The Canonical List of French Jokes

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sorry to disappoint but sparkling Champagne and the bottles which contain it as well as the corks were English developments

But the fact remains that bubbling Champagne originated from France...regardless of who made it popular.

And using cork to seal a bottle is a Roman technique rediscovered in the middle ages.
 
But the fact remains that bubbling Champagne originated from France...regardless of who made it popular.

And using cork to seal a bottle is a Roman technique rediscovered in the middle ages.
Do you mind Sir, you are interrupting a game that the English and French have played for over a thousand years. Bubbling wine occurs all over, the French from Champagne had the genius to name poor bubbly wine from the Champagne region "Champagne".


All a bit of a joke, the kings of England were French, you find out problems with wine when you transport it so it was always English kings who drove improvements in French wine.
 
Dear friends of mine, over the Channel, you've invented the Champagne, surely, but please, keep your hands off our business, and go back to sell your tea. don't worry, we're managing your invention well.
The English is right, it's a game between the two sides of the Channel. Two countries, two religions: wine and tea. Seriously, the Channel is really acting like a mirror. You're doing everything in the wrong way man! Americans have nothing to do with this business, we, english and french, were already having fun together while you were not discovered yet.
Private joke from the eurostar.

But to come back to France and everything like that:
>>Why is there sea tide?
Because, a long time ago, French came to the beach, and the sea, disgusted, ran away. Since this time, it comes every half day to see if they are still there.

>>Two cow boys have been captured by the indians. The indians ask them to find 100 vegetables or fruits or they will be killed. So the two cow boys go away to find the vegetables and the fruits. The first one comes back with 100 cherries. The indians ask him to put it in his ass hole without laughing, or he will be killed. So the first cow-boy begins and he painfully puts the 99th in his ass. But he suddendly laughs, as his friend comes back with 100 watermelons.


51 rue de montmorency, 3ème arrondissement, Paris, maison construite en 1407, toujours debout
51 Montmorency road, 3rd district, Paris, house built in 1407, still occupied
>>Wait wait wait! Remind me the date of the independance of the USA? 1783? So that means... we still own a house built 3 centuries before you ever existed guys!

Best joke ever about you, my friends over the Atlantic ocean (I'm dreaming about driving the USA from East to West with my best friend). Please, do not ban me because of this joke but I've never laugh so much!

Wikipedia says:
History of France (72 lines): History of France - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
1 Prehistory
2 Ancient history
2.1 Greek colonies
2.2 Gaul
2.3 Roman Gaul
3 Frankish kingdoms 486–987 (yeah, we already had kingdoms, politics, and wars, while you... eeeehhh)
4 State building into the Kingdom of France 987–1453 (time to discover America!)
4.1 Kings during this period
4.2 Strong princes
4.3 Rise of the monarchy
4.4 The late Capetians 1165–1328 (no, you are still not existing. We have had numbers of dynasties of kings, and america slept)
4.4.1 Philip II Augustus
4.4.2 Saint Louis 1226–1270
4.4.3 Philip III and Philip IV 1270–1314
4.5 The early Valois Kings and the Hundred Years' War 1328–1453 (Hey! You far from over the ocean! Come on! We are doing the longest war ever! And you, you... ah ok, just calling spirit of the buffalo to bring rain.)
5 Early Modern France 1453–1789
5.1 Kings during this period
5.2 Life in the Early Modern period
5.2.1 French identity
5.2.2 Estates and power
5.2.3 Language
5.3 Consolidation 15th and 16th centuries
5.3.1 "Beautiful 16th century"
5.4 French Wars of Religion 1562–98
5.5 Thirty Years' War 1618–1648
5.6 Colonies 16th and 17th centuries
5.7 Louis XIV 1643–1715
5.8 Major changes in France, Europe, and North America 1718–1783 (so, already 29 lines and you begin to exist dude)
5.9 The Enlightenment
6 Revolution and Napoleon 1789–1815
6.1 The French Revolution
6.1.1 Abolition of feudalism
6.1.2 Royal family captured
6.1.3 Factionalism amongst revolutionaries
6.1.4 Execution of Louis XVI
6.1.5 The Reign of Terror
6.1.6 Directory
6.2 The Napoleonic Era
6.2.1 Pan-European efforts to contain Napoleon
6.2.2 Napoleon's impact on France
6.2.2.1 The Napoleonic Code
7 Long 19th century, 1815–1914
7.1 Religion
7.2 The Bourbon restoration: 1814–1830
7.3 July Monarchy 1830–1848
7.4 Second Republic 1848–52
7.5 Second Empire, 1852-1871
7.5.1 Foreign wars
7.5.2 Franco-Prussian War 1870-71
7.6 Modernisation and railways 1870 to 1914
7.7 The Third Republic and the Belle Epoque: 1871–1914
7.7.1 Third Republic and the Paris Commune
7.7.2 Political battles
7.7.3 Foreign policy
7.7.4 Dreyfus Affair
7.7.5 Religion 1870-1940
7.7.6 The belle époque
8 Since 1914 (ok, since this date up to now, we began to go wrong way)
8.1 Population trends
8.2 World War I
8.3 Wartime losses (the part you love so much ^^)
8.4 Postwar settlement
8.5 Interwar years
8.5.1 Great Depression
8.6 World War II
8.6.1 Women in Vichy France
8.7 Postwar
8.7.1 Vietnam and Tunisia
8.7.2 Suez crisis 1956
8.7.3 President de Gaulle, 1958-1969
8.8 Late twentieth century (one paragraphe for 1 century. Please look behind to your history)

History of the USA (41 lines): History of the United States - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
1 Pre-Columbian era (wait, between the +10,000 years ago and C. Colomb, there is nothing about you! And you're watching Games of Thrones? What does it mean to you?)
2 Colonial period
2.1 Spanish, Dutch, and French colonization (truth hurts sometimes... You're ancestors were french, mwahaha!)
2.2 British colonization
3 18th century
3.1 Political integration and autonomy
4 American Revolution
5 Early years of the republic
5.1 Confederation and Constitution
5.2 The New Chief Executive
5.3 Slavery
6 19th century (and then, you've grown up. So fastly!)
6.1 Jeffersonian Republican Era
6.2 War of 1812
6.3 Era of Good Feelings
6.4 Indian removal
6.5 Second Party System
6.6 Second Great Awakening
6.7 Abolitionism
6.8 Westward expansion and Manifest Destiny
6.9 Divisions between North and South
6.10 Civil War
6.11 Reconstruction
6.12 The West and the Gilded Age
7 20th century
7.1 Progressive Era
7.2 Imperialism
7.3 World War I
7.4 Women's suffrage
7.5 Roaring Twenties and the Great Depression
7.6 World War II
7.7 The Cold War, counterculture, and civil rights
7.7.1 Climax of liberalism
7.7.2 Civil Rights Movement
7.7.3 The Women's Movement
7.7.4 The Counterculture Revolution and Cold War Détente
7.8 Close of the 20th century
8 21st century
8.1 9/11 and the War on Terror
8.2 The Great Recession
8.3 Recent events

same year:
File:Een veldslag Rijksmuseum SK-A-1555.jpeg - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
History of the United States - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

My dear roast beef friend, please do not notice that I'm not making so much fun of you, but we have already done so much fun of each other of us, from ages, don't we?
 
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Well someone has to actually pretend to be a French Man right?

Are we talking about me? Actually... I'm not. And I'm not beardy. But, I've laugh a lot about the myth that french armies are cowards and yellow bellies. I've been in the army for one year, student duties called me back to schools, but I'm still wanting to enter the french army. I swear that I can't surrender in more than two languages: french and english ^^
 
Are we talking about me? Actually... I'm not. And I'm not beardy. But, I've laugh a lot about the myth that french armies are cowards and yellow bellies. I've been in the army for one year, student duties called me back to schools, but I'm still wanting to enter the french army. I swear that I can't surrender in more than two languages: french and english ^^

No not you, just in general...:lol:

I spent some time with French Army in Kosovo when I was in the Army. Used to get my Cuban cigars from the French PX.
 
Hmmm all I know is way back I was dating a 20 year old French au pair who was clean shaved,always smelled great and had the sexiest accent and she was just damn sexy.........:)
 

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