Quokes/Jotes... Continued! 2! (1 Viewer)

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OK, that reminded me another one...

A foreign Jew comes to the Prague Jewish quarter.
He asks a standing-by Mr. Kohn:
"Tell me, I'm new here, where does the rabbi live?"
"Our rabbi lives in Red Street No. 3", Mr. Kohn replies
"Oh really? That's impossible!" the foreigner is shocked
"Why would be that impossible?" asks Mr. Kohn
The foreigner whispers: "Does really the rabbi live in a street where the whorehouse is?"
"Of course not, the whorehouse is in Black Street No. 5" replies Mr. Kohn
"Ah, thank you!" says the foreigner and walks away.

 
An older Molson Canadian beer ad. A Canadian fella is ordering his favourite beer, presumably somewhere in the States. There used to be a whole series of commercials like this for Molson Canadian. Some of them were funny.

The beer sucks, but the commercial was sorta cute.

Video: Commercial - Canadian Beer - Pet Beaver | Veoh Video Network


BTW, anyone know where to download those Bell commercials with Frank and Gord, the beavers? Those are hillarious.
 
A guy is driving around Tennessee and he sees a sign in front of a house.


"Talking Dog For Sale."

He rings the bell and the owner tells him the dog
is in the backyard. The guy goes into the backyard and sees a Labrador retriever sitting there.

"You talk?" he asks.

"Yep," the Lab replies.

So, what's your story?"

The Lab looks up and says, "Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA about my gift, and in no time at all they had me jetting from country to country,sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running."
"But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger so I decided to settle down.

I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals."

"I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired."

The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.

"Ten dollars," the guy says.

"Ten dollars? This dog is amazing. Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?"

"Because he's a liar. He never did any of that sh*t."
 
A woman in her forties went to a plastic surgeon for a facelift. The surgeon told her about a new procedure called "The Knob," a small knob is placed at the top of the woman's head and can be turned to tighten up her skin and produce the affect of a brand new face-lift. Of course, the woman wanted "The Knob."

Over the course of time, the woman tightened the knob,and the effects were wonderful. The woman remained young looking and vibrant.

After fifteen years, the woman returned to the surgeon With two problems. "All these years, everything has been working just fine. I've had to turn the knob many times and I've
always loved the results. But now I've developed two
annoying problems. First, I have these terrible bags under my eyes and the knob won't get rid of them." The doctor looked at her closely and said, Those aren't bags, those are your breasts."

She said,"Well, I guess there's no point in asking about the goatee
 
A black prisoner, Jebadiah, on a chain gang is singled out by the boss man. The boss man asks him if he is okay. The prisoner responds that he feels fine. The boss man notes that he looks bad and is sent the the prison doc. The prison doc, a well educated black man in his own right, proceeds to ask the slave what his ailments are.

"So whats is your problem, Jebediah?"

"I looks bad. But I feels good!"

The doc seems puzzled. He consults his medical journals and pours through the topics, ailments, and prospective treatments. "Hmmm. Looks good, feels good? No, no. That's not it. Looks bad, feels bad. No. Looks good, feels bad. Aha! Here it is!"

"You say you look bad, but feel good?"

"Yessah"

"Jebadiah, you's a vagina."
 
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