Quokes/Jotes...Continued!

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A very ugly woman walks into a shop with her two sons.
A man asks her: "Are they twins ?"
Puzzled the woman replies: "No, one is 3 years old and the other is 10.
Why do you ask ?"
The man replies: "No particular reason, I just cant believe someone
fucked you twice".
 
An Army Ranger was deployed to Afghanistan. While he was stationed there he received a letter from his girlfriend. In the letter she wrote that she had slept with two guys while he has been gone, she wanted to break up and requested that he send back her picture.

The soldier did what any squared away soldier would do. He went around to all his buddies and collected all the unwanted photographs of women. He then mailed about twenty five of the pictures to his girlfriend with the following note:

"I'm sorry I can't remember which one you are, but please take the one that belongs to you and send the rest back."
 
You might be a redneck pilot if:

-Your cross-country flight plan uses flea markets as checkpoints.
-You think sectional charts should show trailer parks.
-Your toothpick keeps poking your mike.
-You've thought about just taxiing around the airport drinking beer.
-You use a Purina feed sack for a wind sock.
-You constantly confuse Beechcraft with Beechnut.
-You think GPS stands for "Going Perfectly Straight."
-You refer to flying in formation as "We got us a convoy."
-You have an orange airplane with a Union Jack on the side.
-You have a gun rack hanging on the passenger window.
-You have more than one roll of duct tape holding your cowling together.
-Your preflight includes removing all the clover, grass, and wheat from the landing gear.
-You siphon gas out of your tractor to put in your airplane.
-You've never really actually landed at an airport, although you've been flying for years.
-There are parts on you airplane labeled "John Deere".
-There's exhaust residue on the right side of you aircraft and tobacco stains on the left.
-You have to buzz the strip to chase off all the sheep.
-You've landed on the main street of your town for a cup of coffee.
-You fly to family reunions to meet girls.
-You've won the "Bob Wire" award at a spot landing contest.
-You have fuzzy dice hanging from the magnetic compass.
-There are grass stains on your propellor tips.
-The spittoon is wedged between the rudder pedals.
-Just before impact, you're heards saying "Hey y'all, watch this!"
 
A British Airway's passenger cabin was being served by an obviously gay
flight attendant, who seemed to put everyone into a good mood as he
served them food and drinks. As the plane prepared to descend, he came
swishing down the aisle and announced to the passengers. "Captain Marvey has asked me to announce that he'll be landing the big scary plane shortly, lovely people, so if you could just put up your trays, that would be super."

On his trip back up the aisle, he noticed that a well-dressed rather exotic
looking woman hadn't moved a muscle. "Perhaps you didn't hear me over
those big brute engines." he said, "I asked you to raise your trazy-poo so
the main man can pitty-pat us on the ground." She calmly turned her head and said, "In my country, I am called a Princess. I take orders from no one." To which the flight attendant replied, without missing a beat, "Well, sweet-cheeks, in my country I'm called a Queen, so I outrank you.
Tray-up, bitch."
 

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