Quotes and Jokes

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This could also go in the "What annoyed you today" thread.

My bank card stopped working in ATM machines so I had to order a new one by phone. To verify my identity the person on the phone has to ask various questions. Below is part of the discussion.

BANK: What is your mothers maiden name.
ME : Emily Huddlestone
BANK : This is an important security question, I cannot proceed without a correct answer, what is your mothers maiden name, Emily OR Huddlestone.


Any suggestions, possible answers I could give on a postcard please, there will be prize for the winner drawn after Christmas.
 
A football bettor is having losing seasons every year. One year he loses $20,000, the next year he loses $15,000, the next year he loses $35,000, and on and on and on. For 10 years straight, the guy never has a winning season. Finally, a concerned, well-intentioned friend of his asks, "Did you ever think of trying something different, like basketball, say?" The guy replies, "WTF do I know about basketball?"
 
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