Britain's stupidist call centres calls

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Pacific Historian
Jun 4, 2005
Orange County, CA
On another occasion, a man making heavy breathing sounds from a phone box told a worried operator: "I haven't got a pen, so I''m steaming up the window to write the number on"."


Revealed: Britain's stupidest call centre customers
By Jeremy Armstrong
A HILARIOUS collection of the stupidest customers to ring Britain's call centres has become a cult hit.

Many callers were recorded as they went through some of the silliest inquiries ever received by exasperated operators.

They include a dimwit who rang the RAC to ask if he needed to move the steering wheel to the left side of his car to drive in France.

And a baffled computer user who, when Tech Support asked: "Can you see the OK button in the left hand bottom of the screen?", replied: "Wow. How can you see my screen from there?"

The loony exchanges are rapidly flying around the web in a chain email. Here are some of the best...

Customer: "I've been ringing 0700 2300 for two days and can't get through to enquiries, can you help?"
Operator: "Where did you get that number from, sir?"
Customer: "It was on the door to the travel centre".
Operator: "They're our opening hours".

Caller: "Can you give me the telephone number for Jack?"
Operator: I'm sorry, sir, I don't understand who you are talking about".
Caller: "In the user guide it clearly states I need to unplug the fax machine from the wall socket and telephone Jack before cleaning. Can you give me his number?"
Operator: "I think you mean the telephone point on the wall".

Caller: Does your European Breakdown Policy cover me when I am travelling in Australia?"
Operator: " Doesn't the name of the product give you a clue?"

Caller: "If I register my car in France, do I have to change the steering wheel to the other side of the car?"

Caller: "I''d like the number of the Argoed Fish Bar in Cardiff please".
Operator: "I'm sorry, there's no listing. Is the spelling correct?"
Caller: "Well, it used to be called the Bargoed Fish Bar but the 'B fell off".

Then there was the caller who asked for a knitwear company in Woven.
Operator: "Woven? Are you sure?"
Caller: "Yes. That''s what it says on the label: Woven in Scotland".

On another occasion, a man making heavy breathing sounds from a phone box told a worried operator: "I haven't got a pen, so I''m steaming up the window to write the number on"."

Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop".
Customer: "OK" .
Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?"
Customer: "No" .
Tech Support: "OK. Right-Click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?"
Customer: "No" .
Tech Support: "OK. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?"
Customer: "Sure. You told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'".

Tech Support: "OK. In the bottom left hand side of the screen, can you see the 'OK' button displayed?"
Customer: "Wow. How can you see my screen from there?" - News - HELP! I'M AN IDIOT
Here are some from a good Mate of mine who works in the emergency call center in Northumberland.

These are some of the "emergency" 999 calls we've taken over the last few months at work:

Caller - I need to know the nearest pizza takeaway place
Operator - This is'nt an emergency
Caller - Yes it is, my wifes pregnant and thats all she eats.

Caller - What time do you close?
Operator - We've extended our hours to cope with Christmas
Caller - Excellent, I'll call in later.

Caller - I've just bought a takeaway at ******* and its terrible
Operator - This is the police emergency service sir, whats that got to do with us?
Caller - I want the owner arresting for selling this muck.

Caller - My car won't start, can you help?
Operator - We're the police sir, you need a garage
Caller - Yes, but they'll be ages, you would be much quicker.

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