Quotes and Jokes (2 Viewers)
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SpitfireKing
Airman 1st Class
Good lord, I forgot how bad some of this humor is!
Njaco
The Pop-Tart Whisperer
some more bad humour....
Male or Female? You might not have known this, but a lot of non-living objects are actually either male or female.
Here are some examples:
FREEZER BAGS: They are male, because they hold everything in, but you can see right through them.
PHOTOCOPIERS: These are female, because once turned off; it takes a while to warm them up again.
They are an effective reproductive device if the right buttons are pushed, but can also wreak havoc if you push the wrong Buttons.
TIRES: Tires are male, because they go bald easily and are often over inflated
HOT AIR BALLOONS: Also a male object, because to get them to go anywhere, you have to light a fire under their butt.
SPONGES: These are female, because they are soft, squeezable and retain water.
WEB PAGES:Female, because they're constantly being looked at and frequently getting hit on.
TRAINS: Definitely male, because they always use the same old lines for picking up people.
EGG TIMERS: Egg timers are female because, over time, all the weight shifts to the bottom.
HAMMERS: Male, because in the last 5000 years, they've hardly changed at all, and are occasionally handy to have around.
THE REMOTE CONTROL: Female. Ha! You probably thought it would be male, but consider this: It easily gives a man pleasure, he'd be lost without it, and while he doesn't always know which buttons to push, he just keeps trying.
Male or Female? You might not have known this, but a lot of non-living objects are actually either male or female.
Here are some examples:
FREEZER BAGS: They are male, because they hold everything in, but you can see right through them.
PHOTOCOPIERS: These are female, because once turned off; it takes a while to warm them up again.
They are an effective reproductive device if the right buttons are pushed, but can also wreak havoc if you push the wrong Buttons.
TIRES: Tires are male, because they go bald easily and are often over inflated
HOT AIR BALLOONS: Also a male object, because to get them to go anywhere, you have to light a fire under their butt.
SPONGES: These are female, because they are soft, squeezable and retain water.
WEB PAGES:Female, because they're constantly being looked at and frequently getting hit on.
TRAINS: Definitely male, because they always use the same old lines for picking up people.
EGG TIMERS: Egg timers are female because, over time, all the weight shifts to the bottom.
HAMMERS: Male, because in the last 5000 years, they've hardly changed at all, and are occasionally handy to have around.
THE REMOTE CONTROL: Female. Ha! You probably thought it would be male, but consider this: It easily gives a man pleasure, he'd be lost without it, and while he doesn't always know which buttons to push, he just keeps trying.
Becca
Staff Sergeant
Tis' but a wee giggle for you...
Taking a wee break from the golf course, Tiger Woods drives his new Mercedes into an Irish gas station.
An attendant greets him in typical Irish manner, unaware who the golf pro is... "Top o' the mornin to ya".
As Tiger gets out of the car, two tees fall out of his pocket.
"So what are those things, laddie?" asks the attendant.
They're called tees," replies Tiger.
"And what would ya be usin 'em for, now?" inquires the Irishman.
"Well, they're for resting my balls on when I drive," replies Tiger.
"Aw, Jaysus, Mary an' Joseph!" exclaims the Irish attendant.
"Those fellas at Mercedes think of everything...
Taking a wee break from the golf course, Tiger Woods drives his new Mercedes into an Irish gas station.
An attendant greets him in typical Irish manner, unaware who the golf pro is... "Top o' the mornin to ya".
As Tiger gets out of the car, two tees fall out of his pocket.
"So what are those things, laddie?" asks the attendant.
They're called tees," replies Tiger.
"And what would ya be usin 'em for, now?" inquires the Irishman.
"Well, they're for resting my balls on when I drive," replies Tiger.
"Aw, Jaysus, Mary an' Joseph!" exclaims the Irish attendant.
"Those fellas at Mercedes think of everything...
SpitfireKing
Airman 1st Class
Things that sound bad in golf, though aren't.
1. Damn it, lost another ball!
2. Hole in one!
3. 1 iron or 3 wood.
4. Finnaly got it in!
That's all I remember.
1. Damn it, lost another ball!
2. Hole in one!
3. 1 iron or 3 wood.
4. Finnaly got it in!
That's all I remember.
Njaco
The Pop-Tart Whisperer
Brad Nichols
Recruit
- 2
- Sep 19, 2007
SpitfireKing
Airman 1st Class
I have that tequila poster.
Matt308
Glock Perfection
Who was the 3rd man in history to walk on water?
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The 1st one was Christ.
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The 2nd was the apostle Peter.
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Then there was this Mexican guy named Jose...
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The 1st one was Christ.
*
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The 2nd was the apostle Peter.
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Then there was this Mexican guy named Jose...
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*
*
Njaco
The Pop-Tart Whisperer
ToughOmbre
Senior Master Sergeant
- Thread starter
- #216
A man gets a call from his very (very..) blonde girlfriend.
"I've got a problem, sweetheart".
"What's the matter, honey?" asks the man.
"Well, I bought this jigsaw puzzle, but it's too hard. None of the pieces fit together and I can't find any edges."
"What's the picture of?".
"It's of a big rooster".
"All right," says the man. "my dear. tonight, after work, as soon as I come home I will help you with the puzzle..."
At evening, he arrives home, greets his girlfriend and ask her about the puzzle. She leads him into her kitchen and shows him the jigsaw puzzle on the kitchen table.
He stares at the box, stares at the pieces on the table and turns to her and says, "For heaven's sake, Sweety, put the cornflakes back in the box...."
"I've got a problem, sweetheart".
"What's the matter, honey?" asks the man.
"Well, I bought this jigsaw puzzle, but it's too hard. None of the pieces fit together and I can't find any edges."
"What's the picture of?".
"It's of a big rooster".
"All right," says the man. "my dear. tonight, after work, as soon as I come home I will help you with the puzzle..."
At evening, he arrives home, greets his girlfriend and ask her about the puzzle. She leads him into her kitchen and shows him the jigsaw puzzle on the kitchen table.
He stares at the box, stares at the pieces on the table and turns to her and says, "For heaven's sake, Sweety, put the cornflakes back in the box...."
Matt308
Glock Perfection
Becca
Staff Sergeant
A lady walks into a high class jewelry shop. She browses around,
spots a beautiful diamond bracelet and walks over to inspect it.
As she bends over to look more closely she inadvertently breaks wind.
Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone has
noticed her little accident and prays that a sales person doesn't pop up
right now.
As she turns around, her worst nightmare materializes in the form of a
salesman standing right behind her. Cool as a cucumber and displaying
complete professionalism, the salesman greets the lady with, "Good
day, Madam. How may we help you today?"
Very uncomfortably, but hoping that the salesman may just not have
been there at the time of her little 'accident',
She asks, "Sir, what is the price of this lovely bracelet?"
He answers, "Madam, if you farted just looking at it, you're going to
*hit yourself when I tell you the price."
spots a beautiful diamond bracelet and walks over to inspect it.
As she bends over to look more closely she inadvertently breaks wind.
Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone has
noticed her little accident and prays that a sales person doesn't pop up
right now.
As she turns around, her worst nightmare materializes in the form of a
salesman standing right behind her. Cool as a cucumber and displaying
complete professionalism, the salesman greets the lady with, "Good
day, Madam. How may we help you today?"
Very uncomfortably, but hoping that the salesman may just not have
been there at the time of her little 'accident',
She asks, "Sir, what is the price of this lovely bracelet?"
He answers, "Madam, if you farted just looking at it, you're going to
*hit yourself when I tell you the price."
Njaco
The Pop-Tart Whisperer
