Quotes and Jokes (1 Viewer)

[syscom3]

 

[Gnomey]

 

[syscom3]

 

[MIflyer]

 

[Airframes]

Or "You're only supposed to blow the bloody doors off !"

(I've been waiting years to use that quote from the original "Italian Job" movie !!)

 

[buffnut453]

I've got a date with a lady who self-identifies as a wheelie bin

…but I can't remember if I'm taking her out on Tuesday or Wednesday

 

[special ed]

 

[special ed]

Known as the portal to hell

 

[special ed]

 

[special ed]

 

[Wurger]

 

[Greg Boeser]

I've got a date with a lady who self-identifies as a wheelie bin

…but I can't remember if I'm taking her out on Tuesday or Wednesday

Was Monday a holiday?

 

[MIflyer]

Back in the early 90's a geologist did some analyses that showed the Sphinx was thousands of years older than the 2500 BC the archeologists claimed, and they were thoroughly P.Oed at him for daring to point that out.

 

[Gnomey]

 

[manta22]

Or "You're only supposed to blow the bloody doors off !"

(I've been waiting years to use that quote from the original "Italian Job" movie !!)

"Think we used enough dynamite, Butch?"

 

[Vic Balshaw]

View attachment 729665
Known as the portal to hell

Hell of a pizza oven!

 

[buffnut453]

An eminent English doctor is visiting an Edinburgh hospital. He enters a ward full of patients with no obvious sign of injury or illness

He asks the first patient how he feels. The patient replies:

"Fair fa your honest sonsie face, Great chieftain o the puddin race, Aboon them a ye take yer place, Painch, tripe or thairm, As langs my airm."

The Englishman is confused, so he just smiles and moves on to the next patient and asks the same question.

The patient responds:

"Some hae meat an canna eat, And some wad eat that want it, But we hae meat an we can eat, So let the Lord be thankit."

Even more confused, the eminent doctor moves on to the next patient, who immediately begins to chant:

"Wee sleekit, cowerin, timrous beasty, O the panic in thy breasty, Thou needna start awa sae hastie, Wi bickering brattle."

Now seriously troubled, the eminent doctor turns to the guide and asks, "Is this a psychiatric ward?"

"Nay," replies the doctor, "This is the serious Burns unit."


Don't worry....I'm leaving!

 

[WARSPITER]

Was Monday a holiday?

Forget it. She obviously only puts out once a week.

 

[MiTasol]

You have read of the orcas in the entrance to the Med who are attacking boats rudders and now there is this

The authors of Planet of the Apes got it wrong - should have been Planet of the sea critters

https://www.washingtonpost.com/national-security/2023/07/12/microsoft-hack-china/?utm_campaign=wp_post_most&utm_medium=email&utm_source=newsletter&wpisrc=nl_most

 

[Elvis]

View attachment 729664

In the old days, someone would've crafted a large glass ash tray to stick in that depression in the brake rotor, and you'd have to have emptied it nightly.