Crunch
Senior Airman
Can I also just add that you'll never get such a long post from me again. EVER.
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That's pretty much what I've learned over the years. It can be rough, I miss out on stuff, but I have great friends and family, and many more here now.
And in regards to your somebody's always worse off statement: That's also very true. I can walk, I can talk, I can think. My mind is unaffected, and I can still do a lot despite my issues.
Can I also just add that you'll never get such a long post from me again. EVER.
Originally posted by Les'Bride
cry..to feel better
Lets see..I was born in May of 1970, in Victoria, Texas. My father was a Operator at a refinery(Dupont) and mom was a housewife, older brother Patrick that seemingly was happy being an only child till I showed up(mom caught him in my baby bed with a jar over his head about to slam it into mine....good times...) Dad always had another buisness on the side, we went from tire sales, to car lot, to liquor store and back to cars, then to customized vans. I have to say that I owe the fact that I can clean a vehicle till it shines like a diamond in a goats as* to him. Before 1977, I don't remember them having problems, much. I was daddy's little girl. 1st runner-up Little Miss Cuero in 1976, ballet, tap..all the normal little girl stuff.
In 1977, they divorced and mom, Pat and I (begrudgeonly) moved back to SE Texas(where they grew up)Dad stayed in Victoria, of course..and met a woman in San Antonio named Georgie. She seemed great, at first...we loved her. Unfortunately, after the marriage, I happily got to move back with my daddy, and she turned. I don't know if it was resentment that dad wasn't the obvious cash-cow she'd thought or what..seemingly she decided that it was easier to take out her anger and rage on a 7 yr old than deal with dad...who had always drank(even had a bottle of Aqua Velva in College..true story) His drinking had gotten ALOT worse. Only saw him long enough to help him to bed at night, morning, whenever he stumbled in after a shift and the drinking his sorrow away. He never saw what was happening to me. Georgie did her best to beat the life out of me on a daily basis. I don't think there is much I havent been hit with. Kept me in the closet for a bit. Etc..I really can't get into all of it. Shes a sick woman. Ina nut-shell. In the interim she had gotten pregnant(oh Joy!) and had my little sister Cheryl. Pretty much came home and gave her to me. I had been enrolled in Catholic School in town and was either at school or taking care of my baby sister. The beating and torture continued till I was 12 y.o. and my older brother, who had been down to visit while I had gone to moms to visit suffered the brunt of an argument between dad and she and she decided to kick Pat in the nuts and call him a SOB instead of fighting with dad. (shes a class act, I tell ya! lol) Pat spilled his guts. I had made him swear NEVER to tell what was going on, she always told me that if anyone ever found out that she would killl dad and mom and Pat. Hell, I believed her! Well, dad (thank God) divorced her and went on to his next victim. Lady with 3 sons, WHOLE different story, all still on the F'ed up side. Don't want to go on about it all.
Dad was married 6 times. I'll leave it at that.
Momma had remarried to a great guy, that Pat and I adored they had my little brother and sister..he was and still is an EXCELLENT, dad. A bit smothering if you ask my little bro and sis. NOT so good in the hubby department. When it all came down at dads with the step-monster, I was then shipped to live with them...against my will, I was afraid for daddy...I felt that he needed me, there with him to help. It broke my heart. Kinda hard to explain that I really didn't mind the pain as long as he was going to be ok. Really sick. lol. Well, I was moved back and forth, between families(dad changing wives, etc) During 1984 I had decided that everyone would be alot better off if I wasn't in the picture. It seemed to me that I wasn't good enough..my grades were bad, I was tall and chubby and was getting all sorts attention because my female bits were coming in like gangbusters, even though I hated myself. So, I ate alot of pills. Just made myself extremely sick and tried to hide it from my dad and his wife, got up and went to school and threw-up on myself all day. BAD IDEA. It was a riotous, drunken, sick time...there are really too many stories to tell...I'll skip ahead. When my older brother Pat told mom what I had done she then took it upon herself to have me hospitalized, suprisingly. I was locked in the Radar Institute for eating disorders and diagnosed with Bulemia.(SUPRISE!!!!) I stayed there 6 wks and when I was released, mom, after coming to all the meetings, etc..realized that she was also bulemic. (Game the WHOLE family can play!! sorry.) I then went to go stay with my step-dad and help with my little brother and sister. Mom came home and continued her meetings even branched out to al-anon to help process the marriage to dad. I stayed int he 12-step program, even became an alateen sponsor, etc. UNFORTUNATELY being young and going to NA meetings(during treatment, they really don't seem to care WHAT 12 step meeting you go to, as long as you go) I met some really intresting folks. Started hanging out with them, going to high school, yadda, yadda..played Flute, then trumpet then tuba(quit giggling), marching band, etc. Got really good at photography in 7 and 8th grade and was kinda drafted into the school photographer job. Loved it, got burnt out my senior year, sadly. The beginning of my senior year I was locked up again, this time the diagnosis was Manic-depressant disorder..I was in the 'Womens institute" for 6 weeks. It was a great place, really they taught me alot about myself..helped me deal with the sh*t from childhood, etc. how do deal with the sickness through meditation and learning how to re-establish my chemical balance, i.e. forcing myself to bottom-out, cry..to feel better. Sound strange, but it works. *rambling...moving on*
I quit high-school 3 months before graduation..to help mom, it seemed, she was in the process of divorcing my step-dad and had fallen into a really bad place. It seemed like a good idea at the time.They decided to try it again, for my younger bro and sis, bought a huge house with pool, jacuzzi and began to set up a 'perfect' life for themselves. I wasn't figuring into the equation anymore. I was kicked out that June, moved to Beaumont with some drag-queens I'd met through a friend and the REAL adventure started. I got my GED that month. THEN proceeded to party REALLY hard. I don't think there was a drug I didn't do..was dealing LSD in mind-numbing quanities before I turned 21. WHOLE lot of stories there, of course. The friends that I had made into my family and I hit our own 'bottom' in a seedy motel room in Houston. My older brother, Pat, had taken it uopn himself to call all of our parents and let them know what was going on...I was THEN sent back to my dad's "I'll straighten that b*tch-up" reform camp. I pretty much strightened up and moved back to Houston, got an actual job as a receptionist for a jewelry designer. I quickly pointedout the inefficency in their operation pretaining to the buying of supplies and developed a "buyers" position. Decided to move with a friend of mine and try out San Francisco..built a repertory theatre company(out of nessessity for a friend) and began producing/assistant directing, decided after 2 years that I couldn't stand actors. Turned it over. My grandfather died, I moved back to Texas..momma needed me.
Originally posted by Les'Bride
I'm sorry, Daniel...I was in the middle of posting hell!
Awesome, stick with it!! I wish I had. Keep your eye on what you truly want and hopefullly that will keep you fueled to go all the way. Best of luck!!
From pictures of NZ sent from my older brother and younger sister(they are both Kiwi, now) is a wonderful place..I know they both adore it.