Quokes/Jotes...Continued!

[Pisis]

shit... A few days ago, I was in a hurry to job, I didn't manage to have a lunch so I bought this Twister in the KFC... It is expensive, untasty and on the top of it, it was COLD!!!!

I'll never ever go into these shitty fastfoods.........

 

[the lancaster kicks ass]

go stick a bone in it pisis

 

[Pisis]

stick a bone in it?

 

[the lancaster kicks ass]

it was a link back to my joke on the previosu page

 

[Pisis]

i know, seen it but didn't understand it properly...

 

[cheddar cheese]

sh*t... A few days ago, I was in a hurry to job, I didn't manage to have a lunch so I bought this Twister in the KFC... It is expensive, untasty and on the top of it, it was COLD!!!!

I'll never ever go into these sh*tty fastfoods.........

Tell me about it...McDonalds food is always cold and s*itty...the only fast food I like is the local Chicken house, they do good, delicious, quality, HOT chicken every time and it tastes great...Ill also eat Burger King cos they do a mean Bacon Double Cheeseburger...

 

[the lancaster kicks ass]

i like cornish fast food- the pasty!!

 

[Pisis]

no burge king nor other shit around here... actually the best fastfoods are china bistros, owned by vietnamese. They are very kind, the meal is SO cheap and you almost cannot eat it all... that big it is!

 

[cheddar cheese]

Same with out Chicken House...A load of turks own in and they understand what youve ordered so its kinda pot black what you get, but its nice

 

[evangilder]

The Blonde and the Lord

A blonde wanted to go ice fishing. She'd seen many books on the subject and,
finally getting all the necessary tools together, she made for the ice.
After positioning her comfy footstool, she started to make a circular cut in
the ice.

Suddenly, from the sky, a voice boomed: "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE."

Startled, the blonde moved further down the ice, poured a cup of cappuccino
from her thermos, and began to cut yet another hole.

Again from the heavens the voice bellowed, "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE
ICE."

The blonde, now worried, moved away, clear down to the opposite end of the
ice. She set up her stool once more and tried again to cut her hole.

The voice came once more, "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!"

She stopped, looked skyward, and said, "Is that you, Lord?"

The voice replied, "NO, THIS IS THE MANAGER OF THE HOCKEY RINK."

 

[Nonskimmer]

Ha!

 

[Gnomey]

 

[the lancaster kicks ass]

heard it before..........

 

[marconi]

I've remembered this joke while reading the topic about Chinese threat.

Chinese generals are planning the battle:
- We will put one hundred million soldiers to the right flank and another hundred million to the left flank.
- And where will we send our tanks?
- They will be at the front. Both of them.

 

[Fuzz]

So the cowboy happens upon an Indian lying face down on the trail. After a bit the indian says in a low tone. "Large wagon....moving very fast.....four ponies pulling the wagon...very large whiteman driving. Wow says the cowboy, you can tell all that by listining to the ground. No, says the Indian, it just ran me over.

 

[the lancaster kicks ass]

nice china one

 

[Gnomey]

Good ones guys

 

[Pisis]

Subject: Communications between airline pilots control towers


Here are some conversations that airline passengers
normally will never hear.

The following are accounts of actual exchanges
between airline pilots and control towers around the world.

____________________________________________________


Tower: "Delta 351, you have traffic at 10 o'clock,
6 miles!"

Delta 351: "Give us another hint! We have digital
watches!"

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

TWA 2341, for noise abatement turn right 45
Degrees."

"Centre, we are at 35,000 feet. How much noise can
we make up here?"

"Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes
when it hits a 727?"

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From an unknown aircraft waiting in a very long
takeoff queue: "I'm f...ing bored!"

Ground Traffic Control: "Last aircraft transmitting,
identify yourself immediately!"

Unknown aircraft: "I said I was f...ing bored, not
f...ing stupid!"

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

O'Hare Approach Control to a 747: "United 329
heavy, your traffic is a Fokker, one o'clock, three miles, Eastbound."

United 239: "Approach, I've always wanted to say
this... I've got the little Fokker in sight."

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A student became lost during a solo cross-country
flight.

While attempting to locate the aircraft on radar,
ATC asked, "What was your last known position?"

Student: "When I was number one for takeoff."

-------------- ----------------------------------------------------------------

A DC-10 had come in a little hot and thus had an
exceedingly long roll out after touching down.

San Jose Tower noted: "American 751, make a hard
right turn at the end of the runway, if you are able.
If you are not able, take the Guadalupe exit off Highway
101, make a right at the lights and return to the
airport."

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Taxiing down the tarmac, a DC-10 abruptly stopped,
turned around and returned to the gate.
After an hour-long wait, it finally took off.

A concerned passenger asked the flight attendant,
"What, exactly, was the problem?"

"The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the
engine," explained the flight attendant.
"It took us a while to find a new pilot."

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

A Pan Am 727 flight waiting for start clearance in
Munich overheard the following:

Lufthansa (in German): "Ground, what is our start
clearance time?"

Ground (in English): "If you want an answer you must
speak in English."

Lufthansa (in English): "I am a German, flying a
German airplane, in Germany. Why must I speak English?"

Unknown voice from another plane (in a beautiful
British accent):
"Because you lost the bloody war."

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

One day the pilot of a Cherokee 180 was told by the
tower to hold short of the active runway while a DC-8 landed.
The DC-8 landed, rolled out, turned around, and taxied back
past the Cherokee.
Some quick-witted comedian in the DC-8 crew got on
the radio and said, "What a cute little plane. Did you make
it all by yourself?"

The Cherokee pilot, not about to let the insult go
by, came back with a real zinger: "I made it out of DC-8 parts.
Another landing like yours and I'll have enough parts for
another one."

------------------------------------------------------------------------------
This one's my favourite.... [Laugh]

The controllers at Frankfurt Airport are renowned
as short-tempered lot. They not only expect one to know
one's gate parking location, but how to get there
without any assistance from them. So it was
with some amusement that we (a Pan Am 747)
listened to the following exchange between Frankfurt
ground control and a British Airways 747, call sign
Speedbird 206.

Speedbird 206: "Frankfurt, Speedbird 206 clear of
active runway."

Ground: "Speedbird 206. Taxi to gate Alpha
One-Seven."

The BA 747 pulled onto the main taxiway and slowed
to a stop.

Ground: "Speedbird, do you not know where you are
going?"

Speedbird 206: "Stand by, Ground, I'm looking up our
gate location now."

Ground (with quite arrogant impatience): "Speedbird
206, have you not been to Frankfurt before?"

Speedbird 206 (coolly): "Yes, twice in 1944, but it
was dark, -- and I didn't land."

------------------------------------------
This on is a little too close to the bone but it's still funny.... [Wink Big Grin]

While taxiing at London's Gatwick Airport, the crew
of a US Air flight departing for Ft. Lauderdale
made a wrong turn and came nose to nose with a
United 727.

An irate female ground controller lashed out at the
US Air crew, screaming: "US Air 2771, where the
hell are you going? I told you to turn right onto
Charlie taxiway! You turned right on Delta!
Stop right there. I know it's difficult for you to tell the
difference between C and D, but get it right!"
Continuing her rage to the embarrassed crew,
she was now shouting hysterically: "God! Now you've
screwed everything up! It'll take forever to sort this out!
You stay right there and don't move till I tell you to!
You can expect progressive taxi instructions
in about half an hour and I want you to go exactly
where I tell you, when I tell you, and how I tell you!
You got that, US Air 2771?"

"Yes, ma'am," the humbled crew responded. Naturally,
the ground control communications frequency fell terribly
silent after the verbal bashing of US Air 2771.
Nobody wanted to chance engaging the irate ground
controller in her current state of mind. Tension in
every cockpit out around Gatwick was definitely running high.
Just then an unknown pilot broke the silence and keyed
his microphone, asking:
"Wasn't I married to you once?"

 

[Gnomey]

Good ones Pisis

 

[mosquitoman]

Just go onto www.getamused.com there's hundreds