Quotes and Jokes (2 Viewers)

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I never imagined I would go into a bank and they'd tell me to come back with a mask over my face. I started to ask them if I needed to bring a gun too but instead just left and went to the grocery store.

Something led me to recall an incident described by a man I used to work with.

His mother in law was visiting and he took her and his wife out to lunch. They were in the mall and he suggested a restaurant down the street but the two women insisted on going to an all you can eat buffet there in the mall.

They were at their table eating when there was a splash and coffee flew all over the place. He watched, astonished, as a tiny head popped up out of his wife's coffee cup. Then a mouse climbed out of the cup and proceeded to exit the table, transiting his wife's salad along the way.

My friend sat there and continued to eat his shrimp as the entire place emptied around him. It turned out that there had been water leak that damaged one of the ceiling tiles, so they removed it. A mouse was walking around up there and fell through the hole, making a direct hit on his wife's shoulder and then bouncing into her coffee cup. His wife and mother in law decided they no longer wanted to eat there; he took them to the restaurant he had originally suggested and had to pour couple of bottles of wine into them to get them to calm down.

The mall restaurant had offered them a free meal and about year later he stopped in; the manager remembered the incident and let them eat for free.
 
From michaelmaltby's post #14,880:

"Then an MP came in for a haircut, and when he went to pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week.' The MP was very happy and left the shop.
The next morning, when the barber went to open up, there were a dozen MP's lined up waiting for a free haircut."

So Members of Parliament DO in fact talk to each other after hours!
 
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The town banker saw his old friend Tom, an eighty year old rancher. Tom had lost his wife a year before and rumor was that he was marrying a "mail order" bride.
The banker asked Tom if the rumor was true and Tom assured him it was. The banker then asked Tom the age of his bride to be.
Tom proudly said, "She'll be twenty one in November."
The banker, being a wise man, seeing that the sexual appetite of a young woman could not be satisfied by an eighty year old man, wanted his friend to have his remaining years happy, suggested Tom should consider getting a hired hand on the ranch, knowing nature would take it's course.
Tom agreed and said he would look for one.
Several months later, the banker saw Tom in town again.
"How's the new wife?"
Proudly, Tom said, " Great, she's pregnant."
"And how's the hired hand?"
"Good, she's pregnant too."

Never underestimate old guys
 
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