Quotes and Jokes (3 Viewers)
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Exception to the ruleMe or the helicopter
MiTasol
1st Lieutenant
A friend has just turned 80 and he says he is twenty seven.
Because 80F is 27C and he does not use imferial measurements.
Because 80F is 27C and he does not use imferial measurements.
Snautzer01
Honourably banned
- 43,080
- Mar 26, 2007
Snautzer01
Honourably banned
- 43,080
- Mar 26, 2007
Snautzer01
Honourably banned
- 43,080
- Mar 26, 2007
Snautzer01
Honourably banned
- 43,080
- Mar 26, 2007
Snautzer01
Honourably banned
- 43,080
- Mar 26, 2007
Snautzer01
Honourably banned
- 43,080
- Mar 26, 2007
MiTasol
1st Lieutenant
Couldn't use these today.
Why.
Too many words. Would confuse the recipient.
Classy Insults .....
These insults are from an era before the English language got boiled down to 4-letter words. Insults then, had some class!
1. "I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; Bring a friend, if you have one."
George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill.
"Cannot possibly attend first night, I will attend the second...If there is one."
- Winston Churchill, in response.
2. A member of Parliament to Disraeli: "Sir, you will either die on the gallows, or of some unspeakable disease."
· "That depends, Sir," said Disraeli, "whether I embrace your policies or your mistress."
3. "He had delusions of adequacy." - Walter Kerr
4. "I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure."
- Clarence Darrow
5. "He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary."
- William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway).
6."Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it."
- Moses Hadas
7. "I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it."
- Mark Twain
8. "He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.."
- Oscar Wilde
9. "I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here."
- Stephen Bishop
10."He is a self-made man and worships his creator."
- John Bright
11. "I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial."
- Irvin S. Cobb
12. "He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others."
- Samuel Johnson
13. "He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up."
- Paul Keating
14. "In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily."
- Charles, Count Talleyrand
15. "He loves nature in spite of what it did to him."
- Forrest Tucker
16. "Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?"
- Mark Twain
17. "His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork."
- Mae West
18. "Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go."
- Oscar Wilde
19. "He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts... For support rather than illumination."
- Andrew Lang (1844-1912)
20. "He has Van Gogh's ear for music."
- Billy Wilder
21. "I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it."
- Groucho Marx.
22."He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire."
- Winston Churchill
Why.
Too many words. Would confuse the recipient.
Classy Insults .....
These insults are from an era before the English language got boiled down to 4-letter words. Insults then, had some class!
1. "I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; Bring a friend, if you have one."
George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill.
"Cannot possibly attend first night, I will attend the second...If there is one."
- Winston Churchill, in response.
2. A member of Parliament to Disraeli: "Sir, you will either die on the gallows, or of some unspeakable disease."
· "That depends, Sir," said Disraeli, "whether I embrace your policies or your mistress."
3. "He had delusions of adequacy." - Walter Kerr
4. "I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure."
- Clarence Darrow
5. "He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary."
- William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway).
6."Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it."
- Moses Hadas
7. "I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it."
- Mark Twain
8. "He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.."
- Oscar Wilde
9. "I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here."
- Stephen Bishop
10."He is a self-made man and worships his creator."
- John Bright
11. "I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial."
- Irvin S. Cobb
12. "He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others."
- Samuel Johnson
13. "He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up."
- Paul Keating
14. "In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily."
- Charles, Count Talleyrand
15. "He loves nature in spite of what it did to him."
- Forrest Tucker
16. "Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?"
- Mark Twain
17. "His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork."
- Mae West
18. "Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go."
- Oscar Wilde
19. "He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts... For support rather than illumination."
- Andrew Lang (1844-1912)
20. "He has Van Gogh's ear for music."
- Billy Wilder
21. "I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it."
- Groucho Marx.
22."He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire."
- Winston Churchill
