Quotes and Jokes 1 (199 Viewers)

GTX · Dec 20, 2023

GTX · Dec 20, 2023

Frog · Dec 20, 2023

The pessimist sees a long dark tunnel.
The optimist sees light at the end of the tunnel.
The realist sees that the light is an oncoming train.
The train conductor sees three idiots standing on the tracks.

GTX · Dec 20, 2023

MIflyer · Dec 20, 2023

If addition is this bad then the nuthouses must be full of people with CalculusPhobia.

Gnomey · Dec 20, 2023

Frog · Dec 20, 2023

During the trial.
Judge : and you did not feel anything when dismembering your spouse and cook her ?
Defendant : Oh yes, your honor, I cried.
Judge : you cried ? And when ?
Defendant : when I sliced the onions.

MIflyer · Dec 20, 2023

I can only assume a translation problem. Or else the wildlife have been raiding the laundry.

Airframes · Dec 20, 2023

This was an actual, genuine proof print for a slogan designed for a new product line for a company I once worked for :-

"Right Frist Time".

Greg Boeser · Dec 20, 2023

Frog said:
During the trial.
Judge : and you did not feel anything when dismembering your spouse and cook her ?
Defendant : Oh yes, your honor, I cried.
Judge : you cried ? And when ?
Defendant : when I sliced the onions.

If you slice the onion under running water, you don't have that problem.

Airframes · Dec 21, 2023

MIflyer · Dec 21, 2023

In the USAF:

At VAFB they made T-shirts with the slogan on the front: "Space and Missle Country" I bought my Mom one and was mortified when I actually read it.

We had a large map of the world, centered on Cape Canaveral, so that you could easily measure the distance to any target, labeled "Official USAF Missle Planning Map"

This was so bad that I started referring to "Use of the SAC Spelling of Missile"

And Airman Effectiveness Reports were notorious for requiring exact spelling, no use of unexplained acronyms, etc. They had special folders labeled "Offical Airman Effectiveness Report"