# Standard sidearm for French military



## syscom3 (May 8, 2006)

Maybe this explains the performace of the French military in many of their wars.


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## GermansRGeniuses (May 9, 2006)

Inaccurate, I read their best defense against attacking armies in close range fights was a white flag in one hand, and a "we surrender" sign in the other.


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## Wildcat (May 9, 2006)

Ha I knew this was going to be a joke! The French Military bit gave it away!!


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## Gnomey (May 9, 2006)

Yep!


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## elmilitaro (May 9, 2006)

When isn't the French military a joke.


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## Pisis (May 10, 2006)

Well I'd send these guns to Al-Quaeda instead...


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## Clave (May 10, 2006)

I don't understand..

Are you implying that the million+ French soldiers killed in WW1 were _cowards?_ because that doesn't seem to tie in with accounts of the time..

Or the 250,000 killed in WW2 before their country (one of several) was overrun by a superior force?

Surely if they were afraid to fight, then their losses would have been much lower, as they would have surrendered or run off at the first sign of trouble?...

Someone please explain to me with relevant data exactly *why* the French are cowards?


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## syscom3 (May 10, 2006)

Because the French haven't won a war by themselves since time began


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## Twitch (May 10, 2006)

I thought that was the Polish army's side arm.


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## Clave (May 10, 2006)

syscom3 said:


> Because the French haven't won a war by themselves since time began



Nope, that does not do it. 

Anyone can lose a war, it's not difficult..


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## syscom3 (May 10, 2006)

Clave said:


> Nope, that does not do it.
> 
> Anyone can lose a war, it's not difficult..



Let me explain it to you.

the French army has had a long history of incompetance. Theyre poked fun of for that reason. This is a universal joke......... all people around the world laugh at them.

Understand that?


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## Clave (May 10, 2006)

That makes sense, but that is the top level I presume. I just don't see the common soldiers as 'chicken' but anyway, its not important, I was curious about the whole idea that's all...


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## the lancaster kicks ass (May 13, 2006)

at the start of WWII the French had Western Europe's (including Germany's) army, yet they were taken in the same time it took jerry to capture Belgium, and then the reason they managed to hold out so long was because of British input, if Britain hadn't persuaded them otherwise France would've given up long ago......


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## Bullockracing (May 13, 2006)

Clave, are you seriously trying to tell us you don't understand why the French military is made fun of? That's been happening since the late '50s when De Gaulle wanted France to be considered a third "World Power" with the US and Russia. Having been stationed with French Air Forces, I will say that they are just as normal as the rest of us at Base X, but only those who have been in combat with them will be able to vouch for their performance (or lack thereof) under fire. Watch the news and see how much effort is spent by the French government to avoid conflict.


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## Maestro (May 14, 2006)

Yeah, and also look at the last war they won... it was the War of 100 Years with Joan of Arc... And they lost all of the battles in 99 of the 100 years.

And it only needed a French to accept to be leaded by a crazy girl, then betray her to the English and then make a Catholic Saint out of her.


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## syscom3 (May 14, 2006)

Maestro said:


> .....
> And it only needed a French to accept to be leaded by a crazy girl, then betray her to the English and then make a Catholic Saint out of her.


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## plan_D (May 14, 2006)

The only real accomplishment made by the French nation in wartime was when they were led by a tiny Corsican. 

In 1940, France had the largest army in Europe. By numbers alone they should have been able to hold off the Wehrmacht with some degree of ease. Instead, incidents of the French soldier running off back to his home village or not shooting at the Germans because the Germans weren't shooting at them were all too common. 

The French "Saar Offensive" pushed a couple of miles into the Saarland, and the soldiers did not open fire on the German soldiers hanging out their washing 500 yards away. 

In a serious historical discussion about the actions of 1939-1940, I could give the French some credit and would use much better words than coward. Because in the end, most of the French soldiers were not cowards but the French military system and training was a shambles. But in an everyday mockery of the French , yeah, they're cowards. 

Shame that no one discusses "Fall Gelb" probably because it was the greatest military operation in history bar none. And it was done by the those terrible Nazis ! So, we can't give them credit for anything.


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## lesofprimus (May 15, 2006)

I had the chance to work with some French Frogmen back in the early 90's, and they were excellent combat operatives and knew their jobs quite well... 

Now, the general French population and their basic military is an entirely different situation...


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## Vassili Zaitzev (May 15, 2006)

Wait, I think i have the sidearm for the French, a baguette!


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## lesofprimus (May 15, 2006)

Here ya go, the French version of the Swiss Army Knife...


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## Vassili Zaitzev (May 15, 2006)

LMFAO good one!


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## lesofprimus (May 15, 2006)

A Brief French 'Military' History

Gaul vs. Julius Caesar - Gaul defeated by Rome circa 49 B.C. (Rome defeated the early French swine - the Frenchies had to Hail Julius Caesar as their new leader)

Gaul vs. Franks - Gaul defeated by Franks (the 'original' French, replaced by the Franks *sigh*) 
Franks vs. Huns - Huns sack Paris circa 450 A.D. (Huns finally defeated here - Attila's ONLY defeat. Notice it was done by a German-Roman coalition, NOT the Franks)

Franks vs. Themselves - Clovis unites Franks into one kingdom around 511 A.D. He dies and the 'kingdom' falls apart at the seams. Ever hear of naming a successor or how bout a will?

Franks vs. Muslims - Charles Martel defeats a SMALL Muslim raiding party at the Battle of Tours in 732 A.D. Muslims lost interest so Charles claimed a 'great victory'. Notice they didn't follow up and kick the Muslims out of Spain though.....

Franks vs. Franks - Charlemagne crowned 'Emperor of the Romans', Christmas 800 A.D. Again this 'empire' fell apart by 840 A.D. - sheesh. Charlemagne could read but couldn't write - now what sense does that make? 

Franks vs. Vikings - From 841 to 911 A.D. the Viking Warrior-Badasses mopped the Frankish countryside with Frank ***. France surrenders Normandy to Vikings 911 A.D. (Stupid mid-evil France was easily bullied by real warriors)

Franks vs. Black Death - 1347 - 1350 A.D. Black Death kills Frenchies good. This plague was said to originate in Mongolia, from the vermin. BUT, we all know it HAD to have came from the filthy French swine.

France vs. England - 100 Years War 1337 - 1453 A.D. Battle of Crecy - 1337 A.D. (English hand the French their own asses in the start of the 100 Years War with the timely use of the longbow. French knights are mowed down like the cannon fodder they were.) Battle of Poitiers, 1356 A.D. - More of the same. Battle of Agincourt, 1415 A.D. - Henry V gets some French butt-whoopin' action. Unfortunately, a heretic freak named Joan of Arc came along and united all the French Frogs and they managed to repel the English. And we all know where that got her....TOASTY.

Italian Wars - Lost. France becomes the first and only country to ever lose two wars when fighting Italians. 

Wars of Religion - France goes 0-5-4 against the Huguenots. 

France vs. France - 1572 A.D. St. Bartholomew's Day Massacre by Queen Catherine. She killed thousands of protestants and Jews. Hrm...that sounds really familiar - the FINAL SOLUTION ring any bells? Evidently these bastards were no better than Nazi Germany and yet they are proud of their heritage? 

France vs. Europe - War of Spanish Succession 1648 A.D. (France tries to fight rest of Europe over Spain and looses to Frederick William of Germany)

France vs. Europe - 7 Years War or French Indian War 1756 A.D. (France gets beat up on 2 different continents by England and Germany plus the early future Americans - a guy named George Washington ring any bells?)

France vs. France - French Revolution 1789 - 1799A.D. (France kicks their own asses) Dr. Guillotine makes a handy invention that allows the Frenchies to chop off their own heads with amazing speed - thanks Jacobin Republicans!

France vs. Europe - Waterloo 1815 A.D. (Wellington delivers knockout to Napoleon - 2nd time. This comes AFTER the Russian Winter destroyed the largest army in the World and the U.S. conned old Nappy in the Louisiana Purchase - WHAT A BARGAIN!)

France vs. France - French Revolution (again) 1848 A.D. (France is still kicking their own asses on a smaller scale)

France vs. Mexico - late 1860s - early 1870s A.D. - France conquers Mexico. Wow! Amazing. What an accomplishment. Funny though, when the U.S. decided to enforce the Monroe Doctrine and in so many words told France to get the HELL out of our side of the world, they tucked tail and ran.

France vs. Prussia - Franco-Prussian War 1870 A.D. (William I of Germany kicks the teeth out of Napoleon III - good old Willy proclaims himself emperor of Germany at the Palace of Versailles - can you say bitchslap?) This all started because France opposed the unification of Germany - notice this starts a nasty chain of events that doesn't end till 1945......seems to me we can almost chalk up WWI and II on the dumbass French. 

France vs. Germany - WWI 1914-1918 A.D. (Germany beats the hell out of France - without the aid of USA, France would be speaking German. France only won because of Uncle Sam jumped in - then those dumbass sore-winners in France impose an incredibly harsh Treaty of Versailles to 'punish' the Germans. Notice the resulting conditions of this allowed the rise of an unknown Austrian named HITLER.

France vs. Germany - Rise of Hitler 1933-1939 A.D. (Germany bullies France into letting them take more territory - the wussies wouldn't even fight over it - they adopted a policy of 'appeasement' - can you say SCARED?)

France vs. Germany Round II - WWII June 22, 1940 A.D. (France surrenders to Hitler at Compiegne after putting up a fight that made Polish Army look good. Notice Vichy France who quickly jumped ship to be friends with the Germans. And once again without the help of good old Uncle Sam the Atlantic Wall would never have been penetrated - France would either be a part of the 3rd Reich or a satellite country of Communist Russia under Uncle Joe Stalin)

France vs. Vietcong - Vietnam 1954 A.D. (French Army at Dien Bien Phu surrender to Ho Chi Minh) 

Algerian Rebellion - Lost. Loss marks the first defeat of a western army by a Non-Turkic Muslim force since the Crusades, and produces the First Rule of Muslim Warfare; "We can always beat the French." This rule is identical to the First Rules of the Italians, Russians, Germans, English, Dutch, Spanish, Vietnamese and Esquimaux. 

War on Terrorism - France, keeping in mind its recent history, surrenders to Germans and Muslims just to be safe. Attempts to surrender to Vietnamese ambassador fail after he takes refuge in a McDonald's. 

Let's face it. When it comes to war, France gets rolled more often than a Parisian prostitute with a visible mustache...


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## the lancaster kicks ass (May 15, 2006)

how the hell did you just manage to mention two world wars without mentioning the British  we were there too remember, it wasn't just you saving France's ***.........


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## Gnomey (May 15, 2006)

True. Still funny though.


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## Smokey (May 15, 2006)

This is the most embarrassing military defeat i know of

http://www.rorkesdriftvc.com/isandhlwana/isandhlwana.htm

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Battle_of_Isandlwana


The French forces, with help from the British, caused the Schlieffen plan to fail.

'In a strategic triumph at the First Battle of the Marne, which ended on 10 September, the French forces - assisted by the British - had succeeded in throwing back the German offensive, recapturing lost ground in the process. More importantly, the battle ended any hopes the Germans had of effectively bringing the war on the Western Front to an early close.'

Von Kluck's error ended the German high commands hope of a quick victory, and the stubborness of the leadership on all sides led to 4 years of trench warfare.

'Von Kluck and Bülow's failure to maintain an effective offensive live was a primary contribution to the failure of the Schlieffen Plan which was to intended to deliver a decisive blow against France. Instead, the long stalemate of trench warfare was ready to begin. Because of von Kluck's failure, the phrase "dumb Kluck" (or more commonly "dumb cluck") has become a well-known insult. The British at the time called him "old one o'clock".'

http://www.firstworldwar.com/battles/marne1.htm

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/First_Battle_of_the_Marne

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alexander_von_Kluck


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## lesofprimus (May 15, 2006)

Copy and paste Lanc, copy and paste....


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## syscom3 (May 15, 2006)

lesofprimus said:


> .........Let's face it. When it comes to war, France gets rolled more often than a Parisian prostitute with a visible mustache...


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