Bucksnort101
2nd Lieutenant
I'll keep my eyes peeled for the wild Haggis in the Colorado Rockies in September although if I bring one into Elk camp I suspect I'll be kicked out and forced to camp alone.
For the upcoming Haggis hunting season...
- Thread starter Lucky13
- Start date
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Airframes
Benevolens Magister
Yeah, could be a touch too cold for Haggis in Colorado, although it does get as low as -10 in the Highlands during winter. I had heard that some of the Lowland Haggis had got to the American Continent in the 1920's, having been entagled in cargo netting on board a ship at Glasgow. How they got on the ship in the first place is not known, but apparently there was quite a populated colony thriving around the US/Canadian border as late as 1969. It's rumoured that these emigrant Haggiss ( or is it 'Haggi' for the plural?), grew quite large, as big as a small dog, which is very unusual for the small Lowland breed.
Of course 'The General', mentioned by Lucky, is reputed to be as big as an Alsatian, and is thought to be the biggest Haggis ever to have lived. It would be a very accomplished stalker who could bag that old hill walker though, as it's more wily than a wily thing.
Of course 'The General', mentioned by Lucky, is reputed to be as big as an Alsatian, and is thought to be the biggest Haggis ever to have lived. It would be a very accomplished stalker who could bag that old hill walker though, as it's more wily than a wily thing.
Butters
Senior Airman
Here in the dark, forbidding wilds of Nova Scotia, the haggis is nae like the wee, sleekit, cowrin, tim'rous beastie of Bonny Blue Scotland. Nae, tis rather a ferocious great predator, bristling with spiky fangs and razor-sharp talons, ever eager to pounce upon the unwary and render them into bloody gobbets with a bone-chilling Gaelic screech!
When the eerie skirl of a hundred pipes announces the dawn of the haggis season, we Bluenosers carefully fortify ourselves by chuggin' back a wee dram or twelve of the finest single malt,(or Lamb's 151 proof Navy Rum in a pinch...) jack a round into the chamber of our .300 Win Magnums, and wildly blast away at every rustling leaf, snapping twig, or footstep we hear or imagine. Just as a warm up, ye ken...
Once the competition has been thinned out a bit, the real hunt begins. The gaunt, slavering hounds are brought out, and after another wee dram or seventeen, we all cry 'Havoc', and unslip the Dogs of Haggis! Usually everthing gang aft clusterf*kk agley, but if the survivors of the pack have actually treed a desperately unlucky haggis, we blast the ugly bag of sheep guts to oatmealy smithereens and stagger back to the camp to celebrate with a big feed of deer steak and fried potatoes ,all smothered in mushrooms and onions. No friggin neeps fer us!
JL
When the eerie skirl of a hundred pipes announces the dawn of the haggis season, we Bluenosers carefully fortify ourselves by chuggin' back a wee dram or twelve of the finest single malt,(or Lamb's 151 proof Navy Rum in a pinch...) jack a round into the chamber of our .300 Win Magnums, and wildly blast away at every rustling leaf, snapping twig, or footstep we hear or imagine. Just as a warm up, ye ken...
Once the competition has been thinned out a bit, the real hunt begins. The gaunt, slavering hounds are brought out, and after another wee dram or seventeen, we all cry 'Havoc', and unslip the Dogs of Haggis! Usually everthing gang aft clusterf*kk agley, but if the survivors of the pack have actually treed a desperately unlucky haggis, we blast the ugly bag of sheep guts to oatmealy smithereens and stagger back to the camp to celebrate with a big feed of deer steak and fried potatoes ,all smothered in mushrooms and onions. No friggin neeps fer us!
JL
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Njaco
The Pop-Tart Whisperer
Jeez, Butters!! We need Jan to translate!Leave it to the English to make something thats edible and a floor wax!
For those of you who dont know, a haggis is a small animal native to Scotland. Well it is actually a bird with vestigial wings - like the ostrich. Because the habitat of the haggis is exclusively mountainous, and because it is always found on the sides of mountains, it has evolved a rather strange gait. The poor thing has only three legs, and each leg is a different length, so it can circle steep mountainsides at speed. The result of this is that when hunting haggis, you must get them on to a flat plain - then they are very easy to catch - they can only run round in circles. These strange circles of flattened grass / crops etc, have over the years been mistakenly identified as sinister UFO landing sites, much the merryment of the Haggis Hunter who does nothing to dispel the myth !.
FRESH WATER HAGGIS
A little known fact about the haggis is its aquatic ability - you would think that with three legs of differing lengths, the poor wee beastie wouldn't be very good at swimming, but as some of the Scottish hillsides have rather spectacular lakes on them, over the years, the haggis has learned to swim very well. When in water:
It uses its wings to propel itself forward
It can do at a very reasonable speed
It can't hold its breath for very long
Is very playful
When swimming, haggis very often swim in a group - a bit like ducks - where the mother will swim ahead, and the youngsters follow line abreast. This is a very interesting phenomenon to watch, the long neck of the mother keeping a watchful eye for predators.
This does however confuse some people, who, not knowing about the haggis, can confuse it with the other great indigenous Scottish inhabitant, the Loch Ness Monster. From a distance the tourist can easily mistake a family of haggis out for their daily swim, as Nessie, this of course gives rise to many more false sightings, but is inherently very good for the tourist industry in Scotland.
Apparently a few days before giving birth the female Haggis starts emitting a very loud droning noise. This noise is loud and scary enough to drive all wildlife within a five mile radius, clear away, while giving any Haggis in earshot, an open invite to come and help with the actual birth.
The Scots, being canny people...apparently... invented a medievel aural torture device called bagpipes. The bagpipes not only mimics the Haggis call (a horrible, tone deaf wailing noise that is acutely uncomfortable to any humans within earshot), it is also modelled on the very rare and exceptionaly poisonous hillside spider, the Hagider, which is part of the diet of the Haggis.... to such good effect that bagpipes have been used to hunt these poor creatures to great effect.
So now you know !
FRESH WATER HAGGIS
A little known fact about the haggis is its aquatic ability - you would think that with three legs of differing lengths, the poor wee beastie wouldn't be very good at swimming, but as some of the Scottish hillsides have rather spectacular lakes on them, over the years, the haggis has learned to swim very well. When in water:
It uses its wings to propel itself forward
It can do at a very reasonable speed
It can't hold its breath for very long
Is very playful
When swimming, haggis very often swim in a group - a bit like ducks - where the mother will swim ahead, and the youngsters follow line abreast. This is a very interesting phenomenon to watch, the long neck of the mother keeping a watchful eye for predators.
This does however confuse some people, who, not knowing about the haggis, can confuse it with the other great indigenous Scottish inhabitant, the Loch Ness Monster. From a distance the tourist can easily mistake a family of haggis out for their daily swim, as Nessie, this of course gives rise to many more false sightings, but is inherently very good for the tourist industry in Scotland.
Apparently a few days before giving birth the female Haggis starts emitting a very loud droning noise. This noise is loud and scary enough to drive all wildlife within a five mile radius, clear away, while giving any Haggis in earshot, an open invite to come and help with the actual birth.
The Scots, being canny people...apparently... invented a medievel aural torture device called bagpipes. The bagpipes not only mimics the Haggis call (a horrible, tone deaf wailing noise that is acutely uncomfortable to any humans within earshot), it is also modelled on the very rare and exceptionaly poisonous hillside spider, the Hagider, which is part of the diet of the Haggis.... to such good effect that bagpipes have been used to hunt these poor creatures to great effect.
So now you know !
Njaco
The Pop-Tart Whisperer
Are there Haggis Control Officers in Scotland?
Condora
Airman 1st Class
I know the Department for Environment, Food and Rural Affairs includes the Royal Haggis Services, to supervise the protection of the species.
First, they lure them with their bagpipes, when the creatures appear, they are wrapped in a kilt, marked, and released again.
Njaco
The Pop-Tart Whisperer
I'm learning something new every day!
Do you have to get a Haggis license, like a dog license here in the States or a pet fish license in the UK?
Do they have to be innoculated against diseases like Mad Cow Disease (Mad Haggis Disease?) and Anal Glaucoma?
Do you have to get a Haggis license, like a dog license here in the States or a pet fish license in the UK?
Do they have to be innoculated against diseases like Mad Cow Disease (Mad Haggis Disease?) and Anal Glaucoma?
Butters
Senior Airman
You have to have a license for a guppy in the UK?! 
So what happens if a bobby walks by and sees a fly buzzing on the inside of a window in your home? Does he check its collar to see if the tag is up to date?
jus' curious...
JL
So what happens if a bobby walks by and sees a fly buzzing on the inside of a window in your home? Does he check its collar to see if the tag is up to date?
jus' curious...
JL
Condora
Airman 1st Class
I had to get a cat's license for me cat, Eric...
(and I'll say no more!)
(and I'll say no more!)
Airframes
Benevolens Magister
But that was a dog licence, with the word 'dog' crossed out, and 'cat' written in with crayon......
Njaco
The Pop-Tart Whisperer
He used a Cat Detector Van - could pinpoint a purr at a thousand yards!!
The tip here is to buy a Black and White dog/cat as the license is cheaper !
Condora
Airman 1st Class
And Eric being such a happy cat, was a piece of cake. Never seen so many aerials...
Airframes
Benevolens Magister
If you are blind, you also get a 25% discount on the Black White Cat licence. It's rather more difficult obtaining a Bee Licence though......
Condora
Airman 1st Class
What if the bat is a of different bolor?
It shouldn't be (or half-a-bee).
It shouldn't be (or half-a-bee).
trackend
Chief Master Sergeant
Great song Eric the half a Bee but we are digressing I shall bring us back on thread with a poem from that famous Scots poet Lochs a Doddel
Aye ye nastie little beastie
legs of sinew and claws of bone
wi ye snappy wee teethy
the Haggis is nare alone
It rambles in the Glens
and hides amoungst the thistle
it leaps straight up yer kilt
and deny half makes ye whistle
Ill hunt the little devil
and cook it in a bucket
ill serve it to my darling wife
and laugh as she up chucks it.
Oh Haggis of the highlands
a taste no words can I fit
a flavour thats so unique
you taste of total s**t
Aye ye nastie little beastie
legs of sinew and claws of bone
wi ye snappy wee teethy
the Haggis is nare alone
It rambles in the Glens
and hides amoungst the thistle
it leaps straight up yer kilt
and deny half makes ye whistle
Ill hunt the little devil
and cook it in a bucket
ill serve it to my darling wife
and laugh as she up chucks it.
Oh Haggis of the highlands
a taste no words can I fit
a flavour thats so unique
you taste of total s**t
Condora
Airman 1st Class
In the best Burns tradition of the "Address to a Haggis" (shouldn't it be "A Kilt to a Haggis"? - maybe it's a question of gender).
Wha's Like Us? Damn Few, An' They're Adied!
Airframes
Benevolens Magister
I believe there is a cloth, from which 'country' clothing is made, dedictaed to the Haggis, known as 'Haggis Tweed', and it was once a favourite, for the old - fashioned 'sports jackets' worn by the late actor, Richard Haggis.....
vikingBerserker
Lieutenant General
LMAO!!!!
