

Ok then, noted: Areas to avoid on next visit to the UK. 

Thanks Med!


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## Medvedya (Apr 10, 2005)

Well, go to St. Andrews if you're into golf.


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## BombTaxi (Apr 10, 2005)

Medvedya said:


> Well, go to St. Andrews if you're into golf.



But watch out for gents with Burberry sweaters


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## cheddar cheese (Apr 11, 2005)

Damn that Chav's prayer is funny


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## Crippen (Apr 20, 2005)

*Med, Med, Med, I am now not just smitten.... you are my idol, firmly fix up on a pedestal.
An anti Chav thread......... I bow down before thee! 
Jeez I hate um with a passion..... don't think I could face the fact of having 1% of chav in me..... so cannot 'yet' bring myself to do the test ( don't make me   ).
Keep up the good work>>>>> any ideas for chav extermination....ie birth control that they don't have to 'control' ( ie....not being given a house by the council if you get pregnant at 16).

I have this visual: 
Chav girl approaching ...nearly always blonde or streaked blonde hair, chewing gum, hoop earings the size of side plates, boobs popping out, skirt up their ass ... some with the hang over tum eww! I never thought I would see the day that girls had beer bellies (well that is what they look like), some have the sun bed tan, and a mouth which blurts out words that have most of the letters missing, rings on lots of fingers, and a mass of chains around their neck.
ewww! the thought of them makes me shiver
My daughter has this idea that a sars type virus, which is only present on chav chains and sovereigh and other such rings, could be the answer. How bad ass are we..... Hitlers in the making  *


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## the lancaster kicks ass (Apr 21, 2005)

well in the future such weapons will be developed, becuase all races and people have sligtly different genitic make up, viruses will be developed that will only attack that particular difference in the genes and so for example you could make a biological weapon, drop it on a city, and it would only kill cirtian people.............


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## evangilder (Apr 21, 2005)

Scary. Each generation of weapons gets more deadly and destructive. Bioweapons are the scariest because they are cheap and fairly easy to produce.


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## BombTaxi (Apr 21, 2005)

I'd say a female chav is a biological weapon...anyone who's ever set foot in a Liquid nightclub and seen the endless miles of fake-tanned, VK-necking flesh will know exactly what I mean

And if you're not from the UK...you wont have a clue, but thats probably the best thing for you!


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## Medvedya (Apr 21, 2005)

Don't forget that they have their hair pulled back so tight it looks painful!

Or the cheap nasty gold jewelry. The bigger the loops on the earings, the more shazzpot they are!


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## mosquitoman (Apr 21, 2005)

Why not just poison the White Lightening factory?
(Note to any employees of White Lightening: I am not planning to do this)


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## the lancaster kicks ass (Apr 21, 2005)




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## Nonskimmer (Apr 21, 2005)

We have our own brand of cheap cider here in Nova Scotia. It's called Golden Glow. God-awful stuff! Commonly referred to as "Colon Blow".


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## evangilder (Apr 21, 2005)

Or Golden Flow (Like pee).


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## mosquitoman (Apr 21, 2005)

Or, instead of fox hunting, we take pump-action shotguns into estates while driving chavved-up cars.
At least that way the countryside alliance can't complain that it can't hunt


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## cheddar cheese (Apr 22, 2005)

If I mess around with the words there a bit, I think id rather take a pump-action shotgun into chavved-up cars whilst driving an estate  (A Volvo obviously, for ultimate inconspicuousy (is that actually a word? If it isnt it is now (Damn parenthesis within parenthesis)))


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## The Jug Rules! (Apr 27, 2005)

Whats a chav???


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## mosquitoman (Apr 27, 2005)

Have a look at www.chavspotting.com


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## plan_D (May 2, 2005)

Chav's are officially known as 'Scrots' here in Doncaster.


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## cheddar cheese (May 2, 2005)

Now that makes sense


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## the lancaster kicks ass (May 2, 2005)

we just call them arseholes..........


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## plan_D (May 2, 2005)

Doncaster is the center of them. We have the nice load of varying levels of drug abuse too, it's funny watching them fight...

"Are you starting?" - "No, you are that's why you just walked up to me and challenged me. Are you fucking stupid all the time, or just putting on an act to lull me into a false sense of security?"


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## cheddar cheese (May 2, 2005)

Theres a fair share of people like that at our school. All of them less than 5 foot tall


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## plan_D (May 2, 2005)

They're all over the place here. It's fun to go stomp them. They're all scrawny little malnourished peckers...'innit'


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## cheddar cheese (May 2, 2005)

My cousin is a chav...15 years old and recently got preganant with a 33 year old married man *shudder*


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## the lancaster kicks ass (May 2, 2005)

and wow, ARSEHOLES aint filtered...........


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## cheddar cheese (May 2, 2005)

Only fuck and shit are filitered.


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## plan_D (May 2, 2005)

Ahaha, your cousin is a fuck off.


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## the lancaster kicks ass (May 2, 2005)

this could get interesting......


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## cheddar cheese (May 2, 2005)

It couldnt, because I agree with him. Shes an idiot


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## plan_D (May 2, 2005)

See, lanc, C.C has sense sometimes.


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## cheddar cheese (May 2, 2005)

Sometimes being the operative word there


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## the lancaster kicks ass (May 2, 2005)

no i didn't see Pd's post that time.........


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## plan_D (May 2, 2005)

If I said you always had sense, I'd be a filthy non-truth telling WHORE. That's right, a WHORE.


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## the lancaster kicks ass (May 2, 2005)




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## cheddar cheese (May 2, 2005)

Heck, even the humble staple can out smart me


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## the lancaster kicks ass (May 2, 2005)

more than once as well


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## plan_D (May 2, 2005)

Some of the staples are pretty crafty. Sat there in the middle of your book just HOLDING it...then when you're not paying attention BAM...staple in the eye.


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## cheddar cheese (May 2, 2005)

More like staple in the hand twice in a row  But I sure showed that letha stationery who was boss...


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## plan_D (May 2, 2005)

You jump down there and kick it's ass!?!


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## cheddar cheese (May 2, 2005)

Yeah, I removed it from service as holding my history book together and gave it firing squad...


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## plan_D (May 2, 2005)

With a staple gun?


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## cheddar cheese (May 2, 2005)

No, with my fingers, Then I threw it across the room.


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## plan_D (May 2, 2005)

That's quite the aggressive attitude...I'd have just ripped up the book...


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## cheddar cheese (May 2, 2005)

The book was already ripped up - had to selotape it up


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## plan_D (May 2, 2005)

What the hell were doing? Trying to mate with it?


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## cheddar cheese (May 2, 2005)

Errrrrrrm, something along them lines...


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## the lancaster kicks ass (May 2, 2005)

please pD, don't give him ideas, i sit next to him in history


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## cheddar cheese (May 2, 2005)

Its ok, we sit at the back, no-one would see...


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## the lancaster kicks ass (May 2, 2005)




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## Medvedya (May 2, 2005)

The naughty boys taking up the rear eh?


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## cheddar cheese (May 2, 2005)

Actually we're the boffins.


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## Medvedya (May 2, 2005)

Sorry I got confused with the 'Relax' thread elsewhere.


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## cheddar cheese (May 2, 2005)




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## the lancaster kicks ass (May 2, 2005)

bloody hell........

and no, CC, i'm the boffin, you're the one that copies me.............


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## Medvedya (May 2, 2005)

So if that's the case, what will you do if you take different courses for A-Levels? Hah, you'll be stuffed then C.C!!!


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## cheddar cheese (May 2, 2005)

No I wont, I think Human Taxidermy is illegal.

Hell I dont copy him, I do it myself. History is so damn easy.


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## the lancaster kicks ass (May 2, 2005)

hey, im the only one in the class that new china turned commie in 1949.........


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## cheddar cheese (May 2, 2005)

Technically my response to the question was correct though.


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## Medvedya (May 2, 2005)

You'll still lose that 5% for your bleeding 'orrible spelling though.


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## plan_D (May 2, 2005)

I was top of my history class by a long shot, they were all so dumb. Made it easy for me.


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## Medvedya (May 23, 2005)

There is no question about this - it is unspeakably vile in every possible way and must DIE!

http://www.banthefrog.org.uk/


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## mosquitoman (May 23, 2005)

Kill the Frog!


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## Medvedya (May 23, 2005)

Ve stamp on it und ve squish it!

http://www.cecimoz.co.uk/flashpanel/Ringtone.htm


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## BombTaxi (May 23, 2005)

God, I HATE that ringtone. Its the most annoying, vile creation ever. If I hear it, I generally have to locate the phone responsible and attempt to destroy it!


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## cheddar cheese (May 24, 2005)

Yes, Crazy Frog is complete, UTTER pants. It isnt even new, somewhere on the net is something called "The insanity test". Its a picture of an F1 car and it plays the Crazy Frog tune (But of course back then it wasnt crazy frog), and you have to look at it for 2 mins and if you laugh youre insane  Why is it even called crazy frog I dont know, since it doesnt sound like a frog at all. I say we kill anyone who likes it.


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## plan_D (May 24, 2005)

Can't we just kill anyone, in general?


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## cheddar cheese (May 24, 2005)

Random assassinations. Sounds good


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## plan_D (May 24, 2005)

See, CC, this is how Hitler got to power in Germany. 

German1 "Wie zud kill zee Communists who like that ztupid song..."
Hitler - "Vhy don't vie just kill the Communists in general?"
German1 "Ja! Random Bolshevik killings, sounds good"
German2 "Ja...and Jews too..."


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## Hot Space (Jun 4, 2005)

cheddar cheese said:


> Yes, Crazy Frog is complete, UTTER pants. It isnt even new, somewhere on the net is something called "The insanity test". Its a picture of an F1 car and it plays the Crazy Frog tune (But of course back then it wasnt crazy frog), and you have to look at it for 2 mins and if you laugh youre insane  Why is it even called crazy frog I dont know, since it doesnt sound like a frog at all. I say we kill anyone who likes it.



Do you know that after 11:00pm at night on E4 (My wife like Big Brother) all you get is that bloody advert and the other 2 that goes with it  

Sometimes you get it 3 times.............*YES, 3 TIMES* during 1 Advert Break   

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.........

Hot Space


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## jrk (Aug 18, 2005)

i,m a 23% chav hate big brother apart from when the lasses get naked hate crazy frog hate chavs hate travelling through france and most of all hate 13 to 17 year olds that gather on street corners mouthing off at you while you walk by minding your own business.this is a common occurance in doncaster where myself and plan d are from.

most of the time they do it cos theyre either pissed stoned or brave in numbers.


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## plan_D (Aug 18, 2005)

Now, now, I'm not from Doncaster. I live in Doncaster. Where in Doncaster did you live?


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## jrk (Aug 19, 2005)

rossington where are you?


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## plan_D (Aug 20, 2005)

Auckley. I know quite a few people from Rossington. One of the worse parts of Doncaster, I must say.


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## cheddar cheese (Aug 22, 2005)

jrk said:


> i,m a 23% chav hate big brother apart from when the lasses get naked hate crazy frog hate chavs hate travelling through france and most of all hate 13 to 17 year olds that gather on street corners mouthing off at you while you walk by minding your own business.this is a common occurance in doncaster where myself and plan d are from.
> 
> most of the time they do it cos theyre either pissed stoned or brave in numbers.



 I agree!


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## Hot Space (Aug 22, 2005)

Or just a sad bunch of wankers. We don't get that many here  

Hot Space


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## Nonskimmer (Aug 22, 2005)

We get some, and like jrk says, they're mouthy when in groups. See how tough they are when they're alone or in pairs though. God, I hate punks.


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## Hot Space (Aug 22, 2005)

Most of 'em just get a good slapping around here apart from some areas of the town.

Hot Space


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## plan_D (Aug 22, 2005)

Most of them in Doncaster get beaten up all the time but they just don't learn.


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## GermansRGeniuses (Aug 22, 2005)

If I ever (and I hopefully will) go to England, I'll have to work out prior. Can't miss participating in the great sport of chav slapping.


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## cheddar cheese (Aug 22, 2005)

They're everywhere, you dont need to plan.


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## the lancaster kicks ass (Aug 22, 2005)

god i hate chavs 

phew, glad i got that outta my system.........


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## cheddar cheese (Aug 22, 2005)

Me too. To hell with chavs. Fuck the lot of them, then lock them in a huge warehouse with all their little chav cars running, so they all suffocate.
I know someone who isnt a chav. but wants to be one.


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## jrk (Aug 22, 2005)

plan_D said:


> Auckley. I know quite a few people from Rossington. One of the worse parts of Doncaster, I must say.



so you live in auckley now but where is your rightful birthplace?

oh by the way i hope youre not saying all the people from rossington are vermin.


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## plan_D (Aug 22, 2005)

I was born in Dundee, Scotland. I live in Auckley now, yes, my dad was in the RAF - so RAF Finningley brought us here. I certainly am not saying all those in Rossington were vermin, just most of them. 

You wouldn't need to work out GrG, they're all malnutritioned and like twigs.


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## cheddar cheese (Aug 22, 2005)




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## the lancaster kicks ass (Aug 22, 2005)

and do i know that person that wants to be a chav??


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## cheddar cheese (Aug 22, 2005)

No...


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## Nonskimmer (Aug 22, 2005)

That's a cool game board, CC. 
About the only difference that I can tell with the North American variety of "chav" is that the ones here don't wear burberry. At least not that I've ever seen. They're every bit the scum though.


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## plan_D (Aug 22, 2005)

On that Chavopoly it should be Carling, not Carlsberg. Carlsberg is a nice, decent beer. All the Chavs drink Carling which is dump.


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## Hot Space (Aug 22, 2005)

Carlsberg is made about 1/2 mile from where I live so no Chavs can drink it here  

Hot Space


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## jrk (Aug 23, 2005)

nah just plant a bottle of battery acid in front of them when theyre stoned then voila.

were a bunch of chavs less in the world.

say 6 down 600 to go


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## plan_D (Aug 23, 2005)

Someone should just unleash a poisoned heroine into the system. Many, many "poor souls" die of heroine over-dose and the country is better off for it.


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## mosquitoman (Aug 23, 2005)

Hows about poisoning White Lightening, it'll work just as well


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## plan_D (Aug 23, 2005)

It's a cardinal sin to tamper with alcohol no matter how poor the drink is. Heroine would be just fine because no one question it, they'd just be a massive influx of death by over-dose. Do you honestly think the government would really care? Hah, no! They'd love every second of it!


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## the lancaster kicks ass (Sep 10, 2005)

I hate chavs,
Chavs hate me, 
Every chav has HIV
So we shoot them in the head, and knock them to the floor,
No more dirty scally whores!


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## Nonskimmer (Sep 10, 2005)

You just make that up? It's good.


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## plan_D (Sep 11, 2005)

Good little poem there, lanc. It needs to be published in little childrens poem books to study in Year 7.


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## cheddar cheese (Sep 12, 2005)

Its funny cos its true


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## schwarzpanzer (Sep 16, 2005)

Would you spike Cocaine PlanD?


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## plan_D (Sep 16, 2005)

It gets the worst of 'em with heroin, but I wouldn't turn down the oppurtunity to spike cocaine. Why? With cocaine I could get rid of some of those stupid celebraties that take it too.


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## 102first_hussars (Oct 29, 2005)

the lancaster kicks ass said:


> ha looser i'm 18% chav!!!
> 
> man those sites are great, and yes, chavs should have their own thread..........



Ha Loser Im 23% Chav


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## 102first_hussars (Oct 29, 2005)

plan_D said:


> It's a cardinal sin to tamper with alcohol no matter how poor the drink is. Heroine would be just fine because no one question it, they'd just be a massive influx of death by over-dose. Do you honestly think the government would really care? Hah, no! They'd love every second of it!



Cardinal Sin, maybe according to the Catholics.


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## plan_D (Oct 29, 2005)

Being more of a 'Chav' is not something to be proud of, you know it stands of Council House Associated Vermin ...don't you? 

And ...just forget the sin part...


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## 102first_hussars (Oct 29, 2005)

Man I dont even know what the hell a chav is.


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## Nonskimmer (Oct 29, 2005)

Julien, Ricky, and Bubbles are chavs, if that helps. 
The word "chav" is more of a British thing, but it describes a certain type of people.


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## plan_D (Oct 29, 2005)

I don't actually use the term CHAV - I prefer to use Scrot or Smack-Rat. Chav, while the meaning (Council House Associated Vermin) is quite amusing, the word is actually stupid and because it's a relatively light word ...the scrotums now take it as a compliment. 

I will give three examples of 'Chavs' that I have encountered over the past few days. As I have to travel into Doncaster center almost everyday to get to work ...I see a lot of 'em but here are there. 

1. While waiting in the bus station at 2200 (a risky business in it's own right) I watch a 'Chav' making her way up each of the bus ranks picking out bits of cigarettes that had been thrown away and smoking them. Not an uncommon occurance in Doncaster. 

2. Walking through town, and past a KFC, a 'Chav' walking towards me stops his 'Chav' female companion (no reference of girl, lady or woman which would degrade *human* females) and with an excited look across his face ...walks in to KFC and picks up a fries box which had a few left from a table near the door ...and begins eating them. (When in Doncaster, if you're going to leave food ...spit on it before hand ...just for the 'Chavs') 

3. While on the bus, I see two 'Chavs' sat on a bench near the road. As the bus gets closer one of them thinks he's clever and tough, he begins to flip of those on the bus. As usual I laugh at such idiocy and make sure he knows I'm laughing at him ...which makes him annoyed and actually begins to try to start a fight with me. Problem was, I was on the bus and he was basically starting a fight on the bus. And I really wasn't going to waste time and effort to go kill the malnutritioned scumbag. 

All three points are not rare in Doncaster.


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## 102first_hussars (Oct 30, 2005)

Nonskimmer said:


> Julien, Ricky, and Bubbles are chavs, if that helps.
> The word "chav" is more of a British thing, but it describes a certain type of people.



Hey those guys are not Vermon they are Trailer Trash there is a difference


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## cheddar cheese (Oct 30, 2005)

For those of you completely unsure, this is a textbook chav...


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## Nonskimmer (Oct 30, 2005)

102first_hussars said:


> Nonskimmer said:
> 
> 
> > Julien, Ricky, and Bubbles are chavs, if that helps.
> ...


Not really. The term "chav" is actually fairly broad. There are different degrees of chav.


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## the lancaster kicks ass (Oct 30, 2005)

that chav video's great


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## Gnomey (Oct 30, 2005)

You should go to Glasgow or Dundee there are lots of Chavs there although they are known as NEDS (non educated deliquents)


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## plan_D (Oct 30, 2005)

Glasgow has long been known to be a crap hole. And I was born in Dundee, which makes me glad I wasn't there long ...but did I really have to move to Doncaster!? Another hot spot!? You can't really escape them in Britain though. And the government wonders why people who can emmigrate.


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## Clave (Nov 1, 2005)

102first_hussars said:


> the lancaster kicks ass said:
> 
> 
> > ha looser i'm 18% chav!!!
> ...



I scored 5% which I feel is 5% too much...


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## Pisis (Nov 1, 2005)

I probably know what youre talking about. We have this word in Czech, as well: *Zewl*....

But they're sligthly different..... They usually listen to Tekkno, and they're very much used to ask you for money, alcohol, cigarettes, pot......







That motherf***er from the DEWO video was awful, if I'd meet him, I think I'd crush his head......


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## cheddar cheese (Nov 2, 2005)

Fookin Cider man..yeah!


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## the lancaster kicks ass (Nov 3, 2005)

stop doing impressions of myles.....


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## cheddar cheese (Nov 3, 2005)

Bilend


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## the lancaster kicks ass (Nov 3, 2005)




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## cheddar cheese (Nov 3, 2005)

CC woz ere, bt now ez gon, hez out da bck smokin a bong


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## Pisis (Nov 6, 2005)

Hey yo, smokn maddafkn crack maddfucka


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## plan_D (Nov 6, 2005)

Ah, you wicked, man? I'm buzzin', been lightin' me shit in mates car like. Gaffa's ridin' all way to his lass', I 'erd she wha pregaz ...but we ain't heard nuffin' yet. I bet the bitch'll 'ave it too...you comin' to 'a office like...gotta get me gyro, I'm skint. 

Who do you know like?! Me mate's from Rosso, I'm from Conno and he finks he's a right 'ardo. Oh, Eng-a-land! Eng-a-land! That cidar, man, wicked buzzin' ...

Damn, f*ck offs, all of 'em.


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## BombTaxi (Nov 7, 2005)

Yeh, man, safe innit, gonna step to ya if keep chattin ya sh*t, nuff said, innit star?

I mean, plaese, is that even English?


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## Pisis (Nov 7, 2005)

In the US, it's called 'white underclass jargon'...


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## plan_D (Nov 14, 2005)

And as this place is appropriate for the event of today - two scrots tried to mug me. Oh Doncaster...we love you.


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## lesofprimus (Nov 14, 2005)

Tried???

This last exchange has been one of the more pathetic highlights of this grandious website... Im ashamed of each and every one of u who participated... U should all be whacked with the thick side of a pool cue....

Say 10 Hail Marys and all will be forgiven.. If not, suffer the ravages of eternal damnation in the Pits of Sachurah...


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## plan_D (Nov 14, 2005)

Yes, tried ...you didn't actually think they'd succeed in mugging me, did you? While I was waiting for a bus home, two came up demanded money ...one ended up on the floor, I got kicked in the stomach ...and in the end, they ran off and I caught my bus. I shouldn't really call it a mugging attempt - more of a normal scrot attack. They broke my watch though.


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## lesofprimus (Nov 14, 2005)

> They broke my watch though.


Well that sucks...

Where the hell are ur 10 Hail Marys son??? Brimstone awaits...


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## plan_D (Nov 14, 2005)

I was destined for hell a long time ago.


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## lesofprimus (Nov 14, 2005)

Hehe..


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## 102first_hussars (Nov 14, 2005)

Funny I was just listening to AC/DC's Highway To Hell just three minutes ago.


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## Erich (Nov 14, 2005)

All of you will be purged ............ an old mid-east custom


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## Nonskimmer (Nov 14, 2005)

I've already purged for this evening, thanks. Had a good crap about an hour and a half ago.


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## Erich (Nov 14, 2005)

sorry Skim that is not the purging I was thinking of ......  
hmmmmmmmmm edema maybe ?


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## 102first_hussars (Nov 15, 2005)

Enema or Edema?


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## evangilder (Nov 15, 2005)

Nonskimmer said:


> I've already purged for this evening, thanks. Had a good crap about an hour and a half ago.



 Did you ever take a crap so big, your pants fit better?


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## 102first_hussars (Nov 15, 2005)

Ive taken a crap where I felt twenty pounds lighter and could fit 
Rosy Odonnell in my bowel.


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## Nonskimmer (Nov 15, 2005)

Did it leave stretch marks?


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## trackend (Nov 15, 2005)

Only across me face.
Oh sorry Skim I thought you was talking to me.


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## Nonskimmer (Nov 15, 2005)

Your face, eh?


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## trackend (Nov 16, 2005)

Well Skim I've been told so many times I talk shit I mis-construed your remark


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## Erich (Nov 16, 2005)

time for a Colonostopy then ?

Oppppps, sorry wrong thread I think ............ Boit !


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## cheddar cheese (Nov 16, 2005)

plan_D said:


> Yes, tried ...you didn't actually think they'd succeed in mugging me, did you? While I was waiting for a bus home, two came up demanded money ...one ended up on the floor, I got kicked in the stomach ...and in the end, they ran off and I caught my bus. I shouldn't really call it a mugging attempt - more of a normal scrot attack. They broke my watch though.



When they demanded money, did they not even have any form of weapon as a threat?


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## lesofprimus (Nov 16, 2005)

I never had any doubt in my mind pD that u would take care of what needed taking care of.... Just concerned is all.... Glad to see u had ur Doc Martins on... 

Stompin Time!!!


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## Pisis (Nov 16, 2005)

*romper stomper*


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## 102first_hussars (Nov 16, 2005)

Nonskimmer said:


> Did it leave stretch marks?




Oh no, I used to weigh more than her back in highschoool, so everything was already stretched, I will tell you this though, 
even in my system she still talked to much, could not digest a word.


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## Nonskimmer (Nov 17, 2005)

I'll bet she stank too.


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## 102first_hussars (Nov 17, 2005)

Not as bad as Roseane did


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## Nonskimmer (Nov 17, 2005)

Jesus man, they could probably drive a bus through that hole of yours.


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## 102first_hussars (Nov 17, 2005)

Not a bus, A Halfton maybe


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## Nonskimmer (Nov 17, 2005)

C'mon now, don't sell yourself short.


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## 102first_hussars (Nov 17, 2005)

I thought we were talking diameter not length.


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## Nonskimmer (Nov 17, 2005)

What, your colon hangs down to the floor?


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## 102first_hussars (Nov 17, 2005)

No but my gun does


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## Nonskimmer (Nov 17, 2005)

102first_hussars said:


> No but my gun does


So you're a midget? Man, do they let them in the Army now?


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## 102first_hussars (Nov 17, 2005)

Midget?  Im 6ft 3in tall


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## Nonskimmer (Nov 17, 2005)

See? The Army and Navy ain't that different. 
Except we don't train in Wainwright.


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## 102first_hussars (Nov 17, 2005)

You dont? why the hell not?

Some dick at my front door be back in a jiff


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## Nonskimmer (Nov 17, 2005)

It's a bit too dry.


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## 102first_hussars (Nov 17, 2005)

Didnt you see that puddle behind me? your sub might be able to handle that, just remember to close the hatch when you sink I mean submerge


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## 102first_hussars (Nov 17, 2005)

............It was my highschool ex at the door she wanted her virginity back


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## Nonskimmer (Nov 17, 2005)

Did you gve it to her?


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## 102first_hussars (Nov 17, 2005)

Cant remember she was pretty out of it


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## Nonskimmer (Nov 17, 2005)

So you gave it to her then?


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## 102first_hussars (Nov 17, 2005)

Oh yeah she brings new meening to the word "Grunt"


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## Nonskimmer (Nov 17, 2005)

Is that good or bad?


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## 102first_hussars (Nov 17, 2005)

Giggidy Giggidy!!


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## Nonskimmer (Nov 17, 2005)




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## 102first_hussars (Nov 17, 2005)

Brian To Quagmire " Isnt there suppose to be an O in country?"


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## Gnomey (Nov 18, 2005)




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## 102first_hussars (Nov 18, 2005)

Yeah thats my favorite Family Guy saying


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## Pisis (Mar 21, 2006)

http://chavscum.co.uk/


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## Kulis (Mar 25, 2006)

I'm a 45% chav, although I am just 7...


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## the lancaster kicks ass (Mar 26, 2006)

you must get it from your brother  ............


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## Pisis (Mar 26, 2006)

No way!


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## Pisis (Mar 26, 2006)

ooops, a double post!


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## lesofprimus (Mar 26, 2006)

Hey Kulis, at 7 years old, u aint part Chav, ur some Chavs little bitch.....


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