Quotes and Jokes (4 Viewers)
- Thread starter v2
- Start date
Ad: This forum contains affiliate links to products on Amazon and eBay. More information in Terms and rules
Lucky13
Forum Mascot
at6
1st Sergeant
I've watched every one of those videos and they get funnier all of the time.
Last edited:
Snautzer01
Honourably banned
- 39,529
- Mar 26, 2007
Cute chickens. Dad has some explaining to do.
cammerjeff
Staff Sergeant
cammerjeff
Staff Sergeant
cammerjeff
Staff Sergeant
special ed
1st Sergeant
- 5,039
- May 13, 2018
special ed
1st Sergeant
- 5,039
- May 13, 2018
special ed
1st Sergeant
- 5,039
- May 13, 2018
I will get my coat and leave......
I once dated a guy who broke up with me because I only have 9 toes. Yes, he was lack-toes intolerant.
I've started telling everyone about the benefits of eating dried grapes. It's all about raisin awareness.
I've started investing in stocks: beef, vegetable, chicken. One day I hope to be a bouillon
If you boil a funny bone, it becomes a laughing stock. Now that's humerus.
I accidentally rubbed ketchup in my eyes. Now I have Heinzsight.
Scientifically, a raven has 17 primary wing feathers, the big ones at the end of the wing are called pinion feathers. A crow has 16. So, the difference between a raven and a crow is only a matter of a pinion.
I was walking in the jungle and saw a lizard on his hind legs telling jokes. I turned to a local tribal leader and said, "That lizard is really funny!" The leader replied, "That's not a lizard. He's a stand-up chameleon."
I tried to come up with a carpentry pun that woodwork. I thought I nailed it but nobody saw it.
Singing in the shower is fine until you get soap in your mouth. Then it's a soap opera.
The Black-Eyed Peas can sing us a song but the chick peas can only hummus one.
Then there was the time Fruit of the Loom took Hanes to court... it was a brief case.
How much does a chimney cost? Nothing, it's on the house.
My friend said she wouldn't eat cow's tongue because it came out of a cow's mouth. I gave her an egg.
Once upon a time there was a King who was only 12 inches tall. He was a terrible King but he made a great ruler.
Ran out of toilet paper and now using lettuce leaves. Today was just the tip of the iceberg, and tomorrow romaines to be seen.
My friend Jack says he can communicate with vegetables. That's right...Jack and the beans talk.
I was struggling to understand how lightning works and then it struck me.
Six cows were smoking joints and playing poker. That's right. The steaks were pretty high.
I went to the paint store to get thinner. It didn't work
I once dated a guy who broke up with me because I only have 9 toes. Yes, he was lack-toes intolerant.
I've started telling everyone about the benefits of eating dried grapes. It's all about raisin awareness.
I've started investing in stocks: beef, vegetable, chicken. One day I hope to be a bouillon
If you boil a funny bone, it becomes a laughing stock. Now that's humerus.
I accidentally rubbed ketchup in my eyes. Now I have Heinzsight.
Scientifically, a raven has 17 primary wing feathers, the big ones at the end of the wing are called pinion feathers. A crow has 16. So, the difference between a raven and a crow is only a matter of a pinion.
I was walking in the jungle and saw a lizard on his hind legs telling jokes. I turned to a local tribal leader and said, "That lizard is really funny!" The leader replied, "That's not a lizard. He's a stand-up chameleon."
I tried to come up with a carpentry pun that woodwork. I thought I nailed it but nobody saw it.
Singing in the shower is fine until you get soap in your mouth. Then it's a soap opera.
The Black-Eyed Peas can sing us a song but the chick peas can only hummus one.
Then there was the time Fruit of the Loom took Hanes to court... it was a brief case.
How much does a chimney cost? Nothing, it's on the house.
My friend said she wouldn't eat cow's tongue because it came out of a cow's mouth. I gave her an egg.
Once upon a time there was a King who was only 12 inches tall. He was a terrible King but he made a great ruler.
Ran out of toilet paper and now using lettuce leaves. Today was just the tip of the iceberg, and tomorrow romaines to be seen.
My friend Jack says he can communicate with vegetables. That's right...Jack and the beans talk.
I was struggling to understand how lightning works and then it struck me.
Six cows were smoking joints and playing poker. That's right. The steaks were pretty high.
I went to the paint store to get thinner. It didn't work
Though never married, she was admired for her sweetness and kindness to all.
One afternoon the pastor came to call on her and she showed him into her quaint sitting room. Miss Beatrice invited him to have a seat while she prepared tea.
As he sat facing her old Hammond organ, the young minister noticed a glass bowl sitting on top of it. The bowl was filled with water, and in the water floated of all things, a condom!
When she returned with tea and scones, they began to chat. The pastor tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and its strange floater, but soon it got the better of him and he could no longer resist.
'Miss Beatrice', he said, 'I wonder if you would tell me about this?', as he pointed to the bowl.
'Oh, yes,' she replied, 'Isn't it wonderful? I was walking through the park a few months ago and I found this little package on the ground. The directions said to place it on the organ, keep it wet, and that it would prevent the spread of disease.'
'Do you know I haven't had the flu all winter.'
One afternoon the pastor came to call on her and she showed him into her quaint sitting room. Miss Beatrice invited him to have a seat while she prepared tea.
As he sat facing her old Hammond organ, the young minister noticed a glass bowl sitting on top of it. The bowl was filled with water, and in the water floated of all things, a condom!
When she returned with tea and scones, they began to chat. The pastor tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and its strange floater, but soon it got the better of him and he could no longer resist.
'Miss Beatrice', he said, 'I wonder if you would tell me about this?', as he pointed to the bowl.
'Oh, yes,' she replied, 'Isn't it wonderful? I was walking through the park a few months ago and I found this little package on the ground. The directions said to place it on the organ, keep it wet, and that it would prevent the spread of disease.'
'Do you know I haven't had the flu all winter.'
Snake catcher recounts scary moment man found 10kg python while on the toilet
I just love the line: "Old mate on the toilet when he first saw me told me 'mate it scared the sh*t out of me',"
I just love the line: "Old mate on the toilet when he first saw me told me 'mate it scared the sh*t out of me',"
