LOL!!
Quokes/Jotes... Continued! 2!
- Thread starter Pisis
- Start date
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loomaluftwaffe
Tech Sergeant
- 1,840
- Dec 20, 2005
omg lol!
Three vampires walk into a bar.
The bartender takes the orders; 'a pint of blood please' says the first, 'a pint of blood please' says the second but then the thrd vampire asks for a glass of hot water.
The bartender and the two other vampires ask; why don't you take a pint of blood?
The third vampire answers while taking out a used tampon; 'I'm making tea'
The bartender takes the orders; 'a pint of blood please' says the first, 'a pint of blood please' says the second but then the thrd vampire asks for a glass of hot water.
The bartender and the two other vampires ask; why don't you take a pint of blood?
The third vampire answers while taking out a used tampon; 'I'm making tea'
The dangerous question...
"Do you think she's prettier than me?" The "she" in the question could be an ex-girlfriend, a passer-by you were staring at so hard that you almost caused a traffic accident or an actress in a movie you just saw. In any case, the correct response is, "No, you are much prettier." Wrong answers include: a - Not prettier, just pretty in a different way. b - I don't know how one goes about rating such things. c - Yes, but I bet you have a better personality. d - Only in the sense that she's younger and thinner. e - Could you repeat the question? I was thinking about your insurance policy.
"Do you think she's prettier than me?" The "she" in the question could be an ex-girlfriend, a passer-by you were staring at so hard that you almost caused a traffic accident or an actress in a movie you just saw. In any case, the correct response is, "No, you are much prettier." Wrong answers include: a - Not prettier, just pretty in a different way. b - I don't know how one goes about rating such things. c - Yes, but I bet you have a better personality. d - Only in the sense that she's younger and thinner. e - Could you repeat the question? I was thinking about your insurance policy.
evangilder
"Shooter"
An old Italian man lived alone in the country. He wanted to dig his tomato
garden but it was very hard work as the ground was hard. His only son,
Vincenzo, who used to help him, was in prison.
The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament.
Dear Vincenzo,
I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won't be able to plant my
tomato garden this year. I am getting too old to be digging up a garden
plot. If you were here, my troubles would be over. I know you would dig
the garden for me.
Love, Papa
A few days later he received a letter from his son.
Dear Papa,
Please do not dig up that garden. That's where I buried the bodies.
Love, Vinnie
At 4 am the next morning, FBI and local police arrived and dug up the
entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and
left. The same day the old man received another letter from his son.
Dear Papa,
Go ahead and plant the tomatoes now. That's the best I could do under the
circumstances.
Love, Vinnie
garden but it was very hard work as the ground was hard. His only son,
Vincenzo, who used to help him, was in prison.
The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament.
Dear Vincenzo,
I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won't be able to plant my
tomato garden this year. I am getting too old to be digging up a garden
plot. If you were here, my troubles would be over. I know you would dig
the garden for me.
Love, Papa
A few days later he received a letter from his son.
Dear Papa,
Please do not dig up that garden. That's where I buried the bodies.
Love, Vinnie
At 4 am the next morning, FBI and local police arrived and dug up the
entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and
left. The same day the old man received another letter from his son.
Dear Papa,
Go ahead and plant the tomatoes now. That's the best I could do under the
circumstances.
Love, Vinnie
- Thread starter
- #309
Pisis
2nd Lieutenant
Clever prisoner.
loomaluftwaffe
Tech Sergeant
- 1,840
- Dec 20, 2005
very clever
the lancaster kicks ass
Major General
- 19,937
- Dec 20, 2003
didn't see that coming at all 
very good...
very good...
Yeah me neither, good one!
Two German guys are discussing one's upcoming wedding..."I'm not sure if my future bride is a virgin or not."
His buddy replies, "Oh, there's an easy test for that. All you need is some red paint, some blue paint and a shovel. You paint one ball red and one ball blue. On your honeymoon, if she laughs and says 'Those are the funniest balls I've ever seen!' you hit her with the shovel!"
His buddy replies, "Oh, there's an easy test for that. All you need is some red paint, some blue paint and a shovel. You paint one ball red and one ball blue. On your honeymoon, if she laughs and says 'Those are the funniest balls I've ever seen!' you hit her with the shovel!"
In cold war CIA trained super spy and send him to Moscow.
At first day of spy work all russians cheered
-hello yankee spy!
and so on for few days, one day he went with russians on vodka.
-drink yankee spy
-why do you say i'm yankee spy do i drink diffrent way?
-no you drink like real russian
-do i speak diffrent
-no you accent is perfect
-do i have diffrent clothes
-they are perfect but you see yankee spy we ..... don't have any black ppl in russia!
At first day of spy work all russians cheered
-hello yankee spy!
and so on for few days, one day he went with russians on vodka.
-drink yankee spy
-why do you say i'm yankee spy do i drink diffrent way?
-no you drink like real russian
-do i speak diffrent
-no you accent is perfect
-do i have diffrent clothes
-they are perfect but you see yankee spy we ..... don't have any black ppl in russia!
the lancaster kicks ass
Major General
- 19,937
- Dec 20, 2003
very un PC... so i love it
- Thread starter
- #318
Pisis
2nd Lieutenant
- Thread starter
- #319
Pisis
2nd Lieutenant
JPost.com » Middle East » Article
Jul. 26, 2006 17:58
Saddam Hussein prefers bullet over noose
By ASSOCIATED PRESS
BAGHDAD, Iraq
[Print this Article] [EMail this Article] [Subscribe] [SMS Alerts] [JPost Toolbar] [JPost ePaper]
A thinner but combative Saddam Hussein told the court Wednesday he would prefer to die by firing squad rather than hang "like a common criminal," as the defiant ex-president made his final scheduled appearance before the tribunal until it renders a verdict.
The prosecution has asked for the death penalty for Saddam and two of the other seven defendants for their role in the deaths of Shi'ite Muslims in a crackdown following a 1982 assassination attempt against the Iraqi ruler in Dujail.
Saddam, dressed in a white, open-collar shirt and dark jacket, appeared to hear his court-appointed attorney read a final summation, arguing that prosecution witnesses and documents failed to link the ex-president to any of the atrocities in Dujail.
But none of that set well with the 69-year-old Saddam, who denounced the lawyer as his "enemy" and claimed the summation was drafted by foreigners who he has claimed have manipulated the trial since it began Oct. 19.
Jul. 26, 2006 17:58
Saddam Hussein prefers bullet over noose
By ASSOCIATED PRESS
BAGHDAD, Iraq
[Print this Article] [EMail this Article] [Subscribe] [SMS Alerts] [JPost Toolbar] [JPost ePaper]
A thinner but combative Saddam Hussein told the court Wednesday he would prefer to die by firing squad rather than hang "like a common criminal," as the defiant ex-president made his final scheduled appearance before the tribunal until it renders a verdict.
The prosecution has asked for the death penalty for Saddam and two of the other seven defendants for their role in the deaths of Shi'ite Muslims in a crackdown following a 1982 assassination attempt against the Iraqi ruler in Dujail.
Saddam, dressed in a white, open-collar shirt and dark jacket, appeared to hear his court-appointed attorney read a final summation, arguing that prosecution witnesses and documents failed to link the ex-president to any of the atrocities in Dujail.
But none of that set well with the 69-year-old Saddam, who denounced the lawyer as his "enemy" and claimed the summation was drafted by foreigners who he has claimed have manipulated the trial since it began Oct. 19.
Henk
Master Sergeant
Poor Sadam. He he he......
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