Quotes and Jokes (3 Viewers)

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A journalist goes to Russia for a documentary. In a little village he saw an old man and asked him to narrate a typical happy story of his village.

The old man smiled and began:"One day, a long time ago, my goat got lost in the mountains. As is our tradition, all the men of the village gathered to drink vodka first and then looked for the goat. When we finally found her, as is our tradition, we all drank some more vodka and all the men in the village each got their turn to mate with the goat. We had so much fun that day!"

The journalist realized that he couldn't publish such a story so he asked the old man if he had another happy story.

The old man smiled again and started all over again: "Once, my neighbor's wife got lost in the mountains. As per our tradition, all of the village's men gathered to drink vodka and then went to look for her. As is our tradition, when we finally found her, all the men in the village got their turn to mate with the neighbor's wife. We had great fun that day!"

The journalist couldn't publish that story either and therefore asked: "Don't you have a story that is less happy; something... umm ... sadder?"

The old man's smile faded. His eyes welled up..... In a sad, soft voice he began: "One day I got lost in the mountains.....
 
So, 4 nuns die at the same time, and they're all lined up at the Pearly Gates.

St. Peter tells the first one to come up and says, "Alright, Sister, before I let you in: Tell me, have you ever touched a penis?"

The nun is a little nervous, knows better than to lie, and says: "Yes, Peter. Just once, with my pinky."

Peter says, "Alright," and lays a bowl of Holy Water down before her. "Just dip your pinky finger in here and you'll be purified, then we'll let you in."

She does, and is let in.

Peter calls up the second nun, and says, "Alright, Sister, same question: Have you ever touched a penis?"

"Well, Peter," she says, red as a beet, "Father McKenzie made me give him a handjob once-- just once!"

"Okay," Peter says, "Just wash your hands in the Holy Water and we'll let you in."

She does and is let in.

Peter is about to call up the third nun, but he notices that the fourth nun behind her is visibly shaken, pale, and really nervous. So he says, "What's the matter, Sister?"

She gestures to the third nun and says, "Well, if it's all the same to you Peter, I'd rather gargle that water before she sticks her ass in it."
 
I knew what was coming and STILL laughed.
 
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