# The Guys' Rules



## Hunter368 (Feb 15, 2007)

The Guys' Rules
At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down

Finally, the guys' side of the story.
( I must admit, it's pretty good.)
We always hear"the rules" From the female side.

Now here are the rules from the male side.
These are our rules!
Please note: these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

1. Men are NOT mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a Problem. See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria 's Secret girls, don'tExpect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're fat, You probably are. Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant theother one.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, itwill be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine...really!

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as SEX, CARS, the shotgun formation, orBASKETBALL.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

1. Thank you for reading this.
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;
But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.


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## DerAdlerIstGelandet (Feb 15, 2007)

I enjoyed that.


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## Hunter368 (Feb 15, 2007)

DerAdlerIstGelandet said:


> I enjoyed that.



Yeh its pretty funny. I emailed to my Wife, can't wait till she reads it. LOL


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## Erich (Feb 15, 2007)

enjoy camping on the couch Hunter ........  

did you know that rose and peach were a colour as well ? everything you mentioned in the first post we have covered in several marriage retreats.......whoa talk about conflict resolution(s) 8) 

let er Rip !


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## Hunter368 (Feb 15, 2007)

I used argue with my Wife when we first got married alot, like many couples do. I always had to prove I was right....well it got to a point maybe 5 years into our marriage when I thought about leaving her b/c things were so rough. Then I got some wise advice from a guy married alot longer than me.

He said "Mark you can be right or you can be happy, you choose". Since then I pick my battles with my Wife alot more carefully now. I realized what he was saying, I don't have to be right all the time (even though I am LOL).

Since that day he gave me advice, not to say we have not argued a few times, I have been alot more happy and so has my Wife.

So remember guys you can be right or happy but not both. If Momma isn't happy then no one's happy (just ask a married guy).


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## timshatz (Feb 15, 2007)

Hunter368 said:


> So remember guys you can be right or happy but not both. If Momma isn't happy then no one's happy (just ask a married guy).



Very true.

I have a simple way of handling it. Everything in that happens inside the house is her call/responsibility, most things (but not all) that happen outside the house are my call. All if is taken care of on my dime. So if she wants to paint a room, go ahead, do your best with the price. If you pick a color, it's fine with me, whatever color it is. Same rules permiate through the house. Redo the bathroom, fine, we have the money, go to it. Instead of telling her what she can and can't do, I tell her what we can afford and how much we have to play with. 

Either one has veto power but only for a good reason. Vetos are rare and usually for a good reason. 

So far it's worked fairly well.


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## Matt308 (Feb 17, 2007)

Timshatz, you just put my relationship into a nutshell. I don't give a rip about most things she wants to redecorate. Pink (Seaside Decadence) with off-white (Boston Harbour). Who gives a rip. Want to go have coffee with the girls? Fine. Manicures? Have at it, but I retain the right to bust your balls over the cost if it becomes excessive. Want to go out with the ladies? My only stipulation is that I'm the DD. No driving drunk. I only have one real item that I am a **** about.

Just don't touch my F*****g garage.


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## Hunter368 (Feb 18, 2007)

Matt308 said:


> Just don't touch my F*****g garage.



LMFAO


For me it is don't touch my tools and don't download crap of the net without asking me first!


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## Thorlifter (Feb 19, 2007)

I too have started giving in more. I used to argue to the point of throwing stuff I'd get so mad. Usually I'd go in the garage and put my fist through the wall. (yeah yeah I know....anger management, Thor)

But after fixing too many holes in the sheetrock, I told her, "Fine, you win. You want a neutered husband who doesn't stand up for anything? Fine, you win."

Now I just tell her, "Yes dear" or "Your right" and it's driving her nuts. ha ha. But I've noticed our arguments don't last near as long or get very heated any more. What she doesn't understand is that it's ok to disagree. She believes we should be on the same page about everything.

She asks me how I feel about this or that and I'll just laugh, then tell her, "There is no way I'm responding to that because it will just spark another argument." Then I get griped at for not talking, but when I was talking I was arguing with her!!!!! AARRRGGGHHHH. God I love her!!!!! ha ha ha.


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## Hunter368 (Feb 19, 2007)

LMFAO


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## timshatz (Feb 19, 2007)

Thorlifter said:


> She asks me how I feel about this or that .



Feel? You're a guy! 90% of stuff around you gets analysed, figured out or mentally discarded and you move on. You feel about the kids, the dog, the first beer at the end of the work week, ect. But what color the den gets painted or the difference between a potted plant in the kitchen or living room doesn't make you "feel" anything. 

You've got most of it Thor (IMHO). Most of the time, I'm happy that the stuff she is doing is stuff I don't have to think about. When she stops me coming in the house and starts going on about this or that, I just nod, smile and say, "That's nice". She knows I really don't care, I know I really don't care (and will set an Olympic record forgetting about it when she's finished talking about it) but, it comes with the territory. 

As long as I really don't have to bother with it (and I know she's better at it in the first place AND really wants to do it), I'll do the nodding dog in the back of the car thing and move on.


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## Hunter368 (Feb 19, 2007)

I have to say this is perhaps the funniest thread I have ever started.

Marriage is a funny thing isn't it? I would like to know who the hell thought of marriage in the first place, that dumb bastard what the hell was he thinking.


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## Thorlifter (Feb 19, 2007)

timshatz said:


> (and will set an Olympic record forgetting about it when she's finished talking about it)



I hear ya. I have a really bad memory. I we will be fussin about something and I'll tell her, "But you said 'whatever'". Then starts the 3rd grade, No I didn't...Yes you did....No I didn't. Then she hits me with, "But baby, you know you have a bad memory so I know I'm right!"

WTF?  

I can't win!


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## timshatz (Feb 19, 2007)

Whoa, that's a bummer. If she's always worried about being right, what the hell's the point. Captain of the Titanic was right, all the way up to sideswiping the iceberg. 

I feel for ya' dude. "Congrats Hon, you're right. So why the ---- are you bothering me with this ----!" 

My suggestion at this point is to start talking to yourself and argueing with unseen people. Most people will avoid somebody they think is crazy. Maybe we can convince your wife that you are actually losing it. 

Failing that, start building a full sized mockup of a nuclear bomb. Not that it will help in any way, but it should be interesting to see where it goes (strictly from the perspective of an interested bystander).


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## Erich (Feb 19, 2007)

my imaginary friend thinks your crazy T-shirt would fit fine ........

let's face it when it comes to men vs women in the role of communication we are so fundamentaly different in more ways than one ........... it's not wrong just different. maybe you should repeat what she says like " what I hear you saying is.... ? " that usually stuns the opposite sex really well while on the positive side you are now listening exactly to her without other interuptions. look her in the face while saying that .......

ok enough of communication skills 101 8) , ok whose next in line ?


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## timshatz (Feb 19, 2007)

Erich, that was good. Right up there with the "Baffle them with *ull*hit" line of yesteryear. 

Good advice, that one.


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## Thorlifter (Feb 19, 2007)

timshatz said:


> Failing that, start building a full sized mockup of a nuclear bomb. Not that it will help in any way, but it should be interesting to see where it goes (strictly from the perspective of an interested bystander).



Thanks for the suggestion. The only bad part is she would tell me that I wasn't building it right!!!!!


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## Hunter368 (Feb 19, 2007)

Thorlifter said:


> Thanks for the suggestion. The only bad part is she would tell me that I wasn't building it right!!!!!



LOL My Wife would never tell me that, she can't even measure something right.


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## Thorlifter (Feb 20, 2007)

What's that got to do with it! I'll give you an example I lived through. She had too many clothes (go figure) and the closet rod ripped out of the wall. So I added two more braces and replaced the plastic ends with metal ones. She started to tell me where the braces needed to be and if it was strong enough. So I handed her the drill, went and popped a cold one and sat down to watch a basketball game on TV.....and was fuming mad. She doesn't even know which end of a hammer to use and she is going to instruct me how to do that. I do computer support all day but one of my side jobs is doing home renovations and remodels for people.

She walks in and just before she says anything I cut my eyes at her as if to say, "you say one word to me and I'll plant you in the yard head first." She hands me the drill and says, "Sorry, you can do it."


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## Erich (Feb 20, 2007)

so am curious do you two ever argue naked ? end of story ........ 







let the jesting continue in full earnest ! ♫


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## Clave (Feb 20, 2007)

Oh yeah, I like a quiet life, so no arguments at home.. the good thing about my other half is that she does not like spending money or going shopping... 

Oh and the other good thing is that it is _impossible_ to forget her birthday as it falls on Christmas Day!


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## timshatz (Feb 20, 2007)

Clave said:


> Oh yeah, I like a quiet life, so no arguments at home.. the good thing about my other half is that she does not like spending money or going shopping...
> 
> Oh and the other good thing is that it is _impossible_ to forget her birthday as it falls on Christmas Day!



Hey, now that's something that could work either for you or very much against you.


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## timshatz (Feb 20, 2007)

Clave said:


> Oh yeah, I like a quiet life, so no arguments at home.. the good thing about my other half is that she does not like spending money or going shopping...
> 
> Oh and the other good thing is that it is _impossible_ to forget her birthday as it falls on Christmas Day!



Sorry about that, this is a double.


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## Erich (Feb 20, 2007)

like I said, have you ever argued with you luv, NAKED ? end of argument every time .........


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## Thorlifter (Feb 20, 2007)

Erich said:


> like I said, have you ever argued with you luv, NAKED ? end of argument every time .........



I tried that too. Not to say that she's not persistant. After the <Self Censored> stuff, she resumed her argument!  ha ha ha. God I love her. She's a hoot now that I'm figuring her out. Of course, I know I'm screwed when she starts to change the rules.


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## Erich (Feb 20, 2007)

don't let her change the rules Thor. do it together. Agree to agree that neither has the capacity to figure each other out 100 %. God did not intend his creation to do so, so why the crap do we still keep on trying to fret about it. I learned it well enough over 20 years ago.
One of the best ways to settle her or any woman down is give her the time of day and look at her straight in the face while she is talking. Talk about respect in return, since we as men groove on that ....... 8) 

keep at it !

E ~


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## Hunter368 (Feb 20, 2007)

Erich said:


> like I said, have you ever argued with you luv, NAKED ? end of argument every time .........



Yes we have in the first few years........that was good. Having mad sex always ended arguements. Truely it did, after we would be like ......"what were we argueing about again?"


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## Erich (Feb 20, 2007)

that is exactly my point Hunter, you get so horny or laugh your brains out looking at each other that the arguments are forgotten........I've had to be pretty ingenious in my approach when it comes to conversations with my lovely bride...............she cannot stand change, while I on the other hand love it due to my autonomous nature


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## timshatz (Feb 20, 2007)

Another good piece of advice. You guys are a treasure trove of good stuff to remember.


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## Njaco (Feb 20, 2007)

Mariage - been there, done that. I turned forty and she traded me in for two 20s. Been after ten years of that it gave me a head start on the next.

As for "You can't remember anything...." My current pre-wife says the same. But the best was when we went shopping at a pet store for our dog. At the house she said "Lets take the dog. We never take him anywhere." Then at the store we were looking at portable water bowls and it was "Lets get this, he needs it cause we take him eveywhere." About went nuts!


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## Erich (Feb 20, 2007)

that is known as spider-webbing my friend. All too common with women .......


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## Matt308 (Feb 23, 2007)

I'll say it again. The garage is your sactuary. Don't let her touch it. Don't let her clean it. And for God's sake, don't let her start storing her **** in it.


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## Hunter368 (Feb 23, 2007)

Matt308 said:


> I'll say it again. The garage is your sactuary. Don't let her touch it. Don't let her clean it. And for God's sake, don't let her start storing her **** in it.



LOLLOLLOL

Very very true.


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## Erich (Feb 23, 2007)

especially if she is into scrap booking ........

glad I have an open-aired carport


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## Matt308 (Feb 24, 2007)

Wall colors are not arguable. Unless she is painting primary colors that are contrary to western society, let it go. Arctic Sheep Fur, Cool Lily, and Boston Harbour are all White. So get over it guys. Let 'em go. There are bigger fish to fry than arguing the multitudes of exotic names for off-white paint.


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## timshatz (Feb 24, 2007)

Matt308 said:


> Wall colors are not arguable. Unless she is painting primary colors that are contrary to western society, let it go. Arctic Sheep Fur, Cool Lily, and Boston Harbour are all White. So get over it guys. Let 'em go. There are bigger fish to fry than arguing the multitudes of exotic names for off-white paint.



Very true. Just because she has 657 different colors that she can name off the top of her head doesn't mean you have to go beyond the primary 8.


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## Erich (Feb 24, 2007)

have you guys ever painted in the nude ? .............. !

ah sorry must be a 60's thing, I am degressing


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## Matt308 (Feb 24, 2007)

Erich I'm picking up a theme...


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## Clave (Feb 27, 2007)

I wish I had a garage....


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## cheddar cheese (Feb 27, 2007)

Back in my banger racing days I had the garage all layed out perfectly, everything was filed and tidy, all nuts and bolts ordered nicely, sockets and ratchets had their own hooks according to size and there was room for 2 cars...
Since thats stopped though its all gone to **** and my car is all that will go in there 
Leaves mum stuck with the carport and dad...well his van sits out in the weather 

As for painting in the nude...cant say I have, althoguh I might have done it in my underwear once or twice


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## Matt308 (Feb 28, 2007)

cheddar cheese said:


> Back in my banger racing days I...




Anybody besides me envision CC riding a breakfast sausage?


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## Erich (Feb 28, 2007)

♫ Oscar Mayer has a way with B o l o g n a ♫


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## Matt308 (Feb 28, 2007)

The Balony Pony.


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## Erich (Feb 28, 2007)

should that be pickled ?


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## Matt308 (Feb 28, 2007)

Now wait a minute. Doesn't that require two sausages?


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## Erich (Feb 28, 2007)

not for CC


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## cheddar cheese (Mar 1, 2007)

Matt308 said:


> Anybody besides me envision CC riding a breakfast sausage?




Well, some kind of sausage...


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## Hunter368 (Mar 1, 2007)

cheddar cheese said:


> Well, some kind of sausage...



What you do in your bedroom is 100% upto you CC, but please don't tell us about it.


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## Matt308 (Mar 5, 2007)

Rule 349: Never attempt to use humour that is based upon self deprecating references to gay sexual practices. It's just disturbing.


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## bigZ (Mar 5, 2007)

On moving to a new house insist that setting up the workshop is priority by first pointing out how invaluable its going to be in the redecorating your new abode.

Although not married(will be joining the ranks in Sept). I have enjoyed 12 years of relative argument free existance. I attribute this to an ability to making ambiguous noises in response to much of her chatter(without having to listen) but an ability to repeat her last line if she becomes suspicious(listen for change in tone). Don't ever go to bed on an argument unless it involves sex.


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## Matt308 (Mar 5, 2007)

Pathetic, bigZ. You have much to learn my young Padawon. Not one mention of eye contact.


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## Hunter368 (Mar 6, 2007)

Matt308 said:


> Pathetic, bigZ. You have much to learn my young Padawon. Not one mention of eye contact.


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## bigZ (Mar 6, 2007)

Matt308 said:


> Pathetic, bigZ. You have much to learn my young Padawon. Not one mention of eye contact.


 

You have many more years than me Master Yoda(Had to Gooogle Padawon).


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## Matt308 (Mar 6, 2007)

Yes. Many looonng years...


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## the lancaster kicks ass (Mar 10, 2007)

how dare he not know Star Wars!


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