Quotes and Jokes (5 Viewers)

syscom3 · May 24, 2024

Im no baseball genius, but I know this one.

GTX · May 24, 2024

Is Hell EXOTHERMIC (gives off heat) or ENDOTHERMIC (absorbs heat) ?

This was aquestion posed to students taking a finals year chemistry examination at Washington University and was inserted as a bonus question to test the ability of the student to think
'outside the square.'
Most students wrote proof of their belief using Boyle's Law – gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed – or some variant of the proposition.
One clear and subtlety minded student preferred the following comment as his answer.

"First we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate they are leaving. I think from what we
all understand about the subject and which appears to be common human knowledge, we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are
leaving Hell. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let us look at the different world religions that exist today. Most (if not all ) religions are quite emphatic that if you are not a member of
their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project the proposition that all
souls go to Hell.
With birth and death rates where they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Looking at the rate of change in the volume of Hell we can see that if Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.

This proposition leads to two possibilities.
1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls are entering, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until 'All Hell Breaks Loose.
2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls entering Hell, the temperature and pressure will drop until 'Hell Freezes Over.'

So which one is it ?
If we accept the proposition given to me by Teresa during my first year at University that "It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you," and then take into account that she slept with me last evening, then premise number two must be true and Hell must be exothermic and has already frozen over.
The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore extinct, thus leaving only Heaven. This, therefore proves the existence of a Divine Being which may explain why last night Teresa kept shouting "O My God".

GTX · May 24, 2024

Roberto from Brazil had a temp assignment in Croatia, and somehow he had found a local girlfriend. A pretty one, as I recall. Per, a Norwegian colleague, explained some things to him:

"""""
Now, Roberto, you should know that women have four kinds of "big O".
- First, there's the positive one, where they go "Oh Yes, Oh Yes, Oh Yes!"
- Then, you have the negative one, where it is: "Oh No, Oh No, Oh No!"
- There's also the religious one, where they say Oh God, Oh God, Oh God!
- And then, you should know about the fake one: "Oh Roberto, Oh Roberto, Oh Roberto!"
"""""