Quokes/Jotes... Continued! 2!
- Thread starter Pisis
- Start date
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R-2800
Senior Airman
i love the Bacon Tree
Matt308
Glock Perfection
Pope Goes on Vacation
The Pope took a couple of days off to visit the mountains of Alaska for some sight-seeing. He was cruising along the campground in thePope-mobile when he noticed a huge commotion just at the edge of the woods.
A helpless Democrat, wearing sandals, shorts, a "Save the Whales" hat, and a "To Hell With Bush" T-shirt, was screaming while struggling frantically, thrashing around trying to free himself from the grasp of a 10-foot grizzly.
As the Pope watched horrified, a group of Republican loggers came racing up. One quickly fired a .44 magnum into the bear's chest.
The other two reached up and pulled the bleeding, semi-conscious Democrat from the bear's grasp.
Then, using long clubs, the three loggers finished off the bear and two of them threw it's carcass onto the bed of their truck while the other tenderly placed the injured Democrat in the back seat.
As they prepared to leave, the Pope summoned them to come over. "I give you my blessing for your brave actions!" he told them. "I heard there was a bitter hatred between Republican loggers and Democratic environmental activists but now I've seen with my own eyes that this is not true."
As the Pope drove off smiling, one of the loggers asked his buddies: Who the hell was that guy?"
"It was the Pope," another replied. "He's in direct contact with God and has access to all wisdom."
"Well," the first logger said, "he may have access to all wisdom, but he sure doesn't know anything about bear hunting! By the way, how's the bait holding up -
do we need to go back to Massachusetts and get another one?"
The Pope took a couple of days off to visit the mountains of Alaska for some sight-seeing. He was cruising along the campground in thePope-mobile when he noticed a huge commotion just at the edge of the woods.
A helpless Democrat, wearing sandals, shorts, a "Save the Whales" hat, and a "To Hell With Bush" T-shirt, was screaming while struggling frantically, thrashing around trying to free himself from the grasp of a 10-foot grizzly.
As the Pope watched horrified, a group of Republican loggers came racing up. One quickly fired a .44 magnum into the bear's chest.
The other two reached up and pulled the bleeding, semi-conscious Democrat from the bear's grasp.
Then, using long clubs, the three loggers finished off the bear and two of them threw it's carcass onto the bed of their truck while the other tenderly placed the injured Democrat in the back seat.
As they prepared to leave, the Pope summoned them to come over. "I give you my blessing for your brave actions!" he told them. "I heard there was a bitter hatred between Republican loggers and Democratic environmental activists but now I've seen with my own eyes that this is not true."
As the Pope drove off smiling, one of the loggers asked his buddies: Who the hell was that guy?"
"It was the Pope," another replied. "He's in direct contact with God and has access to all wisdom."
"Well," the first logger said, "he may have access to all wisdom, but he sure doesn't know anything about bear hunting! By the way, how's the bait holding up -
do we need to go back to Massachusetts and get another one?"
Haha!
Matt308
Glock Perfection
> >>> Hello, is this the Sheriff's Office?"
> >>> "Yes. What can I do for you?"
> >>> "I'm calling to report 'bout my neighbor Virgil
> >>> Smith....He's hidin' marijuana inside his firewood!
> >>>
> >>> Don't quite know how he gets it inside them logs,
> >>> but he's hidin' it there."
> >>> "Thank you very much for the call, sir."
> >>>
> >>> The next day, the Sheriff's Deputies descend on
> >>> Virgil's house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept.
> >>> Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood, but
> >>> find no marijuana. They sneer at Virgil and leave.
> >>>
> >>> Shortly, the phone rings at Virgil's house.
> >>> "Hey, Virgil! This here's Floyd....did the Sheriff come?"
> >>> "Yeah!"
> >>>
> >>> "Did they chop your firewood?"
> >>> "Yep!"
> >>> "Happy Birthday, buddy!"
> >>> "Yes. What can I do for you?"
> >>> "I'm calling to report 'bout my neighbor Virgil
> >>> Smith....He's hidin' marijuana inside his firewood!
> >>>
> >>> Don't quite know how he gets it inside them logs,
> >>> but he's hidin' it there."
> >>> "Thank you very much for the call, sir."
> >>>
> >>> The next day, the Sheriff's Deputies descend on
> >>> Virgil's house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept.
> >>> Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood, but
> >>> find no marijuana. They sneer at Virgil and leave.
> >>>
> >>> Shortly, the phone rings at Virgil's house.
> >>> "Hey, Virgil! This here's Floyd....did the Sheriff come?"
> >>> "Yeah!"
> >>>
> >>> "Did they chop your firewood?"
> >>> "Yep!"
> >>> "Happy Birthday, buddy!"
Nonskimmer
Captain
Cute.
There are 10 types of people in the world: Those who understand binary and those who don't.
Yeah, so it's lame. Sue me.
Anyone not get it?
There are 10 types of people in the world: Those who understand binary and those who don't.
Yeah, so it's lame. Sue me.
Anyone not get it?
Matt308
Glock Perfection
As an illectracal injuneer, I REALLY get it. I'm certain I heard Machiavellian boos from the gallery.
the lancaster kicks ass
Major General
- 19,937
- Dec 20, 2003
it's a favourite of IT teckies all over the world........
mkloby
Senior Master Sergeant
Cute.
There are 10 types of people in the world: Those who understand binary and those who don't.
Yeah, so it's lame. Sue me.
Anyone not get it?
First time i've ever seen that one - gave me a laugh.
Matt308
Glock Perfection
Nonskimmer
Captain
Another oldy, but a goody.
102first_hussars
Tech Sergeant
- Thread starter
- #918
Pisis
2nd Lieutenant
LOL!
A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she selected:
A half-gallon of 2% milk,
A carton of eggs,
A quart of orange juice,
A head of romaine lettuce,
A 2 lb. can of coffee, and
A 1 lb. package of bacon.
As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind her watched as she placed the items in front of the cashier.
While the cashier was ringing up her purchases, the drunk calmly stated, "You must be single."
The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but she was intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since she was indeed single.
She looked at her six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about her selections that could have tipped off the drunk to her marital status.
Curiosity getting the better of her, she said, "Well, you know what, you're absolutely correct. But how on earth did you know that?"
The drunk replied, "'cause you're ugly."
A half-gallon of 2% milk,
A carton of eggs,
A quart of orange juice,
A head of romaine lettuce,
A 2 lb. can of coffee, and
A 1 lb. package of bacon.
As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind her watched as she placed the items in front of the cashier.
While the cashier was ringing up her purchases, the drunk calmly stated, "You must be single."
The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but she was intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since she was indeed single.
She looked at her six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about her selections that could have tipped off the drunk to her marital status.
Curiosity getting the better of her, she said, "Well, you know what, you're absolutely correct. But how on earth did you know that?"
The drunk replied, "'cause you're ugly."
mkloby
Senior Master Sergeant
nice one kiwi!
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