Alerts to threats in 2013 Europe

Discussion in 'OFF-Topic / Misc.' started by nuuumannn, Aug 28, 2013.

  1. nuuumannn

    nuuumannn Well-Known Member

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    I saw this on another forum I visit :)

    Alerts to threats in 2013 Europe

    From John Cleese

    The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent events in Syria and have therefore raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to "A Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.


    The Scots have raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's get the Bastards." They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.


    The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France 's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability.


    Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."


    The Germans have increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose."


    Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.


    The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.


    Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries" to "She'll be right, Mate." Two more escalation levels remain: "Crikey! I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend!" and "The barbie is cancelled." So far no situation has ever warranted use of the last final escalation level.


    Regards,
    John Cleese ,
    British writer, actor and tall person


    And as a final thought - Greece is collapsing, the Iranians are getting aggressive, and Rome is in disarray. Welcome back to 430 BC.
     
  2. parsifal

    parsifal Well-Known Member

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  3. N4521U

    N4521U Well-Known Member

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    That issss good Mate.
     
  4. Marcel

    Marcel Well-Known Member

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  5. BikerBabe

    BikerBabe Active Member

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  6. Readie

    Readie Well-Known Member

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    Very funny... all with a grain of truth as well :)
     
  7. vikingBerserker

    vikingBerserker Well-Known Member

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  8. rochie

    rochie Well-Known Member

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    it's funny because it's true !
     
  9. yulzari

    yulzari Active Member

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    Not forgetting that the Germans have been Britain's traditional allies over history, Wellington's troops may have a different take on French soldiering, Italians torpedo bomber crews were unshakeable as the Royal Navy can testify, Spanish Tercios would have made short work of Queen Elizabeth's armed amateurs had they got ashore. For the Belgians, well, the country seemed to run even better for the year+ without a government; as long as the beer and frites didn't run out.

    The Americans have raised their alert levels from 'Where is this Syria place?' to 'Let's let someone else fight most of this war then join in towards the end' alert level.

    However the Turks have increased theirs to 'Prepare to be horrible to everybody without discrimination'. It always used to work. We never had problems in Palestine. Everyone else in Palestine did.
     
  10. Readie

    Readie Well-Known Member

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    Not much sign of that in the 20th century. Jealously and insecurity are terrible things....
     
  11. Readie

    Readie Well-Known Member

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    Not much sign of that in the 20th century. Jealously and insecurity are terrible things....
     
  12. DerAdlerIstGelandet

    DerAdlerIstGelandet Der Crew Chief
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    Jealousy? Hardly...
     
  13. GrauGeist

    GrauGeist Well-Known Member

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    Love it!!

    Nothing new under the sun :lol:
     
  14. Lucky13

    Lucky13 Forum Mascot

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  15. Readie

    Readie Well-Known Member

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    Easily led is another terrible thing Chris. I hope the world has finally learnt that lesson from history.
     
  16. GrauGeist

    GrauGeist Well-Known Member

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    Sadly, if the human race hasn't figured it out over the past 5,000 years (give or take a few centuries), we never will...
     
  17. Matt308

    Matt308 Glock Perfection
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    You mean as evidenced by giving Obama the Nobel Peace Prize?

    [Ooops... that was supposed to be inside words]
     
  18. Lucky13

    Lucky13 Forum Mascot

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    Always made me wonder that one....or is that too political? :lol:
     
  19. GrauGeist

    GrauGeist Well-Known Member

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    I've wondered that myself...note: wondering, as in not saying anything out loud!

    An old addage that's been passed down in my family is:
    "one could be hung for what they say, not what they think" :lol:
     
  20. Gnomey

    Gnomey World Travelling Doctor
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